If football were life..........

Hurry up offense...  Wet behind ears college kid called for illegal use of hands on first date.

Holding, would be a reference for those in the zip codes of the frozen tundra of the Midwest.  It's presently a prerequisite for sleep - so, remember to brush your chops, down/spit some Listerine, and by all means, Lume/Mando up.......

Neutral zone is the area tween in bed where the dadgum dogs/cats settle.  Men look at pet neutral zone infractions (dogs, cats entering same) as any attempt to stop scoring (touchdowns, field goals, PATs, etc) thus, no end zone or excessive celebrations.

Women, on the other hand, pat their hand in the neutral zone, use an audible, "c'mere Bear", or, they 'borrow' the feather the man brought with him to bed, tease said cat, 'Simba' mebbe.. up.. to lay across neutral zone, thereby providing pass protection, thwarting illegal use of hands.. bump and run.. tush pushes, etc.

Pooch kick.   Fifteen yards, do not pass go or collect $200, he relegated to second bedroom for evening.

Flea flicker...  it what she do after he's in second bedroom for pooch kicking, and before she picks up the hound to put him back in neutral zone.

MFM = Too many men on the field.

Blitz.... this is a ten minute dash by hubby, just before bedtime, cleaning off dining room table, finishing dishes, couch pillows back in correct spot, trash taken out, floor swept, mopped, si, mebbe ulterior motive.

Cheer..  it's what she hand him after he'd done his blitz and he'd forgot all about laundry.

Offensive coordinator... person in charge with responsibility to stop, deter blitzes and the motives behind same.

Fair catch.   She is awarded the Kohl's card, and in return he is afforded backing the boat into Bull Shoals.

Intentional grounding.  This is the penalty for him backing boat into Bull Shoals with no prearranged tit for tat agreement.

Interference with a fair catch.   He gave her the Kohl's card, she went, shopped, he had just dropped anchor where his fish finder suggested, she texted (and texted) "AC stopped working, please come home NOW."

Illegal snap.  "Is your mom really staying the whole weekend?"

Gridiron.  Waffles for breakfast.

Interception.  He comes home from work on a Friday, goes to shower, leaves phone on end table.  Buck texts him to see if he wants to play golf Saturday morning.  She intercepts, erases.  Ooops, sorry.

Ice the kicker....... He (or she) pulls the blankets up too far, mate's toes exposed.

Tight end......   Is when, after he's flung her a nice derriere compliment, it's like Mark Twain says, "I can live for two months on a good compliment."

Huddle...  Breakfast lunch or dinner with kids.

Quarterback... When you're done shopping at Aldi's.

Hail Mary..   One very last try after hearing "Not tonight" seven times.

Wildcat formation...  She, after draining the entire contents of a Bota Box Cabernet Sauvignon

When Wildcat formation happens, he, rushes, sacks.. causes fumble to get pj's off.. then, does end zone celebration.  He should really "act like you've been there before" but, it's been over three weeks, he can't contain himself.

2-minute warning... He, after it'd been over three weeks and he can't contain himself.

Victory formation.   Cig after.

Illegal double team block...  Dad, after it'd been over three weeks and he's having difficulties containing himself, but, the twins ask him to read a (long) bedtime story.

Love, Victurd