Observations............ or......... What's it all about....... Ralphie?

Midwest living:   It's cold as can be.  And then it is again the next day.  The next week.  We find ourselves asking "Why DO I live here?".. and then you read a few weeks later it's finally, officially Winter.  Warm me up, buttercup, baby just to let me down. I, I need you (a blankie, electric preferred, garage for the car, grocery delivery, nice, inexpensive HOA that clears the walks, and a thermostat controller on my cheapy Android.)

Obits.  I read 'em most every day.  Some, you have to click a 2nd link to see the whole thing.  This morning, when I clicked, it had me click another link.... and yet another... then it takes me to a page "Forbidden."  I'm with you Peggy Lee, Is That All There Is?  You as well Jefferson Airplane, "Don't You Need Somebody To Love?"  And Pete... Pete Seeger? The Florists?  The Hell?  With no published info.. "Where Have All The Flowers Gone?"  I really felt for the person - as, it was Rodney Dangerfield as Rodney Dangerfield gets.

Terry Hahn, please don't shoot me.  Your Broncos rocked, ruled the AFC West.. Shades of Elway, Peyton.  There was a feller though, in the heat of competition... Linebacker, good one, last name Cooper.  Instead of maybe celebrating Denver's victory, capture of The West... he kinda flinged a shot at the Chiefs.  As in when he took to X:

"(Forget) the Chiefs," Cooper wrote, although he didn't say forget. It was "the word. The Big One. The queen mother of dirty words," as Ralphie noted in the movie, "A Christmas Story."  First, I understand the excitement.  Getting over the hump felt good.  That said, I thought the reply from a former Chief who helps on the play by play now, was fun:

"Like the kid who flexes after finally making a basket in rec league basketball after missing for 9 years!... Clown!!!"  Broncos get the last laugh though... we (Mahomes, Kelce, Reid, etc) will be watching the playoffs from our sofas!

Ya gotta love sports............... Or, you don't gotta.  As in, a study about kids and sports today.  Article entitled "As youth sports professionalize, kids are burning out fast."  Various reasons... pressure.. kids are funneled to play just one sport, (Sing it Lionel) "All year long... "  demanding, demeaning coaches, overuse injury from playing a single sport...   where did 'fun' go?.. 2017, 58.4% of school age kids played sports... last study, 2022, down to 53.8%.  TBT

I'm old school.  At the risk of sounding like "Why back in my day....."  Back in my day, we played whatever sport was in season... be it.. Football, basketball, baseball, track, yada.... AND, we mixed in being a kid, whiffle ball, sledding, skateboarding, soccer, kick the can, crawdads at the creek, blanket forts over the clothesline, that stuff.   Then again,

Anudder article...the Quarterback of a small college in Texas....  unrecruited, didn't have a 1 star, 2 star, 3 star, whatever attached to his name as a Senior in HS.... had a REALLY phenomenal year this, his 2nd year of college.  He entered the transfer portal.  Can ya blame him?  Taking a peek, the average QB at a Power Four college makes between $1.5 million and $2 million annually.  "Jimmy, come with us... we're gonna go skateboarding at Cooley Park, then we're going to Smitty's house, the whole neighborhood is gonna come play Hide N Seek.  "Nah, thanks... I'm headed to the gym to to$$ a few footballs to a group of area receivers, you guys have fun."

And now, Paul Harvey.......we get to "What's it (Old age) all about, Ralphie?"  It is said, if you don't move, you die.  I beg your pardon... yesterday I did, lemme count... three half push-ups (when I got up from naps)... I put my feet on the vibration machine thingy, clicked the remote to it on... SURELY that (vibration) hasta count for steps or something?

Which, is fancy for.  Yesterday, the HIGH temp was 17. I. DID. NOT. LEAVE. THE. HOUSE.  Sunday, December 29, a complete waste.

Remind me again, "Why do I live here?"..  Joshing, I love where I live, when I've lived, all.  I will get out... go, do... later.. maybe.. 

Victor, git your booty up and moving.  Or else what person who asks?  Or else you'l be part of the "If you don't move you'll die club.  Kick, the last can, so to speak."

Click....

FORBIDDEN

Kansas, wouldn't ya know it'd be Kansas that sang "All We Are Is Dust In The Wind."

Love, Victurd

The yearly rap........

You know better. I can't rap.  I've got the rhythm of a pencil, and can't move unless I'm pushed, pulled, tugged, yada. (And oft times, not real sharp)

It was a typo, I meant wrap.

Not, hopefully, a personal wrap, but, stuff all, some, most, maybe even none of us went thru.  Things we might not know.. or, maybe forget.

The struggle is, can be, might be, fer sure can be - real.  Combat veterans sleep interrupted by the sounds and sights of war.  WE CANNOT IMAGINE YOUR STRUGGLE, and we are all so very, very thankful for your service, dedication - and, for, the Freedom in our Country you've provided on our behalf.

Happy happened in 2025.  Marriages, births, starts.  What better than programming where you are into your phone (or, mebbe with the help of ma/pa if you're a newborn), have a destination (or not) and then press that GPS START button for the first time.

The economics of the decade, coupled with the coupling of a couple - will hopefully help to pay fitty percent of the light bill, rent, mortgage, Piggly Wiggly bill, insurance, taxes, STOP VICTOR...  you get the drift.  That, and, I reckon it's especially nice to have conversation in the Sealy Posturepedic. (I need to tread carefully, because after yesterday's blog where I mentioned the happy lady donning her negligee (hubba hubba style) then greeting her honey when he entered the bedroom door as if he'd just returned from a six month military stay in Cambodia EVERY. SINGLE. (and married too) FEMALE. RAN. OFF. EXIT. STAGE. LEFT. RAISED. EYEBROWS. I. EVEN. FELT. SOME. VOODOO. PINS. IN. MY. SIDE.  SORRY. KINDA. I. GUESS.

Then, IF your start, year, did include a mate on the mattress, mebbe it had to be sleep number - we all gots our differences.  Hopefully, those coupled that ya gotta sleeper sofa just in case of LOUD snoring, 'I got Covid', 'I'm gonna read until 3am', "WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MOTHER!", or even, "Hells bells, there's too many dogs, cats here, I can't breathe. heading to the sleeper."  And then, there are smooches, that's always nice. (I DID NOT EXPOUND!)

