Band Camp............ Tune ups........... and a Good Book.........

Band camp never happened because I flunked out on the tonette (recorder)....  I did buy me a cheapy acoustic guitar... learned me some chords....  trusty tape recorder by my side, pressed play...  strummed and hummed (sang).......  played it back.  NOPE.  In the music class of life, I'd be the last one picked if we ever chose up sides......

Tune ups.  Excuse me for a moment (Victor, did you fart?) No, but howinthehell would you ever know if I did?  I am biased, but, my father was quite the card.  He, of late 20-something, and my ma' were at my grandparents (her folks)... Mom had purchased a pair of pants for dad that were a tad too long.  The long and short of it, my father was short.  Not only is the 'dunk a basketball' outta play, I don't think he could even touch the net.  Anyways..... My Granny was needle and thread handy... TBC, paragraph too damn long.

So, Granny went to the sewing room (I assume the SheShed 1940-something equivalent, and took the hems up.  Upon completion, father, he of funny-ha-ha, took the pants into the bathroom... purposedly hiked the hem of one leg up under about 4 inches or so... then walked out into the living room saying nary' a word. Granny was startled, mebbe even apologetic I dunno... it was early in dad and mom's life together, I just don't think she knew him that well yet.   He laughed, let the pants leg out, for life, she'd kinda raise one eyebrow, ciphering him, what he said for the rest of her days.

Bid and Buy Auto Sales....  Also, 'Band Camp' one-time stuff....  My mother, age 56, had a massive stroke. My father was a traveling salesman virtually his entire life. Victor, don't bore us with what he sold....... Too late.  He sold keychains, books (ncluding Funk and Wagnall) , Green Stamps, Plaid Stamps, Jerry Lewis Cinema's, Art Prints, you name it, he peddled it, he abhored Interstates and did the two lane highway thing going to intimate, "people towns."  TBC........

Mom's stroke changed things. Dad got off the road that day... Plan B was get "D tags". fix up old clunkers to resell from our alleyway, and, Bid and Buy Auto Sales was born, allowed him to make'a buck, cook, clean, and go to Safeway in his favorite work slacks (they fit) complete with body putty, paint spray, oil, grease, and the kicker was an extra large paper clip which served to raise and lower his zipper once that thingy broke off.  I can still hear mom to this day, "PLEASE don't wear those to Safeway!"  Dad loved her like crazy, but, he'd smile, hop in the car, and go get groceries (in those slacks).....

I couldn't tell you a carburetor from fuel injector, a starter from an alternator, ie, I couldn't touch the net, nor, play the tonette of auto mechanics.  Dad fervently went to the Dewey Decimal System Library to get it right each and every time, and fixed cars, BY THE BOOK.  That's all bullshit.  Dad tried this, and tried that, and eventually, his cars would run.  Some, better than others.

Back to band camp. I could be confused.  This mighta happened back in those same 1940-something days, but I just know this, it happened.   He fixed the steering column, or whatever it was, shaft, gearbox, rack and (O)pinion.  The car had broken down ten miles from home. "All good" as he dusted off his hands, threw a little Goop on them, pulled up his paper clip............. started the car, headed home.  TBC

One slight problem.  He'd hooked something up bassackward.  When he turned the wheel to go LEFT, it went RIGHT...  and obviously, VICE VERSA.  Had mom been in the passenger seat, pretty sure she coulda "Honey. you're gonna get us both killed, please pull over now and see if you can fix it."  He prolly woulda, but, she wasn't there, dad was of German descent (hardheaded, and yes, it's hereditary)..always up for a challenge.. .so off he went, left and right, er, I mean right and left.. or something of the combined.  Somehow, he proudly made it to the alleyway. TBC

As a punk kid, I'd heard him tell that story so many times I grew tired of it.  I'd give everything I got in savings (which ain't much) to hear it from him one more time.

VICTURD (as your father called you)......... is there a method to all this madness?

