About the level of liquid in that glass............

Holy guacamole... backflip... footslip....harsh words... I don't repeat gossip so listen close the first time.

As much as I tire of that Emu in commercials... of even Spectrum's never-ending, LOUD $29.99 and that pricing that ended pretty soon after because it's the way of the Spectrum world. Everything is going up, so, we must raise our prices too. The political ads wear us thin, more in a sec.

Waters are rough... trees are falling... towns are flooding...  The alarm goes off... sometimes the will says "NO!!!!! DO I HAVE TO? I DON'T WANNA!"

TMI, I hadn't been to the Doctor in three years. I know, I know, the "nose to spite the face thing."  After the initial visit a couple weeks ago... and tests... I just got a letter in the mail from the Doc listing (the # of things wrong with me)................  Say that guacamole word again, wowzer!  Thanks to HIPA, i won't share the number, and contents, and besides... you're awake now I don't wanna put you to sleep...  but one parta the HIPA is a new hip, 22 days and counting.

For that, I'm grateful, truly.

We hurt. We all hurt. Not just physically, but, cha-ching < pretend that's a cash register noise... every time we pay for sumpin.

Emu. Spectrum.  No where to be found.  Replaced instead by campaign commercial after campaign commercial after campaign commercials. With apologies to you, and mebbe Sheriff Buford T. Justice, I hope them sumb*tches that own, run the networks are raising their rates for these commercial messages too! WHY NOT concentrate on what you do well, what your talents are, why you should win ----- versus never mentioning yourself and doing nothing besides degrading your opponent.  Pew. Ick. I'll even take Vinson Mortgage ads again instead.

Victor what's the point here?  The point is, it's getting harder and harder to focus on what's right and what's good, so that's what we need to do.

I once, long, long ago (I was nine I think) was dropped off at Macy's at Antioch Shopping Center, handed $5 with the instructions, "You have drawn your cousin's name for Christmas... please go get him a gift, I'll be shopping too... meet you by Topsy's in an hour and a half."  I stole a bottle of Brut cologne, went to the basement, and bowled two or three games.  I was shaking so bad, turning around making sure a policeman wasn't coming to grab me........ anyways, I haven't stolen since... well, until I blog, then I steal (plaguerize) a lot.  Forgive me Father, honest, it's for the greater good.

One site suggests...... Practice gratitude. Could be anything seemingly insignificant as a good cup of coffee... or, recognizing acts of kindness of others, something as simple as holding the door for others.

Two days ago, where I work at the golf course, we had a huge order delivered by Sam's. Golfers get free water, and we buy boo boo cases (the heavy, ones with 40 within, not the little wimply 24 packs). Whereinthehell is he going with this one? The second driver, brought ten cases with his two-wheeler, stacked 'em by the front door (they're supposed to bring 'em in.) and, I thought he'd gone back to his car to get more...nope, he drove off.  The timing of this was right before the daily old guy's scramble starts... they gather early, drink coffee, tell war stories.  TBC

i bought one'a them little wagons for such an occasion, headed for the door to go get the too dayum heavy 40 packs.. bring em inside around the corner to the backa the building. One'a the Seniors sitting in the group (youngest guy late 60's, one 76, one 79, one 83) saw this.. said "DID HE LEAVE?  HE'S SUPPOSED DO BRING EM IN!"  It' Ok, it's what I'm paid to do.  Next thing I know, all four guys are on their feet, walking right behind me... I loaded two cases in my little wagon, walked in... and one by one they cleaned up the rest of the pile.THAT, was pretty darn awesome. I forget to mention, two are Dems, two are Pubs.. ALL FOUR, great people. I'm grateful not just for their help but for their everyday pickmeup fun, which has a way of ossy-mossis on me.

Point number 2 I stole (sorry mom) was see the good in others. Twas easy that day and stuff like that helps us all be more cognizant of good deeds/

Surround yourself with positive people.  Over a lifetime, I'm sure we're all guilty of "Did you hear about so and so... or, did you see what so and so did?"  Run Forrest.  We all know, if we weren't there, the next person talked about could be us.

Seek out good news and wholesome stories.  WHAT may I ask then, in the heck are you doing here?!!!  Mute the damn TV commercials (I apologize Emu, I really miss you)...Scroll past an argument.. (admittedly hard for me at times.). 

