Teeter.................................. totter.........

"All I really need to know I learned in Kindergarten."  Robert Fulghum.

Eh mebbe.  That's the title of a book written in 1986 by Fulgham.  Wiki, or Google, of some dayum AI tells me "The core premise is that the basic rules for living a good meaningful life are the simple lessons we are taught as young children."  

Eh, mebbe.  Readin', writin', rithmatic, Big Chief tablets, carrying a full tray of food across the room... lining up... saying the Pledge...  Brylcreem.. a little dab of all that'll doya.

Or will it?

The times they are'a changin'.  "Why, back in my day............."  Give it up Grandpa... Taint no one listening.

Well, mebbe they should.  In our day, we didn't cross our teacher... we walked in straight lines... came in from recess when they blew the whistle...  kept our classroom neat, helped teach clean the blackboard... helped coach put up folding chairs after lunch..  much, all, without complaint.

Victor, are you suggesting kids then are better people than kids now?

Well, inspitea the fact...people try to put us d-down... talkin' bout my generation...  Who?  EXACTLY!

I do think it was more deathly fear (up to and including, nearly peeing in our saddle shoes/Keds, bleeding fingers due to the nails chewed off so low, and the thought of "Oh NO! You ain't gonna make me do 1st grade allover are ya?)..... where was I? Oh yeah, deathly fear of the Principal's hard maple padddle.... hearing "Wait until your father gets home!" (Twigs, sticks, belts, big ole strong hands, yeah, that stuff.)

It was a differnt day.

In PE, climbing the rope to the ceiling to ring the bell.  Taught us ALL ABOUT onward and upward, be, all that you can be... nothing to worry about... if you fall 40 feet that 2 inch mat will saveya.  Don't be a chicken.  But I forgot to wear shorts under!  YOU'RE A BOY, now get going! 

The teeter totter, hella educational.  Early EMT/Paramedic training getting out 2 inch long splinters on the inside of your thighs... All kinds'a lessons on trust, as in who ya can, can't, and if you get hurt, fall, REALLY bad, mom'll fetch you up to the Doc, he'll say "We're gonna X-ray your coccyx" and you worried you'd mebbe never be able to have a family.

Teeter totters taught us all about size, lack thereof.  I was a skinny little kid, I can remember Big'ns in our class getting on and I'd fly up durn near a foot in the air off'a the board. Today, thanks for processed food, hella carbs, sugar (YUM), and lack'a exercise, I could be All-Conference in the Teeter Totter. Mebbe even All State.

Seriously though, we learned all about bullies, both ends of it.  Ultimately, those situations were remedied.  Karate Kid style, or, a hella big group of friends who got yer back... or, that Principal's paddle we referred to earlier.

Today, everyone has a Chromebook. Back in our day, we had weirdos that ate glue and erasers on the end'a the pencil.  It was a simple(ton) time.

Our wagons were made of steel, not the wimpy cloth ones of today.  Today's trees are neatly pruned.  We'd climb to the top back then and get way too many mulberries in our belly. We built strong legs pedaling Schwinn's uphill (none'a that ten-speed easy peasy crap they got  today where ya barely gotta sweat.

We umpired our own games, got shiners to prove it. We didn't take a copy of GQ or Cosmo into the barber, hairdresser to show "Do this"... we followed mom in, jumped in the chair when they called.. BUZZ BUZZ, and it was either a crewcut or a pixie cut.  Status, back in the day, was owning a 64 crayon box (with built in sharpener)... today, status is having your hair look like a peacock.

We wore hand me down jeans with patches in the knees, no one made fun 'cause they knew they originally belonged to your big brother, and he'd beat the crap outta ya if ya did.

We got our exercise getting up changing the channel...mowing the grass...raking leaves, and in our free time, riding our bikes to the park to hunt for pop bottles (early entrepreneur training.)

We didn't live in our rooms.  We knew, first name basis, the mailman, trash guy, street/water department folks, meter readers., the neighbors on each side, all the way to the enda the block.

We didn't have Ring cameras, cameras on phones, GoPros, that crap to capture our wrongdoings.. ... but...back then,  if one mom found us going astray, there was 'circular speed dial' to all the other moms of the kids we were gathered with. If there was a strange dude with us and she only knew him by "Dewey", she forced us to give her his name, she had a phone book with everybody in town's number.... we were doomed.. so we rarely misbehaved.  Right?

