Haircut....... You got some change coming back.......... New(er) car.. How much did you pay? $_____. Man, you got some change coming back.......... Fresh from KMart witha new paira pants, shirt.. Friend would seeya put 'em on.. "Man, even if that was a Bluelight Special, you got some change coming back..........
Funny ha ha those frat boys were.
Victor? Yes? Hi, this is your brain (Scary, I know). I thought you were gonna do a blog on change, not frat days.
I actually was. I thought about that 18 yr old gal I recently worked with, at the enda the day we'd pour all the tips out from the jar, she'd say "Oh I don't like change, you can have it too." Yum, ahm, OK! Or that my get rich scheme would be a "quarter a profane word in a jar", but, I really don't cuss all that much.
So, then I thought I'd try a "quarter each time ya get lucky" jar.. Years, it's been empty for.. VICTOR! Oh, OK, I lied anyways.. I did make a 23' putt in 2021, so there's one quarter in the jar.
Brain? Yes? Changed my mind. I wanna go back. Back to 36 Moss, Liberty, MO 64068, 1970-something. You can't. Can. Can't. Can. CAN'T. WILL!
Bad idea Victor. Many don't like frats. People will think you're a simpleton. You are pigeon-holing your targeted audience. Funnel. No worky. Disinterest, "Leaving now, going back to Good Morning America, seeya later Victor."
See ya, ta ta. Sorry, exit then, stage left. Changed my mind.
It was the best of times, it was the best of times. That ain't what Dickens said? Yeah, I know, none of us fared well in English Lit anyways.
We all (well, except me) had nicknames. Whale. Squat. Dix, Boz, Nubert, The Nude Dude (he was a streaker), Memphis, Pup, Plug, Chopper, Pie, Bear, Stinger, Senseless, Strobe, Coal Miner, Trout, Hymie, Tip, Too Tall, Sixto, etc, etc.
Ensuring we got the bang for our buck (or, maybe our parent's bucks) joining a fraternity, it helped educate us on much. Yeah? Yeah. What? Oh, collecting artifacts, laundry techniques, preparation for life, and the weeks of hell within, dieting, dealing with insomnia, sleep depravation later in life, CPR, teamwork, solicitation, hydration, astronomy,
Sounds very admirable Victor. Collecting artifacts? Yessir. We had half of the globes from the streetlights of Liberty.. signs from 43 different realtors.. even the Sambo's welcome mat. EVEN THE SAMBO'S WELCOME MAT? Uh huh. Ok.
Laundry techniques? Uh huh. It went hand in hand with the next one, preparation for life, and the weeks of hell within. Xplain Lucy. OK. We pledges, that's what they called us guys who were wined and dined, bragged on, convinced, there was no better way than the way of our fraternity of choice. Our choice, was Sigma Nu.
OK, back to laundry. Well, Hell Week. That's us pledges up there, who want to become active. Active = full fledged, belong, get to go in that must be heaven locked room, the Active Chapter Room. We get the drift, laundry? They gave us pledges burlap sacks to wear for a week. They were kinda abrasive. Scratch that (and that and that) they were VERY abrasive. So, we learned laundry techniques (washing the burlap sacks twelve times in Downy Fabric Softener so the burlap wouldn't rub our damn nipples off.)
OK. Dieting? Yes. We couldn't eat for a week. Geez. Were you all fat? No, they just wanted to mess with us. It's what you did in 1970-something, mess with people. Strange. Yeah, but we loved it, kinda.
Dealing with insomnia, sleep deprivation later in life? Yes. We couldn't go to sleep for a week. WHAT? Lemme see if I got this right. You gotta wear burlap on your skin, you can't eat, and you can't sleep, FOR A WEEK? Uh huh, we loved it. Kinda. We'd get to see the locked Active Chapter Room one day if we made it. OK, I guess.
CPR? Finally you learn something that's a valuable tool for later in life. Uh huh. We had to pull the carp they put in the toilet out, and give it mouth-to-mouth. Sounds fishy. It was.
