Just checking in........

I'm Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?

No, really, I do wanna know.  I spend WAY too much time here on 'me'... then folks run like cockroaches when I do.

So who are you? Are you a neat freak, or, have you lived a dog-eared life?  OCD or, "the hell did I put that?". What was it like, and do you remember the first time your folks took off your training wheels?  Didya fall?  Did any, of your kid trevails outdoors, have you end up in the Doctor's office for stitches or mebbe a cast?

Ever been in a fist fight?  Especially would love to hear from you girls on this one...   What's it like pulling someone's hair so they fall to the ground?  Or, having that done to you?

Do you remember, on your written driver's test.. which way you are supposed to turn the wheels on the car when you are parked, going downhill?  First car, did you buy your own petrol?  Or, on an allowance?  What was your very first job, how did it start, and better yet ,how'd it end?

Ever split a pair of pants/jeans?  Did you go home immediately, or, "I'll change when I get home", which, leads to the next question, Boxers or briefs??  And gals, nah, we don't need to know.

First crush?  Did you marry 'em? Ha!  It happens, or so I hear.  Favorite nextdoor neighbor ever?  Did your family move a lot growing up?  Did you spend time with your grandparents?  Cousins, aunts, uncles?

What did "when I grow up I wanna be ________" actually turn out to be? Growing up, what class, subject, gave you a tummy ache?  Do you know what PEMDAS is?  Onomatopoeia?  The first 5 Presidents? How old were ya the last night you spent/lived at your folks house?

How much did your first car cost? How long did you have it?  Did you ever, on a family trip, lay in the very very back of a station wagon?  Did you have a Radio Flyer wagon as a kid?  If you had a skateboard, was it 'real' or, plywood with someone's old roller skates bolted on?

Ever....  snow ski...   water ski....  canoe trip....  kayak... big ole raft?  Did you go to church as a kid?  Ever get in trouble in doing same?  Go now?

If ya married... was it in a church?  Honeymooned at _______?    Ride in the trunk into the Drive Inn Theater?  Tear the 'federal offense tag' off of a pillow?  Heaven forbid, get up, go sit in a better seat at a ballgame that wasn't where your ticket said?

NFL game, Survivor, AFV, Chopped, Andy Griffith are all on at the same time...... you're watching?

To Tell The Truth........ you, mate..  ever argue about:   money..  parenting...  who's driving...  how, whoever is driving..    route to take... smooching (or not)..  Inlaws..  I'm going golfing, or, I'm going to Bunko... or, heaven forbid, politics.?..  

Do you sleep on your side, your back, your tummy or, some combination of those?  Ever kick out a snorer to the extra bedroom... or, go yourself due to same?  Dogs, cats in bed legal or hell to the no... howabout on the sofa?

What word do you choose to say when your little toe catches the coffee table as you walk around it?

Cry easy?  Enjoy touch, and I don't mean the naughty kinda touch.. I mean high fives, comforting kids, holding partners hand, that stuff.

THE LONGEST you've ever talked on the phone, and who to?  Night owl or early bird?  Best movie ya ever saw?  

Would you buy, wear a top from a Thrift Store? Camp in a tent?  Swim in a lake?   Skinny dip?  Truth, have ya?  Condo by the beach or, cabin in the mountains?  Class reunion or hell to the no?

Favorite decade of your life? What's the bravest thing you ever did?

I hope it NEVER happens, but, if someone told you "You're gonna die tomorrow"... what things would be on your "I wish I woulda" list?

The last time you were scared, where were ya and why were you scared?  Do you fall asleep then go to bed, or, go to bed then fall asleep?

Anything been a lifelong challenge for you?  Still got your teeth?  All of 'em?  Most of 'em?  Stop, count... outta four, how many are the ones you were born with? (hips, knees).. 

Flying.  Old hat, or, keep barf bag near?  Ever ride a choo choo?  A real one, some distance.

Sauna, jacuzzi or neither?  Pool or ocean?................ Shower or bath?  Coffee or tea?  Interstate or backroad?

Things on TV you'll never watch?  Things on TV you simply won't miss?

My top 5 favorite faces to see are..................................  Balcony or deck?  Fireplace or fire pit?  Sun or the moon?  Daylight savings yay or nay?  Speed limit is 70, how fast are you going?

Ever have your bank account compromised?  Get it back?

I wasn't gonna include me, but, my bank, same one, long time... now, when I go, every time, every transaction from the drive thru.. I must give them driver's license, and, for transaction to happen, i must give them the 6 digit code they send me.  Too much, or, I'm glad they protect?

Ever shot a rabbit?  Cooked a fish you caught?  Hired a taxidermist?  Does a lazy river sound exciting, relaxing, or, a waste of time?

