Friday, June 5, 2026

You have the right to remain............................. pissy.

Futility happens.  We've all heard (VICTOR, speak for yourself, mebbe they ain't) the true tale of Tampa Bay Buccaneers football coach John McCay, after the 1976 inaugural NFL season and his team sported an 0-14 record... when asked, "What do you think about the execution of your team?" replied, "I'm in favor of it."

If you've followed the Kansas City Royals this year, my first question, is, Why?  Just kidding kinda sorta but MAN it gets tough to stay, continue to watch.  The first thing that comes to mind is their LOFT with RISP.  The RISP means "runners in scoring position" ie, on 2nd and or 3rd base, and the LOFT stands for "Lack Of Friggin Talent" in those situations.     
 
After projections to win their division with 85+ wins, they are on pace to win only 64 games.  That. Ain't. Good.  Victor, this is getting real boring.  I agree.  I'm certain I've mentioned I work at a small golf course. (Yes Victor, I counted, that's the 34th time you've told us that.) Bite me.
 
Senior golfers gather daily, play a 'scramble', come to the back deck after for either a Diet Mountain Dew or a Miller Lite... they settle their heavy bets (Erv, you owe Charlie a dollar), and in effort to keep things light - a trivia question is asked after they play.  The other day it was "What is the record for the most consecutive losses for the Kansas City Royals in a season?"  Grumble, groan, 17?  12?  16?  24?  The actual record?  19 losses in a row in 2005. (Whoever guesses exactly, or, closest to, gets a free drink, please don't tell my boss.)
 
That particular season, 2005, the team was composed of some of the nicest, yet reserved young men you'd ever seen.  Some might suggest "Goody Goods", others might call it "Choir Boys", whadever and it don't matter to me... but...  one of the grizzled vets, after the 19th loss in a row............ called a team meeting.  "Something HAS to change.  Tonight, at 3am, we are having a 'bed check'.  If any of you hayseeds are IN BED, it's your a**." ie, let your hair down.
 
Baseball has a history in futility.  1874, Boston Red Stockings outfielder Tommy Beals made SIX consecutive errors.  The next inning, as he jogged from the bench, coach asked "Tommy, where ya going" Well coach, I'm going to centerfield.  "The hell you taking your glove for?"............  Same, similar thing, Steve Balboni, Bo Jackson, Mark Reynolds, each,  struckout NINE times in a row.
 
Then, ya got Bob Uecker.  "I knew my career was over in 1965 when my baseball card came out and there was no picture."... or... "When I came to bat in the 9th, bases loaded, two outs, I peeked in the other team's dugout and they were already in street clothes.".. or, from when all the futility began, "I signed a very modest $3000 bonus with the Braves in Milwaukee, and my old man didn't have that kinda money to put out."
 
Speakin'a strikeouts, or, mebbe crying Wolfe, Glynn Wolfe holds the record 26 divorces (out of 29 marriages).  His last "I do" (or, "I did") was a publicity stunt marriage to Linda Taylor (Wolfe) who held the record for women with 28 marriages.   
 
While the exact record for number of times hearing "YOU'RE FIRED" ain't fer sure, it's fer sure some guy named Colonel Sanders was fired  "dozens of times" before, winner winner, chicken dinner ever happened.
 
"Do you know why I pulled you over?"... a British tourist heard, in Dubai,.. 33 times...  in a four hour period..  driving a yellow Lamborghini.
 
Lincoln failed in business twice and lost eight elections.  Spielberg failed to get into USC's School of Cinematic Arts  three times due to poor grades.
 
Famed hypostist Martin St. James held the record, successfully hypnotizing 3,800 people in Taiwan.  That record was broken today by blogger Victurd, when 3,801 people fell asleep reading this.
 
Love, Victurd                                                                                                                                                                                     

 

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You have the right to remain............................. pissy.

Futility happens.  We've all heard (VICTOR, speak for yourself, mebbe they ain't) the true tale of Tampa Bay Buccaneers football coa...