Recognize your good qualities. Like, one of mine is ALWAYS finishing in fourth place in our weekly golf foresome so they won't feel badly (har, har har.)  There is good.  In spite of those 36 things the Doc wrote (oops) there's good in us all.  If there ain't, we got the rest of our lives to change that.

Live in the present.  I'll add Love in the present as well. Many men, some entire families don't toss that L word out. Bosh I say.  Spread it around like peanut butter. PB&Love.

There's good in you, me, all of us. Even the Sam's dude that drove off.  Maybe poor communication from his manager.. . maybe his child was sick, he had to pick him up to take to the doctor.. ya never know, but again, there's good in us all.

I dunno about you, but humor really helps me in life.  With this affliction, I've really slowed down. My motto now, I've just got to start chasing slower women.  Long a proponent of "The glass ain't half full or empty, 'THE BASTA' LEAKS!', jokingly........

Life really is pretty darn good, if, we allow it, see it, live it.

Love, Victurd  

But who's counting..................

Our lives are....  filled with... predicated by... all about... numbers.

Had a buddy tell me, "First thing I do every morning is look at my bank account."  The thought depresses me... thought was unusual (ok stupid mebbe) of him.. then, I looked at mine. Found a subscription that had been charging me 20 bucks a month for who knows how long because I forgot to cancel it.  I can just hear Fred Sanford in my ear "Who's a dummy now Victurd?"

I was, all set (this is a recording  said, numerous times, numerous years, when I got the feeling, "Finally, THE ONE for me.")  The first date was 12/13/14..  (Fred Sanford left to clean his garage, but I can just hear Austin Powers in my ear "YEAH BABY!") The date was soooooooooooooooo fun, I was literally on Cloud 9.  (Since this blog is about numbers, hup 2, 3, 4... I Googled the origin of cloud 9, it's very boring, but in 1896 The International Cloud Atlas cloud number nine (cumulonimbus) was considered the most comfortable and appealing.  See?  Toldya boring.

What was I talking about?  Oh yeah, her.  Retired from a job that provided her boo koo (I don't know the number, lots) of air miles... and hella (again, I don't know the numbers) of hotel nights of a specific chain that rewarded her in future travel.  Eighteen pillows. VICTOR, the hell does that have to do with the price of tea in China? (Google tell me tea, China, $2,912 a ton). It has a LOT to do with it.  She was sneaky (smart.) Take old pillow on airplane, swap with damn comfy pillow from ****** Hotel Chain.  There's Austin Powers again.

One time, about time. She was on one of her many deserved, earned travel trips. I'd asked her "What time is it there?"  VICTOR, where was she?  Oh yeah, Agra, India at the Taj Mahal.  It was like 8:10am where I was, and she indicated "6:40pm". I said nuh uh, your watch musta stopped.  60+ years and I still hadn't learned, don't argue with onea them women.  Turns out, the entire Country of India is "30 minutes off" the resta the World.  One blog reader can prolly Explain Lucy better, but, I read it's because the Country is soooooooo long (3,000KM). VICTOR, talk to us in miles (1,864.114) they decided to unify everything and have just one time zone.

I'd better move on because, don't wanna embarrass her.. but.. we moved on.. Once again, One is the loneliest number...  Cry me a river Victor, one is also First Place  (You know, you've seen all them snotnose kids on ESPN's game day dressed crazily with their U's colors.. touting ONE FINGER, chanting "We're number ONE!"  Reality, I think they were ranked 12th, but who's counting.

There's looking out for number one, number one fan, the one and only, and, a method for 47 to wave at hecklers exiting the stage. In one ear out the other, right Vincent? VICTOR, poor taste.  Eh, whadever.  one fell swoop, one of those days, one up me, one hit wonders (Don't break my heart, my achy breaky heart.)

And then there's two.  Second fiddle. Two peas in a pod. Two left feet. On second thought. Any second now.  Russia, them sly dogs.. during the Olympics, if they were ever beaten in any game by the USA, newspapers the next day would announce, "RUSSIA SECOND PLACE!.. US next to last." 

