Synonyms for plagiarism....

Copying. Piracy. Theft. Stealing. Poaching. Appropriation. Cribbing.

Fine print:  I do that. Steal. Why? Other people are way more funny than I. Not too mention creative. Hey, you.  Sue me. I ain't makin' a nickel here, and if I did, the way I piss money away (sorry, kinda) if you sued me, blood out of a turnip. Got that from Funk & Wagnall, the rest won't be notated.

Things I will never do a first time, or, again:

Stolen:  

Date men. (Me neither)

Branson, Missouri. There was just something…off about the place. It felt like everything there was just to the left of normal.

I asked a loved one her take, "maybe three things never again":   1) Get drunk.  2) Ride an elevator.  3) Buy a tampon ("YOU asked").

I will never again ask a loved on for their take.

I will never say “Yes please” when the waitress at The Olive Garden asks “soup or salad?” (I heard Super Salad?)

I will never meow at a dog again. Learned hard way.

My 4 year old niece and I were playing…and she throws the ball and somehow I failed to catch..and accidentally I blurted 'oh f*ck'…and….that's all I heard from her all day…

Go in a hot air balloon. We were told it would be an hour long ride max!. 4 hours later after passing landing field after field and almost hitting a skyscraper we have almost run out of gas and have to land in the middle of a busy city street while blocking traffic for 45 minutes . Everyone in the basket that day thought we would be up nerin the sky forever! It sucked....

Generic, prolly not funny:  Stay with a cheater.. Beg someone to stay. Overpack. Book  short layover. Crash diet. Mindless scrolling on social media. Be a people pleaser. Ignore a bad feeling. Miss a loved one's final years. Regret an unfulfilled life.  Not forgiving enough.

Feed my dog Puppuccinos at Starbucks. His farts in the car afterwards were death.

Victurd's list:  While driving, pick my nose or 'little finger' my ear (did anyone hear 'Simon Says?"eh, prolly just as well, running out of hiding places)...  Get married. Forward roll, backward roll (at least with intent). Drive 80 mph. Run, jump, hop. Date with intent of a relationship. Skydive. Cheer for KU. Eat seafood. Go up more than one flight of stairs. Tip less than 30%.  Ask, "why do women always announce when they are going to pee?"

Buy a new suit. Buy a new car.  Play softball. Buy expensive golf balls. Get all stressy at Mickey D's when in drive thru line, have ordered, clearly my turn and, the B* goes first.

As old age creeps in... never hold a firecracker in one hand, and, punk in the other.

Or, buy a tampon.

I would love your "I will never" examples, even, if one of them is admitting to fall asleep mid-blog.

Love, Victurd

The only two things in life that make it worth livin'

 

Is guitars that tune good and firm feelin' women
I don't need my name in the marquee lights
I got my song and I got you with me tonight
Maybe it's time we got back to the basics of love

Chips Moman and Bobby Emmons wrote this song in 1977.

Let's go to Luckenbach, Texas
With Waylon and Willie and the boys
This successful life we're livin'
Got us feuding like the Hatfields and McCoys
Between Hank Williams' pain songs and
Newbury's train songs and "Blue Eyes Cryin' in the Rain"
Out in Luckenbach, Texas, ain't nobody feelin' no pain

Moman and Emmons approached one Waylon Jennings to see if he'd record it.  "How come you're asking me?".... "Because your name is in it."  At this time, neither the songwriters, or Waylon had ever been to Luckenbach... "I knew it was a hit song, even though I didn't like it... still don't." 

So baby, let's sell your diamond ring
Buy some boots and faded jeans and go away
This coat and tie is choking me
In your high society, you cry all day
We've been so busy keepin' up with the Jones
Four car garage and we're still building on
Maybe it's time we got back to the basics of love

The town was originally called Grape Creek, Texas (Let's go to Grape Creek, Texas?  Just ain't got the same feel.)  Soon, renamed after one of the founders, Carl Albert Luckenbach.

Let's go to Luckenbach, Texas
With Waylon and Willie and the boys
This successful life we're livin' got us feudin'
Like the Hatfield and McCoys
Between Hank Williams' pain songs and
Newbury's train songs and "Blue Eyes Cryin' in the Rain"
Out in Luckenbach, Texas, ain't nobody feelin' no pain

Sounds as if the idea is to 'get away from it all'.. The town motto is "Everybody is somebody in Luckenbach."

Let's go to Luckenbach, Texas
Willie and Waylon and the boys
This successful life we're livin's got us feudin'
Like the Hatfield and McCoys
Between Hank Williams' pain songs
And Jerry Jeff's train songs and "Blue Eyes Cryin' in the Rain"

Out in Luckenback, Texas, there ain't nobody feelin' no pain.

The town sold to some ranchers in 1970 for $30,000. (Song recorded, released in 1977.) So, whadda ya think?  Was the population 1,500 and soared to 20,000?  20,000 and soared to fitty thousand?

While the song did bring Worldwide fame, floods of tourists, yada.... it's kept it's ghost town feel, Population 3.   Nuh uh?  Uh huh.  There are remnants of the post office (the Zip Code 78647 retired long ago), there's a working saloon, general store, and a new store where folks can buy top quality Western Clothing, of course with the Logo "Luckenbach, Texas" as well as the town's motto "Everybody is somebody in Luckenbach" and... other souvenir goodies.

Where the hell is it?  I ain't never been there.. you?  It's 50 miles North of San Antone... and 60 miles West of Austin.

I thought this might be a good idea for a blog. Sorry, don't seem like it is!  Waylon (his REAL, legal name is Wayland... born in TX, a preacher from Wayland Baptist College knocked on the Jennings household door to thank them for naming their child after Wayland Baptist College... Mom (Lorene, Church of Christ) thinking on her feet, "Nope, his first name is Waylon" and it stuck.

Waylon of course was in the supergroup The Highwaymen (he, Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson and Johnny Cash).... and, in spite of having some human flaws like all of us, he was 'Just a good ole boy, never meanin' no harm."

In fact, he wrote, recorded that for the TV show The Dukes of Hazzard as well as narrating the show.

Have a great week - we must mutually promise not to get our bowels in an uproar... and should we, let's go to Luckenbach, Texas.. maybe it's time to get back to the basics of love.

*I know you were dying to ask.  Neon lights were invented in 1910.

By Henry Wiki Gibson

Love, Victurd

Come on baby... Let's do the twist.......

Eh, like always, rabbit in a snowstorm infronta me, can't thinka nuthin' to write about.. hungry, too lazy to get up and fix nuttin.

Summer's here and the time is right... for dancing in the street...... All we need is music (sweet music).. there'll be music everywhere.. There'll be swingin', swayin' and records playing, And dancing in the street.

The baseball team is officially eliminated.  After three weeks, mebbe your/my NFL team is already basically eliminated too.

Now watch me whip (kill it)..  Watch me nae nae (okay)... Now watch me whip, whip, Watch me nae nae (watch me do it!)

My belly is'a killin' me... having trouble with elimination.

