"IT'S ALIVE!"...

The weather outside... ain't delightful, but we're getting there. If it were a car, we just crossed over into Oklahoma, bound for Texas.

Kids are in school. WHAT?  Uh huh, are. They're having an assembly today to celebrate the combined New Year's Day, Ground Hog's Day, MLK Day, Valentine's Day, George Birthington's Wash Day, and, to review locker combinations..

Local news got some seed store owner guy outta bed at 4:30am to learn us how to grow plants from seed.

WallyWorld assuredly has green crap allover to guide us to St. Patty's Day.... and, to the tune of "Really,  this is our last concert forever" geezer bands across the land are out there... in prominance today, we can just hear Sonny and Whatshername's And The Beat Goes On in the background.

Has beens, never was's but wanna be's, as well as "Of course I'm a millionaire" (Feed me Seymour) gather in the two 'Raisin States' for the annual "Play Ball" soon, Spring training.

Baby robins tug on the tail feathers of mommy/daddy robins, inquire "Can we go now, huh, can we can we?"

Weathermen and women everywhere re-up their antianxiety meds in preparation for tornado season, and, ice fishermen and women, stow their poles, axes, in preparation for their change of clothes into storm chasers.

Jack (with yet another All Conference patch for his letter jacket) and Diane (fresh pair of Bobbie Brooks from The Dollar General) jumpstart his dead battery car so they can attend the annual opening of the Tastee Freez.

Hank, lists his $600 snowblower (used 7 times in 3 years) on the local Facebook Swap & Shop for fitty dollars,  so he'll have a down payment on a new tiller.

Spring cleaning abounds across the land, leading us "whatinthehell then did we do this past Winter?"

Soon, we'll Spring forward our clocks an hour (Cool! The clock on my 2002 Buick Century will once again be right!). Neighbors get out.. "Oh yeah... I recognize him, her."

Just as the swallows are set to return to San Juan Capistrano, we're moved to change from our New Year's evercise resolution we stopped January 12th (have been swallowing any, everything in sight since) to our Plan B three miles a day walking program...but, I'll start once the clocks change.

What the heck is a Maypole, but, count me in as I see it includes "dancing, drinking and festivals."

Foster Brooks, Otis of Mayberry, and Earth, tilt toward the sun.

Non Avian Flu chicks are born across the land... snakes wiggle outta holes but they're still a tad slow, you can outrun em, and, it's time to buy bear spray.

Snotnoses everywhere (yes, those now accomplished in Roblox, Minecraft and Fortnite from their 'virtual school' days) begin the countdown to School's Out For The Summer.

Those of us in the daily (Monday thru Friday) Geezer Golf Scrambles got our first group text, a sure rite of Spring. I've faithfully watched hunnerds of YouTube golf instruction videos this Winter, so it's certain my bogey golf goal will prolly move to bogey plus a couple strokes. Don't care, just good,  blessed to be out there.

Bottom line, it's an uplifting time of year.  

I wish good health, happiness and sunny days as we March toward the Equinox thing.

Love, Victurd

Virtual learning...

Wait a minute.  I'd like to explain something. You know, I ain't punchy. I got what you call, like, I don't know, a relaxed brain, but I ain't punchy. It's just the way I talk (write) here.

Yo Adrian?  If per chance this blogger decides to transfer this post to Facebook.... and it comes up in Memories some 6 years later, how are we gonna tap into his (relaxed) brain to ascertain just what in the wide wide world of sports he's referring to?

Well, school.... or not.

Huh?

Yeah it's been... what's the opposite of chirpy?  Yucky?  Dreary?  Brrrrrrr? I'm dreaming of a white February?  Netflix and wind chill?

Yes, to all of the above.

I can now alphabetically recite the 273 school districts within the KC channel 9 viewing area.

Well there ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe.

So, I, a kajillion other (grumpy?) old farts have taken an affinity to napping,  uh huh, often.

I mean (I really don't like sentences that begin with 'I mean')... I mean.... an example might be.. you get up, shower, layer up and s'more layers...go start the car, spend 36 minutes warming it up, sweeping snow off, scraping a halfa inch'a ice underneath it... you're ready to roll... then...

Oh crap, I forgot to let the dog out to pee. He don't wanna (can you blame him? The real feel is -16).  So, ya grab leash, pull the little basta to the nearest tree... tears, sweat are now icesickles..  he runs back in, finally, back to car. Except...

In all that time there's now another inch and a halfa snow on the car (quarter inch'a ice under that)...so...

You say "to heck with it"..  you say that, I say "to hell with it", so...

You take a nap.

Sleep, rinse, repeat.