And them there baby starts.... sometimes, WEEEE DOGGGIIEEESS, pew, ain't it your turn to change the diaper?  Baby coos... smiles... HEY, he/she looked me in the eyes, I swear!  Heartbeat heartbeat heartbeat.  Harvey, the basketball you got him for Christmas was wonderful, but mebbe, let's let him start crawling first eh?

Victor... if you're gonna share the view from mom and dad's shoes regarding the little one... ain'tya gotta do so in lyrics?  I thought you'd never ask, thanks..

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, "What will I be?"
"Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?"
Here's what she said to me

“Que Sera, Sera”

Whatever will be, will be

The future's not ours to see
Que será, será
What will be, will be"

Victor, that ain't a recap... that's wondering what life will be!

You mean.... you mean like... the WEATHER?  The price of a pound'a ground beef at The Piggly? (And I don't mean the 20 pound hella long roll, I'm talking 16 ounces here boss).. Gas at Casey's..  The price of tea in (to/from) China?  The Chiefs?  DON'T GO THERE VICTOR.

Gotta, sometimes crap just happens.  Honey, we (gotta flat, are outta gas, the power steering is really hard to steer, the temp gauge is just this side of Death Valley).. "Yeah but, you made that call to sign up for AAA last month didn'tya?"  And again, this is where the sofa sleeper comes in handy.

UP's, girls night out...golf, just the fore of us.. wonderful, unplanned meetups with the neighbors on a beautiful Summer night in lawn chairs in the cul-de-sac. Birthday parties, mylar balloons, colds/flu/Covid passed on by "Now blow out the candles Louie! Cake and ice cream everyone eat up!  Victor, that's a DOWN. Oh yeah, sorry. Downs happen too. Like:

Colds, flu, when you're sliding into home and your pants are full of foam, diarrhea..  wasps, spiders... Honey? Can you get ridda the mouse in the trap? Eww.   Layoffs... I'm getting transferred to Boise?  Hey, how do you get this rope back in the lawnmower? Did you read Victurd's blog today?  Well don't. It was stupid, horrible even.

Our eyes hurt because of......... Candy Crush.. Size 10 type.  The sun.  Reels, hours and HOURS of reels. Facebook...  A 10pm drive, "Agnes, line me up (grab the wheel) if ya needta, I can't see these damn white lines"..  

In 2025 we ate bugs (uh huh, 1 to 2 pounds per Google), peed a bit before we got there (SPEAK FOR YOURSELF VICTOR).. on that one, I was.  The car wouldn't start.  Door dings.  Itchy itchy rashes.  We threw clothes away, took some to Goodwill, hit up Kohl's, and, bought some from the dead people's store.

We laughed.  A lot. Thankfully. Over mostly stupid stuff, but too, a lotta really hilarious stuff.  Movies, TV, steaming, Prime'ing, BFF's, around the table playing pitch, the back pew of the church shhhhhhhhh!  And then, the next time we see that person that really made us laugh, it's almost as good as leftovers from the fridge!

We feel good.  We have energy.  We walk.  We swim, ski, sled, DANCE regardless of who is watching (or is it irregardless? I always have to check with my cousin, the English teacher, that and affect/effect).. 

We followed routines...  We did something different. We seen new stuff. (Victor, it's 'we saw new stuff." Thanks teach!).. 

Wiki, Google, hell, mighta been AI tells us, "While there is no exact scientific study counting yearly pet-directed words, people talk to their pets a lot, potentially thousands to tens of thousands.. Not me.  "I'll be right back oochie coochie, I'm just going to the gas station."

Sometimes, that's a lot more that we do to the folks on Caller ID.  Some'a them we rarely answer, some, the spam ones, we block.. yet others, we "It is SO GOOD (Right Neil Diamond) to see your name pop up here! I've wondered howintheheck you are! I'm gonna make a note NOW, that in 2026 I'll call YOU first!

We have a lot in common.

And we don't.  I'm black. I'm Jewish. I'm single, divorced, married, widowed.  I hate books.  I've read over 200 so far this year.  I drive a (Chevy, Ford, Benz, moped, Raz'r, geezer scooter.. DO NOT MAKE FUN OF ME.)  Of course we all watch Channel 9.... or 4... or 5.. or Fox, or CNN..   I have cable, I stream, Analog for me, I ain't payin' nuttin'.  I love (hate) sports.  I can't wait to go to (I've never been within a mile of ) The Kauffman Center.  Wanna go to the zoo?  YES! NO!

Let's eat!  Meat and potatoes for me! I'm a vegetarian.  (Pleaose don't shoot me niece that's now in your 40's but I will never forget, and I ain't making fun, I LOVED IT, when you said "When I grow up I wanna be a vegetarian."  Victor, you're mean!  People were mean in 2025.  Really nice too.

I need to run, which, should not be confused with the runs, or, not laughed at due to the fact I simply can't run any longer....   It's just one of the many things we did in 2025. Ran. Walked. Skipped. Hopped.  Drove. Sat.  Rode. Flew. Choo choo'ed. Hugged.  Kissed. High fived, fist bumped, shook hands.  We fell in and perhaps out of like with some folks.  Some, we dug, loved even more.

Frank?  Whadda you say?  "When I was 17, it was a very good year."

It was a very good year.  It sucked.  Meh.  Judging by recent pics, videos, I tend to disagree, but, I always enjoyed Joe Namath's "I can't wait until tomorrow 'cause I get better looking every day."

I'm guessing next year we'll love, hate, get sick, feel awesome, overeat, be hungry, worry, lay on the beach notta care in the world... just like last year... er, this year.

Happy Gnu year........ Victor? You ever seen a pic of a Gnu?  They're HORNY!  Oh crap, there go the women.

Eh to those still here, Happy New Year.

Love, Victurd

I don't like you.... but I love you......

For those old, like me - that's from the song "You Really Got A Hold On Me" by Smokey Robinson and the Miracles from 1962.  Victor, you ARE old.  Uh huh.  Lucky, blessed, I call it.

Just spit it out Victor, what are you trying to say?

I'm not fully sure. I spend an inordinate amount of time in the early mornings (and, basically all day long, all night long, long time eh?) thinking about life, the human brain, and how the two match up...... or don't.

