First, I hate when old people tell me what to do......
That said!......
October 13, 1997, I turned 45. Misty, I pray. I pray things don't go for you family wise as they did for me - but, I include because of our repeated reminder in/of life and how fleeting it is, can be.
At 45, I'd only get a year and a half more with my sister before breast cancer would take her. We had a great relationship - but had I known then what I know now, I'd'a texted her, called her, used the word Love (which we always did) with way more frequency. I would not let 'tired, lack of sleep, rough day at work, ANYTHING, get in my way of family.
Same for my father. I got to have him another 6 years. He taught by example, not "Do this don't do that can't you read the sign" and I loved him for it. I really don't think we ever had an argument.
My marriage was going from, eh, OK, to really sour - split up in three more years. While I certainly attribute that to shared mistakes - I'd give anything to go back and work on myself and how to be a better husband, person, father, brother, son. I don't think we can ever discontinue on working on our own person to be the very best we can be. Do as I say, not as I did!
I've used the phrase "Grab em by the collar" to make sure they're listening - and I happen to observe, think, you have a WONDERFUL marriage - but if ever anything pops up really ugly, really bugging you, he, grab 'em by the collar. Not literally of course. I wish she woulda stopped me, grabbed me by the collar when it was going South, and vice versa, I wish I woulda known the right thing to say, suggest. Counseling. We never did, shoulda.
All of this, yes, is very depressing but honest to goodness I feel blessed in life.
One do-over I would surely do it to plan better financially and get the hell outta Dodge (work) as early as is possible. You're already quickly moving toward both of those goals - KUDOS. It's a lot of work, it's a lot of self $acrifice, but glory to the song by Frank, "I did it my way."
I happen to think, and always have, you are one of the most "I've got it all together" people I know. Don't ever doubt that. Don't waste time beating yourself up. I know, at least a bit ago, there was struggle with oldest. Just be there for him. Now, he needs you there more than ever. I know you'd never leave his side, and one of my proudest thoughts is, I never left my son's side when everyone else, and I mean everyone, did.
SURE, guilt. What could I have done differently? How could I have changed him? Normal questions, and for sure, explore any, every way you can to assist him... but too, he's gonna be him, on his own pace. Give him your smile and your love - often.
I kinda think we are alike in how we deal with, subsist, get by with having to deal with folks, work, wherever, that grate on us. That unique ability to listen, smile, all the while thinking "Fuck you very much", Keep on keepin' on, it ain't worth the argue.
Dealing with those I admire, love, am thankful for - I coulda done better. I noticed it wasn't until my father got Parkinsons at age 70-something that allowed him to show emotion, toss the L word with more frequency. I'm an emotional idiot. I cry easily. I don't go thru visitation lines for that very reason. I go. I sign book. I sit in back.
As far as verbalizing, telling those I love (friend, family or otherwise) I think I coulda done better, earlier. Guys struggle telling guys they love them. I hope women don't. Sure it can be uncomfy and it doesn't have to be the L word - just simply letting someone that you love, admire, have fun with, know...... how much you appreciate them. Do as I say, not necessarily as I've done - but, I am better with this as I've aged.
Listen. Listen for key words, compliments, people say about you. Store them in a place you can bring them up with frequency. We all know the harmful things people have said to, about us, and how they are etched in our brain forever - do the same with the good things. Admit to yourself, "By golly, I AM a pretty damn good person!" (And you are.)
Trust yourself. You've demonstrated over the years, that works. Keep doing so.
I really ain't got no great idea why I'm doing this 'cause you don't need my help, anything from me, you are WAY MORE attune to life, how to, what to, when, than I ever was, have been, am, even now. We can always learn I guess.
Only one time in all the years I've known you I 'heard' self doubt. Don't do that. You're a tremendous person. I guess that would be the biggest point of my writing. Don't doubt yourself. You bad, you badass! (meaning those in a very good way.)
I talk too much, but, we've always known that. That said, don't take for granted what you have. Like, legs for instance. It's a 'simple thing', but it really ain't. I can't walk a block. Walk a block, and be thankful you can.
My mom had a stroke, lost use of her left arm. Pat yourself on the back with frequency, with both arms, be thankful you can use both of em.
Write uplifting notes to those you love, admire. Hide em in places you know they'll find, read, draw smile, uplift. We can't control the weather, but we can help on whether or not someone has a good day or not.
Oh, and if you and Terry are to the financial point my buddy got to, heed his planner's advice. "Do you and your spouse fly first class?" Why no, of course not. "Your kids are gonna." Go, do, which I know you guys have been.
Oh, and get yourself a Basset hound, I've heard they're really fun, rewarding!
All of the above meant well, not in any way meant to bemoan, demean, whadever. You're a wonderful person, many... many think so.
Happy Birthday!
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