We rode in backa the station wagon... pickup trucks.. bike helmet?  The heck is that? We had progressed enough to have hard plastic football helmets, but, looked nothing like the oversize Jetson things they wear today.

We loved Sky King, Mighty Mouse. Captain Kangaroo (and Mr. Green Jeans). Andy taught us morals, Hee Haw taught us fun, Bonanza, inspitea being hella popular, learnt us, ya gotta have a woman in your life.

We knew Pinocchio and Goofus (remember Goofus and Gallant?), Otis and Mr. Haney could never be President of the United States.

Mom's spaghetti (and mercurochrome) could fix everything perfectly.

Street lights came on, I gotta go.................

Fancy for (Now it's time to say goodbye... all that crap)...

M I C (seeya real soon)

K E Y (why? Because we don't get out much any more so we meet here.)

M O U S E............ (use Victor traps)

Love, Victurd  

That and this........

Ahm, Victor........ most would say "This and that."

Very true coffee breath, but, there's difference in a world of harmony. (We could only hope.)

Thanks to the (damn) DMV for making me go to eye doctor.. he say, "NO WAY you should be driving on the roads"... ordered me up some glasses... I can see  clearly now the the rain is gone, glasses came in.... so........ things I see........ or, that and this.

Little things are big. That time of year, mums the word (the flower) but, it's also football season, playoffs. Little towns, BIG. Friday nights a burglar in a small town would have free rein as durn near everyone will be at the game.  Well, or, at Casey's.

Big town, little care.  Oh sure, stands will be packed, but a very small percentage of the big ole town cares.  Most will be home watching Dancing With The Stars. darning/knitting (people still do that?") or, sitting in the garage drinking beer with Ernie from next door.

A loved one just told me "The excitement to my day is, it's 'clean sheet day'.  Mebbe little to her, or, I guess she said big - BUT, what i would give for one more night's sleep on sheets that mom just brought in from the clothesline.  Funny how things seem to change when ya think they never well. Chiefs won the Super Bowl our Senior year in HS ("they'll ALWAYS be good" HA).. "the newbie Royal's suck". they'll never be good. Don Denkinger TYVM. And....... I'll always be able to sleep on mom's fresh sheets.... won't I? (was never thought or asked, but oh baby, little was big.)

Absence. Seems we all of a sudden realize how BIG something is in our lives.... when it's gone.  Don't make no sense.

I'll never figure out teenagers.  Ahm, Victor?  Yeah?  You can't skip/switch topics just like that.  Hold my beer.  Boy teenagers.  The struggle is real.  Play with little plastic army guys, or, chase chicks?  And, seems if they ever did chase 'em, catch em, and somehow took a pic together... it always looks like Danny De Vito and Geena Davis (she's 6' tall).  Skip around's ass... THAT's little big, HA!  Sorry, kinda.  

The older I get, the more I hate driving during Rush Hour.  THERE'S MORE AND MORE PEOPLE!  That's not true Victor... since Covid, SO SO MANY now work from home. Yeah, mebbe.  On second thought.. I do see many of them sumb*tches on Facebook all day. 

Day/Night.  Big, little differences.  Living near a Ford plant... it seems every other dang vehicle is a Ford F-1-Fitty truck.  It never fails, nighttime, I get em right behind me.  I can't see anyways, but, when they're behind their lights are like a foot and a half higher than most... you can't see the rear view mirror, you fling down the middle mirror in disgust, and then you drive on and continue to look for the white lines (I SWEAR there are some... somewhar.)

Then, ya got the smart car.  I was in Mehico, dude had one.  He was bragging "Has the same safety rating as a Mercedes Benz."  Sure buddy, one wrong move and you'll look like a tortilla.  Maybe his braggadocios behavior gave cause to buying the Smart Car so he could fit all his friends in there.  VICTOR!  Oh, I was funnin'.

MADE YA LOOK.......or, things that do...... a rainbow.  Deer.  Car wrecks in the other direction. Yoga pants.  Sorry, not really.  OK, equal opportunity here, tight Wranglers for you chicks. 