Everybody's doing a brand new dance now.. (Come on baby, do the Locomotion).. I know you'll get to like it if you give it a chance now..(Come on baby, do the Locomotion).

I cain't believe the cost'a groceries now.  Usedta get eleven, count em, eleven sacks at the Piggly Wiggly for a hunnerd bucks......... now it's six.....

Can you do it now? (Cool Jerk!)  Come on people...    Can you do it? Can you do it? Can you do it? Can you do it? Can you do it? Can you do it? Can you do it? (Cool Jerk!) Come on people.

Hey, get the list ready... ya just used your last scoop'a hair gel, the toothpaste tube has been rolled up into oblivion' for three days now (eew).. and, ya need dish soap, bar soap, coffee, ya got three rolls'a TP left.. oh, and btw, them undies you got on? One more clean pair in the dresser.

I keep on dancin', Keep on doin' the jerk right now, Shake it, shake it baby, Come on and show me how you work.....

Caller ID.. "Nope, not right now"..  Birthday tomorrow? Oh crap, brb, going to Amazon.. I cancelled Prime? I am such an idiot....

Give a little lovin' to your body, Macarena
'Cause your body's made to give it joy and good things
Give a little lovin' to your body, Macarena
Hey, Macarena (Ay!)
Give a little lovin' to your body, Macarena
'Cause your body's made to give it joy and good things
Give a little lovin' to your body, Macarena
Hey, Macarena (Ay!)

362 channels to watch and I can't find NUTTIN' I wanna....

You make me feel like dancin', I wanna dance the night away, You make me feel like dancin', Every night and every day, You make me feel like dancin'... 

QUICK!  TURN THE LIGHTS OFF!  Here comes the (HOA President, Jehovah's, boy tuggin' a push mower, dude runnin' for City Council, Trick-or-Treaters, two young men in shirt and ties, the landlord, Aunt Hazel, that guy you owe twenty to)...

He did the Mash... It was the Monster Mash.. It was a graveyard smash.. He did the Mash (it caught on in a flash).. He did the Mash, he did the Monster Mash.....

The electricity musta went out.. I'm late for work...  Ruh roh, on fumes... Willie Makeit.. . Drones, AI clones, broken escalators, teleprompters, I'm really good at this stuff... WHAT? That was the last cig?

Down on the corner, out in the street, Willy and Poor Boys are playin', Bring a nickel, tap your feet!

GOOD GOSH I GOTTA PEE!  I know, I'll just pull into this Mickey D's.. WHEW!  Reading the sign on the door next to the keypad.. "You code for entry into the restroom is at the bottom of your receipt." Damnit darnit!

Pee pee danced all the way to get a sausage biscuit, back to john, my code in hand... 

Dangit!  Do I have time to drive home, grab anudder pair'a shorts before the golfers get there?

Oh baby won't you save the last dance for me?  Oh you make the promise that you'll save the last dance for me.. Save the last dance, the very last dance, for me?

Only if you change your drawers, brush your chops, here, drink this prune juice, quit talking jibberish, especially since I'm a conservative, oh, and sport's teams lose, get over it.. 

VICTOR!  If you ever have doubts about 'should I blog or should I not', don't.  And, just an FYI, readers are tired of blogs about Dreams, like the long one above... my advice, ZIP IT, put on some Ray Charles...  dance like no one is watching.

Love, Victurd

How to watch the final 6 Royals games of the season.

(Turn left, go back to bed.. or, pee, then have breakfast if, ya ain't from KC, could care less, live in KC but, no likey Baseball Ray, yada.)

That (How to watch the final 6 Royals games of the season) was the question/answer posted by the KC Star this morning... and, of course, they supplied dates, times, TV Network, radio stations..

First thought, I'd put one hand up to my face.... spread my fingers to where I'd be able to peek out between the ring finger and the middle finger....like a kid at the movie theater uncertain as to whether it's a comedy - or, a horror flick. For instance, last Thursday, it was the Mariner Zombies sucking the life outta the hapless Royals two to nuttin.

The next night, it was 'one-liner' after anudder, kinda like a comedic event with the cast of Jim Carey, Bill Murray, Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Steve Martin, Ben Stiller, Will Ferrell, Martin Lawrence all contributing in a 20-1 marination of the Mariners, all the while Kevin Hart puffing his DraftKings chest out saying "I toldya so!"

I can tellya, not ONE 70+ old geezer will make it thru an entire game as, they're on the West Coast and starting times resemble go-to-bed times, three of em at 8:38pm, two at 9:05pm and the last one Sunday starting an hour or so before the Chief's game.  Good luck Q, Salvy, Bobby... we'll see you in Surprise in February. (And yes, I'm aware, if we win all six games, and the three teams above us, lose all their games, we make the playoffs, but, let's be fer'real.)

 

Royals players' and coaches' wives will watch the games with one eye on boob tube, other, fast dialing travel agents for rates, flights, rooms to Bora Bora, Rome, Maui, Sanibel, Galapago Isles, Turks and Caicos, or mebbe even an RV trip to see dear old mom.

Royal's fans, diehard ones, will find a way to stay up and watch... and like anything on social network today, they'll run the gamut from 'Save Kauffman' to blast-it-to-smitherines whilst playing Petula Clark's 'Downtown.'  "We've GOT to get more pop from our corner outfielders."  Salvy for Mayor.  A "meh" season... with my buddy, head ticket taker Brad looking over my shoulder - I must stand up for the team.  We been here, here in Kansas City, for 57 years now.  Just two seasons ago we LOST 106 games. We were ten games over 5 hunnerd last year, and this year figures to be among the top 20 seasons in Royal's history. 

Season ticket holders will reenlist...  Tee shirts, hoodies, bobbleheads will be stowed away (some, may pull out a Frank Bobblehead and symbolically yank the spring from it on September 30, if ya know ya know.)

The Rotten Tomato folks might rate this season a "Certified Fresh" season, 75%+ rating on the Tomatometer (as opposed to 'Fresh'/60%+ or, Rotten/59% or less.)

John Sherman will watch, while counting beans.  He might dial up GM JJ Picollo, and the conversation might go like.........

"Hi JJ, whaddaya doing, I hope it includes finding us some corner outfield pop for 2026?"...  "Funny you should ask boss, I was just going thru the Halloween Costume catalog (it is almost October) and I found a Brett Veach costume I'm gonna buy."  "Wonderful, and I will say, you've done Brett Veachlike work this season. Go find 'em (the outfielders) then we'll take a look at how many beans we do have." 

Me thinks it was Tupac who said "Through every dark night, there's a bright day after that."  It's been wonderful to watch this late in the season, have interest in other team September scores whilst scanning the newspaper the next day.. Some really good youngsters..  Salvy (and The K, my take anyways) showing no signs of aging. Bobby is really Somebobby. Vinnie, Miguel, arms aplenty, cause for future hope.

Me? I'm done with baseball for the year.  Brad! WAIT!  I'm only done because everyone and their brother knows I can't watch a West Coast game...   Come the yawns at 7:30, I'll jump in the hay around 8.. as Hud says, "You got to go" to sleep - and I will.