Yes, it all equated to life.   Some things we just ain't very good at, and that's OK. Some know a lot about a lot. Some know a little about a lot.  Some, made C's and M's because they spent more time out having fun, chasing chickies, being with buddies.

Pants don't always fit. Zippers break.  It's not the outfit that brings happiness nor makes the man, or, attitude toward happiness.

Of course - relationships.  While my own relationships were certainly outlasted - my folks, both, taught me BOO KOO about life, love and loyalty.

And lastly, sometimes shit happens.  We go left when we shoulda gone right, and, sometimes friends, family, loved ones do as well..  In the car lot of life - ya never, just never, are really sure what's under the hood.  Things don't always go the way we plan. Sometimes it's shocking (people, places, 'friends') and can be hurtful.

What really then, can we depend on?

That's where the Good Book comes in.  Always.

Love, Victurd  

Cue the Muzac....................... Going up?

From the dearly departed........

Good gosh Victor, must you?

It's been established I'm weird... if you're here, mebbe you're even weirder?

Buried within all these blogs (pun mebbe intended) is a blog all about what/where I want the contents of my, to everything, urn, urn, there is a reason, urn, urn  to be strewn.  The tremendously jolting losses of loved ones also jolted me into "That's selfish Victor, it really ain't (or shouldn't be) about you.  Throw the damn ashes in the dumpster behind QuikTrip, or similar."

I very much enjoy learning about people. Oft times, the obit is the last chance to do so, and those still here can and do write some pretty awesome descriptive testaments that bring smiles, as well as sorrow - for their loss.

One fav today and then I promise I'll move on:

She encouraged her children and grandchildren to let their "freak flag fly."  Later in life, she developed a love for rock and roll and, in her late 70's, discovered the music of Queen. She loved Freddie Mercury and spent many hours watching him and the band on Youtube. She hated crumbs and gossip and could never pass up an estate sale."

Does that life not just bring you a smile?  It does me!  

Elevators.

Up. down.  You ever hop on an elevator on the 38th floor and some snotnose (or probable Republican..I'm kidding I'm kidding) has pressed the button for EACH. AND. EVERY. FLOOR?  Uh huh, me too.

You get that sinking feeling in your tummy in descent when all 2** lbs of you seemingly flies up whilst your tummy and your frayed nerves and the rest of you go down?

Does it cause worry that, Otis, the guy who has invented, developed, put in over half the elevators in the World, gets sauced frequently and lets himself in and out of the cell in Andy's jail?

"If you travel to the States, they have a lot of different words than like what we use.  For instance, they say 'elevator', we say 'lift', they say 'drapes', we say 'curtains', they say 'president', we say 'seriously deranged git.'       Alexei Sayle

 Ahm, Alexei.. VICTOR!  STOP!

"If you ever die on an elevator, be sure to press the "Up" button." Sam Levenson

There are only 20 to 30 elevator related deaths per year.  "ARE YOU GONNA GET ON OR NOT LADY?"  

The Guangzhou CTF Finance Center in China holds the current record for the worlds fastest elevators at 47 mph.  On second thought lady, I don't blame ya.  A Mitsubichi Electric elevator holds the speed record for descent at 28 mph, but, Shorty Ellison, Skokie, IL (he of 5'3" frame who usedta be 6'7" and survived the longest free fall ever in an elevator (32 floors) might disagree. 

OK, say you're on a VERY full elevator on the 27th floor.... it stops on the 26th floor.... door opens, there's a fat person like me awaiting to get on..  Do you holler "WAIT, let's take a vote"" or, do you grab your Rosary beads tight?

"After seeing "Big". I wanted an elevator that opened directly into my apartment, just like Tom Hanks did."  Macauley Culkin

How old are you?  Ever dropped off goodies at Fotomat?  Ran to a BlueLight special Taken a Polaroid picture?  Seen a Blockbuster employee? Said 'Howdy' to an elevator operator? (They phased out in the 50's and 60's.)