I was discussing Wendy's chili with a loved one.  She'd never had it, oh man, I LOVE me some Wendy's chili.  A couple weeks ago, I drove thru to get some chili. (and a baked tater, AND, a medium Vanilla Frosty)  Ya pull in, they have their little fake, recorded greeting before a live body comes on (I always look, pick my nose while I wait. JK, but, it does kinda sound fun.)  The real live person was perky, fun, nice.

Then........ I get to the window.  I was perked up by the perked up Wendy's microphone person - and I get to the window, hand the lady (Jan, her name tag said, NOT the microphone lady) my dough...(no hello, but only "$10.67")... so I offered "Wendy's chili is THE BEST!"...  almost under her breath... with 'excitement' like Ben Stein calling out Buehler... Buehler.. Ferris Buehler, she monitoned, "uh huh, that seems to be the general consensus"... but, what I REALLY heard was "please take your 33 cents and leave me the hell alone Mister, I get off in three hours. and that's all I long for."

Then, next window (Diane, her badge said) fired the biggest ole grin at me as she handed me my food, asked how I was doing.. .  I wasn't able to fuss or gripe because she gave me a spoon for the chili, anuther for the Frosty, and yet also a knife, a fork for the taters, butter, extra crackers AND napkin.  Then, flashing them pearly whites, she chirpily added, "Can I get you anything else?"...no, but ty. "Hey, have a great evening!"  U2

I think I was the most important customer to her, but then again, the lady behind me in the SUV prolly was too... and the dude in the F1-fitty behind her... the kid in the Nisson.. WE GET IT VICTOR, WE GET IT.

In 45 seconds - it was a look at life........ One view, PERKY... nuther, "Go away from, my window, leave at your own chosen speed, I'm not that one you want, babe, I'm not the one you need," I JUST WANT THREE O'CLOCK TO GET THE HELL HERE.  Thataway, I'll get home, the damn dog and cat will be chirpy - so I'll feed them to get them to leave me alone.. then, the kid gets off the bus... same thing... "Here's your mac and cheese Sonny Boy.... eat up, do your homework, take a bath, go to bed."  A gummy for me to snooze, then I have to get up and do this crap allover again.

It's just a guess... but, twere I to follow the upbeat microphone lady home.... it might be a tad different.  She'd veer into the Piggly.. walk in, holler "HEY CHARLIE!" he'd wave, smile.  She'd get junk to make peanut butter cookies with - and a few other things.  Then...  she'd quickly tidy up the house... make some fun math flashcards (complete with a 'dad joke' every fourth one) for the kids.... lay out her favorite negligee for later.... then.......

Hubby gets home... they, jointly, between smooches, take turns adding pasta sheets, meaty red sauce, creamy cheese mixture, mozzarella, and repeat repeat until it's lasagna, kisses sweeter than wine... pop, into the oven.  Kids, flashcards, giggles.  Lasagna, yum, followed by "Hey kids, help me make peanut butter cookies!" Whilst doing so, honey boy was out back preparing the fire pit.  As if the cookies weren't enough sugar - they all sang a few tunes around the fire, then made smores... called it a (fun) day....... then...

She RAN up the steps... hubba hubba'd the negligee on...  when honey boy opened the bedroom door she greeted him as if he'd just returned from a six month military stay in Cambodia...  OHHH BABY.

It was a tale of two cities, right Dickens?

We are what we eat........... No, that ain't it.

Well... we are I guess..  Moreso, we reap what we sow.

Life.  Two looks.  I don't like you........ and oh but I love you.

A little diddie about Jan and Diane... two Wendy's workers doing the best they can with what they've chosen to work with.

Life, you really got a hold on me.

Lyrics by Smokey Robinson.. training by Dave Thomas... ledger by Dickens. (Charles, not Little Jimmy)

Love, Victurd

364 Shopping days........... and... big booties...

Scratch that.  Scratch what?  My big booty?

Nah, the shopping days. I just peeked, 2026 IS a leap year, so, you are officially afforded an additional day, don't waste it, hop to it Ha.

Is this blog gonna be Queen's Fat Bottomed Girls?  No, but I really like that song, and virtually everything they did....  Like much in life - I'm late to the party (ah, don't get things right away)... I divested so much in the Beatles I was thirty something before I learned to cherish Jumpin' Jack Flash and the like... Same thing with Fleetwood Mac and not really hearing Pink Floyd... and I wasn't early to the John Prine fan club - so so wish I woulda been, I love his stuff.

Victor, you're rambling.  (Ramblin' Man, the Allman Brothers, 1973).....

Ahm, thanks, but, get to it wouldya?  BIG BOOTIES?  Are you talking about your own?  Or, like, that one cartoon where that one rather wide old lady stands up and her poor chihuahua is stuck in her butt crack?

Well........ big booties are about cushions.  Cushions in life are about comfort.  You mean like those things people hand carry to sporting events to sit on?  Or, like, the lifejacket cushions, or, the ones you put on the patio chairs so ya don't get rattan butt marks, plastic webbing hiney wrinkles, wicker cheeks?  Well, kinda.

I was kinda more looking to say - people in life that are our cushions.  You know 'em, you seen 'em, you probably just gathered with 'em..... heck, you might even, every night - offer up "night night", a smooch, followed by REM position.  (Calm down, that's not anything R rated, it's Rapid Eye Movements for like when ya sleep.

People, some, in some cases, many - are like cushions.  They help make the blows of life bearable  They can always be counted on.  They are special.

Close your eyes.  HEY, wait.  Before ya do....  take a moment to think of who are the cushions in your life......... ok, then... close your eyes and think about the how and why they are.  How lost we would be without 'em, how thankful we are due to them.

If life were a play, and, it kinda sorta is.... some cushions wouldn't be in every act... sporadic, but, highly important bit parts... that one cashier at  The Piggly.... your favorite helpful smile in the aisle at Hy Vee....they lady who always checks ya in at the golf course...  Adam's Muffler. HUH? WHO?  Yeah, Adams, my, and half the town of Liberty's mechanic,  Good people, charge a fair price, won't do anything that doesn't need doing, and, they fix the problem.  A wonderful cushion to have.

