I go to the hills............ You light up my life...... WHA??

Like normal, the day starts with confusion.  It's an old people thing. This really ain't got nuttin' to do with the blog subject today - but, recent convos with fellow geezers learns me, wow, we're weird sleepers.  A buddy told me her hubby, mid eccentric dream she was having, her hubby told her "I couldn't wake ya.. was skeery.."

Nuther buddy, told me, "I dreamed I was in a Hollywood movie".... no, wait, sorry... that ain't it... He's a longtime naysayer of women's sports, specifically basketball... 'I dreamed I scored 74 points in a girl's basketball game."  Absolutely no tips or hints as to who it was, that tain't right.

Me?  I hear things in my sleep.  Particularly door/window knocks. Sir Isaac Newton would be proud of me, for my equal and opposite reaction is "OHHHH SH*TTTTT.... WAS THAT LIVE OR WAS IT MEMOREX (in my dreams)..."  Sweating, profusely, I make Barney Fife look calm... 

And then the blog reader said "VICTOR... if this really ain't got nuttin' to do do with the blog, then why the hell tell us?"  Point, counterpoint.

Thanks, I guess you're right.  The KNOCK (noise) actually does have to do with today's blog.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here (in Kansas City) for the Big 12 College Basketball Tournament in Kansas City. (I KNEW it.  He's a friggin' misogynist, annuder damn blog about sports, MEN's sports)

There was a blog a bit ago about the changes in sports, specifically the decor in, around stadiums, arenas (The BUD LIGHT sign is SIX TIMES the size of the Ball and Strike sign.)  HUGE big business signs (STATE FARM, QT, GEHA FIELD) now remind/attach Big League to Little League (Moore's Barbershop, Boggess Welders, Liddle's Sport Shop).  That ain't the point though.  It's Baseball Ray, and that's the way (uh huh uh huh) I like it and that's the way it should STAY.

Today's world is "OK, I'm an admitted GEEZER, bring on your new electric, eclectic, swipe this, app that, "stay outta the way OG, it's progress, you're on the way to the yard of bones."  And, we're just sposeta take any, all, new inventions, ideas, accompanied by "howinthehell do I now.......", "whatinthehell are they doing now....". I. Just. Don't. Get. It."

That.

That crap.

The T-Mobile Center (which usedta be the Sprint Cougar Mellencamp Center) is where the Big 12 Basketball Tourney is being played.

"Hey?....  HEY GEEZER?!!!  Can you get that antiquated 2002 Buick Century away from the delivery door??   We're here to deliver, install the brand spankin' new LED Basketball Floor."

LED BASKETBALL FLOOR?  Howinthehell..........whatinthehell..... I. JUST. DON'T. GET. IT.  "It's called progress there Walter Brennan, now go move your rat trap to the parking garage."

So................. now............. the floor lights up. That may not be a shock to you, but, 'tis to me. THE FLOOR LIGHTS UP.  I just wanna watch basketball... NOT, ads for "Mike's Got This" personal injury lawyers, "Vinson Mortage"..."Topsy's Popcorn" (no matter HOW yummy the cinamon AND the carmel popcorn is).  LED?  LIGHTS? ON A BASKETBALL COURT?  And WHATINTHEHELL is that hideous looking ficticious Bird, and WHY is he taking up 3/4's of Jackson County?

I feel like............ Nauseous Victor?  NO.  I feel like, it's dark, I'm at the light at 291 and 1 fitty-two highway and there's a GD (gosh darn) F250 behind me, less than an inch from my bumper, them F one fitties are just below the mirror level, the F TWO FITTY's ARE DEAD-ON SMACK-DAB RIGHT ON MIRROR LEVEL.. I flip my mirror to the night thingy, in turn, he quickly flashes his brights, as if to say "GET USED TO IT OG, THESE ARE MY LOW BEAMS, OH, AND THEY'RE LEGAL.

It's like that song, you know, the one by Manfred Mann way back in '76 "AND I WAS BLINDED BY THE LIGHT... WRAPPED UP LIKE A DOUCHE". VICTORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!  You just did away with ANY chance to make friends, NOT be a misognist.  Even if you, and 3/4's of the US mis-hear those lyrics, it's 'REVVED UP LIKE A DUECE"...