You awaken, it's now 1:37am, you're wide awake. You give in, head to make coffee. Fido thinks mebbe you're gonna put the leash on him so he goes, hides under the back bedroom bed.

Bosses all around field call after call of "Hey Frank, it's Shirley...are you OK if I work from home again? Timmy and Tina ain't got school again and Ian's daycare is closed cause they ain't got sufficient staffing to open." Can ya blame em? Risk a $2700 fender on a minimum wage job?

So, Frank, and literal scads of other area bosses give in.  Shirley stays home, logs in, puts on noise canceling headphones because Timmy keeps hollerin' "My feet hurt!" Really can't blame him, they've grown two sizes since he last went to school.

"Weather Impact Day"s have replaced the now ever  boring "Breaking News" graphics, catchphrase of local news. 

Geezers (Remember? They are up and at em, making coffee at 1:37am).. first cup poured, infronta em (along with six cookies) collapse in the recliner and watch....

12 personal injury ads, interspersed with ads for Proactiv, Bowflex, Ginsu Steak Knives.. flip channel, watch The Andy Griffith Show... Hoss, Ben, Little Joe... and just when the local news comes on...

The eyelids close. 

Eh, mebbe not a bad thing, chirpy weather folks relating more of the same... "stay home unless you absolutely have to get out", airline tragedies, long lines all about the nation at unemployment offices.. the Dodgers signing another hunnerd and ninety million dollar player, and locally on sports....

"Chiefs gonna lose a lot of players (can't afford), Reid, Veach undaunted (fancy for prepare for 6-11.)

VICTOR?!!!!

Huh?

Is it REALLY that bad?

Nah... except for when that one guy sends pics of his feet and a Pina Colada by the pool in Mehico...

Wait a minute, it's stopped snowing

Schools are opening, busses going

Playing baseball in Arizona, gee that's bettah

Muddah, Faddah kindly disregard this lettah

Saturday 38!  SUNDAY FITTY! Monday 58, Tuesday 59!!!!!!

There ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe.

I think we all (ok dangit, most) here admit to occasional Winter Depression (SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder)... happens... annually... this one lengthy.. (Victor? Don't you remember last January, like 17 straight days of sub zero weather?)

No, cause I was that ass sending poolside Pina Colada pics from Mehico.

We needs serotonin and melatonin... which, we get from the sun.

Richie might sing:

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun

And I say it's alright

Little darling, it's been a long, cold, lonely winter

Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun

And I say it's alright...

Gotta run..  trying out my shipment of Power Swabs to whiten ma' teeth.

Forward by Billy Mays, Ron Popeil, and Mike (Mike's got this)

Love, Victurd

"Fun" fact: School has been out for 41 of the past 61 days! 😲

(It's no one's fault, but realizing made me feel less crazy.)

How are the roads?

How am I supposed to know, you just took me outta the nursery at the hospital (Remember? Where they had me wrapped up like a burrito?)

Now, I'm ratcheted in this  carseat, I can't see where we're going cause I'm turned the wrong dang way, besides, I can't even talk yet.

Sun, as in a few trips around.

Bobby hit me..  I've gotta pee.. are we there yet, are we there yet?

Now that you're 6, how are the roads?

Jimmy's mom's car has bigger screens in the backseat. Are we poor?  Bobby took my dollar, what are ya gonna do about it? My tummy hurts, I don't wanna go to school.

12.  Roads are clear, perfect. Hey dad, thanks for agreeing to drive our entire soccer team home!  (Dad's a tad stressy from the noise... 15 minutes in, another hour to home.)  Can they spend the night? NO!, er, I mean not tonight son. Well.. ok, but can you get us Happy Meals? Please oh please dad?

14. Honey?  Why are you ducking down?  Because I don't wanna be seen with you guys!  I see, but, the kids with no parents, do they duck down?  Everyone has parents mom.  Oh, I see.

Fitteen, paper driving permit in hand, dad, front seat, passenger side, foot ready to 'brake.'  "Our Father, who art in Heaven..."

21. DD, but someone has to do it. Jenny, I know you love me, you've told me 27 times on the way home. See if you can wakeup Johnny, we're almost home.

28.  Yes, I know Junior is strapped in back there, I've not even come close to the speed limit.  (In spite of having driven now for 13 years, I am so thankful for all the instructions, suggestions, mandates, 2nd brakes compliments of my wife.  Victor, are you being facetious? I would never do that!  MISOGYNIST!  AM NOT!

40. I'm so excited (I just can't hide it) to spend the weekend with Bobby and his wife at the Lake.  But, didn't he torture you growing up?  Yes (ha ha) but we were just kids.