Friends........ cushions for life. Be it school, work, neighbor, fellow churchgoer, and maybe even someone you bellied up the bar next to, that is, those of you/us that might go to a bar,

PEOPLE THAT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER?  Ya mean like Doctors Victor?  Sure, could be.  Could even be Dave, from the Community Center in the sauna... he's always happy, asks how things are, then, LISTENS... intently. Great guy, a cushion.

Siblings, parents, cousins, children, grands, nieces, nephews, SPECIAL.  A cushion for life.

I ain't for sure, but I would guess, when in the presence of one'a the cushions in your, my life - our BP is regulated to a Goldilocks level.  Just right.

EVEN A TERM POLICY?  Well, yes, I spose so. And a plumber, mailman, the Prime driver, that Uber guy, the lady at the counter at the Community Center...

Cushions help us through tears, fears, boo boo's, depression, maybe even when we are needing a lesson.  Cushions can steer us right.

Hound pooches and kitties?  Absolutely!  One group that's kinda specific to me, and a lotta good buddies - fraternity brothers. United, forever, we got each other's back.

I'm not real sure how to end this. Victor?  Huh?  Booties are ends. Yes, true, and big'ns have great padding, cushion.  Which reminds me, I've already had a light breakfast, but, I've got some bananas that are going bad soon, gonna have some cereal, slice me up so nana's so I can work on my own fat booty a little more.  DANGER DANGER WILL.... ER, I MEAN VIC SCHULTZE... you're gonna push the limit your spiffy mobility scooter can carry.  Bite me.

We don't always steadfastly agree with our cushions in each and every instance in life... most certainly ease our pain though.

And sure, fat bottomed girls make the rockin' world go round.  Get on your horse and ride.  (With saddle for good cushion). 

Love, Victurd

All about Eve.......

Of course, Christmas is centered around a birth...  On this Christmas Eve, I envisioned doing research and finding fun, crazy, wild stories I could steal about 'the day before my baby was born' from Google, Reddit, Quora, hell, I don't care, Good Housekeeping, Reader's Digest, SOMEWHERE, but I couldn't find any.

So I only have one.  Victor, you've already told it to us too. Bite me, bears repeating.

One of our friends, she played softball with my ex... She was THE BEST athlete, well, for sure in Liberty, probably Clay County, hell, I dunno, throw Missouri in too.  You get the picture, she was THE BOMB.

Preggo she was.  Fifth, mighta been sixth child on the way. I can't remember.  She was well into her 30's.  Impatient. Past her due day. A day.  Three days  A week. Impatient she was.

So......................... she went into the garage, got her kid's Pogo Stick out, bounced her way around  the backyard for roughly 30 minutes.  Magically, she delivered healthily the next day. Baby Eve story. The only one I got.

Butt.......... along the way Googling, i found some fun (Victor, you tell 'em, WE'LL decide if they're fun) stories about Labor.

Stolen:

"I was in back labor the majority of my labor, and I was in a lot of pain. Well, when it was time to push, I screamed, 'Push her back in! I feel like she's coming out of my butt! I'M HAVING A BUTT BABY!'"

"During my childbirth, I accidentally howled like a coyote."

"When I had my son, I tried to tell the doctor I had gas, but he said, 'Oh, it's just pressure from the baby.' Well, as soon as he slipped his hand in to check my cervix, I farted so loudly, it sounded like furniture scooting across the floor!"

"We were headed to the hospital, and we got stuck behind a school bus. I was screaming my head off in pain when I looked up and saw all the kids on the bus staring at me, terrified!"

"During labor, I told my husband I couldn't do it anymore and wanted to go home. He asked, 'What about the baby?' and I said we could just borrow one from the nursery.

 "I had a long labor, and my mom came to my side to give my husband a break. During a particularly bad contraction, she told me it was going to be OK and that it would be over soon. I yelled back, 'You have no idea what this feels like!'

"I was pushing when some old guy in shorts and a cardigan walked into my birthing suite. I yelled, 'Get the f*ck out, old man!'...only for my midwife to inform me that he was actually the obstetrician. My bad."

It ain't much but it's all I got.  Merry Christmas Eve.  Men, get to shopping.  Kids, go to bed early.  Santa is presently in South Korea, but... he's coming to town so be good for goodness sake.

Love, Victurd

WHAT are you doing?

Runnin' around like a chicken with it's head cutoff?  Trying to do four things at once with two hands and a couple feet?  Gotta nail in that shoe - and you step left... no, wait... right... ahm, this way.. NO, thataway!

Welcome to Miami........ no, wait, that ain't it.

Welcome to Christmas Eve Eve.

Are you up this early, leavin', on a jet plane... do your feet stink for when the TSA dude, dudette hollers "Shoes off"?  Uber's never late are they? Is it snowing? Where you're going is it?  Ya got enough clothes packed for both kinds of weather?

Victor...... we stay home for Christmas......    Oh.   House clean?  Dusted since Biden was in office?  The bathroom.... ya got any old age 'dribblers' in your household?  Better getta Swiffer for infronta the stool.  Pew. Nuff TP?  Bathroom drawers in order? (People look.)

WAIT!  You're driving across the State?  Ya checked them tires for steel belts stickin' out?  Do they still use steel belts?  That sticker in the upper lefthand corner.. WHAT?  You ain't had an oil change in 11,694 miles?

WAIT, WHAT?  Before the Football Season ever started you did a home equity thing and got four tickets to The Chiefs and The Broncos on Christmas evening, for you, Uncle Albert, Cousin Eddie and Little Jimmy for $417 each?  Close your ears, they're on Tickets For Less today at $36 apiece. Sorry. Eh, it's ok. At least we can spell the last name of our quarterback.  Oops.

Have the cats rearranged the lights, ornaments on your Christmas tree?  Ripped into the packages?  Did Fido done lap up all the water from the Christmas stand?  And where is Joey's pet boa?

Do you have a carton of cigs?........... FOR?   For when you get nervous, bite your nails and hope, pray, wonder if all those Amazon Prime gifts will be here for Christmas.  "I'll be home for Christmas, you can count on me."  Yes, but can you count on Bezos?  Does Bezos deliver to you creatures in Mehico?

