I is..........

Victor, you can't begin a sentence with I is........

I is hearing you... but... watch me........

I is the 9th letter of the alphabet.  Stick that one up your Funk and Wagnall.

I wake up (ty ty ty for another day).. my brain goes like......... pong..  or, like a bag'a popcorn in the microwave for three minutes... holy crap, pop pop pop pop pop (this direction, that direction, this pop, that pop).. here a pop, there a pop, everywhere a pop pop....  pop pop pop pop.... pop    pop   pop        pop        pop      pop.. then........ silence, or, a nap... or, I give up... or, I open the dayum bag and eat it. Yes, in one sitting, YES, all by my lonesome. And yes, up to and including crunching all the kernels that didnt pop

That bag'a popcorn is my brain wondering whatinthehell to blog about.  I know.  Skeery.

I thought about 'lyrics that have meaning... feeling... make ya think.. thought provoking.. rewarding... yada."   Nah.  I do that cheesy corn crap all the time.

I thought about lyrics within CS&N songs...... Google reminded me, did you mean CSN&Y lyrics?  Oh yeah, I guess so.. but nah.....

I thought about writing all about, relaxation...  A link to 'the Mayo Clinic' popped up.  Hell to the yeah, experts, wouldn't one assume?  Reading..  "Try these steps to lower stress..."  THAT'S what I'm talkin' about, YES.  l

They talked about the benefits...... slow heart rate. Lower BP.  Improve focus and mood (sign me up)..  Improve sleep quality... (I get it, but, I'm asleep, howinthehell do I know the quality of it?)...  Lower fatigue (Again, ME ME ME MR. KOTTIERE'!_)  Lessen anger and frustration..  That's the way, uh huh uh huh, I like it........ Mayo continued:

'Using relaxation techniques along with these other positive coping methods:  Think positively. (I've long said if I ever write a boook [never will] I'd title it "I'm postiive, I think."...... Find humor. (Dig)... Exercise regularly, eh..  I dunno. Eat a healthy diet. B4real.  Spend time outside. Like.   And then........

And then it happened... it took me by surpise...  No, that ain't it.

And then Mayo rambled on, forgot the fact that I, an overfed, long-haired leaping gnome.. should be the star of a Hollywood movie...  No, that ain't it.  Mayo forgot I'm a damn simpleton, they started using phrases for relaxation techniques like..........

Autogenic relaxation...... Progressive muscle relaxation..  Visualization.. Tai chi (nah, went to one'a them buffets once, no likey).. Yoga (ouch, help me back up wouldya?... Biofeedback (how do you type a snoring sound?)..  Hydrotherapy...

STOP RIGHT THERE........ I GOTTA KNOW RIGHT NOW....... the hell IS all that gobbledygook?

Giving up on the relaxation blog idea, I reminded myself "Victor whatever you do, DON'T write about you.. You seemingly always do.  Carly might mention vain. You might break your arm patting yourself on the back............ Then, I thought about the Animals......

You mean, Let me tellya 'bout the birds and the bees?".. NO. Like the Animals song "It's my life and I'll do what I want."  Victor, you're so vain.

Which, reminded me of mute.  I thought about a blog about mute. My whole family was involved deeply in the local theater group. Victor, remember, no "I" crap.  Ahm, my whole family was involved deeply in the local theater group.  They BEGGED ME to join in, participate.  No. No. No.  No. No.  Hey, this play has a role for a deaf mute?  I'll do that!

And I thought about how fun it is to pretend you're holding a remote and you click it to pretend stop someone from speaking.  My ex did that a lot to me. (Mayo said find humor).. 

Then I thought about the back deck at work. (Golf course).. We always play on Mondays, get done just before time for the ladies league to start.  We love us some ladies, we do we do. That said, right before start time there's like 20 of 'em on the deck.  And (this message will self-destruct in 2 minutes) at times, 20 of 'em talk at once.  We think to ourselves, "If 20 of 'em are talkin', and, there's only 20 of 'em, whointhehell is listening?"  I guess that would be us.

Then I thought about favorites.  And, seeing crap from other's shoes.  There ain'tno ain'tno way to 100% see something from another's shoes.  I have my favorites.  You have your favorites, no matter how wrong they are.  Hehe.

I is........ or, was, gonna list some'a my favorite things in life.  But, you've been here long enough..  you know 'em. Fritos, lasagna, sports, golf, Motown, humor, sports, $2 shirts, shorts from the dead people's store, Baseball Ray, Show Me Liberty, MO, anything that ain't Kansas, vanity, daydreaming about "Mr. Bill"ing bosses who micromanage, camp out over my shoulder, that stuff.

Ahm, Victor?

Yes?

Is there...... per chance, a common theme to this blog?

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I finally remembered how to type snoring.

By Henry Gibson.

Paul Harvey, good day.

Love, Victurd