OK, fine, whadever. I couldn't see a damn thing, how's that?  And now.... now, we go to watch a basketball game, and........ as we're looking at futuure Dr J's, Michaels, Bronny's...... we gotta dodge the Gates BBQ and Russell Stover signs to see  'em make a 3 pointer? (Where's that family barf bowl from yesterday.)

Besides, there ain't no traction!  They're slip sliding away.....You know the nearer to the basket, the more they're slip sliding away.

I've seen everything now and it's too much.  Besides, remember in that Hoosier's Movie when Coach Hackman got his tape measure out and measured "Yep, the basket is 10' off the floor, just like ours at the Hickory gym.."

WELL!  NOT at the T-Mobile Sprint Mellencamp Cougar Center, that LED crap HAS to have some depth to it... them baskets AIN'T ten feet no more.  Hate hate hate, patooey.......... (I guess, on the bright side [pun mebbe intended] I couid/would use that as excuse if I shot poorly, which, I always did anyways. "well no wunder's I's 2 outta 12 Coach, them baskets ain't ten feet!"  Victor, just remember, free throws and layups only, nuttin' else. Damnit darnit.

Victor.  Please take a chill pill.  Oh, and............

There WERE complaints about how slick the floor was.  They're removing it today and today's game will be back on the good ole hardwood.

Wait a minute, it's stopped LED'ing, 

Chucks are squeaking, guys are balling, 

Playing basketball, gee that's better, 

Muddah, Faddah kindly disregard this letter.

I go to the hills (gyms, ballparks) for the sound of those Chuck's squeaking... REAL wood bats hitting baseballs. No 'pings', no gosh darn LED lights.

Sorry, I'm a geezer. Actually, I'm not sorry. .I'm blessed to still be here... You just have to put up with our asking WHY and WHY NOT when there's a sign, sign, everywhere a (LED) sign... for a bit longer.

Oh happy day........... uumpah uumpah chicky chicky uumpah,

Love, Victurd

You can leave your hat on............

Weird...

Life is that, people are that.

In keeping with having a 'heapin' helpin' of corn' (ATTEMPTED humor topped with song lyrics) I thought about entitling this blog People Are Strange and doing those lyrics, but, we kinda just sorta did.

Next in mind (there wasn't no song involved) VICTOR, that's a double negative.  To which, Victor might reply, uh huh and mebbe now a triple negative...  Next in mind was "Dear Abby Normal" but we're kinda doing that too......

Third thought was, a LeAnn Rimes song (poor lady, her folks didn't even know how to spell that) "Doesn't Everybody"....

The idea is family weirdness...   as in, Doesn't Everybody do it, live, have traditions like we did, do?"  Whilst LeAnn's song does Rhyme, the lyrics are more attuned to 'Doesn't everybody want the same thing, to be loved.".... and again, THIS idea is more "in our family, we did this.... and I kinda thought everyone did it like that."  VICTOR, by the time you finally get to your blog, we'll be asleep at this rate.  (Thanks, no charge for the hypnotism)

"We always cut our frozen pizzas with scissors. Still do."

"We've got five girls. Mom go so tired of mornings, having to hunt to find where the hairbrush ran off to.... she simply tied it (permanently) to the bathroom faucet."

"In our family, we don't say "I love you".. we'll say "hey barf-breath" or something, if we don't insult you that means we don't love you."

"We had a designated plastic puke bowl.. didn't you?"

"Mom made us vacuum our black lab hound dog every Saturday and she didn't really even shed that much. You don't vacuum your dog?"

"We'd have a family movie night, which, included popcorn with ketchup on it. We all thought it was normal.  First sleepover at a friends, movie, popcorn, I asked for ketchup, they looked at me like I was crazy."

"Special occasions, like family gatherings, my graduation party, his 50th, my dad would do a striptease to "You can leave your hat on."

Eww.

"It was butter for us to do it this way.  We'd glob one piece of bread with a ton of butter, then we'd pass it around the table to butter our corn on the cob."

"Not flushing the stool all day to save on the water bill.  Two panel limit when pooping."

Eww eww.

"Whenever we drove past a cemetary, dad made us hold our breath so we didn't breathe on the dead people,"

"We had reverse curfew on Friday nights.. .we weren't allowed in the house until 11pm. Mom called it a 'win-win' thing."

