yeah yeah yeah... "you're elected, it's your lucky day... SMILE, you're on candid camera."
Expectation. I do, kinda sorta, feel an obligation to be here, write here.. I certainly appreciate that, but... at the same time, I think "Man, they must have really strange brains if they wanna come, read what's going thru your brain Victurd." Uh huh, agree. OK, but here goes....
Upset the apple cart. Routine. Normal. Same ole same ole. ROAD CONSTRUCTION? CRAP!... 3:36am today.. "You are not connected to the Internet." By Golly (which, has me asking, whointhehell is Golly).. By Golly, I pay DARN GOOD money to be connected to the Internet.. NO. Just say NO, it ain't so! Sorry, tis.
Ever eat a pine tree? No, that ain't it. Ever see an apple cart? Me neither.
I utilized my technician talents (I unplugged everything, plugged it back in.) Waited. "You are not connected to the Internet." Cussing doesn't/won't help.. but I did say damnit-darnit. I looked at the the possible Internet connections I could try... had all my neighbors loving names for their service... I was reminded about the kid upstairs long ago (the one that usedta knock on the door at 4am to borrow a cig).. and he'd said "I'll pay you $20 if you gimme your internet password." HA
Finally got that crap figured out....... there was a wire unplugged from the router.. no idea how that happened (fancy for, "son did it")...
Wordle, 3, not bad. Check FB, nuttin new really. Time for local sports from the KC Star. Whereinthehell is the local sport's page in the KC Star. It's there, EVERY morning. Frustration. Apple cart turned over. Makes me wanna grab an apple and wing it at a squirrel! VICTOR! NO! The hell did that come from?
Geez, you delve. You gotta be really bored. I'd watched the tail end of the Royal's game. Victor, nobody cares. I know, thanks, sorry.. not. I wanted to read about it. We were behind 2-0 in the 9th. A hit. An out. Another hit. Pinch hitter for us... a guy batting .187, hits a 3 run homer, we win, we win (after we get the Tigers out in the 9th). Apple cart turned over, I can't read about it.
Next on my routine (and I can't believe you're still here, awake...) is, Wordle comparison score with my youngest niece, yeah the one that awakens at ugly-thirty like I do. I'd asked her "What are you gonna do today besides, or, in addition to, a kitty on your lap?"
She informed, "Quncy (her lap cat) LOVES playing with his laser light. Like, he's obsessed with it..it was so cute.. yesterday, he went and touched it with his paw and then looked around for the light. I have to hide it from him because he gets so weird about it... wants to constantly play or he does bad things.. And part of me feels sorry for him because he will never catch it!"
VICTOR. Whatinthehell does this have to do with you wanting to wing an upset apple from the cart at a squirrel? I'm so glad you asked... I then informed my niece, that that (can you use 'that that' in a sentence?_).. that that (Quincy, never catching the light) reminded me of my old girlfriend's hound Nascar, a miniature schnauzer. TBC
Squirrels. Nascar. Hella trees. Nascar loved to chase squirrels. The little basta's were smart, cause they knew exactly how far away they could get from a tree - and safely return once Nascar eyeballed 'em, began his chase mode. Bottomline, he'd never catch em just like Quincy will never catch the laster light. And besides, Nascar, just whatinthehell are you gonna do if you ever do catch one?
OK, all that crap has you up to date for about the first 30 minutes of my morning. Then, I recounted my story from Saturday. I suck at golf. I do, don't really care, but, I don't wanna be a detriment, slow down folks I play with.............. soooooooooooooooooooo... I took my golf clubs, threw 'em in a cart.. bought a bucket of balls at the range.. found a shade tree.. Strategically balanced my cell phone in onea the little cupholders of the golf cart...pointed it toward where I'd be hitting from, found the camera button.. pressed 'video', pressed the start button.... grabbed a 7 iron, dumped the bucket... I envisioned me being Scottie Scheffler on the 18th hole.. winning the Gold medal for the good ole U.. S.. of A. Whack! I hit one. Whack! I hit another one. Whack, a 3rd. That tired me out. Uh huh, did. Back to cart.. to watch. TBC
I light a cig, take a swig of water (it's 95 degrees).. grab the phone.. balance it on the steering wheel.. hit the 'play video' button.. I hear the sounds around me.. I see the beautiful green of the course around me..... soon.. I hear WHACK... and again, WHACK... and yet a third, WHACK... but no Victurd visable. TBC.
Ahm, so, the next time, I turned the phone 180 degrees so it would actually record me hitting the golf ball insteada the complete opposite way. Don't tell no one, k?
When I finally figured it out, had the phone turned correctly, my first thought was GOOD GOSH GERTIE. I was, am, are, HORRIBLE. Aside from how much I suck at golf, ahm, it was deemed 'Victor, you need to go back on that low carb, little sugar crap so your golf rounds ain't so 'round'.
I'd hit the 7 iron, watch.. then, youtube "the correct way to hit the golf ball from a side view"..watch.. then grab a 6 iron.. Good Gosh Gertie... then, watch video again.. grab a 5 iron.. and so on...
You ever see yourself on video and think "NUH UH! REALLY? THAT'S ME?"
Maybe ya had to be there.. .be fat... crippled... really suck at golf like me, I dunno. The 'crippled' part.. I know, I know. It was said yesterday, there is always someone worse off than you, and Good Gosh Gertie I DO KNOW that... I just like funnin'. Like... in the very rare event I win the golf hole in our regular foursome.. and I have honors (I getta hit first on the next tee) , my buddies (because me hitting first is so rare) they chime in like how they announce the golfers on TV "And now on the tee.. so-and-so from such-n-such"... but, when they do that... that's where I chime in "and now on the tee... Joe Cocker from Cripple Creek, Colorado!"
Onea my favorite memories of Married With Children was when Kelly Bundy (who I thought, think, is incredibly beautiful).. had the camera.. she aimed it on Al, Peg, Bud.. snapped the picture.. oops.. wrong way.. the flash went RIGHT INTO HER EYE... adding considerably more consternation, imbalance to her already consternated, imbalanced self.
I apologize for laughing Chistina.
When's the last time you've seen yourself on camera/video? Fair warning, Good Gosh Gertie, it will upset the applecart. The main problem for us all though.. is.. it looks just like how we are now.
Oh happy day....... oh happy day.
Have fun. Laugh at yourself.
Self-deprecate, self-deprecate, dance to the music.......
Love, Victurd
(Oh... and.. the guy batting .187, that hit a 3 run homer, we win, we win (after we get the Tigers out in the 9th)... he did a bat flip. (Bat flip is where you kinda show up the other team, flip the bat in a circle as it exits your hands.) Gosh, I love him winning the game for us, and, twas quite an accomplishment, but how can you have any cake (ie, bat flip) if yer don't eat your pudding (hit, in excess of the Mendoza line, ie, .200. Mebbe he should rewatch the video, rethink.
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