In som nia.... In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight... or not.

 Weeheeheehee dee heeheeheehee weeoh aweem away

Weeheeheehee dee heeheeheehee weeoh aweem away

(A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh)
(A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh)

Oh hi.  You there.  Yes, you.  It's really really boring to read about something that doesn't apply to you.  Victor, sometimes it's really really boring to read any of your blogs.  I'm sorry blog reader, I musta dozed off.. what'd you say?

This blog is about sleep, or not.  Again, you there?  Yes, you.  Please, go on about your way if you never eva' have trouble sleeping, thanks.

Ahm, you're still here.  Whatsup with that?  I guess, apparently you're up.  Me too.  The last three 'nights', my drip coffeemaker (very cheap one at Wally, hey, it works.) Anyways, two days ago I made coffee at 10pm, yes, you read that that'correctly.  Yesterday, 1:30am.  This morning, 2:17am.

Great balls of fire Victor, it's no wonder you're strange.  HEY, bite me, and, you should see all the 'green lights' I see on Facebook that are up before me.  One lady on there, we actually race (unintentionally) to see who gets up first.

How much sleep does the average person get?  I thought you'd never ask.  You can't always get what you want (need).. we need 7-9 one site says.  We (the average person..  are you an average person?  Bite your fingernails? Own a cuss jar?  Voodoo pin cushion on the fridge? Pick, wipe your boogies under the kitchen table?  Stop please Victor. One more. Ever eat a pine tree?)   The average person gets less than seven hours of sleep.

Why?  Why the discrepancy between need and actual?

Common sleep disruptions:

Well, yes.  There's 'that'. But if you're close in age to me, you mighta forgotten 'that' too.  

Noise is another.  "Noise may disrupt sleep and increase production of the hormones adrenaline and cortisol as well as increase heart rate and blood pressure. (I couldn't sleep at all last night, doo doo doo, doo.  I was tossin' and turnin'. )

Pee, another disrupter, especially us old farts. 69% of old men (you decide what's old) and 76% of old ladies (I've always wondered why 'old lady' is thought of as offensive, and 'old man' is dotingly loving.) Anyways, 69% of (old) men and 76% of (old) women pee at least once a night. Citing statistics from my 71 years of personal sleep study, it's found 100% of women feel the obligation, and act on it, to announce when they're going to pee. (Scroll to noise being a distractor.)

Add pain and heartburn to the sleep distraction list.  PMS makes women two times as likely to report insomnia-like symptoms before and after, and 73 times as likely to relay that info to their hubs. (Enter TMI here.  My ex so happened have the initials MS. I had fun calling her 'Pretty M_______ S______.'  Could very well have something to do with me now reaching over at night to feel for her, and she ain't there, I dunno.)

My own list of sleep detractors:

Children. Pitter patter "what's the matter?" I'm cold/scared (the boogie man)/tired/hungry/I gotta boogie stuck, Jimmy hit me, tummy ache, I gotta go poo but I can't, I forgot to do my homework, you lemme sleep with you last Friday?)

Pets. Cold noses. Barks due to a leaf falling off a tree at 1:15am. Gotta pee. They announce in various ways.  "I want in the middle."  "Scoot over" said Rover. "Mind if I knead on your shoulder awhile" said kitty. Ya flick 'em away.   "Too bad, I'm still gonna."

Snoring. Ya know, it's weird. I usedta get that all the time "turn over Victor, you're snoring badly." Strangely, I don't think I've snored the last 7 or so years.

"40% of people with insomnia may have a diagnosable mental health condition."  Ruh roh. "70% of people with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) are tired in the Winter.  Color me this.

83% of depressed folks have trouble going to sleep, fitty-four% say 'stress and anxiety',  Sunday night is the worst for falling asleep.  Geez, wonder why.

Victor, we're kinda tired of stats, what else, something else please?

Too bad, so sad, I got more:  50% of people who watch TV before bed get less than 7 hrs. 53% sleep with their bedroom windows closed, 61% with their bedroom doors closed. You?   58% of people who bathe or shower before bedtime say they sleep better, and 100% of them say they sleep better when their better half bathes or showers before bedtime.

Melatonin, gummies, a couple of beers. Uh huh.

"Getting an extra hour of sleep for women can increase the interest in partnered sexual activity by 14%."  Honey, you sleep in, I got breakfast.

"30% of couples sleep in separate bed." I knew you liked the damn dogs and cats more than me.

"7% of adults take a nap every day."  I call BS. "81% of adults have taken a nap of 10 minutes or longer in the past 3 months."  That's more like it.

I'll get outta here.  First, please know I love sleep.  You?  There ain't nuttin' better (to me anyways) than heading to bed, plopping down, relaxing, day is done feeling. I, personally, take my plugged in phone to bed and play Sudoku.  I never finish a game. I always fall asleep in the middle of a game. Works for me.  

To the tune of "We've got spirit.. "I play Sudoku yes I do, I play Sudoku, Howbout you?

Sweet dreams... or 3am coffee... or, "Get the hell in the guest bedroom honey, you're snoring like crazy."

(A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh)
(A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh)

Night, we'll leave the light on for you.

Love, Victurd