Good Lord willing you/I will be here next year and they'll Surprise even better.

Love, Victurd

In hindsight........

Klinger, of all people... or mebbe, he, the writers of MASH, are attributed to the quote "Shave your butt and walk backwards."  (At least, that's what AI, Google, AOL, Yahoo, Merriam-Webster, CNN, FOX, Rona Barrett, Al Gore, National Enquirer, George Carlin, Snopes... them, all them, said.)

It is a suggestion, I guess, that one is so ugly mebbe it'd be better if they did that.  I prefer to think, mebbe Michael and his Moonwalk, Kris Kross and his bassackwards clothes and dyslexics of the land, have/had it right.

Hindsight.

As we face life........ yeah, I'm taking nose first, of course eyes, belly, toes, etc... we (speak for yourself Victor)..ok, I... allow frustration, anger, failures, discomfort, disappointments, all - to hop into the microwave of our being and snap, crackle, pop, soooo fast, to the point of - we can't think rationally, function, stop twitching, bitching, yada... ie, we get UPSET.

As we get over it.... past it...  and we peek out of our shaved buttocks, (when the smoke has cleared, eew) we realize, mebbe we overreacted. Tweren't that bad.  Hindsight.

Besides, "a fire about this high",  other things that burn our butt are, can be:  word hurts, belly aches (real and incited ones), sport's scores, bank balances/lack thereof, the forced smile on our face as we've just opened a Christmas/birthday, any kinda present and selfishly think, "really?".. (I know, selfish.. eh, deal wit it!).. mistreatment of others... "I SAID TOTS, NOT FRIES!", a salary review where your boss 'eloqently' praises you, then says "Our goal is to get ALL our employees up to industry standard... the problem is, you're already there."

We get over it.  We make it.  Brylcreem, a little dab'll doya.. Take two aspirin..   "honey I'm gonna put a little Mercurochrome on it, it'll sting for a sec, but then, you'll be ALL better." Kleenex.  Hugs. Laughter. Put the lime in the coconut and drink it all up.

But yeah... or mebbe, butt yeah, we get past it.

This ZIT just HAS TO BE about the size of Delaware.  If I pay the electric bill online, then, walk into the gas company and write a check, mebbe, just mebbe, my paycheck will be depositied before the gas folks cash it.

I REALLY cannot believe my friend just said that!  Were they teasing?  Did they (mean) mean it?  I'm gonna go ahead and go to bed, but first, after I lay down I'm gonna toss, turn, toss, turn s'more, go pee, turn the fan on me to cool off, cover up with the blankie 'cause I just can't get my body temp, disposition, dat position, right.

If ya walk it backwards... let it go... turn around... or, shave your butt and look back on it.  All the worry, turning, tossing, microwave belly churning - makes one exhale and laugh.  Or, baby slap yourself for being goofy.  Yourself telling yourself the dreaded, "I told you so."

Walking forward again... most of our lives we do do that... gotta see, don't wanna step on dog's tails (or their doo), a crack in the sidewalk, when traffic clears, down the yellow brick road........ we stop mebbe and ask................

As upset as we got.......are we alone?  Ya think Santa Claus..... Winnie the Pooh?... John Walton, Sr?...  Mr. Rogers... Billy Graham.. Jimmy Carter..  Spongebob himself....  you think they have them little moments in life?

You bet your bippy.  Henry Bippy too.  But(t) they all, move on, get over it... let it go, right, Elsa? Anna, Rocky Balboa, Bambi, Simba..  Hermione Granger...

As we look back, life, as it almost always always does, calms us down.

I was sad yesterday.  I was visiting with a young lady, around 20, and, I asked if one day she'd like to have kids.... she thought a moment, but only a very quick moment (which, to me, told me she'd had this conversation with herself before).. and answered, "I don't think so.. I'm not sure I'd like to bring a child into this World the way it is now...  maybe I'll reconsider when I'm 30 or so."

There is always going to be:  Bankruptcy. Divorce. Hatfield/McCoy. There's gonna be the "Oh hell no" places folks avoid, Hobby Lobby, Target, Bud Light, Chick-fil-A, yada.. the dreaded "Yankees, Cowboys, Dodgers, Chiefs"..  this side, that side... inside, outside........

And........... backside.  As in, hindsight.

Whether or not to have a child is absolutely a personal choice, and it's respected.

Age certainly helps teach "slow down, be careful"...  "I can't afford that"..  "Now, I try try try not to blurt.. still happens, but not with the frequency it usedta..."  how to smile a little more, huga lot more, throw the L word out often, comprende there's gonna be bumps in road no matter what we drive......  ie, hindsight done taught us.

Now it's time to say goodbye to all our company (er, you three blog readers you).  M-I-C... see ya real soon.. or not.. . K-E-Y...  Why?  Because we (I) like you....

Mebbe Klinger had it right......  once we see the things behind us... we've overcome, learnt from, prepared, ready for the moment: Ibuprofen, Rolaids, Brylcreem (cowlicks), Benadryl (itchy itchy rashes), mebbe a Chardonnay, cold beer, gummy, et al.

Objects in the mirror may be closer than they appear.

Would that be nearbuttsided or farbuttsided?

No matter, we'll be ok.  Hatfields, McCoys, Pubs, Dems, innies, outties, blood, inlaws, Cub fans, Cardinal fans, even KU, MU fans.  Perhaps there's a touch of irony in the fact that War sings "Why can't we be friends?"..  point being though, we can.

Looking back, life ain't bad.

drutciV, evoL

Give me Liberty...........

Oh hell, buckle up...  he's either a Snowflake or a Deplorable and he's gonna enlighten us all in one blog.

Ahm, no.  I'm old.  I grew up in Liberty, long ago. I do lean a certain way, but, it's due to this goofy affliction I got a few years back.

I'm talking Give me Liberty because I happen to like Liberty, MO.  Like anything, it's changed.

Last night was our, the LHS Class of 1970, fitty-fifth reunion.  That makes one tired in and of itself eh?  One common theme was, Happy.  I mean, if you're lucky enough to be lucky enough to still be around, ya gotta feel happy.  En route to the fancified place we had our mini party it's assured many a yard'a bones was passed.  If that tweren't enough, there was a table of tribute to those in our class that no longer walk on our planet - good people, may they all RIP.

When we, those who rolled outta the womb in either 1951 and 1952, the population in Liberty was one or two snotnoses over 5,000.  Presently, there are over 12,500 little urchins that march off daily to various schools within the district.

When we marched in our cap and gowns long ago, there were 211 in our graduating class.  I ain't got exact numbers... but, if you divide 12,500 by thirteen...  helps me Mrs. Schumacher, ah... that means this year, carry the one, drop the five, some 981 will flip their tassels.  Most of which, live in Kansas City, Missouri.  NUH UH.  Uh huh. 55.4% live in KC, MO.... 43% in Liberty..   1.3% live in Kearney...    .1% live in Glenaire..  (checking the Schumacher math on all this... VICTOR, that don't add up..  that leaves .2% unaccounted for..  