MADE YA MAD........ name callers.   Arrogant ones.  A twelve dolla meal, ya hand the server a fitty and they ask "Change?"...  Gas pumps.....   Bullies, big that prey on little.  "OK,. I understand you want to speak to a representative, but, there are many things I can do, so before I connect you, what can i help you with today?" REPRESENTATIVE!  Old that prey on young.  Loud phone dings, you check all three things that can generate them dings.. and nada, nuttin'.  Paying a stupid amount for Prime, and seeing "Sorry, two weeks and $6.99 for shipping, that one ain't Prime."

Victor? Yeah?  Wrong side'a bed? Au' contraire.... I love me some life.

Little things............. children...  miniature Schnauzers, Yorkies...  little old ladies... littie old men...  happy tears..  kindness exhibited by someone ya never met.  kindness exhibited by a good friend, loved one... smiles that meet, greet.

Big things... Good friends. LOVED ONES. Shaq... Andre... Lincoln Continentals... 747's...  An entire box of thin mint Girl Scout cookies... uh huh, one sitting.  Tenderloins...  'typing' back and forth with what teeth I got left, right/left/right down a big ole ear of sweet corn.   

Learning to not be overly annoyed by things that really annoy you....... loud people (ty earplugs).. the month before election day... mosquitos.. yap dogs..  Wanna buy ten yellow trash bags for twenty bucks so me and my honey can get a Motel 6 to see our kid's outta town little league game?  Thanks, but no thanks. Wee-ing in the wee hours. Often. Dr. Laura's "Go take on the day."

Bloggers that go on.............. and on................... sorry, kinda. 

Go, take on the day.  Sorry bebbe, come what may.  A little diddy, bout that and this.....

Love, Victurd 

There's a hole in my bucket, Dear Liza Dear Liza........

Poor Henry's bucket leaked.  Seemingly giving into the fact mebbe she wears the pants in the family... he mentioned the bucket to her..  She, without bemoaning (other than the accent) told him to fix it.

With what? Straw.  Straws too long. Cut it. With? A knife. Too dull. Sharpen it Dear Henry.  With what?  A stone. Stone too dry.  Wet it.  With what?  WATER.  How shall I fetch it. A bucket Dear Henry.  And so goes the circle of life.

Fix is fun. 

Down South, it means 'gettin' ready to'....

I'm fixin' to eat me some grits.... Fixin' to go 2-steppin'.... Fixin' to beat the tarnation outta you.  Fixin' to watch Hee Haw.

A quick fix.  Driving to Topeka, KS to pickup some grandkids,raining, my passenger wiper decided to go all dyslexic on me.  (It did a 180. The rubber was facing the sky, the metal was scraping my windshield.  Pulled into a service area, flipped it around, used me up some duct tape, drive on.

I ain't no Mr. Fix it though. Long ago, online dating, one lady listed 'Handy man" as one of the traits she was looking for..  I wasn't sure if her screen door was sticking, faucet leaking, or, mebbe she had a heightened libido, dunno.

Need a fix, yuck.  You can't fix stupid. Fix somone's wagon, which, at 74 I just learned means to do 'em in.

If it ain't broken, don't fix it (Carl Icahn, Frank Borman, Bill Bidwell, Charlie Finley, Barry Bonds, Mark McGuire, Roger Clemons, to name a few.) 

Professional athletes who make 10 grand to fix a contest, then lose their half million dollar jobs.  Scroll to can't fix stupid. 

"Stop trying to fix yourself!;  you''re NOT broken! You are perfectly imperfect and powerful beyond measure."  Steve Maraboli

Many who hate the Kansas City Chiefs. "The fix is in." Yep, Andy has hotline to commissioners office. 

Daily fix. Sugar fix. In a fix. Fix a leak (Henry). Technical fix. ("IT Department, Ralph here... have you tried rebooting your computer?")

Some fix their marriage, some are fixin' to leave, some separate (short-term fix) some don't need fixin.......long-term fix.

See a car wreck? A pretty lady?  A handsome man? That pecan pie in the showcase?  Fix a gaze on.

Fix the economy. Please.

Pulling a $3,000 car into a garage in for repair..  Estimate is $2742.  Fix it?