Karma or humbling or both?  Not long ago i attended a basketball game to cheer for the team from the school I attended...  Looking at the HUGE set of stairs to the bleachers, I giggled to myself "this is where I high-jumped, long-jumped, jumped after perty gals... 
 swallowed the pride of that crap and inquired "Which way is the elevator?"

Kinda akin to rollercoasters...  One of my favorite movie scenes ever... in Parenthood...granny is espousing her love for the rollercoaster "You know when I was 19, Grandpa took me on the rollercoaster.. up, down, up, down.. OH what a ride! It was so interesting that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited... Some didn't like it... they went on the merry-go-round..  that just goes around... nothing..  I like the rollercoaster.. you get more out of it.."

I'm sorry I don't have a witty ending...but I really do hope your day includes more ups than downs.......

Love, Victurd 

That and This........

(I've already done This and That.)

I'm always late to the party musically.  Witness, recently found love of Pink Floyd, John Prine and now Eric Clapton.  Victor, you ignorant slut. If you drive to Cleveland to see the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, you might notice Eric is in there THREE times (Yardbirds, Cream, Solo career.)  Gee thanks but is it Eric or Erik?

Promises.  Victor, are you gonna talk election ads?  Please please please no.

Mebbe.

But, I was moreso thinking still of Clapton and his song Promises.  I CANNOT GET IT OUTTA MY HEAD.

I don't care what you do at night
Oh, and I don't care how you get your delights
I'm gonna leave you alone, I'll just let it be
I don't love you, and you don't love me

 

I got a problem, can you relate
I got a woman callin' love hate
We made a vow we'd always be friends
How could we know that promises end

 

When two get sideways.  For so long, they'd laid lengthwise side by side, mighta had a hound pooch or a kitty cat 'tween... meals across the table from one another.  Clogged the aisles walking side by side at the Piggly... Same Thanksgiving Party, Christmas, uh huh, equal parts of the others parents.  Inotherwords, EVERYTHING.  Life. Promises.  Meatloaf put it, "I will love you till the end of time."

 

Sideways.  It's not a fun club (I'm a two time member).. Only reason I add it here is, life is, can be, bizarre.  One, well, actually two, go from sweet nothings, to............... nothing.  Weird. Tubthumping, Chumbawamba. Some do get knocked down, but get up again.  Now, with the price of gas what it is, some prefer to be the only passenger (not weighted down) when they drive to the Landing for their two beers.  Hiccup.

 

90 bucks.  (A kiss on the cheek... "All better?")  90 bucks'll get ya a tank and a half of gas.  90 bucks'll buy the family I grew up nextdoor to (9 rugrats) a once thru Mickey D's for Happy Meals.  Who knows math well?  If one was in a charitable mood and wanted to donate the 90 bucks back, say, to help with a $600,000,000 Ballroom, what percent would that be?  VICTOR, THEM'S FIGHTIN' WORDS!  Que Eric:

 

I don't care what you do at night
Oh, and I don't care how you get your delights
I'm gonna leave you alone, I'll just let it be
I don't love you, and you don't love me 

 

JUST YESTERDAY you blogged about 'Positive' this and positive that. 

 

I know, but, this is That and This.  

 

OK, a positive. The freshman football player at MU.  The one diagnosed with a heart problem...  further diagnosis, needs a heart transplant.  Went deeply into cardiac arrest Tuesday... Blessedly, Wednesday,  donor found, that night surgery happened, successful, he's resting, doing well.  We can only hope he breaks the Guinness Book of Records for number of years to live after a heart transplant, 41 (and she's still living, doing well in Mt. Vernon, IL.) Bless him, AND the donor.

 

Fall. Cooler temps. Pumpkin this, pumpkin that. Victor, shouldn't that be 'Pumpkin that and pumpkin this?  Ahm:

 

You cause a commotion when you come to town
Give 'em a smile and they melt
Having lovers and friends is all good and fine
But I don't like yours and you don't like mine 

 

It (present life) is whacko.  We are a nation of this and that, that and this... Us and Them (You already covered Pink Floyd Victor)   Ahm:

 

I don't care if you never come home
I don't mind if you just keep on rowin' away on a distant sea
'Cause I don't love you, and you don't love me  

 

Life, kinda... just don't make sense no more. Mainstream Divorce Court.