FOOD?  BOUGHT?  COOKED?  Or, are you a male piggy and "that's her job"?  Don't worry if you forgot something.... yesterday there were still 7 grocery carts left just inside the door at Wally World... no parking spots (I parked next door at Cracker Barrel), but, 7 empty carts.  Milk? HAHAHAHAHA!

Soooooooooooooooooooo?  What, don't we discuss this year around the dinner table?  Politics?  Weight? Whether your favorite stadium is in Kansas or Missouri?

Do we have enough chairs for everyone  when we go open presents?  If not, are there folks there that are under the age of 64 that can still get up off the floor by their lonesome?

OK, I agree, probably a stupid blog.

What is real.... and real important is all the love that will be shared.  Most of us don't spend enough time with the ones we love the most.  So, we gotta make the most of it.

Imperfection happens.  Rice casseroles will be dropped (maybe on purpose). Disappointment has trouble hiding on the faces of those that may not have just opened what you thought was the perfect gift.  (It's ok, you may get it regifted in 2027)..  

A strand of lights will go out. We'll eat too much. Children, and Uncle Charlie, will crash early from exhaustion.  Fifi will chew through that damn sweater you put on her.

People watching and people loving is the theme.  It goes all too swiftly.

I remember YEARS ago paying one arm, one leg to purhcase a truly wonderful, weighing 12 pounds, video camera to ensure everything was recorded so we could go forward years and years to revisit the time.  Close your ears.  I have no idea where those VHS tapes are today,

I thought it was Melania that said "Be better" but, she actually said "Be Best." It was Michelle, in 2016 that said "Be better at evertything" - and that's my message to you. Do as I say, not as I do............ Pictures.  Videos.  Treasuring today, tomorrow.

Merry Christmas!

The Portal mate.... chalk, written in Stone...

A preachment dear blog readers (truly on the dear) I hear tell am about to stumble, try, hope - to communicate a basketball story. So, if you prefer soccer... or, mebbe Macrame... or, if your end game is more along the line of successful perennials (pinch, fertilize, water, compost, hell I dunno) then, SNAGGLEPUSS left here.  All good.

If you've become hardened to the way we are (Old McDonald has a team, e i e i o. With a Duke grad here and an Ole Miss xfer there, here an Aggie, there a Saluiki - e i e i o.) and you miss the way we were (Memories, light the corners of my mind.. colored pictures, local 4 Star joins the grind, "I''ll buy little Jimmy a Smith jersey.. he's a Missouri kid, he'll be here four years, count on it..... Well, Ohhhhh we got trouble... right here in River City, trouble with a capital "T" (transfer) that rhymes with "P" and that stands for Portal- you can put your readers on the nightstand and go watch Jimmy Kimmel, permission granted, right Guillermo?

Jayden Stone, packed his bags, left mom, dad, sibs, granny, all... flew from his native Perth, Australia in 2021 to Grand Canyon University to play some hoop.  After a couple of seasons, he found himself only playing 8 minutes a game, averaging 3 points, in other words, a DEEP HOLE. (Grand Canyon.. Foghorn might say, "That's a joke son.")  While he appreciated their frankness, it wasn't fun to hear... "you won't be in our plans next year, but, ya wanna be the team manager?"

Fly home?  Give up?  Dream over

Nope, not yet, have mercy.... as in Detroit Mercy.

He done pretty good there. First, Athletic Director's Honor Roll.... Started 13 games his first year, averaged 14 points....  Second year, WOWZER, averaged 21 points a game, second in the league... 22nd in the Nation... Picture perfect post card to send back home? Well, except except, Mercy only won one game (MERCY), they got ridda the coach, AD, 3 professors, the Band Leader and a custodian.......AND.... Jayden, having one more year of eligibility, wanted Arizona insteada Grand Canyon... or Michigan insteada Detroit Mercy.  The Best. I want to try to make it with the best.

West Virginia it is! YAY!  BIG 12 BASKETBALL!  "What's that?" they asked from back home... "It's a good thing, the biggest stage in the US."  He was a good player.  A good person.  And then......

And then it happened.

Before the season ever got started - he fell and landed ON his head on the court.  Devastating.  Injuries to his head and neck - and, the worst, the loss of movement on his left side.  10,000 miles away from home - he was laid up in the hospital.   Randy Meador, West Virginia's Athletic Trainer for 40 years, was a Godsend.  D1 Basketball took a backseat to, will I be able to lead a normal life?

Siezures. ICU. Weeks, months of physical therapy.  "You know, when you're focused on (small steps), he would buy into that." Meador said.  "You know, we might not be ready for tomorrow, we might not be ready for the next game, but you're getting better each week, and that's just what we need. Cause the brain is either gonna get better or worse, so let's keep building off that."

"And it was really my grandma and my mom that kept breathing life into me," Stone said.  "Always telling me to keep quoting scripture, realizing you can if you have faith for it, you know, to believe..... Just give God the glory, even if it doesn't happen the way you think it will."

PTL, Jayden Stone has recovered.  Not in time to play at West Virginia... The Head Coach up and left for Indiana.... No team offer to return..  begs asking "Should we get all bent out of shape at these kids for their movments?  I, for one, am happy of the fact that Jayden can just move!  Both sides!

He thought he was 'done' in the US.  Back to Perth. Then, Missouri Assistant Coach Kyle Smithpeters comes along.  "We have a place for you."  "I was, and am, amazed."

This blog is not finished.  Neither is the Jayden Stone story.  In six games for Mizzou, he was averaging 13 points, shooting 42% from 3 point range - darned if he didn't hurt his hand in practice and is now forced to recoup again, this time, 4 to 6 weeks.

PLEASE KNOW:  I am Missouri biased. I admit.  Still, I love life, basketball, good stories, people who work hard, and GOOD PEOPLE.  He is all of the above.  Below is a youtube preseason interview that tells the story of Earth here from Perth..WAY BETTER than I.  

To me, if gives a wonderful look inside athletics... a wonderful look at a wonderful human who simply wants to do good, be good, be a good person, teammate, family member, etc.

It'll take up 12 minutes of your life. I promise, it's worth it.

Love, Victurd

I lied.  Thirteen minutes. You're gonna have to copy and paste.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMYiL6CScGM

In summation.......

WAIT?  WHAT?