Some people are REALLY good at fixing others.  Just ask 'em. 

Kintsugi.  The Japanese concept of fixing broken pottery with gold.

"Every year of my life I grow more convinced that it is wisest and best to fix our attention on the beautiful and the good, and dwell as little as possible on the evil and the false." Richard Cecil

Sorry, I guess, for this blog.  I kinda sorta seeya fixin' to leave and really, I don't blame you.

There's a hole in my blog, Dear Liza Dear Liza.

Love, Victurd 

 

Glory days..

First, me. I know, I know, time to turn left Snagglepuss.

I have heard, on more than one occasion... "You live in the past."

Pretend I know a lot about psychology.  I don't, but, after keggers, fraternity hell week/becoming an active, ,flirting like all college lads, lasses do... I minored in Psychology.  That is fancy for, why I Googled "What is negative about living in the past?"

First article I ran across... I liked.  It spoke to reflection and rumination.

The sentences I'm gonna paste 'read boring', but, are important in defining the difference: 

Rumination is circular. You revisit the same events repeatedly, the emotional charge doesn’t decrease, and nothing gets resolved. Research on repetitive thought patterns shows that rumination doesn’t just fail to solve problems, it actively impairs the cognitive flexibility needed to solve them.

Reflection is purposeful: you revisit an experience, extract something useful, and move on. 

I kinda like to think, replace "useful" with "things of beauty" in life.

Rumination is all about building a circular wall that you cannot see thru, over, or around.

Reflection, to me, is like when the Inca's built them pyramids.  (Just seeing if yous paying attention, yes, Egyptians.)  We build our life, base, work our way onward and up, and each and every time we climb up or down - there's pleasure in remembrance of placing each stone..

Loved ones, school, pets, Holidays, Summers, Winters, road trips as a child, a young adult, or, later.  We scrapbook with our brain.  No wall, but, a pyramid taking us higher where the view is awesome.

One blog reader here is presently on a trip now with lifelong buddies/travel companions, in Sedona, AZ.  This morning, she posted a pic of the same amigos from 15 years ago, another group picture of them, this time wearing shirts "60 Rocks".  Reflection, not rumination, another rock on the pyramid among the ones already there.

I love Christmas time always, but I can't wait every year to read the story of another reader who lived in a very remote, high elevation, happy happy home in Colorado.. how her hubby worked in Denver... "I'll be home for Christmas" was met with an extreme snowstorm, COLD, looong trek home.... he'd driven as far as he could from work until the pavement ended.. then, hopped on the snowmobile parked there for onward and upward home.. finally.. parking it as close as he could get, donning snowshoes for the ability to give that wunnerful knock on the door "Honey I'm home."  Reflection.

Things all about childhood in our little town, surfer shirts in school (color dependent upon grade in school).. toothpicks and cinnamon oil.. the stench of the dog pound at City Park - yet, the wonderful reflection of years and years of sitting in the bleachers in awe, as a City, on Fourth of July. Ever rip someones 'fruilt loop' off? TP a buddies yard?

Your City?

Your buddies?  Names, faces? Make it thru Kiddygarten to graduation with any of the same ones?  What point, place in the World are you - and, does your brain revisit your childhood and bring smiles of your hometown? Sometimes doya come back? One here, the family moved to India to finish high school.  Imagine those mems! Priceless.

College was such a fun, never-ever-anything-like-this-again-in-my-life, ie, enjoyed so, so, hell..  I 'purposely' took six years to do what most do in four! And STILL, frequently see buddies from when we lived together.

Work. You?  Thoughts back?  Ya prolly gotta admit a decent mix... weirdos, others ya loved - felt related to, managers ya cussed internally, others, you'd go the extra mile for due to respect for them.

Any, everything involved in raising a family.  Birth, crawling, walking, training wheels on, off.. Big Chief tablets.. little league..neighbor kids..their buddies - all, lifelong reflection of wonder - boulders lifted on that pyramid of life to climb, see out, reflect back.

Even retirement.  Said to be fleeting, oh baby oh baby oh baby, how enjoyable is it to basically do whatya want whenya want?