Well...  I've hearda Vibbard... and Mosby..  Nebo... Minneville, etc... but I aint never hearda 'Other', but, that's where the district says that .2 unaccounted ones abide.

So............ how was everyone?   Happy.  Again, they were happy.  Every graduating picture tells a story, and within, it's a certainty to have included a mixture of happy, sad, glad, ugly, loss, illness, heartache, success, failure.  We're unique, just like you.

If you're not a 64068'er this may bore you so feel free to go to Facebook, Snapchat, Parler, CNN, Fox, back to bed, whadever.......  

Today is "The All School Reunion" on the Old Town Square in Liberty.  All School means, "The Old High School" to us... those of us graduating from 1934 to 1985 (the next year, the 'new' high school opened, the HS became the Jr. High. .then, a few years later, a Middle School.)  It still sets, grandly, on a sunset hill of glory.

Today there will be 6 foot tall 'cardboard cutouts' of Bluejays, each, labeled with the year ya graduated.  Numerically, they'll be strung around the Square.  It's a happy/sad thing.  Ya start on the corner with the Graduating class of '85, large crowd, then to '84, a tad smaller, '83 yet even more a tad smaller and so on...  until you make it around the square to where there's growing pile of Bluejays because there simply ain't no graduates remaining from those early years. Sad, but, that's life.

Ya walk around the Square (*More on that in a sec) if ya go one way, the folks get younger, turn around, go the other way, they get older.  Ya may see a sibling of a classmate... an old neighbor... or, in my case, the guy who, when he was a Senior, and I was a Freshman, on Halloween, he 'funny ha ha'ed' cracked an egg on toppa my ugly mug. I'd like to punch him but he can still run, I can't.

Ya might see the guy or the gal that broke your heart... or, "whew, glad WE didn't get together".. life, walking around the Square, is like a box of chocolates.

It truly is a fun, unique (I think anyways) idea.  In a forty foot walk you can see everyone you went to HS with.  Bring your chair, drop anchor, relive what you can remember.

There is comfort in knowing you're among the folks who only watched the three major networks... sampled Captain Kangaroo... learnt to cuss, smoke at the pool hall...   and all of the above put our fingerprints allover the Dewey Decimal card file and ain't none of us got cooties, herpes simplex, Mono, etc.

We knew buddies phone numbers, and if we forgot, SW Bell hooked us up with a book. It not only told us the friend's number, but their address.  Daring, weren't we?

Virtually everyone in our little room last night no longer works, or, if they do, it's a 'want to', or to supplement SS with a few bucks.  More than once last night I listened to many relating of their huge exhale when work finally ended...  and while we all certainly somewhere within our Big Chief tablets of yesteryear we listed "When I grow up, I wanna be............." - but agin', time after time, I overheard  that all changed to "being successful isn't about money, fame, status, position, title, yada.."  Funny how old dogs still learn eh?

Honestly, as I carefully got outta the shower before going last night... (taking real, live, Tim Conway baby steps so as not to fall).. the song "Well this could be the last time" went thru my gourd.  That's life (right Frank?) in a nutshell for all of us.

I've noticed, youth today gladly tosses around the word "appreciate"... as in, "appreciate ya... appreciate it".. etc.  I likes that.

Seeing folks come hither and go tither... who've seen much the same of the things you personally have seen in life... at the same age... is pretty cool.  And, it's appreciated.

Some did not, could not attend due to health issues...  Some did not attend for various other reasons I'm sure.. too far, too much travel/cost, school wasn't a happy place mebbe, I dunno.

I enjoyed but I didn't stay real, real late.  Your affliction Victor?  Nah, no band.  HUH?  Oh, yeah, I went out front of the joint to smoke several times..  each and every party that approached the bar/restaurant, I held out my hand "$5 cover charge", they all happily obliged, but, I figured I had to leave early 'cause there wasn't no band.  Made me $85 though.

jk.

I'd better go now too.........  

VICTOR!  You never addressed "Ya walk around the Square (*More on that in a sec)"

Oh, yeah, sorry.  Today at the all school thingy. I live 3 blocks from the Square. Hell, cars will park infronta my house to attend the event, no sense in me driving.........so......... I'm driving, riding my mobility scooter up........ jualah.. instant lawn chair too!  I am way over worrying about who sees me riding it... it's me, where I is..  I Phil Collins "I don't care anymore"..... Me thinks my chick hunting days are long over anyways.

Enjoy life, certainly beats the alternative.  Appreciate ya,

Love, Victurd

Forty (plus) winks......

(In honor of Clayton Kershaw announcing his retirement - there's a reference below to how much he make every time he blink$ hi$ eye$, and it's a lot... I'm reposting thi blog from November 7, 2017. Have a spiffy day)

FUN WITH NUMBERS:

Victor, you tell it, we'll decide if it's fun or not.

Ahm, ok.

Fun,to me, hogbreath - is hearing a preschool grandkid count to thirty, only to omit 19 - which is cool,because 19 is no fun. You're finally old enough to vote, gradugated, ya ain't of legal age, so, who needs 19? The skipping of 19 causes a fun, understanding smile.. "I know one day he/she will get there, repeat 'em fluently... and the proudness of reaching 30 mirrors on us old grandparent's face.

One is the loneliest number. I ain't so sure about that. Tell that to the lady with the humongous smile as she crossed the finish line of the NYC Marathon becoming the first American in 40 years.. Or, to Jack Sock, local kid done good with win (first American in 18 years) of the Paris Masters Tennis Tournament. Or mebbe to the mom in the delivery room hearing 'cry #1' from the dude/dudette that's been in the belly for nine months. Or, howabout the Astros, and what it meant to the City that's been thru one helluva year?

Two. Victor? Are you going to go thru every dadgum number like this? Nope, I was getting bored 'two', so I won't. Instead, let's take a look at numbers:

28,762 days. That's the average number of days we are given. Kinda makes one think. Precious they are.

We: Sneeze 115,048 times in our life. $1,400,000 --> the average an American earns in a lifetime. I just peeked at checking/savings account, no further comment on that.

Ok, let's see... ave male (191), ave female (159), makes average person 175 lbs, we go #2 an average of once a day ("some people three times a day, some, once every three days, so, average is once a day"), we "#2" an average of 1 oz per every 12 lbs of body weight... so.. the formula is 175 divided by 12 = 14.583, times 28,762 = 419,445,8333 oz, which, divided by 16 = 26,215.36 bs of poop we leave 'behind' in our life. Holy crapalot! I know, I know, some readers turned left here. All good.

The average American drives 664,738 miles in their life. That's 26.69 times around the equator. For us old people, many of those miles are spent hurrying to find the closest public restroom.

We kiss (and apparently tell)an average of "28 first kisses" in our lifetime. The average kiss is 7 seconds long (barring halitosis, inebriation, or, those first few years when they can go on, and on, and on).. assuming we start this around 17 (average) and we kiss, on average 7.5 times per day, that means we spend just about two entire weeks of our life, kissing. A French kiss moves 29 muscles in the face. A real kiss quickens your pulse to 100 beats per minute, burns 3 calories. Men who kiss their wives every morning live five years longer, PUCKER UP!

