Life, it is that. Brilliant. We begin it, we look up, down, all around... and we old farts, do the same, staring down in wonder at the new little turd... takes a couple months after we realize he/she can't really see a dayum thing, then they finally can focus. That's quickly followed by their first smile.. then their 67th poop (loud crying), 90th bellyache (s'more crying, "Gee honey, let's have another")... the dreaded fear of that first glance of someone that ain't mom, dad, brother, sister (tears, crying, "Calgon, take me away!")..
I don't enjoy relating vision stories and in no way am I meaning to poke fun as I have way too many friends that have visual impairment in varying degrees. I really more intend to mean "our reaction to" things in and around our lives, first time, 20th time, and on and on.
Grandchild three (granddaughter 2, Bella) was a real buttscooter. Two story apartment, before she could walk, clad in diapers and a t shirt, would navigate stairs, landing, stairs on her butt, barely touching any of 'em, top to bottom faster'n a Nolan Ryan fastball to home. Made me kinda tear up, wanting to open the door to the outside and proudly proclaim "My granddaughter is THE FASTEST BUTTSCOOTER there ever was!"
She's also the one, somewhere between age 2 and 3, sitting in the kitchen alone........ whilst her babysitting 60 something grandfather and her two older siblings were watching a Spongebob episode for the 6th time that day. Do you call it babysitting if it's your own grandkid? Discolor me then if you do because I did. TBC
In spite of, having owned a really small business (forced to calling the shots, ha, my ex was the other employee), having gained way too much experience in several menial jobs in way too many fields... including which was overseeing over a hunnerd 1st thru 5th grade snotnosers a day when I taught elementary PE in the dino days... I WAS NEVER AT EASE "babysitting" my own grands. RING. "Where you guys at?" Grandpa, we just left ten minutes ago... "Oh, OK, have fun, they're doing good." Click.
That's when I heard the faint voice in the kitchen, the little buttscoot champ, say, "Uh oh." And that's when I ran into the kitchen...at eye level I saw the fridge door opened...behind that table sat the buttscoot champ, completely covered in red, thanks in large part to the now empty bottle of strawberry syrup that was laying next to her. An hour later, and a entire roll of Bounty, a bath complete with yellow squeeky ducks, you could hardly tell anything had happened. RING. "We'll be home in ten minutes." Seemed like an hour.
Door opens, "MOM, BELLA DUMPED THE WHOLE BOTTLE OF STRAWBERRY SYRUP ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR".. Four parental eyes quickly pierced thru me, followed by footsteps to the kitchen, you could hardly tell. Whew.
Which brings us to this past Thursday... two days ago. The former buttscooter, now 9, in town for the long weekend thanks for Parent Teacher Conferences, no school. Staying at Granny's (my ex)... a text "Bella would like to do something with you." I hadta work till dark, was meeting an old college buddy for dinner after... had a 1pm golf game scheduled for Friday.. Victor this is boring. Anyways, was decided "IHop for breakfast, trip to airport to watch planes takeoff" Friday (yesterday). Victor, you're a tightwad. Uh huh. You been here how many years and you're just now getting that?
Hi Bell! We ain't doing the traditional IHOP breakfast with crayons to color on the menu.. we're going to drive thru Mickey's... go to Union Station, then, go do that Kaleidoscope thing at Crown Center. Victor, you can't walk. You're nuts. Geezer scooter packed, ready in trunk.
McDonald's BOGO app sucks half the time, of course, it did this time.. two (full priced) sausage McMuffins later, we're rolling. 16 miles, trunk opened, 7 underbreath curse words figuring out how to uncollapse (that a word) the geezer scooter... we're off the see the Wizard. No, that ain't it, Union Station. I fogot to mention the part I damn near choked to death (the driver's side window of my 23 yr old car works worse than the Mickey's app) so, when I opened the door to grab the parking machine ticket, I almost had to ask buttscooter to give me CPR thanks to the seatbelt around my neck.