Springsteen's Glory Days speaks to old athletes ne'er letting go of, or taking an eye off of the trophy case (remunation.)  I prefer to think of things like my buddy that organizes, raises funds, and builds wooden wheelchair ramps for those in need.   Another friend, over twenty years, sat in the same chair every Saturday morning passing out food for those that needed it, badly.  All, any, that participated, organized, charitable events.  Kudos.

Conversely to what's labeled on the rear view mirror, objects within may also be further than they appear, and I'm all hell to the yeah, in remembering, reflecting, and that's ok. (My book anyways)

Sure........ enjoy, prosper, greet today with joy (ie, don't waller, ruminate, get stuck) BUT, every second that goes by is a memory of once was.

I find nuttin wrong with enjoying stuff like that.

Name all your dogs, cats.?  Who lived next door? First car? Favorite person you ever sat by in class... favorite teacher?  Why?  What color was your bike, and, do you remember that first time mom letya ride it across town?  Remember flipping your tassel?  The interview for the best job ya ever had?

Scrapbook, stow pics in your brain, smile, laugh, enjoy, love...  

Life atop a pyramid is all about today.......... and yesterday.

Love, Victurd 

About the level of liquid in that glass............

Holy guacamole... backflip... footslip....harsh words... I don't repeat gossip so listen close the first time.

As much as I tire of that Emu in commercials... of even Spectrum's never-ending, LOUD $29.99 and that pricing that ended pretty soon after because it's the way of the Spectrum world. Everything is going up, so, we must raise our prices too. The political ads wear us thin, more in a sec.

Waters are rough... trees are falling... towns are flooding...  The alarm goes off... sometimes the will says "NO!!!!! DO I HAVE TO? I DON'T WANNA!"

TMI, I hadn't been to the Doctor in three years. I know, I know, the "nose to spite the face thing."  After the initial visit a couple weeks ago... and tests... I just got a letter in the mail from the Doc listing (the # of things wrong with me)................  Say that guacamole word again, wowzer!  Thanks to HIPA, i won't share the number, and contents, and besides... you're awake now I don't wanna put you to sleep...  but one parta the HIPA is a new hip, 22 days and counting.

For that, I'm grateful, truly.

We hurt. We all hurt. Not just physically, but, cha-ching < pretend that's a cash register noise... every time we pay for sumpin.

Emu. Spectrum.  No where to be found.  Replaced instead by campaign commercial after campaign commercial after campaign commercials. With apologies to you, and mebbe Sheriff Buford T. Justice, I hope them sumb*tches that own, run the networks are raising their rates for these commercial messages too! WHY NOT concentrate on what you do well, what your talents are, why you should win ----- versus never mentioning yourself and doing nothing besides degrading your opponent.  Pew. Ick. I'll even take Vinson Mortgage ads again instead.

Victor what's the point here?  The point is, it's getting harder and harder to focus on what's right and what's good, so that's what we need to do.

I once, long, long ago (I was nine I think) was dropped off at Macy's at Antioch Shopping Center, handed $5 with the instructions, "You have drawn your cousin's name for Christmas... please go get him a gift, I'll be shopping too... meet you by Topsy's in an hour and a half."  I stole a bottle of Brut cologne, went to the basement, and bowled two or three games.  I was shaking so bad, turning around making sure a policeman wasn't coming to grab me........ anyways, I haven't stolen since... well, until I blog, then I steal (plaguerize) a lot.  Forgive me Father, honest, it's for the greater good.

One site suggests...... Practice gratitude. Could be anything seemingly insignificant as a good cup of coffee... or, recognizing acts of kindness of others, something as simple as holding the door for others.