While I'm not the walrus, I sureasheck ain't the guru, Mr. Peabody, Einstein.  I'm not even of Ben Stein ilk.  In fact, as I was driving across Kansas yesterday (very scenic..and flat, btw Schwabby) I said to my grandson "YOU, are way smarter than I.  I was OK in math and English, but Science, I really sucked."  (It's ok, he's 13, it's among the favorite, most said words of 13 year olds)  "You're smart in every subject!"  And, he is. And yes, biased, and yes, don't care what you think, he really is sharp.

It seems.........  As The World Turns. or is it spins, again, I sucked in Science... we start out in January with all these 'This is the year I'm gonna" and we slowly transgress thru the year and don't.  But, along the way...... we buy more junk.  Hoard a tad more, so, before we keel we can spout "that'll learn em"....

We make it thru the seasons......... BRRRRRRRRRRR...  I'm SOAKED....... Dayum it's hot... honey?  Can you draw me an ice bath?..    OH! THE BEAUTY OF THE LEAVES!  Give it a rest Victor, they're leaves. and then gray, drab, and finally, BRRRRRRRRRR again.

11/12'a of the way, we kill a big bird.... think and arrange THANKS for a year... we ain't finished yet, why do we stop... again, mom/dad said "Finish everything you start, except sex."

We get to this point...   one eye on '26....  so we attempt to add it all up.. summarize where we been, what we've learned, what we're gonna do better next year... 

Then...... we lose 4 pounds in January....  gain 8 in February...  check our voicemail in late March .:"You have one, new message. Tuesday, January 23.."  Crap.  Pete and repeat, there I said it again.

We have a tendency, at this point of the year to add things all up.  Am I smarter at 73 than i was at 72?  Am I smarter than a 5th grader?  Victor, your grandson it in 7th grade and the answer is no, you're not.

Frank sings "It was a very good year"  47 relates 'greatest ever'.   Babies born, losses we mourn, some (bosses - some, members of the other party, jealous ones, arrogant ones) we scorn.  Pretty much, same ole same ole, nuther year.

Blessed.

Blessed we are with another chance, shot, sunrise, oh baby (well hey, to those of you with 'oh baby's', it's gotta help make it a goodyear aint it?"...  

Kids grow, clothes don't, midruff's bulge, leather punches add another hole at the enda the belt.

Snow, ice, are worse on the roads than acne is on a 14 year old..... Raindrops keep fallin' on ma' head... "Sir, this is the Code Enforcement Occifer for Liberty, you've GOT to mow that yard... REALLY?  It's so dayum soggy my lawnmower wheels won't spin.  We eventually cable guy git er done...   drought hits.... where have all the flowers gone?  Corner'a Kansas and Morse, either that lady's thumb is really green, or, she's got a well in her backyard, PRETTY flowers though (Hey, I wrote that last year too!)..

Honey, you checked the IRA lately?  It's AWE$OME!  Let's have a big ole dinner!  Ahm, KC Strip is Fitteen ninety nine a pound, hamburger $7.99, even pork chops are $5.99.... howabout chicken?  OK, grab some wings. Ahm.  Ever since wings became popular, they're $6.99 a pound too.. . OK, fried chicken it is. It's on sale at the Piggly.  I love you honey. (Hey, I wrote that last year too!)

That's Uncle Joe he's a movin' kinda slow at the Junction...... yeah? Well, you ain't exactly no spring chicken bird of paradise yourself Victurd.  Yeah, right you are. (Damnit, I wrote THAT last year too.)

There've been some breakups.. "oh well, positively, we'll get to see 'em this year at Christmas now". nope, wrong you are, already on the rebound... gonna be in Little Rock with the new mate for Christmas.

Glory days for most are like, "Hell, I can't even remember what sports I played in school.  Were we dating back then?  Ahm, we didn't even meet until we were 30, remember.  Oh yea, thanks.

The common denominator (that's the thing after the equal sign ain't it?) No Victor, it's the number below the line in a common fraction.  

OK, well, that number then.

FAMILY.

"You don't choose your family.  They are God's gift to you, as you are to them."  Desmond Tutu

"Family is not an important thing. It's everything."  Michael J. Fox

We're all different, have grown up differently, different situations.  Family is the glue.  Year after year, summation after summation.  THE common denominator in life.

We don't speak ill of family.  We may have 'push over, roll outs' (sounds better than knock down drag outs!).. we may get huffy upon occasion.  We also may hug, love, call, care, be there, yada.  It's the best. It's comfort.

If I may share (which, is fancy for, nanny nanny boo boo it's my blog and I'm going to!) a tiny (huge) example... it may not sound it at first, but, 'twas, is to me.

Little looms large. My cousin's kid texted me last night.  She knows how much I enjoy basketball.  Her son is a really good player at the local high school, sophomore. she knows I come (sometimes) to the games.. she just wanted to forwarn me - they were playing the crosstown rival last night.. "He's had the flu, but, he's gonna try to play".... told her I'm on the tail end of this dadgum flu, "I'm gonna stay home tonight, but ty for thinking of me."  And, that's where it ends for most.  Except her, she's family.  Even though the game started at 8pm, it was Friday.. the last day of the work week..she undoubtedly tired, and she, maybe had the flu too...  texted me back... Do you have plenty of Mucinex and Sudafed ?  If you don't want to get out, I'd be happy to bring some by after the game?"

Little = HUGE.  Family = love.  Year after year after year, summation after summation.  Even if I sucked in Science, was not too bad in Math, English..... I've been very lucky in Family.

I hope you are too..........

By Henry Gibson....... pitcher Bob.......... Guitar inventor Orville...  actor Mel.

Oh, and Hatfields, McCoys, Brady bunch's, Taylor's (Andy, Ope, Aunt Bea), Waltons, Cartwrights (Hoss Ben Joe Adam even Hop Sing), and some Partridges in a pear tree.

Not to mention.... Solty's, Moffits, Shifletts, Stringfellows, Days, Pie's, Weagleys, Tiptons, Hahns, van Dijks, Hacks, Spencers, Rays, Craigs, Estes', Foster, Floray, Martins, Carters, Tucks, Bland, Watson, Brock, LaFevers, Mallory, and if I missed it, you/we are family too, sorry I missed it!

Love, Victurd

The goose is getting fat......... but, who still eats it?