My fridge always has _______ in it.  To get your troubles to go down the drain, do you call Roto Rooter, or, the local guy?

When's the last time you wrote a check?  Used a pay phone?  Rented a movie?  Did a flip? (Did you, could you ever, do a flip?)

Did you ever have to make up your mind... say yes to one and leave the others behind...  Doya like good music?

Before I die, I'd sure like to talk to ________ and _______ and _________ and _______ again.  Well, what's stoppin' ya?

Ketchup on your hot dog?  Pineapple on pizza?  Favorite girl scout cookie flavor?  Pie?

Victor, why did you do this?  Cause I couldnt thinka nuthin else to write about, and when I relate crap about my ongoings, everyone runs (and I don't blame ya.)

So............please......... using a number 2 lead....... or, your computer, print, scan......(Oh, ,I finally got ridda my landline ST1-4398) and gotta cell..  so..  complete your answers and text me the results...   867-5309.. you know the area code.  You do not have the right to remain silent...everything you say will be, either loved, laughed at, or "you too?ed?)  I mean, wth, it's the day and age of Social Media, hop to it.

Tune in tomorrow, I'll share everyone's answers.

Love, Victurd

It's almost Thanksgiving, and...as we age.......

We find there is much to be thankful for.

Pillboxes, so we know what day it is.

Calendars, so we remember what month it is, especially this month so we can remember to be thankful.  

That we're entitled to be cranky, drive 5 mph under the speed limit, and buy 14 different kinds of scratch off tickets at noon at QuikTrip.

So much, like........

Silent farts.

Friends with the considerate chutzpah to tellya, "Buddy you need to trim your nose hair."

When you use your fork to stir around Aunt Clara's vegetable concoction, convincing folks you tried it.

When you hit a golf ball, you think it's in the woods, but a buddy finds a ball in play, next to a tree, and asks "Is this your ball?" insteada "What kind were you playing?"

Walking out of the laundromat with an even number of socks.  Also, finding you remembered this being the 11th month, (an odd month) so you washed your hanky (whether it needed it or not) because it's an odd month.

Old friends.

Older friends.

A pee pee dance that doesn't end before you get there. 

That God gave us wonderful hearing, so we have the ability to hear every damn thing 20, 30 and 40 year olds say when they talk about us because they think we can't hear.

That once-a-month "OH BABY OH BABY OH BABY" feeling. Prevert.  I'm talking Social Security Direct Deposit here.

That look on the face of your grandchild when you tell them to '"hang up the phone, (huh?) because I've got good news, I'm springing for Pizza... so, go get the phone book, get Pizza Hut's number and dial them up."

When we retire at night in the right bed at Golden Acres.

When we retire at night in the wrong bed at Golden Acres.

Picking up Grandchildren.

Dropping off Grandchildren.

Sending your grandchild (via Amazon) a toy that needs to be assembled and has over 100 pieces.

Remembering the Fixodent before you blow out the candles.

Remembering your checkbook and writing that $3.22 check in the '10 item or less line' at the Piggly Wiggly the night before an impending blizzard.

You forget something at the Piggly Wiggly.  You go back, get it.  Total is $1.67, you know you've got that much cash, so, you grab a dollar, then you check your purse, your three coat pockets, your four pant pockets because you know how happy everyone is when you pay the exact change. (You recognize Sarah, the checker and an old neighbor of yours, so you tell her about your grandson's upcoming graduation in Pocotello, Idaho and his plans on what he will do after high school., and, the names and ages of his six siblings. After you pay.) Life is wonderful, everyone is thankful when you are pleasant.

Being old allows us to not care much about what others think.  Having fun.  

Like, gone, not forgotten.

Like, driving down the road, coming to the stoplight, there's a hound pooch in the lane next to you enjoying the fresh air so you simply wanna see how he will react when you tell him "Go get your ball!"..... 

or, being in line behind a sagger and saying under your breath (but loud enough sagger mebbe might hear) "look,...... skid marks."... 

or, remarking to the youth adorned with a two nostril ring, "I'm a huge fisherman, is that a #4 or a #6 treble hook?" (It's genuine curiosity, not shaming!)

Hey, before you get sideways with me, I just came off an article that says, if we are over 40, we can't use ANY of these slang terms:   YOLO...  Cray-cray...  Oh, snap!...  Hanrgy..   Talk to the hand...  Savage...  Karen...  Fam...   Bruh...  I can't even...  Hashtag..   OMG... 

Appreciate it....

So.....

Just about the time they ask to discuss your will, tell 'em you're gonna think on that, for now you and granny are gonna go Netflix and chill.

iyay ovelay eingbay oldyay , ankfulthay orfay osay uchmay . igday ? 

Love, Victurd