 

Where's Judge Judy, Dr. Phil and Jerry Springer whenya need em. 

 

La-la, la, la-la, la, la
La-la, la, la-la, la, la

 

Tune in next month... (Hopefully you guys/gals in LA, San Diego will still be around) and we'll dissect Arlo's Alice's Restaurant.

 

 

 

 

 

 

But who's counting........

Victor, you can't start a sentence with "But..."

But watch me.

If blogs bore you, turn left here.  If numbers bore you, same.  If you want laughter, entertainment, you know damn well you've come to the wrong place.

I mentioned someone asked me about "numbers. readers of your blog" that stuff.

I started this blog in 2005, which, ironically, was the year of the Big D.  From 2005 through 2022, I wrote 1,769 blogs using checkenginelight.blogspot.com.  Somehow, I lost ma' dayum password (several times), reset it, forgot, did that again, same, and the blog disappeared into dust in the wind.

So.............. I restarted in 2022.  Added '1' (checkenginelight1.blogspot.com) and have written 918 additional blogs since.

I don't have "Number of readers" from the first blog, but, using the average number of readers per blog on Blog1, (91.84 per blog), it's been read 246,788 times.

Victor?  You bragging?  Hardly.  With age comes tree rings. Worn out chairs. Coffee spilt on numerous laptops, desktops, yada.  To liken all those blogs in all those years with all them readers, to playing pool acumen (pun mebbe intended) after years at the billiard table... George Burns said it best... "Sex at 90 is like playing pool with a rope."  Ya know?

First......... half of the damn reads (prolly) are from when I clicked it again to correct errors - and sorry, I know they still come thru.

And certainly, one hella amount of readers are fly by, searching Google for "The check engine light came on in my 2006 Honda Accord, now what?" 

I think too............... many are lost due to language........ Strangely, only 24.5% hail from the US... Brazil is next at 12%........ and, TAKE THIS JOHNNY CASH, I've been read in Mehico, Argentina, Vietnam, UK, India, South Africa, Singapore, Canada, Turkey, Pakistan, Uruguay, Columbia, Germany, Spain, Russia, Bangladesh, Indonesia, and a bunch listed at "Other."

I'd say hi to them all, but, if you remember right, moments into Mehico I about peed my pants because I had no idea what you call bathroom/restroom in Mehico.  El bano, tyvm, whew.  No sprechen sie Deutsch.

Do you write for attention Victor?  Don't answer, we already know.  Yes, but mostly not what you think.  For 20 years, I've been divorced.  Sure, two 'live-in' relationships. four or so years total, but, mostly me, myself and I. Que, Are you lonesome tonight. I've noticed, walls aren't much for conversation.

I do blab, but truly, only here.  If I were seated with you and s'more people... well...one friend labeled me "deathly quiet." And, that's true.  Better thought a fool.

I like life. I like light. I enjoy laughing. Smiling.  Could be just the recent times, but there seems to be a hole in our bucket and we don't get near enough of that crap anymore.  Thus, I try.

What those numbers won't tell you is........... probably another 5 or 600 blogs never published.

The book I will never write is entitled "I'm positive, I think."

That's all I try to be here and you'll never know how much I appreciate your eyeballs.

Oh happy day....... 

Taps and naps......

There, I've said it again.  (Ain't that an old song?  Uh huh, Google or AI, one'a them sumbitches confirms.)

I just spent the better part of an hour reading (and sometimes weeping) obits.  Uh huh, I can feel the 'lack of love' from some who think I'm weird in doing so... but that's OK, I think some of you are quite weird too! Hehe.

I read accolade after accolade.... Awards won... things invented (uh huh, couple of 'em today).. books written... great culinary skills...  degrees upon degrees...businesses owned, started, led....  envisioned all the dang moving vans they loaded as many lived in parts here, there, darn near everywhere.  One couple, arrived in the US with $78 to their name, made quite the life for themselves.

