This time of year, the clock ticks... we don't know for sure when Daylight Savings starts (9 days, but who's counting)... We in the frozen Midwest thumb through The Farmer's Almanac, NOAA and NWS to discern "We're probably maybe done with snow come March, has happened, rare, but could in April too" to which we reply, "FINE! we'll dress for it, just take me out to the ball game!"
"PLAY BALL!" Not so fast horseface (not you, me.) Prior to every game, umps and managers meet at home plate, talk local ground rules and exchange lineup cards. One time (bandcamp, remember managers are human too) Brewers manager Tom Trebelhorn had All Star Robin Yount listed twice, in the 3rd spot and the 5th spot. (5th spot should have been the newly acquired Mike Young.) No one caught it, it was believed. Yount batted in the first and as Young walked to the plate in the second - Sparky Anderson emerged from the Tiger dugout to point out "this says Yount is supposed to be up, he ain't Yount." Sorry rockin' Robin, "you're outta the game." He was, beet red mad.
Red Schoendienst, longtime Cardinal manager had a wonderful player named Dick Allen, but, Allen had a punctuality problem, SO, he always made out two lineup cards - as he neared home plate his coaches would stand on the top step and yell either "He's here!" or "He ain't here!"
I umpired a lot long, long ago. Many a Liberty youngster would frown and toss in "too much." Once, a really really good lefty was pitching and he was none to happy with my strike zone. In fact, he once called time out, walked to home, wiped the plate off with his glove, insert inference "you can't even see it" here. Yes, I thought about tossing him, but too, I remember being 14, and, his older brother was one of my best friends.
Speakingowhich, long time Mississippi State baseball coach (I forget his name) related a story about him getting tossed out of a game at Arkansas for arguing balls and strikes... "The ump told me 'Go someplace where I can't see you', so, naturally I went and stood on home plate."
Don "Black and Decker" Sutton was known for rubbing the baseball with sand paper, thus making it break erratically. One afternoon, umpire Doug Harvey thought he caught him. When he asked to inspect Sutton’s glove, Sutton said, “Sure go ahead.” There was, in fact, a piece of paper in the glove, but it wasn’t sandpaper. Harvey unfolded it, and it said, “You’re getting warm, but it’s not here.”
I gotta scoot, but two quickies. The most fun thing I saw while umpiring was a poor 9 year old kid getting hit by a pitch on his hand. With baby tears rolling, he limped to first base.
The second is an ex wife story. Victor, you can't tell stories about your ex wife! Oh, I don't think she'd get too upset, besides, I've got two ex's so youll never know! City Park, Liberty, MO, the small diamond. 9 and 10 year old game. Bleachers overflowing, moms, dads, grannys, aunts, uncles encircled the backstop in lawn chairs. Great game, the last inning, home team ahead 8-7. Two outs, the visitors last hope at the plate, no baserunners. BOOM, a rocket past the right fielder, batter off and running, fans up anda hollerin'. By the tme the right fielder got to it, the kid had already passed second base and he wasn't stopping. Perfect relay throw to the second baseman, even better throw home. IT'S GONNA BE CLOSE! Fans excitedly yelling at the top of their lungs.. runner slides.. catcher, now with ball...turns... Cloud of dust... the ump (my ex) perfectly right on top of it, raises her right arm, thumb extended.."YOU'RE OUTTA THERE!"... a split second later, the catcher's eyes caught hers and within earshot of many he exclaimed "But ump... I missed him!" It was calmly suggested he not say anything like that again... I love that moment and it will stay with me until I'm in my ump urn.
"The trouble with women umpires is that I couldn't argue with one. I'd put my arms around her and give her a kiss." Casey Stengel
Gotta go clean off my plate, love, Victurd
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