LifeFax............

Who are you?

Who, who, who, who?
Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?
Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?
Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?

Well, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
I really wanna know (who are you? Who, who, who, who?) 
Tell me, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
'Cause I really wanna know (who are you? Who, who, who, who?)

In all walks of life (and that's a lotta walks considering in the average life a person will walk over 75,000 MILES) we meet folks right and left, and up and down and all around.

Whothehell are you?  Howdoya know?

With apologies to young folks and Paul Simon as well, wouldn't it be lookin' for fun and feelin' groovy if we had sucha thing as LifeFax, you know, like we do CarFax?  No, we wouldn't necessarily know innie or outtie, or, brushes their teeth three times a day, or, only in months with 31 days.....

But...we could ascertain much. CarFax takes the VIN# (can you say Social Security Number?), has over 139,000 data sources including every US and Canadian provincial vehicle agency plus many auto auctions, fire and police departments, collision repair facilities, fleet management and rental agencies, and more.

Inotherwords, more.  They know hella more.

But... we could ascertain much.  LifeFax (would) take the SS#, a kajillion Doctor office reports (screw HIPAA, we'll figure a way), daycare reports, educational transcripts, background goodies from.. Boy/Girl Scout/Campfire Girl, FFA, YMCA, Bunko groups, The John Birch Society, The National Enquirer, The Onion, Litigant Search, the Harper Valley PTA...  Much.  Hella much.

It would be a boon for the father of the sixteen candles daughter, and the snotnose 'contents' within the car that pulls up. Does dad (hopefully) entrust the dude?  But is he really trustworthy?  1-800-LifeFax. "WHAT?  Look here Millie, in 2016 he pushed little Johnny Donald off the bleachers at an assembly, broke Johnny's clavicle, concussed, a 12 day hospital stay.  Sally, git yurass back in here, you ain't going out with him.  Thank you LifeFax.

Honey?  Since we're gonna mortgage our future here, don'tya think we oughta check with LifeFax to see who (fer real) our new neighbors are before we put down an offer? Lemme see,,, the Kahns, our wouldbe neighb's on the East, report looks good. Daughter was valedictorian, they done fostered, rescued 27 dogs in 12 years, and they give $19 a month to St. Judes. I likes these folks.

But damnit darnit, the LifeFax report tells me, the Emmitts, the wouldbe neighbor to our West, it ain't so good. He's had 6 DUI's, she usedta pole dance back in the day, the oldest son got kicked off the HS basketball team for smokin' pot, and hells bells, they're grandparents AT AGE 38! Thanks LifeFax, and no thanks MLS listing, we ain't goin' nowhere close to these peeps, honey, put that cardboard back on our new Ikea sofa.

Coworker. Ya spend all day RIGHT NEXT TO 'EM, can't see 'em thanks to cubicle walls, but... you can eavesdrop a bit. but.... do you really know 'em? Well, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)

I really wanna know (who are you? Who, who, who, who?) Just dial................

1-800-LifeFax. Yep, what I thought.  Lied on the resume', filed for unemployment at EVERY past job, that hair ain't really blonde (TY BarberAndSalon.com for joining LifeFax !).. Got promoted, it's believed, due to a bit of hanky pank with the Office Manager. Geez Louise.  Ahm, nice to meet you, ahhhh,  I have concentration issues so if I don't get involved in much banter with you, it ain't you, it's me, and nuthin' personal.  Whew, glad I got that out.

The Little League Coach. Who are you, I really wanna know. Take a look at the LifeFax Suz', he had severe acne as a kid... had some recent incontinence issues, but check this out, 7 years ago he pitched for the Chattanooga Lookouts, the Cincinnati Reds AA Minor league team! That man gonna done teach Sonny a slider and a split fingered fastball, run'n grab that Rawlings glove at Dicks we was lookin' at the other day, Sonny may one day buy us a new house with his signing bonus! Yahooo!  TY LifeFax!

Match.com.  HA, jokes on you!  Who are you, who are you, toot toot, I really wanna know.  That'n there, LifeFax says that photo is from 2003, not no's but hells no's. Ewww..  the one over here, treated for Herpes back in aught-6, seeya, wouldn't wanna beya.  Hey, this one makes over $150K a year, I guess I'll pay the $19.99 a month so I kin' maybe see if i can get a phone number.

Damnit, our sump pump stoppeda workin.  Let's see.. Ernie's Plumbing, think I'll call LifeFax to see if Ernie's all he's cracked up to be. OK, went to trade school, belongs to Kiwanis, usher/tithes at the Methodist church, dial him up honey, i think he's OK.  Since you work from home, mebbe he could come out sometime tomorrow. TY LifeFax!

Too bad we ain't really gotta LifeFax.  Life would be so much simpler.  I guess we mostly gotta take people by their word, and look for a possible backfire later. Go over for burgers offa their Big Green Egg, but let's stay at arm's length for a few months. Dating?  Trial and error I reckon.  Of course, marriage too could be trial and error.  Error and ya fer sure gotta trial. That CarFax thing even checks for Lemons, it's too dadgum bad their ain't a LifeFax. Cause wishin' and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin', plannin' and dreamin' the kisses will start, that won't get you into the heart, so if you're thinkin' of how great true love is.. (Victor, warning, that's second song in this blog...no wait, forgot 'Feelin' Groovy', third..  Sorry.  So sorry.  You shoulda LifeFax'ed me, I've done did that many times. Sorry, not sorry.)

Well, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
I really wanna know (who are you? Who, who, who, who?) 
Tell me, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
'Cause I really wanna know (who are you? Who, who, who, who?)

Snotnoses picking up 16 candle daughters of Dads, neighbors on either side, cubicle mates, Pee Wee football coaches, plumbers, and the search for the partner of a lifetime. Reckon we're on our own.

Life don't come with 'structions, or, LifeFax.

Who are you............ I really wanna know.

Love, Victurd