Funny ha ha......

Hey, someone's in the kitchen with Dinah.
Someone's in the kitchen, I know.
Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah
Strumming on the old banjo.

The Pavlov of real life makes one (or, at least is does me) want to continue with

Fee, fie, fiddle-e-i-o.. Fee, fie, fiddle-e-i-o-o-o....

Point, Victor... get to the friggin point.

TY, will.  The point is..... sometimes writing a blog is like cooking (neither of which I do well.)  You cook a meal/write a blog in hopes of entertaining, hopefully spicing up some of the need-spicing-up that comes with life...or, cereal/milk, bologna sannich, regular ole crap... dig.. .coook... help... hopefully smile, gobble.

That.  Again, ty for asking, but..... not that much!

The peepers opened - my brain went straight to laughter (yes, after I peed)... so I Google/AI'ed about laughter... frankly it was pretty boring... Crap about endorphins, dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, neuropeptides...  zzzzzzzzzzzzzz (that was you, the blog reader, snoring.)

Patooey.  So, I'm doing what I always do, I steal crap from other people....... and, that's OK because...... I don't make a nickel from this nonsense...  I could care less if I ever get a 'like' or whatever...... my end goal is a happy you... with occasional smile.  Got it?  Get it, good!

Today's pet peeve.  We've discussed before, when someone is ready, set, go to tell a story and they preface it with "I've got a funny story to tell", ya STOP EM, say, WAIT, just a GOL DURN MINUTE, you tell it, WE'LL DECIDE IF IT'S FUNNY."

Helping me in the kitchen today (ie, I'm plagearizing the heck outta her writing) is some blogger that goes by 'Scary Mommy' and she's got some fun, interesting things in her blog.  VICTOR! WAIT, just a GOL DURN MINUTE, you tell it, WE'LL DECIDE IF IT'S INTERESTING, FUN!"

59, 58, 57, 56.......... OK, I will........

Henry VIII knighted all four of his “Grooms of the Stool” — the people in charge of wiping his butt for him.

Jeannette Rankin was elected to Congress four years before women could even vote.  (That ain't fun or funny, it's actually sad.. WHAT were we thinking way back in the day!)

Before the invention of modern false teeth, dentures were commonly made from the teeth of dead soldiers. (Eww)..

In ancient Egypt, servants were smeared with honey so flies would flock to them instead of the pharaoh.

Abraham Lincoln was a champion wrestler and a licensed bartender.

George Washington owned a whiskey distillery. (WHEN DID WE TURN LEFT AND TAKE THE FUN OUTTA THE OFFICE?)

In the 1740s, Roman Catholics formed a secret society dubbed the Order of the Pug. Members had to sport dog collars and scratch at the door!

Galloping crocodiles inhabited the Sahara Desert 100 million years ago. (It's true, I checked with Snopes)

During World War I, the French built a “fake Paris” to throw off German bombers.

In WWII British soldiers had to make do with only three sheets of toilet paper per day. Bet them suckers were never knighted... and if so, twas from afar.

Ancient Spartans were so rich that no one had to work.  (Life, I'd like a do-over perty please.)

The average person living in Sweden eats about 22 pounds of chocolate a year (Now you wanna do-over don't ya?

.

Montana has three times as many cows as it does people. (Susan!?? Utah is close to Montana, can you run by and give us a head count?)

Alaska is the westernmost and easternmost state in the United States.

There are reportedly no mosquitoes in Iceland.

Wombat poop is cube-shape

To keep from drifting apart, sea otters hold hands while they sleep. (Red Skelton on keys to a successful marriage, said of his wife "We always hold hands.  If I let go, she goes shopping.")

Seahorses mate for life and can often be seen holding each other’s tails.

The ice in Antarctica is made up of almost 3% penguin urine.  Eww.

None of The Beatles could actually read music.

However, George Harrison could reportedly play 26 instruments.

In 2016, Mozart sold more albums than Beyoncé.

Got a song stuck in your head? That’s called an “earworm.”

Barry Manilow did not, in fact, write “I Write The Songs.”

Tug of war used to be an Olympic sport.

MLB umpires are required to wear black underwear in case they split their pants. (I wonder how many panels of TP they get a day?)

You can’t hum while plugging your nose.

You are always looking at your nose; your brain just chooses to ignore it.

Looked, didn'tya?

By the time we die, we’ll have spent roughly a year sitting on the toilet.

You only breathe out of one nostril at a time.

Tried, didn't ya?

The longest hiccuping spell lasted a whopping 68 years.

Elmer Fudd’s original name was Egghead.

The actors who voiced Mickey and Minnie Mouse from the 1980s to the 2010s were married!

Now it's time to say goodbye...    Thanks for coming to the kitchen.

Don't take any wooden nickels. (Don't worry about me..  at my age, my goofy affliction, if it's less than a quarter I ain't picking it up off the floor.

DO NOT.  DO NOT walk around all day thinking about soldiers only getting three panels of TP a day.

Love, Victurd.