WOW this, WOW that. It really is a unique, impressive building. An eclectic mix of a Titanic display, Science City, Miniature train display (free, and closed damnit), the REAL train station part... and a hunnerd and fitty folks with tattoos on ninety percent of their person, in line for the Tattoo Convention in between it all. Titanic ."(too much), Science City (WAY too much)... So, "here buttscooter Bell", as I lifted her over this rope thingy, you wanna look around in here? A store with all things Kansas City inside... she opted for that after i pushed her, jk. A few minutes later," SIR, we don't open until 10." Trivial point, but ok.
We stared up at the I aint never seen a ceiling this high until our necks hurt... then took the L (glass enclosed walkway) over the roads from Union Station to Crown Center. I am gonna copy and paste this "Can you tell us how to get to Kaleidoscope?" because we got lost for over an hour... Found, asked, a minimum of 16 employees "Can you tell us how to get to Kaleidoscope?"
We, buttscooter and me in geezer cart, thought we were close once. Worker spoke no English.. it didn't help that I finally learned "El Bano" in Mehico is where you pee, because I'd already peed...she did finally figure out "Kaleidoscope" on floor tres, led us to an elevator specifically for wheelchairs.. Thanked her again and again. Nope. Wouldn't go to floor tres. She came back, again and again, finally, uno had to be punched in. We made it there. "Can you tell us how to get to Kaleidoscope?" Yeah it's on the third floor. Go this way, that way, thru Halls, then left, quick right, up, down, good luck.
We FINALLY made it to the 3rd floor. Buttscooter had to have had 9,000 steps in by now, I was tired and I was riding. "Can you tell us how to get to Kaleidoscope?" Yes, it's across the street. Do you know how to get to the Weston? No. Left, down. Up.. over after the wooden pillar.. out the door then down the road, left.. then right... OK OK, thanks.
We finally Kallapsed infronta Kaleidoscope ten minutes after our scheduled start time. Are we too late? Nah, all you missed was standing in line. Whew. Follow me. Thank goodness. A fun, free (of course it was Victor) hands on artsy thing for fellow little buttscooters, all provided gratus, by Hallmark.
Fun, then boredom. We headed for the exit. The exit road was a funny (haha) little snotnose thing with ten, count em, ten very sharp turns to navigate the geezer scooter in, and turns in geezer scooter are like having a limo in a cul-de-sac, it ain't easy. I'd become fairly accomplished at turning, backing up into elevator doors held open by the wonderful Bella, we finally made it.
Say, can you tell me how to take the L back to Union Station? No, I'm sorry. Three more employees, I finally, under breath,said to hell with it.. Come on Bell, we're going outside. I GPS'ed Union Station in my phone.. the first step was "A half mile to Main Street, then right."
With two stops for poor Bella to rest (Grandpa having to pee..... badly).. we finally made it to the top of Main Street. Signal Hill I think they call it. Buttscooter had to be up to close to 15,000 steps, I worried about the battery on the geezermobile. Around the corner, no Union Station, but HEY, there's the WWI monumer (it's across the street from Union Station), come on Bell, hop on. We had a downhill, literally 3/4 of a mile long trek. Buttscooter had left cheek on geezermobile, Grandpa, right buttcheek.
We laughed, rode the breeze and the hill, laughed and rode s'more. Four crosswalks and an Olympic downhill later (not to mention almost getting hit by a vendor box truck backing up, we finally made it into Union Station. We both went to pee. To car. Trunk opened. Four curse words later I had the geezer scooter compacted to fit in trunk. Fears of suffication were thwarted as my driver window finally went down for the first time today, enabling me to use charge card to pay for parking.
I wish I had more neater, nicer things within this blog, but that's it. Sorry. We had fun, we were beat but we'll never forget it. Bella home safely, me to the golf course. On fumes after. One beer at home, abed a very short time after.
Kaleidoscopes are really brilliant, but all the turning and rotation will wear you out. It takes longer to get to Kaleidoscope from Union Station than it does to get from the bottom of the mountain on Maui to Hana. More turns too if you can believe that.
Good time with the buttscooter........... I'm gonna scoot on outta here..
Love, Victurd
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