Fitty. Junior's wedding day. Please hurry, we can't be late. Hey, there's a Lotta traffic and... you always tell me to slow down.  MISO....AM NOT.

Still fitty, but father now 79. Knock on his door. Ahm, Mr. Schultze, I don't think you were aware, but you scraped Agnes Murray's car leaving the Post Office. Gulp.

The next week. Winona? (Father's gf) You seen my car keys?  No... I'm sorry, I haven't. (I could kiss her, she took them, I didn't have to.)

65. Take this job and shove it, I ain't driving here no more.

66. Frank? You just bumped into the garage door with the RV. My bad, I'll be more careful when we drive to Montana.

72.... 2:15am this morning. 3" of fallen snow, no cause for alarm, wind chill -25.  Sonnyboy, FedEx has brutal starting times.  You mind taking the broom out, warm up the car, sweep the snow off?  Sure dad. And he said to himself, "I sure wish that kid had his driver's license. "

At 2:17am, City snow plow drivers were still sleeping, State Highways, one lane swiped, hard to see lines, but, it's always hard to see lines at 72.

Soon, back FedEx to pu son. Two lanes clear now per TV dudes driving around in it.

One of these days I'll get to the post office to mail that letter.

That's fancy for, WATCHOUT FOLKS,  HE AINT GOTS NO GF TO HIDE HIS KEYS!

Happy day, drive safe,

Love, Victurd

Romper, stomper, bomper boo

Magic mirror... I see you!

Roll call....

Albert?  "Hey hey hey!"

Archie? "Yeah, here.. don't draw me no diaphragms."..

Astro?  "Ruh roh.."

Bernie?

Bernie?  I think he stiffed us.

Bevis?  "Heh-heh."

Buehler?   Buehler?

Donald?  "YOU'RE FIRED!"

Emeril?   "BAM!"

Fonzie?  "Aaaaay!"

Geraldine?  "What you see is what you get"... ahm, nvmnd, we can't use h... anymore.

Homer?  "Do'h!  The boy did it!"

James?  "Bond... James Bond."

Johnny?  "Come on down!"

John McClane? "Yippee Ki Yay...."  OK! Thank you

Lurch?  "You rang?"

Paris?  "That's hot!"

Regis?  "Is that your final question?"

Walter?  "And that's the way it is."

Point being, characters. Most of those are familiar.  We don't need no "Extra, extra, read all about it."

Real life, even with a scorecard... ya just never know...

Mosta the above, we've visited their households, kinda sorta.

The guy (or gal) you're right behind in line at the Piggly... searching deep into their pocket/purse to come up with correct change to pay... we're in a hurry, grow impatient... very well could be social anxiety disorder and this is ten times as tough on them than it is on us.

The one we held the door for.. we gotta nod insteada "thanks"... Just lost their mom... maybe diagnosed with lymphoma.. 3rd week of sobriety... fighting demons head on.

The mom who surprised you when she frustratingly snapped at her 3 year old.. what we didn't notice was that her makeup covered the bruise from where her boyfriend knocked her to the ground last night..

The gent in the third pew at church, like clockwork, the First Sunday of the month proudly places his check of tithe in the collection basket. He never really talks, but that's because he'd heard his entire childhood how he'd never amount to anything.

He..  he just came from the assisted care facility where he spent two hours with his wife... who'd asked him two times "what was your name again?"

Her... the one who saw the infant in the carrier.. mixed smile with face of remorse... as she'd had a stillborn child 23 years ago.

People are amazing. The struggle is real and very definately more present than we'll ever know.

Victor, I hear you, but..  the part I don't get... the opening... the attempt at, association with, humor.

I do do... I do do probably try to influx humor (I know I know, attempted humor) too often in life.

That said, I think it's a fitting part to a recipe for life.  This is where I 'just my take', hopefully not preach.

Smiles. Hugs. Kindness (why not, ya just never know), Golden rule. Listening skills.  The ability (sometimes I suck at this) to NOT blurt, hurt.

I'm positive.... I think.. (That's the title to the book I'll never write.)

TV, movie characters we know, love, like a book.

Everyday people, perhaps not so much.

Outtards oft times don't match, nor explain, innards.

Oh, and drink more Ovaltine, right Ralphie.

Life can be a bitch... and will shoot your eye out if not approached, or at least attempted to approach, in kindness.

We fail (occasionally). Every. Last. One. Of. Us.

Human, interest.

May good fill your day,

Love, Victurd

6 days ago...

Five dudes and I were sitting in the sauna at the Community Center yesterday..  the deep heat lent us all a brief respite from the continuing gloom of Mother Nature here locally. 