All about numbers.  Dime a dozen, five finger discount, forty winks, nine lives, working 9 to 5 (And, God Bless Dolly may she rest in peace.... but... where can ya work where 9-5 is 8 hours, paid lunch?)  Take five, Ten four (good buddy)..  Last Sunday,. against Seattle, the Chiefs 'got the whole nine yards', then punted, every, single time it seemed.

Yes Ocifer, just 2 beers (he's three sheets to the wind.) (from nautical slang referring to sheets, or ropes that hold sails taut, coming loose, causing a sailing ship to move erratically) VICTOR, no one asked.

I came to numbers today because I spent ALL DAY (That's ten hours and 38 minutes of daylight presently in KC).. scratching my head, calling Humana, WalMart, looking on the Govt's Medicare site...  I had three drugs at Wally.  Two were ready ($3.02 sir, cue Austin Powers) and the third had to be ordered.  Finally, a text from Wally. "Other one is ready, it's $875."  First Humana lady "Well, it should be 20% of that." Still high, but, could do mebbe.  WalMart lady, "Well, $875 is for three months, one month would be $610." Ahm, OK.  Ring, ring, "Humana".. Xplained Lucy to Henry I think he said his name was. Told him first Human lady (VICTOR, this is boring, I know, sorry) said 20%.  "Well, she WAS correct about the 20%, but, the $610 amount per month IS 20%. (Picture Fred Sanford, grabbing his heart.. "THE BIG ONE"..)  "Sir, my calculator is in my hand (in my phone) and it's up against my ear (right Vincent?), what would the full cost be?"  $3,050.  "I'll take two of em.  Just kidding."  

VICTOR?  DIRTY LAUNDRY.  For that, go to the Highland Laundromat, they got free dryers, big washer (2 loads) is ten bucks, cheap thinga soap across the street at Dollar General, 5 bucks.

8 days a week. When I'm 64. Oh, wait.  Victor, you've called on so many women, have you called Jenny (867-5309, ya loser!)..  Another one bites the dust. BUT I NEVER EVEN CALLED JENNY!  One two three, it's easy as ABC.............

Mebbe 47 is onto something.  With this new 'fraud call in program'... commissions, hit it Austin...  Lemme see...  at oh, let's say, $1000 per pillow, er, I mean per fraud, I'd have enough dough for durn near three years of that one med!  Actually, just short.. on Cloud 8, so to speak.  VICTOR, to every thing, urn, urn urn.  Yeah, ur prolly right. I'd be in that by then.

Sitting on the back deck at the golf course, I told my buddies of the plan.  My buddy that usedta be a shop teacher, looked at the clubhouse attendant, raised 4 fingers... "Get a round on me for all five of us."

2 late, I'm posting this. Not responsible for exaggerations! 

Love, Victurd 

Funnel....

Scale back.

Practice.  Ya don't practice to be old when you're younger. Ya just deal with stuff as it comes.  Like, "Since when did that inch and a half hair start growing on my ear?"  "I never hated these stairs before....in fact, I usedto hum, sing, dance, even skip every other one as I made my way to the top."

We scale back.  Funnel.

Funnel cakes at the Fall Festival?  LOVE TO, except, Doc says "Watch your p's and q's" and in this case, that means carbs and sugars.

"Hey, let's go to the Lake!"........... I vote, "let's pretend we do, then don't."  For years, buddies bootscooted early at noon on Friday, sped to the Lake, had the energy to stop, grab goodies, stuff to help fix up the lake house. hors d'oeuvres for friends, neighbors, fill the gas jug for the boat...grab a couple new noodles.. clean, mow, dust, change sheets, all that.... readying for two days of parties. Hustle back Sunday night, driving in the dark......  Get up the next Friday and do it all again.

Now............ hell to the no.  All that crap (the preparation) that could once be done in a few hours - has translated to.......I get to the lake house, I work my watoosie off... by the time it's cleaned, mowed, laundered... it's Sunday morning and i sureashell ain't driving back in the dark.  Take these ribbons from the hair and put the damn place up with Keller Williams, we ain't goin' no damn whar' next weekend, and the weekend after that, et al.

Funnel.