Two days ago, where I work at the golf course, we had a huge order delivered by Sam's. Golfers get free water, and we buy boo boo cases (the heavy, ones with 40 within, not the little wimply 24 packs). Whereinthehell is he going with this one? The second driver, brought ten cases with his two-wheeler, stacked 'em by the front door (they're supposed to bring 'em in.) and, I thought he'd gone back to his car to get more...nope, he drove off.  The timing of this was right before the daily old guy's scramble starts... they gather early, drink coffee, tell war stories.  TBC

i bought one'a them little wagons for such an occasion, headed for the door to go get the too dayum heavy 40 packs.. bring em inside around the corner to the backa the building. One'a the Seniors sitting in the group (youngest guy late 60's, one 76, one 79, one 83) saw this.. said "DID HE LEAVE?  HE'S SUPPOSED DO BRING EM IN!"  It' Ok, it's what I'm paid to do.  Next thing I know, all four guys are on their feet, walking right behind me... I loaded two cases in my little wagon, walked in... and one by one they cleaned up the rest of the pile.THAT, was pretty darn awesome. I forget to mention, two are Dems, two are Pubs.. ALL FOUR, great people. I'm grateful not just for their help but for their everyday pickmeup fun, which has a way of ossy-mossis on me.

Point number 2 I stole (sorry mom) was see the good in others. Twas easy that day and stuff like that helps us all be more cognizant of good deeds/

Surround yourself with positive people.  Over a lifetime, I'm sure we're all guilty of "Did you hear about so and so... or, did you see what so and so did?"  Run Forrest.  We all know, if we weren't there, the next person talked about could be us.

Seek out good news and wholesome stories.  WHAT may I ask then, in the heck are you doing here?!!!  Mute the damn TV commercials (I apologize Emu, I really miss you)...Scroll past an argument.. (admittedly hard for me at times.). 

Recognize your good qualities. Like, one of mine is ALWAYS finishing in fourth place in our weekly golf foresome so they won't feel badly (har, har har.)  There is good.  In spite of those 36 things the Doc wrote (oops) there's good in us all.  If there ain't, we got the rest of our lives to change that.

Live in the present.  I'll add Love in the present as well. Many men, some entire families don't toss that L word out. Bosh I say.  Spread it around like peanut butter. PB&Love.

There's good in you, me, all of us. Even the Sam's dude that drove off.  Maybe poor communication from his manager.. . maybe his child was sick, he had to pick him up to take to the doctor.. ya never know, but again, there's good in us all.

I dunno about you, but humor really helps me in life.  With this affliction, I've really slowed down. My motto now, I've just got to start chasing slower women.  Long a proponent of "The glass ain't half full or empty, 'THE BASTA' LEAKS!', jokingly........

Life really is pretty darn good, if, we allow it, see it, live it.

Love, Victurd  

But who's counting..................

Our lives are....  filled with... predicated by... all about... numbers.

Had a buddy tell me, "First thing I do every morning is look at my bank account."  The thought depresses me... thought was unusual (ok stupid mebbe) of him.. then, I looked at mine. Found a subscription that had been charging me 20 bucks a month for who knows how long because I forgot to cancel it.  I can just hear Fred Sanford in my ear "Who's a dummy now Victurd?"

I was, all set (this is a recording  said, numerous times, numerous years, when I got the feeling, "Finally, THE ONE for me.")  The first date was 12/13/14..  (Fred Sanford left to clean his garage, but I can just hear Austin Powers in my ear "YEAH BABY!") The date was soooooooooooooooo fun, I was literally on Cloud 9.  (Since this blog is about numbers, hup 2, 3, 4... I Googled the origin of cloud 9, it's very boring, but in 1896 The International Cloud Atlas cloud number nine (cumulonimbus) was considered the most comfortable and appealing.  See?  Toldya boring.

What was I talking about?  Oh yeah, her.  Retired from a job that provided her boo koo (I don't know the number, lots) of air miles... and hella (again, I don't know the numbers) of hotel nights of a specific chain that rewarded her in future travel.  Eighteen pillows. VICTOR, the hell does that have to do with the price of tea in China? (Google tell me tea, China, $2,912 a ton). It has a LOT to do with it.  She was sneaky (smart.) Take old pillow on airplane, swap with damn comfy pillow from ****** Hotel Chain.  There's Austin Powers again.

One time, about time. She was on one of her many deserved, earned travel trips. I'd asked her "What time is it there?"  VICTOR, where was she?  Oh yeah, Agra, India at the Taj Mahal.  It was like 8:10am where I was, and she indicated "6:40pm". I said nuh uh, your watch musta stopped.  60+ years and I still hadn't learned, don't argue with onea them women.  Turns out, the entire Country of India is "30 minutes off" the resta the World.  One blog reader can prolly Explain Lucy better, but, I read it's because the Country is soooooooo long (3,000KM). VICTOR, talk to us in miles (1,864.114) they decided to unify everything and have just one time zone.

