It's been noted I'm not very observant, witness conversation from around 12th or 13th year of marriage. Sitting in the living room... "Honey?"... "Yes?" walking in from kitchen.... "When did we get that painting?"... She stares up at painting.. "About two years ago."
Life 360. I didn't know about it. It's an app. Goes on a phone. Can be tracked from another phone. Multiple purpose. Some use it simply to find the phone. It gives 24 hour, 7 day a week information on the location of the phone (from the master phone.) It's good for having for an aging parent as you can track where they are, and retire at night in peace/comfort.
Then, there's the helicopter parent usage. Make sure your kid has the app, and, HE'S YOURS! You can tell, whether or not it's 6pm or 6am, WHERE said kid is (it gives you a GPS location).. HOW FAST he's are driving, and, WHETHER OR NOT HE HAS ON CLEAN UNDIES. Ok, I made that part up - but(t) I wouldn't be surprised if one day there is an app for that.
Imagine.......
Imagine back to 1970.....
Imagine they/we had it then.
"Honey, here's your new phone." "Gee thanks mom and dad!" "You're welcome.. where you going tonight?" "Well, we're going to Smitty's to play pool, then we might go bowl a game at (enter local bowling alley here.)"
Son gets home at midnight. "CAN YOU TELL ME EXACTLY WHY YOU DROVE AROUND FROM LIBERTY TO EXCELSIOR TO RICHMOND TO BELTON TO KCMO TO PARKVILLE TONIGHT." "Geez mom, dad, how'd you guys know that?" "Well, there's an app on your phone. It's called Life 360 and it tells us where you are at so we'll know you're safe. So, I presume Smitty lives in Excelsior, then you went bowling in Richmond, then Belton, then KCMO, then Parkville eh?"
"Honey! HONEY! He said he was going to Smitty's again, Smitty lives across town, the only streets he could use to get there are all 25mph. HE'S DIVING 68 MPH AS WE SPEAK!".. "Did you look as his GPS?" "No... lemme check, criminy, he's on I-70 headed for his Grandma's.. I feel like Gladys Kravits."
"A friend" told me this is a true story. "We're so happy you passed your driver's test what with tonight being Homecoming and all! You can take the car, but for safety, you must not leave Liberty." "Ok, cool, thanks mom and dad"... The next morning. "Ahm, son? Can you tell me why you were at the Plaza in KC, and exactly why you did a U-turn in the middle of Nichol's Road?" "I cannot tell a lie Pops." "Ahm, you already did, but go ahead," "Well, yes, all my friends went to The Plaza, so I did too. You see, I straddled one of those big ole concrete median things and I HAD to do a U-ey." (They never knew........ my friend said.)
"Hank, it's 10pm and he's at some place called "Sammy's" in Kansas City, KS." "Relax honey, it's probably a popular restaurant where kids hang out." (2/Kansas + 2/drinking age eighteen = 4sure they're drinking.) "I'm not sure if this Life360 thing is gonna help us, or, make us go to drinking too."
Two hours later.
"Honey, could you look up and see what kinda business is at 123456 S. Central in Kansas City, KS?" Google Earth says it's "Cotton Eye Joes.".. "What's that?".. "It's listed as Adult entertainment." "Shiver me timbers, is he in some deep do-do. It seems like he just got outta diapers months ago, now he's out and about looking at some lush's boobies!"
Two weeks later.
"Well would you look at that. He's been at church for 4 hours. Now I feel guilty checking in on him."...... Ring, ring... "Hello?" "Hi, this is Smitty's mom, I think something is up." "Yeah?, how so?" "Well, my son's Life 360 has him at Church.. Sam and I drove by church, the only car we saw was Ronnie's." "That's strange, our boy has been at church for 4 hours too." "Well, there were 12 of 'em here earlier, I don't think all twelve would fit in Ronnie's VW."
"Ahhhhh... fresh air in the country. Bonfire. Keg o' PBR. Chicks galore. Stones playing in the background. Screw Life360. What a GREAT idea Smitty having us all put our cell phones in the backseat of Ronnie's VW! High five dude!" "Hey, what's that? The high five hasn't been invented yet." "You know what I mean, great idea!" "Oh.. yeah, thanks!"
They were all formally 'found out' by 12 parents. 7 were grounded. 5 revolted, said they were going to turn off their Life360 app. In turn, 5 parents said, "You go right ahead, but you can bet your ass we won't be paying your cell phone bill into the future, ie, it ain't me babe."
A year later. "Ring, ring." "Oh, hi dad, what's up?" "Well, it's 8:45am Tuesday, you're away at college, I'm sure, studying like mad, but.. we just wanna know, you have a Biology lab at 8:30am Tuesday, and you're still at the dorm. Do you realize how dadgum much it costs per credit hour for you to be there?" "OK OK, I'm going, I'm going."
Short blog -> you're welcome that it is, pretty lame, I know. I think, suffice to say, collectively, we're glad we grew up when we did, in spite of perhaps our electronic deficiencies, but.. thankfully to parents, and parents that only knew the helicopter from the Channel 9 News.. and the Grand Canyon.
By Henry Gibson N40° 44.9064', W073° 59.0735'
Love, Victurd
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