With the advent of getting the heck away from Stereos, DVD players, yada... CABLE IS HERE!  Gimme the biggest dayum package ya got! Feed me a hunnerd and ninety two channels Seymour, or Spectrum. We can afford that! Then, ya take this job and shove it... but, along with that comes... oh hell, how am I gonna pay for all this crap.  Look Honey, channel 371 is the Spanish Local News. We don't need that!

So, we funnel.  Cut the chord.  We'll stream. Hey, Youtube has a special rate of $49.99 for five months, let's do that, then cancel, then maybe we'll just do Netflix and Discovery Plus.... we don't need no stinking 412 channels. The carnival barker at Spectrum drug us in, now, they've raised their rates more than 47's term (sorry, kinda i guess) and more than Farmland foods has ground beef.

LinkedIn.  Expand our friendship numbers.  As we age, nope, nada, no longer.  Life is now lived with one eyebrow raised as we cipher any, everything in our path (especially humans) and we ain't gots the time nor the want to... for... "Hey, nice to meet you, shoot me  your phone number so I can put it in my phone."  Huh huh. I know how (let's use Charlie, a ficticious name here) as an example.  Charlie is a good friend, I ain't gotta figure him out.. I know his likes, dislikes, habits, that.. in spitea sometimes he ain't taken a bath for a couple days.. .there are no surprises in our friendship.

Funnel. We funnel people.

Come to think of it.  When we're young, that LARGE parta the funnel is at the top... we take it all, much, in.  Even in college (although I'll never ever do the funnel beer bong thing again).

Then... we age.  We get fat. Screw your Chicken Fat record... I ain't runnin' no 600 yard dash... I even hate these stairs... so.......we turn the tunnel over... and suddenly, it looks like us in the mirror.  Uh huh, skinny little wimpy arms at top, big ole fat butt at the bottom.  Eh, it is what it is.....and... I don't think the Doc would get upset if, just once (or twice) during the Fall Festival, I eats me a funnelcake.

We funnel...........scale back.. on the hours 9pm thru midnight.  Huh uh, no, hells to the no.  MAYBE NYE, but too, that's kinda doubtful.  If nothing else, we'll stay up until 11 and watch the East Coast celebrate like we's there too.

Now, with bedtime before even the late, local news comes on, means, oh crap, we're up early. Hella early. Now what?  Well, pee comes to mind.  Oatmeal. Must I?  Make me up some biscuits and gravy honey, oh... we got any pancake mix?

All day................now whatta we do?  We usedta resemble a balloon that had been pricked, and go go go go go....... until real late and we's worn out like a kid on a long car ride. No longer.  That balloon's air flows strong now, we collapse around 10am for, nap number one.  Around 2pm, we flip the damn phone to do not disturb (who cares, remember? We scaled back our friend list... odds are they ain't gonna call anyways).. and we take nap number two.  Honey? Wake me in time for...........oh, nevermind. Heck, I can durn near watch Family Feud any time'a day.. AFV too.

Victor, we wish you would funnel back on how long your damn blogs are.

Done, finito.  Happy day.. or happy half day... happy naps..  I'm off to watch election ads.. 

Ha, love, Victurd 

GET YOUR HEAD OUT................................

From under the covers.

I've found, even as a really old person, there are times ya just wanna turn out all the lights.....   lock the doors..... put the phone on "Huh uh, leave me alone" and crawl in bed, pull the cover over one's head...  with the intent to.... maybe come out.....say, 2028 or so.

Necessary evil.

Ugly stuff, 'have to's', to get to greater good. 

DON'T WORRY (ok... but jes' a little bit) BE HAPPY.

Dentist office.  Taxes. I-435 construction since 2021. Dropped passes..  Free throws clanked... even providing the opposing team the occasional cheer "AIR BALL.... AIR BALL."  (When Wilt scored a hunnerd, he still missed four free throws and twenty-seven from the field.)

All, leads to, a pertier smile...  smoother roads... less drops...  better field goal percentage, that. 

Trust me Fido, the vet clipping your nails will ultimately make things betta' (no joint strain, snags, painful torn nails... and I promise.. he ain't clipping off those.. at least today he's not)...

"Ahm, ahm, ahm.. hell to the NO!  You getta' vas... I HAD THE BABY."  Gulp, OK.

