"Aunt Mildred, I really like your haircut"......... (Good gosh, she got TOO CLOSE to the fan!)
What if......... what if....... Santa himself, when ciphering 'naughty or nice', had a button he would push for a recorded "HO HO HO, I CALL BS!" Would a 4 year old know what BS is? I guess that depends on the upbringing, home vocabulary.
I call BS is sometimes preceded by Homer Simpson's "THE BOY DID IT!"
Googled, found, article "How to tell if someone is lying to you, according to experts."
Whatinthehell ya think makes one an expert? I'm already skeptical!
About white lies, like Mildred's new do.. “Lying is a very important social skill,” he says. “It greases the wheels of society and makes our relationships work better.” (Them experts say)
Buddy of mine, a local cop.. anytime there was a bar brawl, fight, pool cue swung, 911 called to The Corner Bar... "I'd interview the 29 customers that were there... the ONLY answer I ever got was "Nope, I didn't see nuttin', I was in the bathroom." The bathrooms are roughly 4 foot by 4 foot square each.
Experts continued......... "Look for physical signs... struggling to make eye contact...sweating... heart rate and BP shoot up.. (Mr. or Mrs. Expert, howinthehell would we know that?).. .salivation will decrease so you might notice gulping or licking the lips... fidgety.... rubbing, wringing hands.. clear throat.. .tug at hair..."
Band camp, my dad was THE BEST white lie (joke) teller of alltime...ok, my take anyways.. he'd lead you on.. and lead you on... sure, skeptical, it was "Bud Schultze telling a story, he'd GOT ME so many times before.".. where was I going with this? OH YEAH, he didn't have no hair, well... a combover, but he could never tug at hair, mebbe why he got away with it!
Expert, he/she continued "They'll be oddly chronological" versus someone conversing 'free flowing' with no worry of getting details perfect (if the story has been told before.) "They'll speak more eloquently"...
Copied and pasted (Honest)........
Their sentences may be full of qualifiers.. Some lies are indirect: People omit crucial facts or feign forgetfullness. In these cases, they'll often answer questions with questions. Consider the famous scene in Seinfeld where Elaine’s friend asks her if she’s having an affair with George. “Why would you think I was having an affair with George?!" a frazzled Elaine responds... (Spoiler alert: She wasn't, but she was covering for George, who had gone on a date with Marisa Tomei.) Or, when asked if he killed his brother, a murderer might respond: “Why would I want to hurt Jack?” If you ask a yes-or-no question, pay close attention if you don’t get a straight response.
That red hurts my eyes, I ain't BS'n.
Simon says, I forgot again, sat, read almost ALL the KC rag newspaper, patooey... THEN, remembered that "Good News" crap (Crap, said lovingly, Scout's honor.) Victor, I call BS. Yeah, right you are. I dropped outta Cub Scouts before I ever made it to Boy Scouts 'cause the last merit thingy I needed to do was, go to a church, do a small chore for the Pastor, get his/her signature. DEATHLY afraid, we hadn't attended church. I quit. Uh huh, did.
Simon says, But, switched to Good News.
A farmer in England, allowed a metal detectorist (I had no idea that was a word, honest).. allowed him to go about his land, seeking coins. Didn't find any, BUT...........
In the early 70's, the farmer's father (now 95, doing great) had been out feeding the cows. He was wearing a Rolex he'd bought himself on his 21st birthday (today's value, $5,700) and, uh huh, he didn't notice that the band had broken... did, a bit later.. retracked his pasture steps... nope.. no Rolex...
"I remember the day I lost it, I'd been out early with the cows. It was very cold so I'd had my hands in my pockets, but at some point I must have been feeding a cow and it slipped off or the strap had broken. We looked everywhere, but, I already knew it was gone and probably been eaten by one of the cows."
Detectorist enters here........."AHA... lookey what I found!" Yep, his Rolex. The face was now greenish, but, it had not rusted up. "It shows how well it was made to survive 50-plus years in a field. The cow could have eaten it with a mouthful of grass."
"I'm most grateful to Liam (the detectorist) who found the watch. He could have quite easily not owned up to his discovery."
Apparently, when he lost the watch, he was not in the field with the bull, so, here, there is no calling BS.
I guess, "I call cowsh*t!" works.
Forward by George Costanza, Tony Soprano, Walter White, Saul Goldman, Eddie Haskell and Otis (from his cell in Mayberry).
Simon says, blog edited by, Carly Simon, Neil Simon, Simon Cowell
If you find yourself struggling a tad with eye contact... sweaty... heart racing... dry throat... fidgety... tugging on your hair.................
It's time to CUD'L up with a loved one, tell 'em "You look great!".... and have a hamburger.
Love, fidgets, hair tugs, Victurd
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