"We have a rubber chicken that we hide... and whoever finds it hollers "FOUND THE CHICKEN", then, they hide it."

"Whenever the phone would ring, Grandpa always answered "Yellow"... now, we all do."

"We take the Christmas Tree outside on New Year's Eve and set it on fire.  Before we do, we write little notes to put on it about things we want to let go of for the new year."

"Our Christmas Eve, Grandpa would ring the jingle bells outside of the house after we went to bed. I remember the neighbor kids talking about heaing Santa's bells.. One year, he got up on the roof.  I miss that guy."

"Every Christmas we'd sing Bohemian Rhapsody. It was once we ran out of carols and, the adults were a bit tipsy."

One of my two ex's, I always forget which, usedta say "Victor, not everyone is as excited about your ideas as you."  Yeah, blogging solidifies that thought.Sorry, kinda. Always remember, my pay here sucks.

You say Goodbye, and I say Yellow.. yellow yellow...  uumpah uumpah (find the) chicky chicky uumpah.

Music by LeAnn Rimes

Accompanied by her Brother Larry Rithim.

Love, Victurd

Legal tampering......

The NFL said it, not me.  (Hey Victor, I'm one of a few women that, why, we ask, why we swing by here but we do... so with that, ANOTHER gosh darn blog about sports?)

Ahem...  Yes.  And No.  Starry Starry night, loan me your ear for justa sec.

The "Legal Tampering" is a fitty two hour window (an NFL Thing) that started at noon yesterday (the Monday before the new league year) to typically Wednesday at 4pm ET.  During this time teams can legally negotiate contract terms with pending unresricted agents.

Like.......

Like this morning......woke up, fell outta bed (no broken hips) dragged the comb across my head (THIS is where I "nanny nanny boo boo to many of my same age friends, that, HA, I still gotta lotta hair!)  SURE you do Victor, but, you wanna like, race me in a fitty yard dash?  Ahm, no.  Where was I.  You fell outta bed Victor.

I WAKE UP TODAY, and the Chiefs (and many, most NFL teams), have "Extra Extra, ya gotta have a scorecard" made so many changes it makes it hard to recognize your favorite team.

So, i was "WOW"......... which,

Turned to "Hmmmmmmm", imagine the possibilities.

Like, we've all worked where there are crazy people.  What if, ABC Widgets, went to the HR director at The Very Best Thingamabob's, and had legal tampering.  Get ridda the ones you don't want... trade for one you maybe do?  Imagine the possibilities.  "WOW, thank goodness old so-and-so is gone, but I still kinda smell his stinky feet, I'm gonna Lysol my cubicle."

Or...."Hi!  And welcome, you from ABC Widgets?"  Uh huh.  "Are you married?" VICTOR! OK, I'll think it, not say it... then observe.

Howabout family?  It is said, virtually EVERY family has it's share of cray cray ones.  You could........"Hey, the Robinson's are having their family reunion today... I'm gonna swing by, see if i can legal tamper a change, swap "you know who" and hell, I'd toss her decent brother in too if they'd go for it.  Good idea Victor, that'd be a lot easier than year after year, for Christmas, regifting, 'cause she ain't never, or at least hasn't thus far, gotten the message.

Yeah, and just think......... we could sit back and ask, "Who are the people (you'd like to git ridda) in your neighborhood.. in your neightborhood, oh, who are the people (you'd like to git ridda) the people (some, sadly) that we meet each day......... TBC

We could, then, for a small fee, make arrangements with ReMax and Keller Williams, to swap 'em out.  'Ole McGinnis down there?  He's a walking HOA violator... we'll swap him for that nice Smith family on Oak Street in the Bentwood Edition.. We'll even toss in Preacher Johnny and his family if they'll agree to it?  Deal?"

Eh, realism tells me we're stuck.  We ain't got no say in our favorite NFL team's choices (quoting Beetlejuice, somebody help me with punctuation some day.. I don't really how to do that "NFL team's (or is it "NFL teams', or sumpin' ese?).. we ain't got not choice.

I guess same with all the bad apples at our work, in our families and our neighborhoods.

VICTOR? MR. HIGH AND MIGHTY?  Yeah?  Did you ever stop and think that maybe YOU are NOT the apple of your coworker's eye.. family's eye.. neighborhood's eye?"