This Winter KC has transformed our nickname from The City of Fountains, to, The City of Mountains, as in parking lots, roadsides, there've been a heaping helping never melting tall pile after tall pile of... snow.

With the exception of folks who patronized the now legal dispensaries, we all have forgotten what grass looks like.

Presto, some 40 degree temps, even one day of 50, melting, "look, I can see the green on hole #15!"... and then whoomp, ther' it is, more cold, more snow, more mountains.

As the six of us dudes sat around discussing the impending forecast next week (first day of the week projected to be in excess of 20 degrees is Saturday.).. some smartass (uh huh, you guessed it) offered "yeah, but at least we've got the Chiefs."

Sauna temp went from one-fitty to 60 in a sweat drop... as I looked around I felt like I was a stranger at the dog park and five of em were snarling at me.

Point being, we made it past whateverinthehell that was last Sunday in The Big Easy... The Big Easy for the Eagles.

The little redheaded singing snotnose was right... the sun'll come out. .. kinda.. the kids even went back to school two days last week. Grief counseling?  No, weather.

If ya puff your chests out during parades, ya gotta suck it up when the same team charades as an NFL champ, ie, instead, chump.

America got its wish..  the Election?  No, the R O L A I D relief from Mahomes, Andy, Chris, whyinthehell do they keep showing her, and, her boyfriend, who, in this game, looked more like 87 than 35.

A genuine buttkicking.  Happens. Did to Brady.  Manning. Elway,  hell even Bradshaw and Bart Starr. Who?  See? Maybe one day we'll forget.

Just another bump in life's road. Like, when your honey threw your class ring in your face. HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, SHE NEVER GAVE IT BACK!

The day you finally had to send the '71 Volkswagen convertible to the yard of bones.

What? CHAPTER 7?  OH SH*T. Honey, where'd I put my resume'?

Honey? Oh sh*t, whar'd she go?

I jest, kinda. 

Sometimes life is like a sandwich of only two pieces of bread.

Thankfully,  it's also incredible.  A peanut butter and banana sandwich.  Victor? You mean PB&J?  No.

Or, a 300 burger. Perfection.

Having children. A new house, car.  Over the river and through the woods to Grandmother's house we went.

Family. Beloved inlaws. I even remember that time a few years back I actually got to repair a golf divot.

Grandkids.

Friends, laughs, gorgeous weather, birthday cakes, retirement parties, weddings, blockbuster movies, binging Netflix, scratching your hound's back to get his back paw running like 60.

Singing in the car. Watching the stars. A firepit with friends encircled and the smoke ain't going in anyone's face.

Laundry done, house clean, take a ride in the country?  Family,  class reunions. Hugs, a spatula turning life back over, joyously looking in the rear view mirror with the certainty of 'objects may be (probably are) fatter than they appear.

What were we talking about?

Oh yeah, Patrick. 

To everyone within earshot..  the Pacific..  the Atlantic... the Gulf of....whatever, we made it. With Gloria Gaynor as our role model, we made it.  We will survive.

I love rock and roll, put another dime ($6) in the jukebox baby.

With age brings rust (Tin Man). Occasionally we lose our gourd (Scarecrow). We blurt, occasionally forgetting our heart (Cowardly Lion).  Whatever shortcomings life throws us, we continue down the yellow brick road. 

In times of 2 and 14 seasons (we've had 22 losing seasons) we'll faithfully follow, root for, them red slippers.

Forward by Dorothy, SpongeBob (Patrick too), Gloria, BFF's, family, Srixon, junkyard dogs, Tubthumping, Elvis (I can't throw it and catch it too) Grrrrbac, sauna dudes, Jake from State Farm, Swifties everywhere, even Jalen, hurts, Louie (what a wonderful world), Charles (it was the best of times), even Lucy, who yanked the damn ball and kept Charlie from Buttkicking the Eagles. (Witchy woman). MISOGYNIST, AM NOT!

Cause I got a peaceful easy feeling.. and i know you won't let me down... 

But if you do, we'll get back up again

LET'S GO ROYALS!

Honey, did you buy bananas?

Honey?

Love, Victurd 

Matter...

Or, 4:33am thoughts.

Happy Valentines Day. Does your heart still go pitter patter?  Does it even matter?

How doest thou juggle ones day?

Hit the snooze button... twice?

Hell to the no, I'm retired, what alarm?

Ya make your way to the kitchen. Assuming coffee is among the first ball of the day you juggle.

Are you a drip kinda guy, gal... or, onea the K-cup variety? (Victor, you forget Expresso as well as French coffee press.)