What's wrong with this picture? Kids smile 400 times per day, happy people 40-50 times a day, we average smiling only 20 times a day. I wonder what those numbers would be if they could record 'dog smiles?'

We walk 110,000 miles in our lifetime, yep, that's 4.417 times around the equator, or, that's 19.72 times from NY to LA (AND BACK).

5,332 infants are born yearly having more than ten toes. Lee Redmond, a woman from Utah, had not cut her fingernails since 1979, amassing a total of 28 feet, 4 and 1/2 inches of nails. Sadly, she lost them in a car crash in 2009.

The average US marriage lasts 8.2 years. Wow. I feel better! We speak 860 million words in our lifetime (assuming we don't cuss until age 20, and we cuss, on average of 80 times a day, that's 1,716,960 curse words in our lifetime. I usedtda work the counter at United Airlines. I noticed, those people (the fliers) averaged more than 80 a day.

We write 45 million words (Victor, you can double that damnit).

22.82 million of us take a nap every day. (World population 7.6 billion, 30% of us, take naps).

Clayton Kershaw is the highest paid baseball player at $33,000,000 this year. We open/close our eyes (blink) and average of 20 times per minute. There are 1,440 minutes in a day. That's 525,600 minutes per year, times 20 = 10,512,000 eye blinks a year. Dividing that into Kershaw's salary, he makes $3.14 every time he blinks his eyes. Holy guacamole, nothing to bat an eye at. I'll be on Social Security in January of 2018. If I did the math correctly, I will have to blink 1,529 times to make $3.14.

Oldest man ever (unverified), 146 (Mbah Gotho, Indonesia), oldest woman ever (verified) 122 years, 164 days (Jeanne Calment (France). Based on average number of farts per day (14), that's 746,000 for him, 625,436 for her. See? Told you this would be a gas... (We're still not impressed Victor)

Adwaita, an Aldabra giant tortoise that was in a zoo in India, is believed to be the oldest terrestrial animal in the world, dying in 2006 at age 255. The Mayfly, on the other hand, has the shortest lifespan of an animal at about 24 hours.

Vesna Vulovic on January 26th 1972, survived the longest (non-parachute) fall (without dying) when the DC-9 she was working exploded. She was the lone survivor, after a fall of 33,333 feet (that's 6.31 miles.)

I know, I should run. Gotta lotta farts, poop, walking, driving, kissing, falling, blinking to do. Happy 311th day of the year, love, Victurd.

VICTOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU FORGOT SEX! WHAT ABOUT SEX? "The average person will have sex 5,778 times in their life." WOW! I AM SO FAR BEHIND! I'M GONNA ENJOY RETIREMENT!

Love, Victurd

 

When I woke up this mornin'... you were on my mind...

And you were on my mind
I got troubles, whoa-oh
I got worries, whoa-oh

I got wounds to bind 

Well, not really, but...

Dream dream dream dream, dream dream dream dream...

Mr. Victor, we've told you 97 times, you can't start a sentence with "But"... you can't write "I is".. . and YOU CAN'T HAVE TWO SONGS IN ONE BLOG.

Well you can tell everyone I'm a down disgrace, drag my name all over the place..  But, I don't care anymore.

I is the 9th letter of the alphabet.

And lastly, may the bird of paradise fly up your nose. HA, that's three (maybe even FOUR)! But, I don't care anymore.

So I went to the corner

Just to ease my pain

Said, just to ease my pain.

I got troubles whoa-oh 

I got troubles whoa-oh

I came home again...

But I woke up this mornin'
You were on my mind
And you were on my mind
(Yeah) I got troubles, whoa-oh
I got worries, whoa-oh
I got wounds to bind

I dream too dadgum much. You?  Last night, I dreamed I was in a Hollywood movie.... No, wait, that wasn't it. I dreamed I was a coed softball coach, friends of mine all about the team.  I was late to get to the game, arriving just prior to game time.  That ain't like me.  I may bag class.. I may forget  I was supposed to meet a buddy at a certain time, place (Sorry about yesterday Big'n)... but I AM NEVER late to anything, everything sports-wise.

So......... I hastily made out the starting lineup and it was THE ten best players.  This means, uh oh, the second half of the game (when the ten not-so-great played) we'd get killed, everyone would hate me, I hated me, I awakened in a puddle of sweat to "Whew... thank GOODNESS that was a dream."

Then, I had a second dream. VICTOR, you can't start a sentence with But........ I is...  and you CAN'T have two dreams in one night.

But, I did.  I is sure I did.

In the second one, my ex wasn't my ex, she was my 'still'... and she was bemoaning the fact i didn't make very much money (which, she would NEVER have done, thus, it bugged me even more.) I got troubles whoa-oh.  TO$$ TURN, TO$$ TURN.  Puddle of sweat, "WHEW, a dream." A dadgum dream.

Hey, I got a feelin'
Down in my shoes
Said a-way down in my shoes
Hey, I got to ramble, whoa-oh
I got to move, whoa-oh

I got to walk away my blues 

In botha those situations, still in my slumber, I was sweatin', hating myself, I wanted to move somewhere like maybe Keokuk, Iowa, eat every meal out at the pickup parking place at Casey's... have WallyWorld home delivery.. keep the blinds closed... neva' eva' to return to real life again.    Then I woke up this morning, dream was on my mind.  Whew.

Recently, a buddy has borderline said a couple things, I am certain not with intent to hurt... but somehow, I allowed them to hurt me.  My mind races, overthinks, faster'n someone on a heart stress test where they keep turning up the treadmill speed, AND, raising the incline. Quoting that Juice guy....."Somebody help me."  A loved one reminded me "Many truths are said in jest" - she's super smart, I benefit from that.... so of course, I still overthink every dayum thing. I got troubles, whoa-oh, most, self inflicted.

Dreams are funny ha-ha (kinda) because they don't end how ya think they will.  Sometimes I'd prefer, over, them stressy dreams, simply having the dream everyone else does (falling off a cliff) only to come crashing down to awaken.  Plop plop fizz fizz oh what a relief it is when one awakens from a dream to find - it's just that - a dream.

This is, once again, one you've probably seen or heard.  On Facebook.... VICTOR, was it one'a those REELS?.... No, it wasn't one of those, although I understand those can be fun, but, not reel fun.  This was a story:

A small boy named Arthur lived in the local village . None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy Arthur!!!!!"

One day Arthur's mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career!!!!

The mother was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from the school & even moved to another town!!!!! (Keokuk Iowa mebbe, I dunno)

25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardio disease! All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart operation, which only one surgeon could perform...... Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful......

When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her! She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died!

The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong, when he turned around he saw Arthur, working as a cleaner in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his Hoover !!!!!

Don't tell me you thought that Arthur became a Doctor!

Woulda coulda shoulda ifs ands or buts, analysis paralysis, put the lime in the coconut, call Roto Rooter that's the name and away go dreams down the drain. WHEW.