I move to adjourn this blog.

Uh huh, what I thought.

Love, Victurd

Thunder thunder, thunderation.......

Thunder, thunder, thunderation, we're the Geezer, delegation.. when we fight with determination, we'll create a sensation!

Do you remember that one from school?  Except, of course it wasn't Geezer delegation, it was Bluejays, Bulldogs, Cardinals, Eagles, Zizzers, Lions, Tigers, Bears, oh my........

Then, ya stood, ya stomped your feet a little harder (Foot stomping is designated by CAP letters, uh huh, is)

So..

THUNDER THUNDER THUNDERATION, WE'RE THE GEEZER DELEGATION, WHEN WE FIGHT WITH DETERMINATION, WE'LL CREATE A SENSATION!

Victor?  Tea?  China?.... Ya know, I just ain't real sure, we went from Epstein to ICE to Epstein to Tariffs, SCOTUS no Tariffs, to Epstein, to Iran... I can't keep up.. dunno the price of tea in China.

Ohhhhhhhhhh.... you meant 'the thunderation thing!'... as in, whatinthehell does it have to do with anything?

Yesterday I admitted to a difficulty for not being all WHOOP TEE DOO over Spring Forward.... Breaker 1 9... no wait, that ain't it, that was years ago...... I'm pressing down the speaker button to say "Yes, I admit to MEH on all the whoop tee doo perceived excitement.

A fraternity brother called me CRABBY.

TWICE.

I blocked him.

I stand by saying "huh uh" to "Things I can't do anymore for $300 Ken"..... you know, like, high jump, long jump, strikeout in slopitch, go you chicken fat, walk, run, yoga... well, I can walk, but not far, not long... my point was, on this...  I simply can't do some things (and whilst sure, that's me, me, me blog crap, I also know you either can't do many a the physical things you usedta do, and hey, that's ok. That ain't a SpongeBob Krabby Patty, that's matt're de fact.

Then, some'a the other junk I (and mebbe you too) have learned to "Just say no" to... for me, stuff like dating, fast dancing, learning a foreign language, cruise, yada... that stuff. DON'T WANNA stuff... and that's the/a joy of being a just say no GEEZER.

 I ain't here to argue, nor stickup for my side, what I said... I mean hells bells, I don't need to, I blocked him.

jk, didn't.  But my point today is, SPRING FORWARD sounds like someone who commutes, still gets an occasional pimple, still has a flat belly, chases kids around the yard so they don't run over 'em with the mower, raises money for the PTA in between trips to the YMCA, pays a hairdresser way too damn much for "I think I want blonde this month", sees the Jones on the Interstate ahead, cranks the cruise control to dangerous "Honey you're gonna get a ticket" levels.. subconsciously thinking "I don't care, I must keep up with, surpass, the Jones."

That.  That I ain't got no mo' use for today.

Not crabby....  realist.

Then, that guy (before I blocked him) suggested I "get up on the other side of bed" today.  Duh, there's a wall over there.

The guy (I really didn't block) was actually trying to help me.  Huh uh, he just didn't get my drift, which, I know my writing can/does suck, hard to 'cipher.

The blog was kinda sorta intended to encapsulate all that comes with being a Geezer. Good and bad.  CAN'T and or, DON'T WANNA.

CHOICES.  What usedta be "HERSCHEL be careful with that weedwacker, you'll chop Jimmy's toes off... and, you got twenty minutes then we gotta get ready to go to Sally's Parent Teacher conference."  There aint no choices there.

Now, in GEEZER life, it's "Here kid, I'll pay'ya $40 to mow, cut it every two weeks all summer".... and then, your buddies text.... back in the day you'd answer "OK, gimme 30 minutes, I gotta shower and shave..'  NOW, as a GEEZER you, me are privileged to be able to say "Nothing personal Harley, I'm not much of a Chinese food person, you guys go ahead, enjoy, truly, I'll catch up with you next week when we go to Fat Boy's BBQ." No anger, no "He's a grouchy old dude."

CAN'T......... DON'T WANNA...   I don't call that crabby... I call it being real, and then, being real lucky to be in the GEEZER boat, having that ability to pick and choose.