Teamwork? Uh huh. Shoulda added adjusting to cold too. We teamed up, lined up. We were all in our burlap sacks and jock straps. Huh? Uh huh. Why? I dunno, we were 17, 18, why ask why, we just wanted to belong, get in, one day see that locked Active Chapter Room. Back to teamwork Victor, adjusting to cold. Oh yeah. There were two big ole blocks of ice, about 15' apart, and a marble. OK. The first guy had to run to the block of ice and pickup the marble. That seems pretty cinchy. Uh huh, cept you couldn't use your hands, Nuh uh. Uh huh, butt I ain't lying. Then ya wabbled and took it to the other block of ice, put the marble on top, then your teammate would pick it up, take it to the other block and so on and so on, teamwork.
Solicitation? Could be a beneficial if you would one day go into sales, tell me more. OK. We had to collect 150 signatures of coeds. That sounds FUN! It was, except. Except what? They gave us a pen, and about 18 inches of string. We tied the pen to one end of the string, then slid the string down our burlap shirt, and tied the other end onto our....... ahm.... you know. NO WAY! Way. The coeds were aware of this, I guess from previous years, most were really really nice. They tried not to tug on string as they signed, kinda embarrassed some were, but they signed. Then others, they would purposely YANK on the pen, oft times dropping us to our knees. REALLY? Well, they really did YANK, but, we weren't stupid, we didn't tie the other end to our... you know... we tied it to a belt loop. Whew, good thing. Uh huh. We all intended to one day have children.
I think next on your list was hydration. Tell me about that. OK. We had to chug water. By the pitcher. Strange, but doable. And? And another pitcher. And another. There was a big ole empty pot infronta us. Once we got to about the 5th pitcher of water, well.. we.. we'd upchuck. Yeah? Yeah. And when we upchucked, the actives would chant "PUMP IT!" So, as we were upchucking the water into the pot, we used one arm to act as if we were pumping it out. So, you enjoyed this? Not really, but we wanted to be active, see that room we talked about. Ok, what was next? Oh we ain't done talking about hydration yet. Yeah? Yeah... long paragraph Victor, tell me more below. K.
Ifn's, within our 'hydration' into the big pot, there were 'chunks', we were in big trouble. Chunks? Uh huh, as in food. Remember, we weren't sposedta eat. Friends, parents, townies, snuck us food. We ate, it came out during our "Viking Drill" Viking Drill? Uh huh, the water pitchers. So, what was the chunk penalty?
They pink bellied us. Huh? Yeah. That's where they hadya lay down on your back, pull up your burlap top and then they would slap their hands on your belly until it became pink, thus, 'pink belly'. Sounds as if you've enrolled in a fine, fine organization within a fine institution Victor. I thought so too.
I believe the last one you listed was Astronomy. Did they finally teach you something of use? Uh huh, did. They'd pair us up with another pledge, blindfold us, drive around in circles, and somewheres, somewheres three miles or so out into the country, they'd throw us outta the car. So? So you used your cell phones to have someone pick you up? Ahm, didn't have cell phones then. Then, you looked at stars and figured your way, you know, like that Magellan guy. I'm sure you musta been in a hurry to get back and save the carp, pickup marbles with your butt, have chickies tugging on your wanger string, 'pump' water out with your arm, and get pink bellied. Uh huh, we were.
So, I am assuming you made it. You went from pledge to Active. Uh huh, did. So tell me then, The Locked Active Chapter Room... kinda like The West Wing of the White House?... The Taj Mahal? The Sistine Chapel? Ahm, no, well, kinda. Frankly, it kinda sucked. It was an empty room. 40-some of us who smelled pretty bad, liquid smoke like (story for another blog), sweaty, greasy, grimy.. and all it had in it was carpet. Oh, Sistine like, on the ceiling, some previous active Michaelangelo like had painted the Sigma Nu crest on the ceiling. That was kinda cool.
So............. lemme ask. After all that crap...Sounds like an Animal House. (Funny you should say that.) Surely. Surely you entered the Transfer Portal... Went somewhere for bigger NIL money.. Got THE HELL outta Dodge?
No. I loved it. It was maybe the very best time of my life. Truth.
Hi Rickety,
Love, Victurd (finally, a nickname)
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