Hey........... WHA' HAPPENED?

Are you ready?

Ahm, no. One eye is still closed, I ain't had coffee and I gotta pee.   Oops, brb.

Does your chewing gum lose it's flavor on the bedpost overnight?

That's actually Fixodent, hang on.... . nope, clear mint, just as yummy as when first affixed.

Where have all the flowers gone?

It's January.  In Misery (Missouri) Be for real.

Did you ever have to make up your mind?

Well.... kinda.... sorta...  maybe... not real sure at this point.  That one chick said I had 'avoidance behavior'. 

Who let the dogs out?

That would be Frank Shaw, Animal Control

Who do you think you are? 

Mr. BigStuff... Bond. James Bond. My name is Prince. Jenny from the Block.  I'm Bart Simpson who the hell are you? My name Jose Jimenez.  Slim Shady, I'm gonna sit back down now.   You can call me Ray, or you can call me Jay, but you doesn't have to call me Johnson.

Why don't we do it in the road?

Ahm, Ring doorbells. Baby it's cold outside. Fresh outta pills, sorry, gosh darn Amazon. Can't you see what happened to that (rabbit, squirrel, raccoon, skunk, oposssum) deer dear? Not tonight, I've got a headache.

Who wrote the book of love?

I think his name was Al.  Al-Mutanabbi (915-965).  It's in Arabic.

Can I get a witness?

Sorry, they're all in New York.

Why do fools fall in love?

I plead the 5th on the grounds it may incriminate me.

Are you lonesome tonight?

Nah, not really. I'm playing Sudoku. Later I'll dust, then clip my toenails. Sweep the floor, mop, then check expiration dates in the fridge. Titillating, all.

Do you believe in Magic?

He was good, quite good. I'd put him in a class with Bird, Kobe. Bron's still going. Most whippersnappers say MJ.  Old farts usually vote Wilt or Bill Russell. I'll go with Kareem.

Who's your daddy?

Funny you should ask.  You see, I always love to try and prank Alexa.  Last night, I was sitting at home by dad, she didn't know that, so, I asked her,"Alexa, where's my dad?"  He's at a blackjack table in Vegas. HA!  I GOT HER THIS TIME!  "Nope!  He's sitting here right next to me!"  Sorry, that's your stepfather, your father is sitting at a blackjack table in Vegas.

Is it over yet?

Not quite Wynonna, but I can feel em noddin' off, shuffling around in their chairs.

What are we doing in love?

OH CRAP. Only the number is showing up, no name on caller ID.  Honest, I don't even remember leaving the bar last night. Hey, Wha' happened?

Will ya love me till the end of time?

(Gulp).. Ahm, sure.

Ain't that Peculiar?

No damnit, I toldya before, it's Raymore, the two cities border each other.

Does anybody really know what time it is? 

Is IS 5pm in Karachi, Pakistan. The celebratory drink there is called bung. I think I'll wait awhile.

What's your vector Victor?

Ahm, somewhere between 'should be' embarrassed, and ain't.

Enjoy life, don't ask questions.

Paul Harvey, Good day.

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