THUNDER THUNDER THUNDERATION, WE'RE THE GEEZER DELEGATION, WHEN WE FIGHT WITH DETERMINATION, WE'LL CREATE A SENSATION!

Victurd, you tell 'em........ I'll stomp ma' feet.   Deal.

Love, Victurd

Old Grey Mares and Spring........

BAH.    HUMBUG.

Don't get me wrong, I love Spring, I love Daylight Savings...  but to a pensioner, old-timer, elderly, patriarch, matriarch, Octa or Septuagenarian, OG, Geezer, the idea of Spring Forward, is exhausting, tiring, nearly impossible.

Remember as a kid, when baby brother (5-ish) swiped your Slinky, got one end caught on the sofa, then ran 22 feet ahead making is dayum impossible to properly recoil, slink, SPRING again?

At least me, that's what I feel like.  Take your Go You Chicken Fat Go and go make a chicken casserole.  Tell Jack LaLanne, Richard Simmons, Cathy Smith to go away.  Not interested, ain't got the energy nor the want to.  WAIT, did you say Cathy Smith? VICTOR! Sorry... kinda.

Yoga at noon at the Silver Center of the Community Center?  Oh crap, forgot the time change, sorry... I missed th OATS bus.  Besides, yoga involves getting down on the ground, AND THEN YOU WANT ME TO GET UP?

I think I'll just stay home, have some Geritol, Integra, Vitamin B crap.  Then, a nap.  Hey, wake me up though when they get Wegovy or Ozempic in pill form.. Pierce this leather like skin daily with a needle?  Go jump in a lake.

I'm tired. I'm gonna do it again tomorrow and call it retired.  Remember the old re-cap tires?  Wonder why no one has invented something similar for us geezers?  We could arrange re-caps every 5, 10, fitteen or so years, and surely, with all of today's technology it'll be better'n Botox, right Goldie?

March Madness? In like a lion?  Yur dayum right, we're TIRED.  I CAN'T HEAR YOU, WHAT?  I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to the young folks, now go back to your chair or you're gonna miss the next Bingo call.

PRNDL.  We usedta say "Put in R for race..."  Now, we're serious, put it in R and backup Mister, there'll be no Dancing to the Oldies in this house.  I plan on napping like no one is watching.  Wanna watch me?

Feebles wobble and they will fall down.

Then, one day we'll all get fat(ter) and sing with Roy, "It's over"........

"The best of life on Earth is a glimpse of Heaven" Randy Alcorn.

Victor?  Yes?  It is said, "In Heaven there ain't no beer."  Agreed, and that's why we drink it here.

Then, drink something besides Natty Light wouldya?  Bite me, I've got a cold Modelo Negra waiting for me in the fridge... but I'm saving it (DAYLIGHT SAVINGS VICTOR?)

No, I'm saving it for Saturday night, that's when I stay up til 9.

Your blog is confusing Victor.

Welcome to life as an OG.  (The hell?  Distressed jeans, baggy everykinda clothing, nose rings, tats on every inch, girl math? boy math? Pink, purple, yellow hair, boy bangs so long you can't see the eyebrows nor can they see out, Snapchat, Tik Tok, long nails, no show socks, paying via a tap, vapes, GPS for your friends, dogs, cats,).  Victor, THAT was hella opinionated. Uh huh, ain't that onea our (OG) characteristics, with, mebbe a splash of levity?

SPRING FORWARD?

Hell to the no,  Please call Marty.  Doc Brown.  Bif and this idea of Springing Forward is bugging the hell outta me,  I wanna go back.

Love, Victurd

Dear Annie.... Abby..... Carolyn......

I lied. Sorry, but... not really too sorry.

I told this blog "Done with Advice columns."

Sorry, taint.

Today is Saturday, March 7... who knows when I'll hit 'publish', throw it out there.... but in the meantime..  I'm gonna read the columns... open this back up... and enter some'a the 'superlatives'... or. 'descriptors'.... or, is it, 'adjectives?' (Love to write, never learned the right rules, or terms).......

Today..... Dear Annie.... "One of her brothers lives on the farm and is a slob"........  Dear Abby...  "My husband vapes in our home and I have run out of ways to get this through his thick skull that it is unhealthy".... Dear Carolyn... "My friends think I'm stupid." 