Victor, YOU'RE WIERD!

BRB, I'm gonna over analize that for three or so days.

Heeeeeeeeerrrrrrrreeeeee's Johnny............... (and José)

I was totin' my pack along the dusty Winnemucca road
When along came a semi with a high and canvas covered load
If you're going to Winnemucca, mack, with me you can ride
So I climbed into the cab and then I settled down inside
He asked me if I'd seen a road with so much dust and sand
And I said, "Listen, I've traveled every road in this here land"

I've been everywhere, man
I've been everywhere, man
Across the deserts bare, man
I've breathed the mountain air, man
Of travel I've had my share, man
I've been everywhere

I've been to Reno, Chicago, Fargo
Minnesota, Buffalo, Toronto, Winslow
Sarasota, Wichita, Tulsa, Ottawa
Oklahoma, Tampa, Panama
Mattawa, La Paloma, Bangor
Baltimore, Salvador, Amarillo
Tocopilla, Barranquilla and
Padilla, I'm a killer

Yeah?  Well... I started 'my job' in 2009 in Boca Chica, Dominican Republic.... I worked

 there a loooooooooooooong time (2 years)...... then, I went to Jamestown, New York.. 

one year, then off to work in Greensboro, North Carolina for 2012... they transferred 

me to Jupiter, Florida... HEY! Another two year stay, YIPPEEEE!.. Ring, Ring, Ring.

. "Hey, ya ever been to the Mardis Gras?"  Nuh uh, "Well, pack your bags you're off to

 NOLA for 2015!"...

Ring, ring...  nuh uh, already? Yep, still 2015..  "Welcome to Miami, party in the City 

where the heat is on all night on the beach until the break of dawn."  And, 'smore in 

MIA in 2016, oops, boss called "We needya back in NOLA for a bit..."  Nice job, now 

here's a plane ticket back to Miami... ahm, let's go back to NOLA for a little bit..... then 

MIA for 5 days, oops, NOLA for 13 days... we'll letya finish the year in Welcome 

(Back) to Miami....

Hey, we've got some Winter work forya near your home in Santiago, the Dominican.  

Then, come back to Miami in 2019... well wait...  they needya back in NOLA...  ring, 

ring..  Ever been to Jacksonville?  Uh huh, you're going...  remember Jupiter?  Just 

for a bit, then it's back to Miami. (Is it still 2019? Uh huh.)

Sorry about your herniated disc.. (June, 2019).. we'll getya the best care available..... 

ring, ring, ring...  December, 2nd, 2020, Say ,can you bring your work uni's in?  

We've decided we don't needya any more.

Whew, found a job in Detroit two days before Christmas, I hope the stores are open Christmas Eve so I can buy goodies for my two kiddos.  Hey, ever been to Toledo?  

It ain't far, here's a map on how to get there.  Have a good three weeks in Toledo?  

We needya back in Detroit. Just follow them arrows on the map we gave you back the 

other way.

Ring, ring.  Uh oh, what?  We don't needya any more, sorry.  I'm off to Wisconsin to 

find work there, eat me some good cheese.  Found work in Milwaukee, yay!  Not so 

fast, first, we'd like ya to go to Albuquerque for a bit. That's easy to spell 'cause ya 

gotta que (then an r) then another que.  Hey, it's warm here, I like it.  BUT WAIT We 

needya back in Milwaukee.  Plane tickets, travel. Work for a bit.  Nevermind, we don't needya any more.  Brr.. .kinda cold here, I hope to find work somewhere warm.

(May, 2022).. Denver?  Sure, I can get to Denver and I've love to work for ya.... Well 

that only lasted 11 months.  Excuse me, can you point me to the unemployment office? 

Hold on, another company wants you in Rochester, New York... Three months later, 

"Hey, we're fresh outta work forya, still got your resume'?

Come to Charlotte, North Carolina.. we've got a job for you there...  If ya do well 

there, we'll promote you to our Chicago 'office'.  One month later, "Come on to the 

Windy City, we needya."  Chicago was ok, but, eh, I think I wanna work elsewhere. 

You guys take care.

January 26, 2024..  Heck yeah, Arlington, Texas.. Warm there baby, sign me up!  Hey, I had a really good year!  But, stir crazy I guess.  Gonna look elsewhere.

Which, brings us to this year for José Ureña, 34 year old Major League Baseball Pitcher from the Dominican Republic.  Would you believe, with all of the above travel... he would STILL tie the Major League record for most franchises played for (THIS YEAR) in singular year? FIVE.  

Uh huh, started in April, at the AAA club of the Mets (Syracuse, NY). then to the Mets for one game (released).. then to Toronto a week later... that lasted 23 days...  Hello LA Dodgers, here I come! Two games in three days, released.  Minnesota picked him up July 2nd of this year (first off to their AAA team in St. Paul for 6 games, then promoted to Minnesota on August 3rd... pitched four games for the Twins..... then the dreaded "DFA" (designated for assignment, ie, you don't work for us any longer)..

Tying the record, the Los Angeles Angels picked him up eleven days ago and at last glance, he's still there:

The day he peered into the Angels clubhouse in effort to find his name on a locker.. he was asked about his path..  "It's not fun, but, at the end of the day, it's business. They can control it (all the DFA's).. They're looking for some player' they want you to put out. But you've got to keep pushing."

Oft times, he's tried to take his wife and to children with him to whatever team/city he's pitching for.  When asked "Have you met your new teammates?" he replied, "It's not easy, but it's not hard either.  The game is still the same, just new people. Every player, the next team they join, they want to be there..they want to be home.  They want to be there until the last day, but, the game sometime doesn't go the way you want."

Mick might say, "Hey, I wrote a song along the same lines!".. Sinatra might sing "That's life."

  

Ya gotta feel for José, his wife, two children. And sure, in spite of so many different W-2's long the way, he's made a nice living for himself, his family.

Still, ya gotta feel for the man.  You go José, and keep on smilin'.

Johnny, José's been darn near everywhere too........

Love, Victurd

 

Upon further review.....

We pick and choose where we dip our toes.  And we seemingly do it again and again throughout our lifetime here.

Some, push the power button on the boob tube - and The Cooking Channel is the default setting.  Their food pantry is so wonderfully alphabetically arranged and, they ain't the type to forget the grocery list when undertaking a Piggly Wiggly trip. Ramsey, Flay, Garten, Ray - all they tune in, hear what they say.  They've a hunnerd and fitty three recipes for Pasta Salad, and of course make hubby's fav, Bowtie Pasta Caesar Salad. The kitchen is their theater.

I've a buddy who informs "I've read 112 books (paperback variety) since Christmas last year..." You name it, Rowling, King, Patterson, Steel, he's read it... habitual, time set aside every day (and sometimes night).. and he pays it forward by taking the "I done read that one" books to the Little Free Libraries ya see on the corner in neighborhoods.  Eat, sleep, breathe, death, taxes - READ.

Then, prolly half or better of us slovenly men are deeply involved in What In The Wide Wide World Of Sports Is'a Goin' On.  Broken into categories......