I'd better move on because, don't wanna embarrass her.. but.. we moved on.. Once again, One is the loneliest number...  Cry me a river Victor, one is also First Place  (You know, you've seen all them snotnose kids on ESPN's game day dressed crazily with their U's colors.. touting ONE FINGER, chanting "We're number ONE!"  Reality, I think they were ranked 12th, but who's counting.

There's looking out for number one, number one fan, the one and only, and, a method for 47 to wave at hecklers exiting the stage. In one ear out the other, right Vincent? VICTOR, poor taste.  Eh, whadever.  one fell swoop, one of those days, one up me, one hit wonders (Don't break my heart, my achy breaky heart.)

And then there's two.  Second fiddle. Two peas in a pod. Two left feet. On second thought. Any second now.  Russia, them sly dogs.. during the Olympics, if they were ever beaten in any game by the USA, newspapers the next day would announce, "RUSSIA SECOND PLACE!.. US next to last." 

All about numbers.  Dime a dozen, five finger discount, forty winks, nine lives, working 9 to 5 (And, God Bless Dolly may she rest in peace.... but... where can ya work where 9-5 is 8 hours, paid lunch?)  Take five, Ten four (good buddy)..  Last Sunday,. against Seattle, the Chiefs 'got the whole nine yards', then punted, every, single time it seemed.

Yes Ocifer, just 2 beers (he's three sheets to the wind.) (from nautical slang referring to sheets, or ropes that hold sails taut, coming loose, causing a sailing ship to move erratically) VICTOR, no one asked.

I came to numbers today because I spent ALL DAY (That's ten hours and 38 minutes of daylight presently in KC).. scratching my head, calling Humana, WalMart, looking on the Govt's Medicare site...  I had three drugs at Wally.  Two were ready ($3.02 sir, cue Austin Powers) and the third had to be ordered.  Finally, a text from Wally. "Other one is ready, it's $875."  First Humana lady "Well, it should be 20% of that." Still high, but, could do mebbe.  WalMart lady, "Well, $875 is for three months, one month would be $610." Ahm, OK.  Ring, ring, "Humana".. Xplained Lucy to Henry I think he said his name was. Told him first Human lady (VICTOR, this is boring, I know, sorry) said 20%.  "Well, she WAS correct about the 20%, but, the $610 amount per month IS 20%. (Picture Fred Sanford, grabbing his heart.. "THE BIG ONE"..)  "Sir, my calculator is in my hand (in my phone) and it's up against my ear (right Vincent?), what would the full cost be?"  $3,050.  "I'll take two of em.  Just kidding."  

VICTOR?  DIRTY LAUNDRY.  For that, go to the Highland Laundromat, they got free dryers, big washer (2 loads) is ten bucks, cheap thinga soap across the street at Dollar General, 5 bucks.

8 days a week. When I'm 64. Oh, wait.  Victor, you've called on so many women, have you called Jenny (867-5309, ya loser!)..  Another one bites the dust. BUT I NEVER EVEN CALLED JENNY!  One two three, it's easy as ABC.............

Mebbe 47 is onto something.  With this new 'fraud call in program'... commissions, hit it Austin...  Lemme see...  at oh, let's say, $1000 per pillow, er, I mean per fraud, I'd have enough dough for durn near three years of that one med!  Actually, just short.. on Cloud 8, so to speak.  VICTOR, to every thing, urn, urn urn.  Yeah, ur prolly right. I'd be in that by then.

Sitting on the back deck at the golf course, I told my buddies of the plan.  My buddy that usedta be a shop teacher, looked at the clubhouse attendant, raised 4 fingers... "Get a round on me for all five of us."

2 late, I'm posting this. Not responsible for exaggerations! 

Love, Victurd 

Funnel....

Scale back.

Practice.  Ya don't practice to be old when you're younger. Ya just deal with stuff as it comes.  Like, "Since when did that inch and a half hair start growing on my ear?"  "I never hated these stairs before....in fact, I usedto hum, sing, dance, even skip every other one as I made my way to the top."

We scale back.  Funnel.