Today, happy Spring Forward, Sunday, March something or other..... no name calling but I thought Abby had a great line after a gal jumped outta one bad relationship, right back into a nuther... "I don't blame you for being scared and confused because there is something wrong with your manpicker."

It's Monday, March 9, howdy.  First up, lady has a friend who very badly wants to be in a relationship.... thinks mebbe 'found the one', except...he's deathly allergic to her hound pooch.  I won't giveya Dear Annie's advice... and it wasn't "Ruh Roh, RUN SCOOBY!"

And then it's Tuesday, 3/10...  Speaking of weather... VICTOR? WHO, was speaking of weather?  Oh yeah, sorry.  Me.  80+ degrees here today.  Followed by a monsoon tonight, then, mebbe Snow early next week, preceding, "You'll shrink your Shamrocks cold" if you go drink green beer the 17th.  Victor, stick with ADVICE on this blog. K, sorry.

Wowzer, Dear Abby had a couple good ones today. Victor, you tell it, we'll decide if it's good or not. (Dear Abby.. I've got this one guy that keeps jumping, somehow, into my blog.  If I chloroform him and Uber him to Saskaathewan (sorry, just figuring costs) is there a Tariff in place, and if so, how much is it?)  Haha Victor, not.

The first was from a friend of a friend who (continually) uses her GoFundMe to supplement her SNAP, EBT, food stamps, yada.. .Abby said "Report her!".. the next was from a lady, married to the same dude fitty years, he wants "oh baby oh baby", she has ZERO interest. "I'm not interested in taking meds to 'enhance' me.. what's wrong with a man taking meds to 'unenhance' himself?"  TBC

"Yes, I had a hysterectomy 20 years ago, after that, I lost all interest, yet hubby still has needs, some are met, some are not. It's now a BIG issue."  She then told Abby she wants to peacefully sail thru the next ten years, if given that long, and ended with "Is it crazy to divorce over such and old age need for a man?  TBC

I don't write Abby's answers, I just record them here.  "Castrating" your husband is not the answer. If you two can agree on an arrangement that will benefit you both, it would be emotionally and financially far less disruptive than a divorce."  Second thought, Victor, maybe you better stick to the weather.  Bite me.  OK, clicking 'save', we'll see what tomorrow brings, the Good Lord willing.

Hail, hail, the gang's all here, what the hail do we care what the hail do we care. Morning, Wednesday, March 11. Yesterday's boomers (no, not farts) cause widespread storms around our area, no tornadoes touched the ground thankfully, but a gazillion windshields in the area were battered by hail approaching baseball size.  That'd wake ya up huh? (Stay tuned for Riley's Roofing and Sheetz's Shingles yard signs)

I ain't going into details of de tales today from Annie, Abby, Carolyn... some lady writing in "I'm the friend everyone calls when they need something"... she was sad, saddened by her own self being sick and crickets from friends to her texts, phone calls yada... then.. 

Abby had a lady (admitted bi) write, dating a guy for a year... considering moving in... maybe marriage... but... she has a suspicion he too is bi, so she was inquiring how to approach, could they make it, yada....  then,

Carolyn ... real life I guess.. Lady wrote in, a couple they run with (the hubby was best man in their wedding)... anyways. best man's wife had an affair (yuck)... things are ugly (between the married guy/gal.).. "Should we continue seeing them?  Invite them to daughter's BD party?"  My hubby wants nothing to do with the cheater, I'm a little more forgiving, should I talk to her?... OK, I liked.  Details of de tale... Carolyn told her "Friends relationship issues are not your issues... unless you are part of the triangle, you don't have a role to play.  Period.

OK, I'm gonna go ahead and post this today.  If you have a gut feel STOP VICTOR, lemme know, otherwise, I may continue recording this crap.  And, even if you say stop, I may continue doing so, ha. (You say goodbye and I say hello. hello hello.. I dunno why you say goodbye I say hello, hello, hello.  hela, heba, helloa, hela heba heloa...uumpah uumpah chicky chicky uumpah..  OK OK, I'll stop that.

Just a song (note) before I go.......This all kinda reminds me of THE FONDEST POSSESSION of our family.  My granny, recorded daily events in the margin of her Bible.  "7 inches of snow, Jan 3, 1963"... "Preacher Howard came to visit today" 4/12/67..."Grandson Darrell, 3 years old, dialed his phone number today" 10/13/58...