I got tired reading, sure, because I'm old...  and, because I agree Gizmo, "BRIGHT LIGHTS".. I considered a nap but I had 9 left to read.

More of the same......................... except.............. then they mentioned being married 64 years, 59 years, almost 70 years...  traveled to 49 states... points, Continents allover the World.. had 2nd homes in Florida, the Lake, Colorado (I can't mow one yard, letalone two)... oh....... they raised kids... several with many......

Victor, you can't take a nap, you ain't even had breakfast.... bite me, but I guess you're right...

And too, in addition to being teachers, preachers, 'sisters', managers, dedicated workers, they played softball, chess, bridge, did crafts, sang in the choir, painted, "fixed stuff, anything really". taught Sunday School.. volunteered here, there......  lives lived quite well.  Victor, you ain't done.

Oh yeah........ "Never missed a grandkid's game, event, music show, yada"... .golfed, fished, hunted, girl's weekends, Scout leader, coached Little League. All.  Most did it all.  And that's wonderful to read.

But, makes me tired.  First thought, "Damn, reading about all them makes me think, 'Victor, you need to getup, go, do, you got a lotta catching up to do!' "

Which, makes me hella tired thinking about.  

Once again, not your normal blog,.... or, is it?

While sure, maybe weird to read about others after their lives here are finished - it's also very uplifting to me to read of............. well.......... good people........... good things......  demonstrated.

Close your ears.  I worry about us.  The upcoming elections, no matter how they turn out.  We've GOT to figure out how to coexist because now we can't even commandeer a zipper merge or a 4 way stop. 

One friend already (temporarily) got off Facebook. 

We need to use the examples of those before us... If that sounds like preaching, so be it.  Accolades, Golden Rules, care, concern - over attitudes.  Sounds difficult. Shouldn't be.

Love to all, yes, probably a nap ahead 

We'll conduct a routine property inspection next Monday, 10/5 at starting at 10am. You don't have to be present...

That was a recent text from my landlord.  So.  I thought, "What if I keel between now and Monday?"

So, just in case, I'm preparing.  Bought me one'a them six foot skeletons at Wally... dressing it up with clothes, shoes, hat, all that.  Putting it behind the shower curtain.  Sorry, kinda.

On my bed, a tape recorder and note, "If only this bed could talk."  And then I'd record some crap, all they gotta do is press the button:  "I gotta pee."...  "Oh shit, it's Tuesday, I gotta work." ...  'Sorry Doc, butt dial."  That was a real one.  I take my phone to bed and play Sudoku to put me to sleep... once, I'd somehow dialed my eye doctor at 2:37am... he called the next morning at 8.... "Damn, I gotta pee AGAIN."...  "The envelope is between the mattresses.".. 

Ain't that what all geezers do?  Don't trust banks, hide that money crap somewhere they ain't? So, the envelope between the mattresses had been opened... a note inside "Victor, you idiot, you moved it to your sock drawer."

183 Compression socks in my sock drawer, one white regular sock, a dead giveaway, pun mebbe intended.  Envelope there opened as well... "Victor, you idiot! You moved it again!"

 I figured they'd somehow run outta patience looking for an envelope that doesn'' exist and start throwing junk in a dumpster.   So, above my mantle, I could just seem 'em tossing my framed 1985 Sport's Illustrated pic of the Royal's in a dog pile after winning the World Series... note attached "NOOOOOOO, don't toss this!  Mail it to my buddy Tip in Tulsa!  His addy is in my phone!"

 OK, stupid blog idea #12,673.  Sorry, kinda.  Been there, will do that again.

Original thought was to do a blog on boobs and booby traps... but, it's been so long since I've seen one..   ahm, yeah, a booby trap... I didn't feel qualified.

Virgil Kane is my name... and that damn song kept rippling thru my brain... looked into a blog... Civil War.... nah... and strangely, the whole damn band (with the exception of the drummer) was from Canada.

