EVEN A TERM POLICY.
$29.99 (Worse, even worse than fingernails on the chalkboard.)
You have the right to remain silent..........
9 1 1 what's your emergency?
"Poo... gotta poo daddy (or Grandpa)"....
Take this job and shove it.
Taylor Swift will be there.
A preachment dear friends you are about to receive....
Help, I've fallen and I can't get up.
Has anybody here, seen my old friend Martin, can you tell me where he's gone?
Attention KMart Shoppers, we have a BLUELIGHT SPECIAL NOW in Notions.....
BREAKING NEWS.......
Buehler?
You'll shoot your eye out.
You'll go blind. VICTOR! You didn't!
Hi. Last name Starving, party of two please.
- Sundance Kid: [Butch and the Kid are on the edge of a cliff, preparing to take on the posse pursuing them] Ready?
- Butch Cassidy: No - we'll jump.
- Sundance Kid: [peering nervously over the edge] ... Like hell, we will.
- Butch Cassidy: No, it'll be okay. If the water's deep enough and we don't get squished to death, they'll never follow us.
- Sundance Kid: How do you know?
- Butch Cassidy: Would you make a jump like that if you didn't have to?
- Sundance Kid: I have to and I'm not gonna.
- Butch Cassidy: Well, we got to. Otherwise, we're dead. We're just gonna have to go back down the same way they come. Come on.
- Sundance Kid: Just one clear shot, that's all I want.
- Butch Cassidy: Come on.
- Sundance Kid: Uh-uh.
- Butch Cassidy: [leans into the Kid] We got to!
- Sundance Kid: Get away from me.
- Butch Cassidy: Why?
- Sundance Kid: I wanna fight 'em!
- Butch Cassidy: They'll kill us.
- Sundance Kid: Maybe.
- Butch Cassidy: You wanna die?
- Sundance Kid: Do you?
- Butch Cassidy: Alright. I'll jump first.
- Sundance Kid: Nope.
- Butch Cassidy: Then you jump first.
- Sundance Kid: No, I said.
- Butch Cassidy: What's the matter with you?
- Sundance Kid: I can't swim!
- Butch Cassidy: [pauses, then laughs] ... Are you crazy? The fall will probably kill ya.
- [pause, then they start running to the edge]
- Sundance Kid: OOOOH SHIIIIIT!
- [Butch and the Kid land in the water]
The rabbit died.
I don't think that was a fart.......damnit.
Honey my mom is coming to spend the week with us.
Ya just hop off the bus, Gus...
'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane'
On a Continental Flight with a very 'senior' flight attendant crew, the pilot said, 'Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.'
We've decided NOT to have children. We're telling them at dinner tonight.
Waldo, please come to the nearest white courtesy telephone.
Dewey wins.
I've got an itchy, itchy rash.
"It is reported that at 8:50 p.m. a huge, flaming object, believed to be a meteorite, fell on a farm in the neighborhood of Grovers Mill, New Jersey, twenty-two miles from Trenton."
"I've gotta pee." (WHY, WHY do women always, ALWAYS announce that?)
Everyone out of the pool please... we've got a floater.
Today, at 1:20pm, in case ya ain't heard.. a nationwide test of the federal emergency alert system will be broadcast to cellphones, televisions and radios. I read somewhere it's supposed to be a different (obnoxious?) sound, that you can't get to stop until it runs for a full minute.
Compiled by Steve Martin, Spectrum, Coventry, Barney Fife, Marnie - for a little while anyways, Johnny Paycheck, Travis Kelce, Claire Peller, Dion, The Hombres, CNN/FOX/Local news to ad nauseum, Dean Rooney, Ralphie's mom, An older brother, Hungry couple, Paul Newman, Robert Redford, Girlfriend, anonymous, a wife, Paul Simon, Continental Airlines, a very tired parenting couple, airport announcer guy, The Chicago Tribune, Gold Bond, H.G. Wells, Women (everywhere), Victurd.
Breaker one nine.
OH NO! THE CHECKENGINELIGHT!
Life is good... if you pay attention.
Love, Victurd
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