Any, every - thing wheels. Formula 1, NASCAR, IndyCar, drifting, local dirt tracks... the man cave has an engine block coffee table, tire and wheel tables, crankshaft and rotor bar stools, helmets of favorite drivers on the shelves - and don't forget the King Richard picture on the wall that's the first thing ya see.

Then, ya got the sport's nuts of what I'll call "argument Sports."  Old schoolers say soccer ain't a sport "and ya spell it fOOtball, btw."  Others awaken at 6am to catch an English Premier League game... Fans of 'footie' know there are 32 panels on a soccer ball (12 five-sided pentagons and 20 six-sided hexagons.) Messi ain't it.

Yet others are disgusted if ya don't know whatinthehell icing or offides are... they can nameya the Stanley Cup winners since their birth... Their dressers are fulla the regular stuff (socks, undies, tees, shorts) and one heap big drawer reserved for Red Wings gear, "we don't give a puck what you think about that."

I gotta anuther buddy, no matter the sport, "who do you want to win?"  "I don't care."   He's more into traveling the US to see interesting, offbeat, cool stuff.

Yet another, "College Football is really thing only thing I get excited for any more. I live for Saturdays in the Fall."

Women's sports....... give the Old Schooler a Rolaid, say, "Sit down Pops", it's here, it's wonderful, we don't care what you think,  Clark, Paige Buckets, and ya geezer, an FYI that the leading scorer for the Kansas City Current (home to the first eva' professional arena built specifically for women) is Temwa Chawinga.  Try on a teal shirt for size.

Whenever I address, "I" here on this blog - it's like a mark, set, go, "seeya later My Little Runaway Del Shannon" kinda thing.  I can't really say I blame you, but, you're stuck with a little piss and vinegar there just like ya/we are in the ardency of Soccer, Hockey, Women's sports, yada...... I likes what I likes.  Katy, Ralph, bar the door.

I enjoy the Chiefs.  Of course I remember the late, great Otis Taylor wore #89, but I can also tellya so did Andre Rison, Jeremy Maclin, Jonathan Baldwin have and Jason Brownlee does now. I remember the groundskeeper, all the announcers, The Huddle Club, the Chiefettes, the Dallas Texans first draft choice, that Bobbie Bell could throw a football 75 yards, that EJ Holub had boo koo knee surgeries ("my legs look like they lost a knife fight to a midget.")  That stuff.

So........ of course, as I suffered thru watching the game yesterday (in spite of the glorious most recent years with Andy, #15 at the helm, we Chief's fans know suffering) I couldn't wait for the newspaper to hit the sidewalk this morning..... (Hang on, that ain't it. I forgot, I do the E-thingy... I get 'the paper' around 4am)..  

So........ I thumb (click) to the article by my favorite writer, Sam McDowell. He, so wonderfully, paints how it is. "This Chiefs offense stinks.... fresh outta ideas on how to gain a yard... the Chiefs have transformed from a unit rich in ideas into a quarterback turning his pockets inside-out, looking for help."  AS MUCH, as many of the banners, Super Bowl champion flags, Tee shirts, yada that I have....... I still am perked by this dude's clever pen.  Maybe kinda like turning on the Food Channel again today, in spite of me trying their suggested recipe from yesterday that I upchucked (like watching the Chief's live)... put the rest in the dog bowl, and even they wouldn't touch it.

Sam continued "The Chiefs haven't scored 30 points in a game since 2023." Ouch.  Those in the nation sick and tired of Trav/Taylor can delight in him lighting up Kelce pretty good.  "The 35 year old tight end found himself involved in the game's biggest play for all the wrong reasons (nearing the end zone to score the go ahead TD, the ball slipped through his fingers, into the arms of a Pilly defender, game, set, match) and spent the afternoon running through the gamut of ways he could think to show his anger."  Sam mentioned we'd probably learn on Kelce's podcast what exactly happened, and that (I kinda think 'calling out' Travis) he was unavailable to speak to the media after the game.

And, amid s'more deserved not-too-complementary verbiage, he bemoaned the fact the Chiefs can't get a pass connection longer than ten yards.... 'A quarterback who calls himself a gunslinger is holstering a Nerf today, and at times he looks timid to pull the trigger.

No one, no one enjoys losing.  "I lost my bookmark, wherethehell was I in this book.... My bread didn't rise!... It's storming, my satellite is out (thus, no English Premier, NASCAR, Indianapolis Fever)... NO WAY we can lose to the Blackhawks!... EMAW CAN'T BE 1-2 to start the season.

Age, I find anyways, softens that blow.  We've been there, witnessed butchered that (and I ain't talkin' a Guy Fieri steak.)

I DO NOT like green eggs and ham (or any kinda dayum pasta salad).. I don't think I could sit through 90 scoreless minutes of soccer awaiting extra time (whadever that is) to see if anyone per chance wins.  Car racing doesn't have a Formula I enjoy... especially since Danica left...   What's a blue line?

This much I can tell you....... I am (a fan) of Sam. Sam, I am, a fan. Thank you for your humor, your Cosell telling it like it is.  It makes 2 and 15 seasons bearable.  Looking up at the others in the AFC West not so bothersome.

Upon further review, I love sports... special interests..  fanaticism..  and Sam's writing, even if the basta's at the Star raised the monthly rate from $5.99 to $9.72.

Appendices, glosseries in the back, back, back, back of the book, by Chris Berman.

Attached Podcast compliments of Oscar Madison.

Chow.

Love, Victurd

All or nothing......

And the sign said you got to have a membership card to get inside.

All of me, why not take all of me... can't you see that I'm no good without you.....

MEN:  No shirt, no shoes, no service.  LADIES: No shirt, free drinks.

Go big or go home.

Cognitive distortion. (Ouch, I've got a baby headache on that one.)  AI warns "Danger danger Will Robinson" when ALL OR NOTHING thinking takes place.

A single mistake ruins the entire project.  It's unsafe to go outside because it's flu season. The next door neighbor is loud, so, they're a bad person. Forgetting a birthday means you are uncaring. (Say what you want, I've forgotten a few, which, makes me 37 now!) You don't get a text reply, of course, means they hate you.

All or nothing is also called black and white thinking.  "This type of rigid, binary thinking fails to reflect the complexity and nuance of real life. It oversimplifies situations and can lead to harsh self-judgment, unrealistic expectations, and emotional suffering" and itchy itchy rashes.

They done do a thing nowadays called CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy.) Stuff like, “One brownie doesn’t erase my success with my diet. I’ve made significant changes and can expect things won’t always go perfectly.”........ or, "I was thrown off by that one interview question, but, the rest of my performance was solid." CBT calls this "finding shades of gray."

Oh hell, wasn't that that movie/book Fitty Shades where they took ALL off.. did everything, NOTHING, no holds barred.

Victor, my head hurts. Turn this subject matter around OR, you'll lose ALL of my attention. Nothing would please me more than you turning this around.

Good idea.