The Chiefs really sucked...   I'm trying to cut back on smoking, yesterday I cleaned the fridge (ate everything).. today, I took the three AA batteries out my scale.  DO NOT MENTION "Hey Victor, how ya been doing gambling?"

Help, I've fallen and I can't get up.  I've got an itchy itchy rash.  I can't believe I ate the whole (fridge). Take the damn ribbon from you hair, come and lay down by my side, help me make it though the night, or, at least maybe until 2028?

"Victor, the Dr's Office called... they want you to do a Sleep Study."  WHAT?  I mean, ohhh... hey, tell 'em no thanks, I checked, I've slept 27,041 consecutive days, I don't think I needs any more practice, studying. 

I. WANT. MY. MOMMY, now leave me the heck alone! 

The sun'll come out, tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there'll be sun.  Do NOT mention "BET".

Just thinking about, tomorrow, Clears away the cobwebs and the sorry... til there's none!  (Huh?  How, why should I trust you?  Are you live?  Memorex? AI? The Wizard of Oz?  On the Red team or the Blue team?)

When I'm stuck in a day that's gray and lonely I just stick out my chin and grin and say.. The Sun'll come out, tomorrow, so you gotta hang on 'til tomorrow, come what may... Tomorrow, tomorrow, I loveya tomorrow, you're always a day away........ ahm, yeah... we'll see... meantime, get the help outta my bedroom, but said lovingly..  WAIT!  Before you go... can I bum a cig?

Life can suck sometimes can't it? And then, there's days likeya bowl a 300.  (I'm hungry, can we go to the bowling alley and get a 300 burger and fries?...   ahm, NO, you still got halfa fridge in your large intestine.  Eww.  Right? 

Wait a minute, it's stopped hailing.  Guys are swimming, guys are sailing, playing baseball, gee that's better.. Muddah, Faddah, kindly disregard this letter.  

HEY? What's that spaceship doing in the backyard?

Knock, knock..  Take me to your leader.......  Well, let's not do that one, but hey, we have a lotta fun on this planet, follow me... we'll go bowling, to a ballgame, play ping pong, catch the New Theater show..  eat some chicky at Strouds.. then, go carts and bumper cars... It'll be outta this world... well, you know.. HEY, do you guys have cigs on your planet?

Up down, down up.  Happy, sad. Sad, Happy.  What goes up, must come down. (Yeah but, what if that parachute packer was having a bad day,,,or worse, called in sick and a newbie packed it?)... 

Bottomline, life is (can be) sad.  Mostly though, it's good, happy.

Wax on, wax off, put the lime in the coconut, Victor take your Bupropion. 

I'm going to take a nap.   VICTOR?  Until 2028?  Nah, I'll wake up with plenty of time to bet on the WNBA, or the World Series, or, Monday Night Football, maybe all three!  Ya got any cigs on ya?

Love, Victurd 

All about Avoidance Behavior.......

If I've heard it once, I've heard it a hunnerd times, "Victor, YOU have avoidance behavior!"

So, reckon I do.

So, today, I decided to edjumicate myself upon avoidance behavior, and all within.

Got to a nifty article  The Five Types Of Avoidance Behavior by PsychCentral.

Then, decided..............

Nah................

Have a wonderful weekend,

Love,. Victurd 

Post Turtles......... and Shake and Bake....

A quick one today. (You are most certainly welcome!)

We's got different likes.  Some, become 'old hat' conquering things like The New York Times Crossword.  For me, No Way Jose, and, I've blocked Jeopardy on my remote control cause it makes me feel really, really dumb.

Some, love the challenge of an orchid....  the accompaniment of a hound-pooch on their daily, mid-morning brisk walk about Nature.  Still, udders plan their day around, STOP EVERYTHING, General Hospital is on.

Me?  I love SPORTS.  OK, sports, 2 beers at the Landing, Chili Cheese Fritos, Lasagna, Yoga pants (go ahead, shoot me).. the camaraderie of golf (I can take or leave all the other aspects of the game.)  Sudoku. Homestead Rescue. VICTOR, we get it, we get it. You're a simpleton. B I N G O.