Color me po', a simpleton (Always Save, Great Value, whateva Piggly calls their cheap crap), thus, I'm a drip kinda person. You? Matter?

Next ball. Newspaper? Still get ink on your fingers, or, the E type?

No newspaper for me, too depressing, gimme NPR, Wordle, Sudoku, a good book, or, Barney, Andy, Ope on WeTV.

Did you do the 'hup 2, 3 4' (ie, you're disciplined, hella organized, your day is planned out hour to hour)... or, Que sera sera.. lunch is long range planning for me. You? Matter?

Approximately WHEN do you first orate the word Love in your day?  Sometimes, baby kiss on mates cheek as you 'woke up, fell outta bed'... or.. when you pet Rover, let him out to pee?..  live alone, when you first look in the mirror? Or, love was never said at our house, why would I do, say that?

My sister. I love, loved, miss her so, in spite of when, I was 11, she 16, purposely would look in the mirror, tying to get a rise out of me (aka Alfred E Neuman) and she'd  say "Oh Vanda, I love you so, you are SO beautiful!" Worked (the rise, accompanied aggrevation). Oh what I'd give to hear, relive that again.

When those tootsies (woke up, fell outta bed) hit the floor, do you instantly know the date, day of the week, approximate checking account balance, what the scale will tell you when you tromp on it? How much gas is in the car?

Who are the people in your neighborhood... no, ain't it, sorry Elmo.. who are some of the people your brain hones in on early in the day? Will you, do you, then contact them. Go see em? They visit you?

Do you know, like, ignore the people in your neighborhood? 

Would your grandkids even know whatintheheck a checking account is? Hanging up the phone? Dial granny for me?

Dis' positiom, dat position...Sleep on your back... side..  tummy... 2nd bedroom (he/she snores). Pets allowed in bed, or, do they allow you in bed? On the couch?

Do you wake up, fall outta bed in a good mood or do you need some kinda jumper cables to induce that first smile?

Victor, page two of blog and you ain't even mentioned pee.

Thanks... 6 to 7 times a day we pee... grumpy old men quite a few more... sweet old ladies who've borned kids, pee a bit when they laugh.. sneeze. MISOGYNIST!  AM NOT!

Do you drive at, over, under the speed limit? Tailgate? Hate, slow down when tailgated?  Driven 7 miles on Interstate before you notice your turn signal is on?

Are you average? They say, peek at your phone 80+ times a day.  Answer a call you have no idea it is? Stalk someone's photos on Facebook?  VICTOR, where'd you get that one?  Does it matter? I once read some people do that. 

Do you 'hit the brake' from the passenger seat?  Freely give driving suggestions? 

You ever get disinterested reading a blog, go play Solitare halfway through.

I hate you. JK. It is said to never orate the word hate. Are we going to hell if we think it?  I mean, how harmful is it to say (or think) "I hate seafood?"  Sorry Charlie.

Do you like rap?  At Christmas,  wrap your own or buy onea them cheapie bags, cover the gift with colorful tissue?

Ever think "I wish he'd wrap this up."

OK OK.

First. A funeral. What matters?  All the matter collected? Funerals always bring a sense of sadness.  My own personal take, what matters most to me is, in walking to the car after, "what a nice, nice person he/she was... missed. They'll be missed. That matters."

You matter to me. I hope you have a nifty day, pay homage to Russell Stover, the FTD driver... and, if you're lucky, to Motel 6.

Huh?

Yeah, "I'll leave the light on...dim."  Attire don't matter.

Pitter patter..  may your day, life, be full of matter.

Love, Victurd

Oh the weather outside is frightful

Burns my butt,  is not delightful

And since I've got places to go

Go away, go away go away,

It doesn’t show signs of stopping

Outta egg$, I gotta go shopping

Not a fan, I'm here to say

Go away, go away go away.

Weathermen can kiss my... grits.  

Driving in it gives me the... diarrhea..

How I’ll hate going out in this crap

Color me a grumpy old sap..

All the way home I’ll be fussing, 

Taut, white knuckles, assuredly cussing

The fire for seasons is slowly dying

January, February we’re still good-bye-ing

Spring, I  love you so..

(Winter/snow) go away, go away go away.

Poem end. Bad, sorry. Kinda.

I hate it, and I know some don't mind it.

Not me, cause it's cold, I canardly find it.

Pitchers and catchers today... (snow) go away go away go away.

Robin, Robin, as quick as you can,

I may have to become an Orioles fan....  

By Henry Gibson (shrinkage, sorry, kinda)

Love, Victurd

Victurd? Are you really 70-something?

OUCH!

Sorry sucker. Next snowball might have a rock in it.