Geese is, are, an interesting lot.  While I ain't never seen one golf, I know they like golf courses.  Wiki, or AI, or Beetlejuice, SOMEBODY tells me they flock there because of short grass for grazing... water for safety... clear views... and....... they do (do) damage.  Droppings, aggressive behavior (Youtube golf geese attacks just for fun sometime).. 

We had a pair that decided to lay their eggs on the White tees of the 18th hole teebox.  You couldn't get within fitty feet of them without HONK HONK, CHASE CHASE, FLAP FLAP WINGS, "Go to L Ernie El, you ain't teeing off here."  So, we didn't.

Their little 'tootsie rolls' make putting more like a miniature golf course what with the obstacles and all.  Ya don't dare take your putter and scootch 'em outta the way ("Damn, that one was fresh.")  Some courses put up wooden or metal coyotes to run 'em off..  Works some I guess.

They habitually pick a spot to graze, chomp that's in a direct line between the teebox and the green.  AIN'T YOU NEVER SEEN ME HIT BEFORE?  AT LEAST ONE IN FIVE IS A WORM BURNER......... SCRAM!

I ain't never got one that way - but, sadly, band camp, I worked at the airport, East-West road (the worst kind in Winter).. it was freezing drizzle, slow but go and don't dare tap or stomp on the brakes...  I didn't have a minute to spare.. One came a walkin' across the road North to South.. (They're Canadians, WHY don't they stay North.. .anyways, he was walking across the road, the hood of my Pinto Station wagon sat maybe a foot and a half above the pavement... I saw him... I wasn't stopping, braking, going in a ditch due to him.  It wasn't perty, and that long ole neck kinda splatted on my hood.   Sorry, didn't do it on purpose.

In answer to the first question... Google tells me yes, folks in the UK and parts of Europe still chow down on geese for Christmas.  Not so much in the US, turkey cheaper, ham too.  Maybe the tariffs, hell I dunno.

Friday, December 19th.  Amazon Prime memberships SKYROCKET this time of year because...... of men.  We start shopping late.. reach the "Oh no, It'll never get here in time, Prime it is."

In keeping with the theme of my blogs never making sense (Geese... Prime).. I'll share, I usedto lovingly sing, tease, at Christmas, our two boys (one biological, one step) with the song "We wish you weren't here at Christmas, we wish you weren't here at Christmas."

Yes, we are no longer blessed with the biological son on this Earth.. but I still think I woulda sang it because...  he/they knew I was teasing.... he/they always giggled (at least the first few years, then they just rolled their eyes)..  That's the way, uh huh uh huh, I liked it, or tried anyways.... fun.  Sure there's a time to be serious.... like mebbe right now......

I never ever knew what to say to someone who'd lost a child.  Not sure I really still do, but, from my smelly feet this much I know.. I've been there... I know how difficult it is to find the right words, and there ain't really sucha thing.  Just know this, we know it's difficult.  So anything, from nothing at all, to almost anything, main thing, we're aware you're aware and that all that matters... it affords us that mode to look, see our kiddo, the smiles, the birth, the crawling, the walking, this park, that park, first day of schools, parent teacher conferences, trying our best to feed, raise, clothe, teach, model - and that's all happy stuff.  Bring 'em back alive, even for a short.  Nutherwords, don't sweat it, just that we're aware you're aware is ... and again, 'nothing' works as well because we've been in your shoes and we pray you'll never be in ours.

Christmas doesn't stop. Christmas is color and bright lights. In our case, grands. I sooooooooooooo love the holiday because so much good comes of it....sure it's too commercial... but heck, it's ok to spoil all rugrats on one specific day.  The excitement, the eats, the sibs, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, newborns (yum!), the OG's that are a little slower every year, but, gain appreciation for every extra mile we get.

While it may seem it takes forever to get here.... too, it's in the rear view mirror all too frequently.

That time.

That time to be around loved ones.   Hustle, bustle, spend, save, spend, hustle, worry, fret, whew.. It finally comes.  It goes too quick, but, we get, That time.

Special it is.

We yust go nuts at Chritmas.  Nuts over family, little ones, big'ns, old ones, hounds, cats, hamsters I guess... 

Stop. Look. Listen. Love.

Fleeting life is we learn.  That's why we really need to take that moment to stop.  Look. Listen. Love

Merry Christas, love, Victurd

Old Gray Mares. and... It's very windy today. (Color this blogger guilty)

Of Old Gray Mares and are they still what they usedta be?

At present, grease is the word.  No, that ain't it.  Well, Frankie Valli sang it, but he don't tour no more.

Weather is today's word.  As in yuck  "Major coast-to-coast storm system bringing heavy rain, mountain snow, and strong winds, with threats of severe thunderstorms and flooding in the South/Mid-Atlantic, significant Pacific NW atmospheric river impacts and cold air, snow in the Northern Plains and Midwest, all, while the Southwest enjoys unseasonably warm weather."

At 6:30am this morning, KC weather lady said "Presently, 63 mph winds in Lawrence, KS, heading our (KC) way."  I thought I smelled something.  JK Schwabby.  Fitty degrees now, 40-45 mph North winds this afternoon - projected to send temps into the 20's.....

Happy 100th to Rob Petrie, Dr. Mark Sloan, cheerful cockney chimney sweep Bert. You are our proud male version of Betty White.  Amazing, energizer, still going.

Keith ain't.  At least this go round.  Keith Richards, YES, that Keith Richards, firmly ingrained as "he'll outlast us all" has decided this time, due to arthritis, he can't keep up with the rigors of a four month Rolling Stones Stadium Tour.  Tour cancelled. Godspeed Sir, we loveya and we hope you're back in a Jumpin' Jack Flash.

Yesterday.  Unseasonably nice here in the Midwest.  Big, back deck at local golf course.  Twenty or so, a fitty fitty gathering of gray mares, stallions (probably some geldings mixed in, for sure no studs)... Most, the vast majority, Medicare age... All, of the age the tee shots get shorter, the stories get longer.

The mares, after a brief foray to the parking lot for a shot of some kind of apple moonshine, returned to their chairs on the deck, and voiced kinda sorta formal protest to 'male dribbling' in the unisex facilities at the course.   There was no denial in that happening, "we get your point, we'll work on ours"  Change the subject please.