Last idea was bucket lists.

There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza.

Love, Victurd 

 

Travel as an old fart............

I ran into an old buddy I see actually fairly frequently in our little town - he's the epitome of a travel lover.... he's been to hunnerds more towns than Johnny Cash's I've Been Everywhere, Man.....  He's zigged East-West and West-East on them even number Interstates, and yes, zagged on the North-South, South-North odd ones.  And that tain't even mentioning he's done the Route 66 thing, start to finish, at least once that I know of.

As we visited, his words, eyeballs and enthusiasm spoke to the view of four or five National Parks, almost as if I was there too......... hang on dude, lemme grab my bear spray! After our visit, I was tired, yet full of admiration.  He's had affliction, swatted cancer twice, broken this's, that's, but ya can't stop him.  Kudos.

There's a little gal that occasionally fetches me a Miller Lite - she works for 5, 6 months, then, she's off!  Colorado one Winter teaching snowboarding, Oahu the next, learning surfing, backpacking Thailand, Vietnam, allover over there the next... she just flew out a couple days ago to Seattle...enroute to, I think the Phillipines - by her lonesome, always.  Admirable.  It's her 'education' minus the student loans that accumulate. She's a young punk, but OH the energy, you go girl!

Band camp, yes, a live in/with... a career with a huge medical conglomerate 'lent' her boo koo flight miles, Welcome to the Marriott darn near free rooms for life, that.  Mark, set, she went.  Once, around the World. I ain't kidding. Took off to the West... somewhere on the Coast enroute to Tokyo, with stops (and I know I'll forget some), ha, found an old FB thing:  Japan-Singapore-India-Germany-Italy-Slovenia- Croatia- Bosnia- Montenegro.. they (she and a good buddy) followed the sun... came home from the East Coast.

Victor, I wonder, as you post, list this crap, do you think people reading kinda think back to where they've traveled?  I HOPE SO... that's kinda the point.

Yes, with age, it gets harder and harder.  Sure, you can dial up Trafalgar and they'll set it all up for you... but still... ya gotta get that heavy suitcase from the bedroom to the car.. .kajillions of steps... whereinthehell is the bathroom (or, knowing the name for bathroom per whadever Country you're in, been there, darn near peed my pants there... walk, stand, wait... stand, wait, walk s'more...  

Victor, you're retired... what's the hurry, relax, take  your time.......   Today is October 2nd, do you no comprende, by the time I take all ma' clothes off, Tim Conway-old-man-walk into the shower, scrub here, there, HIGH JUMP over that 3 inch lip back to the br floor... dry off, get dressed, use four different contraptions to get compression socks, pants, shoes, yada on....... it'd be October 4th by the time I'd get done with all that

I love travel, but it takes funds, friends, worry about Fido and Fifi.... and energy.  Maybe a month or two in Mehico again, I dunno.  

Mind travel - NOW you're talking.  Frequently, I put on a good set of tunes... checkout old pics on Facebook, photo albums from when there were so so many more loved ones around... close my eyes, and, I'm there.  No cost, tips, ice, snow, heat, tiredness, dark driving, getting lost, steps, language barriers, panhandlers, grumpy front desk folks, that.  Ya still get the scenic view from your brain of yesteryear... complete with remembered hugs, voices, smiles, smells... travel at it's best.

I dunno what your situation is, or, if you even wanna travel. If you do, go, of course.  If you're coupled with someone that's faster, I hope they have patience.  If you still run the 600  yard dash a couple times a year, play Chicken Fat at least once a week, then you have patience if one is a little slower than you.

Resist saying "NO" every time you're invited.  One day, ya won't be asked.  Stop, think, consider.  Do the bucket before you kick it.

Zip-a-dee-zip-code, zip-a-dee-ay
My, oh my what a wonderful day!
Plenty of sunshine heading my way
Zip-a-dee-zip-code zip-a-dee-ay 

We'll leave the light on...........