Funny (not really) how much things change in fitty, sixty, seventy years?  Here we are talking manpicker, illicit GoFundMe's, enhanced x unenhanced, castration, bi and bi, affairs... Maybe I should record this all in the margins of, like, the National Enquirer or something eh?

I'll be back, mebbe........

Love, Victurd

1-800-BETS OFF

There are two guys I went to college with....   the last few years, thanks to a joint visit to Mehico... memories of college ten years ago... ok, maybe it was fitty.... we text, prolly too much, seeing who could 'diss' the other the best (or worst I guess is more fitting..)

Baby, pretend, kinda sorta real arguments..  sharing "what are you gonna do today, tomorrow, for Christmas, next week, in October", yada.  Thanks to the miracles of science and the genius of Alexander Graham Bell, we've admittedly behaved like a few teenage girls in winging multiple messages a day.

That was a way too long to their predicted reaction from the 1-800 BETS OFF thing:  I foresee "I CALL BS".... or, "FINALLY, IT BETTER BE!"  "BELIEVE IT WHEN I SEE IT."

This blog is about gambling, so, if it ain't your thing, Snagglepuss is over there (stage left) in line at the Ameristar Buffet, you're welcome to join him now if you like, no hard feelings, at least that's what the odds say. I've heard the crab legs are to-die-for... me, I don't eat that crap.

Two things together.  Scratch that, three.  One, my friends' concern for me gambling, and, I am thankful folks care.  Two (and three) my reaction to their concern, coupled with an exhibited past history of throwing songs in this stupid blog......  As in, this time, borrowing from that deep voiced Eric Burdon and the Animals.. (Oh, and I was today old when Wiki learnt me his middle name is VICTOR!)  The song.........

"It's my life and I'll do what I want."

I love rock and roll, put another dime in the juke box...... no, wait, that ain't it.  I love blackjack, put another chip in the blackjack circle........

Gambling, is an extreme rush for me.  I mean, the closest thing i can compare it to is.. (VICTOR!  STOP!).. hey, I was just gonna say a box of Thin Mint GS Cookies.. I was..  Well you can tell everyone I'm a down disgrace, drag my name all over the place... ahm, I don't care anymore.

It's lifelike, in that it's full of "OH NO"s and "HELL YEAH"s!  The thrill of Victor(y), the agony of the ATM machine.

It's like telling the Hippie "You can't do that!"  WATCH ME! There's joy, glee in that, or can be.  Sure, at times, inward thought is "Damn, maybe they're right, maybe I shouldn't."

This much I can tell you.  Anyone who tells you "I'm really good at gambling."  Or, "Nine times outta ten, I win" is lying through their teeth.  Sure I've lost more than I've won - but it's kinda sorta my version of a cardiac workout. A forget the rest stress test.

If I'm sitting at a blackjack table........ I ain't thinking about my car approaching 200,000 miles.... my hip that ain't hip and needs to be replaced...  I'm living life, with blinders on to the bad crap.  How harmful can that be?  OK, $ure, I get it. I have literally, sat at a blackjack table for over 24 consecutive hours, no breaks other than to pee.  Nuh uh.  UH HUH.

The Good, the Bad, The Ugly.

My favorite experience......... is, once...... sometime in a November, mebbe ten, twelve years ago...... I won over a grand at the blackjack table.  The saying "Pigs get fat, hogs get slaughtered" echoed in my brain - so, I got up and walked straight to the cashier, got real money for my chips.   Simultaneously, two pretty shady looking characters that had been standing behind, watching, followed me.

Suddenly, the rush of a BIG WIN was overcome by "Will it be a knife or a glock that does me in?"....  "Say, (cashier lady), I know this isn't a GREAT amount, but, I was wondering if you offer an escort service to my car?"   "Why yes, we do." She picks up phone, calls someone......  And in a flash...........

This dude...  all of 5'3", mebbe 120 lbs... looked to be onea those you KNOW would be picked last in PE for a fun bout of Dodge Ball........ more cardiac palpatations.  But, he was carrying, so... hey, let's go.  No one followed us, but I was so damn nervous I couldn't remember where I'd parked.... which door I came out... He ended up getting another guard to pick me up in a pickemup truck, drive half an hour until we found my car.