Sport's teach.  Yeah they do. Oh sure, them other likes do too (Use a pencil on the NY Times puzzle...   if you're on Jeopardy and you know hella a lot about Greek Mythology, bet the $1000 first, then work your way up the ladder for easier questions....  proper watering combined with root health on the orchid...  Screw clipping your dog's nails, pay the vet..   periodically get out your scrapbook and reread everything about GH's longest running cast member, Audrey Hardy.......

VICTOR?  Uh huh. You said "A quick one today", get with the program.

Sorry, not really sorry.  

KU's Ted Owens, he of 97 years young, is being inducted into the College Basketball Hall of Fame this weekend.  VICTOR?  KU? YOU DON'T LIKE KU?  Hey, I admire and respect their program, besides, when Ted coached I think all they had was 2 National Championship trophies in their 'esteemed' case, and, by then, they both had cobwebs on 'em.

Ted Owens won a lot of games. He joked that his wife said "you remember every statistic of every game you played, coached, but you can't remember what someone said to you five minutes ago.'

"When I'm introduced now, it's 'the oldest living OU basketball player', 'oldest living Final Four coach'.  Ted injects humor into much.   "I really think I will live to be 100.  I ask God every day, 'God, will you let me live long enough to see a referee call traveling?' "

Drum roll......... are you EVER going to get around to "Post Turtles.............and Shake and Bake?        

Yes, and thank you for the reminder.  "An old friend of mine from high school in Hollis, Oklahoma, Darrell Royal, was my hero then, as he went on to win multiple National Championships as coach at the University of Texas.  Darrell told one of his running backs one day who went across the goal line and started beating his own chest "Son, why don't you wait until your teammates get there to celebrate? You didn't get there all by yourself."

I'm biased, I love sports. One of the best lessons ever.  Ted told that story in advance of thanking the many, the village, that helped him get to being inducted.

I'm off to munch down some Fritos, mebbe take a nap.  Enjoy your day.

Love  you,

Victurd                                                                                          

In the throes.......

Passion... oh baby oh baby....

And there I was........ I was taken to a place........

Actually, Tony and Mia had been together just short of two years.  Each, after a dismal first relationship with another - were enthralled by the other....  but, "at arms length" everywhere except.. 

Well... everywhere except the bedroom.

A pleasant late Spring day meant the bedroom windows were raised slightly to let Nature in.......  Those throes led to OHHHHHHH's so loud, Tony had to stop mid, well, mid 'you know'...to keep Natural from getting out...  Tony got up and closed them....

They eventually collapsed in each other's arms......   after finally catching their oxygen full back....... Tony put both arms around her (again)... and said, "Mia, will you marry me?"

"No."

To read the rest of the story, comment "Yes" below and click the link to read on........

THE LINK.

 

 

Just kidding.  Fishing.  We simpleton Facebook readers (OK, me.. I am, I'll admit).. froth like a Pavlov dog.. enter "yes", mebbe light a cig... pour a drink... turn the boob tube down...  and race with our brains for the "Now what" part of it.

Sometimes they're good.  Sometimes there's so many pop ups I throw my Miller Lite at the screen... sometimes I'm baffled, amazed, "Why didn't I think that would happen" and, other times... "This could be a Hallmark movie.. (ie, easy prognostication of the ending in like, Act 2)...

Today's ending ain't about Tony, Mia, OHHHHH's, that.

It's about, my father told me (lovingly) that I was "a follower", easily led insinuated. AM NOT (I wanted to holler...then, I remembered that time I asked for allowance money, he agreed, but only with the stipulation to paint my bedroom.  He supplied the paint, brushes, yada... .me the elbow grease.  Except... within ten minutes after starting, one'a my fellow high school buddies drove by, honked for me to come out.  I did.  And, I hopped in.

Follower.  AM NOT!

We'll never know the end, the why Mia said "No."  

Could be................... she's carrying Tony's brother's (Phillipe') baby...  mebbe she likes women... she got a job offer in Anchorage...  Herpes simplex...  He's a Dem, she's a Trumpster...  He, innie..she, outtie..  He likes dogs, she cats. He hates cats...   

Tony likes pina coladas, getting caught in the rain, not into yoga, likes making love at midnight... Mia, none of the above.

Paperback (Fabiosa) writers.

 Happy day. Love, Victurd