Today is a fun day.  Victor, YOU, of ALL PEOPLE.  You've told us time and again, ANYTIME someone starts to grab your attention and preface it with "I've got a funny story" you IMMEDIATELY stop them, look 'em in the eye and say "You tell it, WE'LL decide if it's funny." So what's the "Fun Day" crap?  (Pew, stand back mate, your breathe stinks!)

Our little bitty par 3 golf course is having our own, for members, RYDER CUP golf thingy.  What's that?  Well, the real Ryder Cup features professional golfers from the United States competing against a team of professional golfers from Europe.

Our little bitty par 3 course, we're forming two teams, RED VERSUS BLUE, pretty much based, matched up agin someone with similar ability (or, in my case, inability.)  Victor, you WORK at a golf course, you've GOT to be a good golfer." (Pew, stand back mate, your breathe stinks!)

Everyone puts in 25 buckaroos, you're teamed up in a foursome... ya mimick kinda sorta the way the pro's do...  we're playing 9 holes best ball. (you and blue or red partner agin two other blue or red folk).. . 9 holes alternate shot, same dealy bob, 2 red vs 2 blue, THEN, ya go one on one versus one from the other team... so all in all, you can win up to four points.  

There is banter.  Laughter. Camaraderie. While we ARE ALL OR NOTHNG Blue or Red, we don't need no cognitive therapy... we actually do this to combat the insanity of the real Monday Thru Friday World.... we have fun...... eat some BBQ... talk about good shots, bad shots, funny shots, some even have a shot or two after.

In the end, ya add all the scores up for your team, you either turn that original 25 bucks into Fitty (ALL) or, ya lose, and that 25 turns into (NOTHING).

What's cool is, us Weekend With Bernie type golfers are teamed up with the Tiger Woods like club champions... us/we... agin the World (red or blue.) Back slaps, high fives, consoling, "no big deal"

Last year.  I played.  It reminded me of, the very first time with my affliction when I was at Wally World and I decided to get groceries in onea their mobility scooters.  I suck at walking, so, I don't care who sees me, or, didn't for the first time. (Still don't).  Same with golf, I suck at golf, but I don't care who sees me.  I likes fun.

Last year. My/our team won. 25 turned into Fitty.  I/we, my teammate, we actually won the first two stages, THEN, I had to play head to head agin' one'a my good friends at the course (a female) and....................... drum roll........... SHE WHOOPED ME.  (I can't sing I ain't pretty and my legs are thin... and, I suck at golf, BUT, our team, and me, WON ALL..  Fitty!)

They told me I needed to work on my "LOFT"....   I asked them how I do that, or, what did they mean and they muttered something about Lack Of Friggin Talent.  Funny ha ha, I laughed all the way to the bank.

That's all.... about nothing......

Or, nothing........ about all.

"Nothing is impossible, the word itself says "I'm possible'!"   Audrey Hepburn

Edited by Carly, you're so vain, Willie, All of Me, and Sgt Shultz I know Nothing

Love, Victurd

Just a little bit longer......

People stay just a little bit longer
We want to play, just a little bit longer

Suffice to say, we're all different.  I'm fortunate to occasionally play in the morning 'scramble' amongst Senior golfers where I work.  Kinda sorta reminiscent of slow-pitch softball, the games are played (Golf, softball).. fun is had, but, the real fun starts after you're done golfing... it's a get to know, get to rib/tease, compliment, smile, tell war stories, talk of hips, knees, wayward pro sport's teams, kids, grands, wives, much.  It's truly pretty rewarding - and for those having hair left, it's let down.

Now the promoter don't mind
And the union don't mind
If we take a little time
And we leave it all behind and sing
One more song

I like Jackson's school of thought here. Sure, "get your money's worth", but, moreso, stop and smell the pot... NO, WAIT!  THAT AIN'T IT!  Stop and smell the roses of life.

Oh, won't you stay
Just a little bit longer
Please, please, please, say you will
Say you will

Of course, again, individuality - the ones at the golf course that usually head out the soonest - assuredly enjoy, but bootscoot soon after golf's finish.. this is completely ok, no one gets upset and their decision to depart is respected...

Oh, won't you stay
Just a little bit longer
Oh, please, please, please stay
Just a little bit more

We learn, the more we stick around, the more we learn about folks - and that 's a very good thing.  Be it a Senior's golf gathering, the Bridge Club... Book Club.. Family gathering (that's where inlaws 'getta' stick around and soon find themselves too in love with the remainder of the family.

I bet promoters don't mind
And the roadies don't mind
If we take a little time
And we leave this all behind
Singing one more song

It's a small HUGE thing in life. Which do you find more comforting - telling a story and ya see smiles - or, telling a story and you see eyes elsewhere, on the phone maybe, or, looking at the watch...  stay, devour conversation.

True that, early in life, we're handed three hacky sacks of duties, responsibilities, yada - and are asked to continually juggle them.  As in, I ain't gots no damned time to stay just a little bit longer, pardon me if I squirm, look at my phone, all them eyes I can't see that are assuredly wondering where I am.

One tradeoff of "the old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be" (or he).. is, recognition, want to, and actually following thru to not be in such a damn hurry in life. We don't have class where we can visit en route to the next class, hang out by the locker...  there ain't no work water cooler for us to gather, bemoan sporting events, family goodies, yada...  It's just a little bit longer because we wanna.  It's rewarding, even, educational.

There are four of us old cronies, buddies from the High School days - where we play golf, then same, gather after. Ulitmately, someone has to be the first to leave. One buddy, and I love him for this, ALWAYS, computes in his brain when, what day we'll see each other next, then says "Seeya Wednesday, Vic"... or, if golf on a Friday, "Seeya Sunday"  IThere's a open jam blues thingy at a place called Knuckleheads here in KC)...

The Knuckleheads gathering is too all about mostly older farts... those who long ago learned to not hurry and to not worry.  Stay, just a little bit longer.  This ain't to say young'ns can't learn that too.. in fact, I think longevity is aided, the earlier they learn about staying.

Ya ever go to a major sporting event, or, concert where hunnerds, thousands of cars try, hurry, worry, to funnel out from 20 lanes to 2, be first, gotta go, gotta get home, gotta be first... patooey.  Ever stick around, stay, just a little bit longer, converse, love, laugh, 'unworry', then, once the traffic has cleared - drive home uncontested with ease?  Uh huh, me too.

Life is seemingly yummier when things are done voluntarily.  Sometimes too, stay just a little bit longer propagates another idea, plan, day, ballgame, lake trip, yada - thus, making life's stay just a little bit longer, yummier.

That's all.  I gots no whoopie, fancy closing to all this.. but I will admit, as I thought about... as I stayed about (just a little bit longer) I actually think my blood pressure dropped.

With the economic likes of today, less bang for ones buck - it really is a good thing if folks like Jackson, in concert, if the promoter don't mind and the roadie don't mind... stay, relax.. more songs.. bang for buck.. smiles.. just a little bit longer in loving this thing called life.

Forward by John Cameron Swayze... keep on ticking... just a little bit longer

Love, Victurd