What I wanna be when I grow up changes so much over the years.... It's a delightful ride, even at times when you're in a bucket of bolts, broken down on the side of a two lane country road in the middle of nowhere, even Kansas!
We say to ourselves, "Bend me, shape me, anyway you want me, long as you love me, it's all right..." Of course, we get bent in many ways en route.. oft times, it's tough to love our own self - we are our own worst critic... Sometimes, walking in life resembles our eyes having cataracts... Clarity, 20/20 is difficult, or, can be, to achieve.
Somewhere, within the depths of checkenginelight, there is a blog, ALL ABOUT ME, and whatinthehell, whereinthehell I want my ashes to go. Color me, selfcentered, and apologetic for being so. Sure, there are wonderful places, memories, real estate of imortance as we go, but, that is hideously incorrect in 'ciphering value.
Maybe my son's passing awakened me to the fact, life ain't about me, the value along the way is in you...... any, everyone else. So, fixing my eyeballs, whether mono, or, like the Doc really fixed mine, one close up, one for far away - as far as I am now concerned, my ashes can go straight to to the dumpster at the funeral home.
Ironically, back in the day when what I wanted to be when i grow up was a Major League baseball player - my dad was in Sales for Top Value Stamps, ha. Both, my wish, his job, soon passed.
Retirement, AARP, glances, peeks at Bank Accounts jolts what I wanna be when I grow up changes to, just make sure I got enough money to gimme the hell outta here when I'm done. Thus, we penny pinch, buy WallyWorld Great Value brand, versus all the big, advertised brands... We bend. We shape.
Two friends, one of which is no longer with us, were visiting... the one now departed imparted some wonderful advice, "it's not how you feel, it's how everyone in your life feels." That, now, finally, thankfully, is what I wanna be when I grow up.
I certainly don't mean we need to lead life with blinders on - ignoring our own personal wants along the way... nuttin' wrong with bucket lists, all inclusive stays at a nifty Mehican resort... a new outfit, driving clear to Cascone's for the best damn lasagna this side of Niagara Falls... all, well and good... hell maybe even leave a bag'a ash for loved ones to empty whereverinthehell they think you might enjoy... it's just that...........
Value = others. Loved ones. That feller you hold the door open for, even if it places you second in line at the QT checkout. Giving back (smiling back) to the neighbors, classmates, coworkers, family members, any, every one - to attempt to repay for all the smiles they have given you, ie, me, over the cumulative years.
Band camp, long ago... a what I wanna be when I grow up 'want' was to live in the Country, so dayum far removed from people, I could run get the newspaper in my boxers. Oh sure, that might still be nice, but, I'm reminded of what Babs said "People, people who need people", and thankfully, delightfully, not ashamed to admittedly - that's me.
That need, urge, want, has always been there... I just done rearranged my priorities, my values, to, that is what I wanna be when I grow up. Around, visiting with, high-fiving, fist bumping, smiling at, to, that village of folks that got me, us to this point today, and to strive (right Meatloaf) to loveya till the end of time.
And I do.
Love, Victurd
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