If you laughed at me because of that, I have full intent to whack you with my cane. (I haven't bought it yet, but it's my next planned step toward 'ground'.)
Ain't decided, IN the ground or on TOP of the ground. TOP is likely, due to love of lyrics (To everything urn, urn, urn... or mebbe All we are is dust in the wind.) You?
And, borrowing from Sheriff Buford T. Justice, if any of you sumbitches (males born roughly same decade as I) laughed at me waking up, falling out of bed. I might remind you, the next line of the song is "dragged a comb across my head" and odds are, you ain't got any, HA! (I'll trade ya 30% of my skin grafted scalp for 30% of your IRA, deal? 20?)
Ok, serious, how are you?
What's your game plan today? Exercise? Walk? Jog? Run? If it's 'run', I'll probably jealously block you here.
Breakfast? Favorite cereal? (Cinamon Toast Crunch, ok, cheapy Wally Great Life brand.)
Healthy eater, or, are you like me, order a Diet Coke to impress, or maybe water, then come home and finish half a box of chocolate pinwheel cookies? Yum.
Can you, within three days, tell me when your milk expires?
When asked, do you answer "I don't give a damn why the chicken crossed the road" in protest to egg prices?
Do you have chickens, or, would you anonymously call your HOA president if your neighbor did?
Whats the elevation where you live? No idea either. I just Googled, 863'.
When's the last time you... sang... laughed... moonwalked... did The Twist.. Come on baby, let's do the Twist.
Recently, have you "chased each other 'round the room tonight and played the games you played on your wedding night'?
Sleep with a fan? I have readers that sometimes enjoy my blogs, but, I wouldn't call them fans. If you sleep with fans, I'm Geritol proud (and envious) of you. More than one? FAMILY SIZE Geritol proud of you.
Night Owl? Early bird? How many on the planet know if you are an innie or an outtie?
Bathe daily, or, use that new crap that makes any smelly part not so smelly?
People spell your name wrong? Me, all the time.
Are you accomplished like me, after being introduced to someone and forgotten their name 7 seconds later? Care?
When's the last time a neighbor borrowed a cup of sugar? Asked for a ride? Twenty bucks?
Have you ever gone online, attempted to login to a favorite site, learned 'user name or password incorrect' said "screw it, don't wanna go there that bad anyways."
Which reminds me, last time you did a snow angel? Rode a bike? Hung a sheet out to dry? Wasted 3 minutes on a stupid blog?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being get the hell away from me, and 10 being yum, let's chase each other round the room tonight, what number would you say your breath is?
Smokers? Ever lit one and set it down in the ashtray next to the other one you were still smoking on?
Gone out in public with shirt/blouse on inside out? Zipper down? (I enjoy texting buddies, male or female, across the room "Barn door's open.")
Talk to your dog? They answer? Last time you changed your furnace filter? Undies? Bra? What's your "days in a row" same bra record? (Mine's 12, jk) Answer in comments please.
What's the last song you played on the juke box? Discretely worn a mask when you shop for gummies (or other) at the dispensary?
What would happen if, at dinner time, you sat in the chair typically reserved for your mate? Try it, lemme know.
Ever eat some Halloween candy of your kids after they went to bed?
Liar.
If Netflix is $7.99 (with ads) and $14.99 (no ads), when's the last time you 'Netfixed and chilled'?
I signed up for my Social Security to begin in October when I turned 65. Planned accordingly. Third Wedneday of that month, no check. Called, learned, "Oh yeah, there's a waiting month." I just asked a loved one to call them, 30 says after I keel to ask for my check. You gonna do same?
Ever step in dog poop, barefooted? Seen Rover munch on a kitty 'tootsie roll'? Been targeted by a Canadian goose?
And last but certainly not least, how many push-ups can you do? Ok, one more. Ever worn a pushup bra? I'M LEAVING I'M LEAVING!
Paul (McCartney, Newman, Simon) Harvey (Korman, Wal banger, the rabbit)
Good day (and night)
Love, Victurd
(Some basta once said "reading your blog is like having three Jägerbombs, waking up, then asking 'why'd I do that." I hate their guts.)
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