Polk Salad Annie................ I'm All Shook Up....

Mmmm mmm mmmm, mmmm, yeah yeah....

I love life, I do, please don't get me wrong here as I DO love life.  Sometimes, I see, what I deem, someone saying something wrong, ill advised, usually aimed at or about, someone, something who/that is unable to reply, protect themself(ves) so I blurt.

Then comes regret.  Then comes hours and hours of hiding from the mirror.  Then comes (how many rounds are there in a Heavyweight boxing match?  12), then comes 12 rounds of Victor boxing versus Victor.  Mentally exhausting. "Why don't you just stand up, get away from the computer so we don't have to go thru all this again?"

I truly feel like "going somewhere you can't be seen."  So, I Googled that.  Turns out, it lead to an umpiring story. That's at the end, so, if you're in a hurry, or, you no likey checkenginelight (and I'm ok with that) scroll to bottom, it's down there.

IN THE MEANTIME.  After I got up off the canvas from that 12 round battle with myself, I read about more, other umpire exchanges.  Levity. I needed me some levity. From 3am until 430am this morning, I found that levity.  (I surmise, Victor... this is where you're gonna share said levity?)

Uh huh.  I haveta, 'cause I was all shook up, mmmm mmm mmmm, mmmm, yeah yeah....

"Once I was a catcher in softball game, the umpire was constantly calling pitches that were a strike, balls. Finally I said, after a blatant miscall, "You must be blind."  The ump immediately circled around to the front of the batter's box so I could see him, retorted "WHAT DID YOU SAY?"... so, I said "You must be deaf too."  (Yes, I got thumbed.)

Editor's note. Before I get in another 12 round fight with Victor, lemme 'xplain Lucy.  I have one friend completely blind, another almost blind.  They are both, amazing. A beloved cousin coached basketball at the Missouri School for the Deaf. He, the kids, were/are amazing. I don't find humor in blindness or being deaf. I have a goofy affliction that makes me walk funny.  Of course, affliction isn't funny, but, ya know?  Levity sometimes helps us along the way, so I rejoice when my golfing buddies call me Joe Cocker, just as I hope, and don't believe, my buddies would get mad at me for the umpiring thing.

S'more ump stuff.. "You should go on To Tell The Truth.. no one would ever guess you're an umpire."

"AJ Pierzynski got tossed one time when the ump started to hand him a new ball and he said "Give me one you can see."

"A coach had prepared his catcher to answer him like he wanted, then, he stepped out of the dugout and asked if that last pitch was over the plate, catcher replied "Yes sir".... Coach shot back "THEN ONE OF Y'ALL IS LYING!"

"Last year, minor league game, I noticed as the game went on the strike zone got increasingly larger.. so I asked the ump, "What's your hurry?  You gotta date?"... he shot back "At least one of us does." Ump 1, me 0."

"I got tossed because I told the ump to turn the plate over and read the directions."

"My dad was a high school football referee.  One of the coaches hollered "YOU STINK!"  Dad marked off 15 yards, turned to the coach and said "How do I smell from here Coach?"

"I was umpiring fast pitch women's softball years ago and one coach continually argued balls and strikes from the top two steps of his dugout. When his team came to the plate in the third, he went out to coach and I stood on the top two steps of his dugout, shouted "Play Ball!"... When the pitcher threw the first pitch, I called it a strike.  He screamed "You can't call that pitch from there!"  "That's funny coach, you've been calling them from here since we started." I think he got the point so I went back behind home plate.

Polk Salad Annie.

Ron Polk is one of THE most successful college baseball coaches EVER. His teams won 1,373 games. 185 of his players got drafted (8 in the first round) and 23 made it to the majors. He even wrote a book, "The Baseball Playbook" in 1982 that is considered 'the Bible' in coaching baseball. He reminds me of Bill Snyder with his handwritten notes.  He orders 2,000 Christmas cards, 1,000 Birthday cards and 1,000 Anniversary cards a year, sends them out, handwritten annually, "It takes a lot of time, but I think it's the right thing to do." Bottomline, I, and many, think he is the bomb.

"Once, at a game at Arkansas, I was thrown out for arguing balls and strikes. After exchanging a few 'pleasantries' the ump instructed me to "Go where I can't see you."  So, I went and stood on home plate."

That's kinda sorta me, how I feel when I blurt.  Go somewhere where I can't see myself. Then, later, I might even think, "Well, maybe I made the right call afterall." (Every time I lose a 'rasslin' match, I got a funny feeling that I won.")

Tossin and turning.  I'm all shook up, mmmm mmm mmmm, mmmm, yeah yeah....

Love, Umpturd