Whew.

I immediately, drove across the highway to what used to be a pretty nice Holidome (Holiday Inn with a big ole dome over the pool)... I threw down my hunnerds and said "I wanna book six rooms for my family for Christmas Eve."  Twas one'a my fave-or-right Christmas's, so much where i might text my college buddies "Nanny nanny boo boo, stick your head in dog doo."

The bad.......  Several times of going thru a couple hunnerd before I could whistle dixie... going to ATM for three hunnerd more...... the hang dog walk of shame to my car... gas gauge on fumes.....Oh sh*t, wunner if I've got enough on my debit card to buy enough gas to get home?

The ugly.  It gets worse Victor?  Mebbe.  Blackjack losses don't all come at once.  It's, the Ameristar Casino song, game plan, "Ole McAmeristar has a farm, E I E I O... and a on this farm there sat some pigs... E I E I O... we deal, they, "here a chip, there a chip, everywhere a chip chip."  LOSERS. THEY'RE ALL (me included) LOSERS!  But....

When you have a bookie. (Victor, you have the right to remain silent.)  You know me, I can't do that.  There was a guy, or so i heard, that took bets on football, basketball, the price of tea in China, you name it. Soooooooooooooo.........

February 2nd, 2014.  The Super Bowl.  For quite some time, everything Peyton Manning touched, turned to gold.  I was in the "Hey, gimme some'a that" mode...   Divorced (so no "Victor, DON'T do that")... had a few extra bucks...  Playing the Seahawks... "This'll be gravy!"

Very cockily, "Here's a hunnerd, put it on the Bronco's please." I'd never bet a hunnerd at once before.

Invited a slew of buddies to my apartment to watch the game.  Even Googled howinthehell to make Rotel.. including using italian sausage, my fav, along with "a splash of milk'" recommendation  from some chick I worked with. Chick, said lovingly.  Here a chick, there a chick, everywhere a chick chick, call me misogynist if you like, I equate to FRIEND, said lovingly.

So... enough chairs... filled with buds... I splurged for the pop, beer, cheese dip, chips, some sliders.. I mean hell, I was gonna win a hunnerd anyways....... then.......

12 seconds into the game.  Manning, readied to put his golden touch on a long bomb, moments after hollerin' out his normal "OMAHA OMAHA"........ and......

The damn center SNAPPED IT OVER HIS HEAD.  Into the End Zone.  Safety, Seattle.  2-0.  And it just got worse, and worse and worse, 43-8 final.

Oh well. I stopped gambling for five years.  OK, three months, but i did stop.

Which brings us to today.  My frat bros, our texts.  I've texted them like five times "I'm quitting". It's what we gamblers do.  Good intentions, quick deposit fingers, just $5 more today, THEN, I'm done.

Victor, this is getting boring, and I don't gamble.  Sorry, you be stuck.

So......... December 1, 2025.  Missouri gets online betting.  Oh sh*it, or to me and Austin Powers, "YEAH BABY!"...

This site gave you $300 in bonus bets if you bet $5.  That site gave you $350 for $5.  And annuder.  Hog heaven, I was in.  I literally, paid for my grandkid's Christmas.  (Maybe I should just gamble around Christmas eh?)

And then, like any gambling, reality sets in.  I ain't on house money any longer.

I be po'. Victor, TMI. I don't care. I ain't got unlimited resources.  I work a bit. I love my job at the golf course, i do.

At least for the short term, I will continue to gamble.  Not every day, and, not very much ($5, MAX $10)  I have notebooks, I read for two hours on a single game, folks and their predictions, and then I bet.... watch the game.... it's a rush.......  sometimes I win....... sometimes I lose.... sometimes I lose.... sometimes I lose.

"Gambling has brought our family together.  We had to move into a smaller house."  Tommy Cooper

I wouldn't hurt a flea, I really wouldn't. I've just always had an affinity for doing things between the legal lines that maybe the Harper Valley PTA would roll their eyes at.  I likes eye rolls.  Watch me. Right Marty Feldman?

Well you can tell everyone I'm a down disgrace, drag my name all over the place... ahm, I don't care anymore.

Love, Victurd