Funnel cakes at the Fall Festival?  LOVE TO, except, Doc says "Watch your p's and q's" and in this case, that means carbs and sugars.

"Hey, let's go to the Lake!"........... I vote, "let's pretend we do, then don't."  For years, buddies bootscooted early at noon on Friday, sped to the Lake, had the energy to stop, grab goodies, stuff to help fix up the lake house. hors d'oeuvres for friends, neighbors, fill the gas jug for the boat...grab a couple new noodles.. clean, mow, dust, change sheets, all that.... readying for two days of parties. Hustle back Sunday night, driving in the dark......  Get up the next Friday and do it all again.

Now............ hell to the no.  All that crap (the preparation) that could once be done in a few hours - has translated to.......I get to the lake house, I work my watoosie off... by the time it's cleaned, mowed, laundered... it's Sunday morning and i sureashell ain't driving back in the dark.  Take these ribbons from the hair and put the damn place up with Keller Williams, we ain't goin' no damn whar' next weekend, and the weekend after that, et al.

Funnel.

With the advent of getting the heck away from Stereos, DVD players, yada... CABLE IS HERE!  Gimme the biggest dayum package ya got! Feed me a hunnerd and ninety two channels Seymour, or Spectrum. We can afford that! Then, ya take this job and shove it... but, along with that comes... oh hell, how am I gonna pay for all this crap.  Look Honey, channel 371 is the Spanish Local News. We don't need that!

So, we funnel.  Cut the chord.  We'll stream. Hey, Youtube has a special rate of $49.99 for five months, let's do that, then cancel, then maybe we'll just do Netflix and Discovery Plus.... we don't need no stinking 412 channels. The carnival barker at Spectrum drug us in, now, they've raised their rates more than 47's term (sorry, kinda i guess) and more than Farmland foods has ground beef.

LinkedIn.  Expand our friendship numbers.  As we age, nope, nada, no longer.  Life is now lived with one eyebrow raised as we cipher any, everything in our path (especially humans) and we ain't gots the time nor the want to... for... "Hey, nice to meet you, shoot me  your phone number so I can put it in my phone."  Huh huh. I know how (let's use Charlie, a ficticious name here) as an example.  Charlie is a good friend, I ain't gotta figure him out.. I know his likes, dislikes, habits, that.. in spitea sometimes he ain't taken a bath for a couple days.. .there are no surprises in our friendship.

Funnel. We funnel people.

Come to think of it.  When we're young, that LARGE parta the funnel is at the top... we take it all, much, in.  Even in college (although I'll never ever do the funnel beer bong thing again).

Then... we age.  We get fat. Screw your Chicken Fat record... I ain't runnin' no 600 yard dash... I even hate these stairs... so.......we turn the tunnel over... and suddenly, it looks like us in the mirror.  Uh huh, skinny little wimpy arms at top, big ole fat butt at the bottom.  Eh, it is what it is.....and... I don't think the Doc would get upset if, just once (or twice) during the Fall Festival, I eats me a funnelcake.

We funnel...........scale back.. on the hours 9pm thru midnight.  Huh uh, no, hells to the no.  MAYBE NYE, but too, that's kinda doubtful.  If nothing else, we'll stay up until 11 and watch the East Coast celebrate like we's there too.

Now, with bedtime before even the late, local news comes on, means, oh crap, we're up early. Hella early. Now what?  Well, pee comes to mind.  Oatmeal. Must I?  Make me up some biscuits and gravy honey, oh... we got any pancake mix?

All day................now whatta we do?  We usedta resemble a balloon that had been pricked, and go go go go go....... until real late and we's worn out like a kid on a long car ride. No longer.  That balloon's air flows strong now, we collapse around 10am for, nap number one.  Around 2pm, we flip the damn phone to do not disturb (who cares, remember? We scaled back our friend list... odds are they ain't gonna call anyways).. and we take nap number two.  Honey? Wake me in time for...........oh, nevermind. Heck, I can durn near watch Family Feud any time'a day.. AFV too.

Victor, we wish you would funnel back on how long your damn blogs are.

Done, finito.  Happy day.. or happy half day... happy naps..  I'm off to watch election ads.. 

Ha, love, Victurd