"It's all the Democrats fault."  Aye yai yai,  Everyone, both sides I think, feel as if we've been in a yearlong hot dog eating contest, we just finished, sat... someone came around with a tray of juicy BallPark franks.  Ahm, thanks, no thanks.  (Change the subject please!)

Some stallion hollered "How bout those Chiefs?"  Usually works, but, met with groans.  "Hell, we might as well talk politics, or dripping."

Mahomes Mahomes on the range (there was a whisper he possibly had an infection from his surgery) then led to war stories - of hips and knees.... TEETH, of all things.  A former surgical nurse said "It's all about your teeth, if you've got rotten teeth, you are more susceptible to infection..."  It's twue, it's reawy twue one chap nodded... "They made me cancel my dental appointment right after.."  A done-had-two-hips-replaced dude agreed, "They kept me on antibiotics for two years. I was deathly afraid of going to the dentist."

Somehow, mighta had something to do with the dribbling talk earlier - there was two factions of retired Auto Workers (one side, Chevy, the other, Ford) and they winged stories about the grossest thing they saw in the stallion's work restrooms...  "Yuck, let's go back to Politics" one mare shouted.

Much like the churning of the political hot dog bellies of all of us, there was discourse all around.... Ford vs Chevy... 'You guys shut the line down because that crap don't sell"... "Say what you want, I'm ok sitting at home for 85% of my pay...   Seltzer, vs, Beer, vs. a shot of Jack... innies outties (guessing here).... Dribblers who come up short, squatters who always leave the lid down.

We ain't what we usedta be, 99% of our putts come up short (dribblers, squatters alike).. 100% windy, all, a tad infected.. but, fun was had.. and will be again, with the Good Lord's Blessing.

Fore sure.  

Love, Victurd

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

Eventually, exhale happens.

Until then, we kinda emulate the feet of Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble as they race each other across the streets of Bedrock.

We risk hackers with binoculars, gas up our SUV's.... or, possible electrocution after paying a shadetree electrician (to save fitty bucks) to hookup charger in the garage so we can juice our Chevy Bolt EV up to make it to the Mall.

There are still hardheads among us who refuse to allow technology to rule our lives, so, we get ink stains on our hands from real newspapers... we look at our contact lists on the phone to call our friends and loved ones (insteada texting, messaging, liking, laughing, whadever on their Facebook post)... we actually DRIVE to the Mall to shop.

We've shopped and bought a LOT locally then, we, leave town to go to the mall, we're held up on the streets waiting for six different Prime vehicles to deliver their goods to all the Gen X homes. (It's worse than all them dayum Walmart personal shoppers that clog the aisles)..  It's chilly, last years winter coat barely fits, salt trucks get more on the hood of our car than on the road before us.  We finally arrive, hear, "Dad, you're parked on the yellow line"... "We'll be fine Suzie."

Walk, shop, Sleigh bells Ring over the Kohl's speakers but we aren't listening , we finally, FINALLY throw the last gift into the cart - head for the cashier lane - dang, number 16, but at least we're in line. "Ya sure ya just don't wanna go home Melvin and buy all this crap from Amazon..."No's, not just 'no's, but hells to the No's."

 

To the car.. "Allie, hold my hand... Suzie, you too." "DAD, I'm 12!".  SUV now stuffed.  "Dangit.  HUGE door ding!"  "Toldya you were on the line!"

Before ANY, all'a this happened - there's the personal finance aspect.  As in, "Iexpect us to be pretty tight this year." We ain't exactly Whiffenpoof {"we are poor little lambs who have lost our way"}, but, we hold our breath and prepare for embarrassment just in case we hear "I'm sorry, it's saying decline."

We ask all the important questions... .do you think he'll like it...  is it the right size, color, is it nerdy to them, did you save the receipt, "You're gonna have to put it together after he opens it Melvin, I ain't gotta clue".... and then we throw it all in those cheap dollar Christmas bags.  "We ARE NOT using those bags, we're wrapping each and every one, now... Melvin, please go to Walgreen or Dollar General and get us some Scotch tape"

Plans.  When is everyone coming? Is my favorite Christmas sweater clean?  "Honey when you get back from the store can you load up the diaper bag? Oh, and please check to see if Bobby needs a change, he was walkin' kinda funny."

Is (Uncle Tom, usually drunk... Aunt Jean, usually talking nonstop, Harley, usually coughing, and smoking, and coughing, and smoking.. the twins that NEVER stop chasing each other around the coffee table.. that damn shedding cat, yapping dog, them.. ) are all them gonna be there?  YES, now please go change Bobby........."Eww, thanks."

"Now Tommy, this ain't about who gets the coolest gift, you or your cousin Liam.  Liam's dad is a workaholic, he's never home, and becausea that, they simply have more buckaroos to spend on him, but look at the bright side, you get to see your dad a lot more."  "Gee..... thanks Dad."

"What's that smell?  Can you check Bobby again?"   "No, it's coming from the kitchen".. "OH CRAP, I forgot to take out the roast.. HONEY?" "OUCH... I got it."

'Tommy, help your dad load up the car... Suzie, feed and water the cat wouldya... Annie you can help too.. please make sure the Baby Powder is in Bobby's Bag.... Hey, Mom called, she needs 6 more plates.  "I'll get 'em" Thanks Tommy.. (clatter, drop, breaking plate noise) Uh oh.  It's ok Tommy, but we're running late, grab 6 from the cabinet, we'll clean this up when we get home.

Did you unplug the Christmas tree?  Was the thermostat still on 70?  Did you grab my box wine? 'Yes dear, it's in the big cooler with my Miller Lite."  Annie, are you bleeding?  (baby tears).. "yes."  WHAT HAPPENED?  "I picked up one of those plates Tommy broke."  "I DIDN'T DO IT ON PURPOSE!"  OOUCH, TOMMY HIT ME!"  TOMMY STOP!  Suzie what are you looking at?  "I didn't do nuttin' mom"!!

HI GRANNY!  MERRY CHRISTMAS!  Whatup Liam?!  Wanna see my new Playstation?  No, not really.....

Ohhhhhh Melvin?  NOW what'd I do?  Nothing honey, look up..  OHHHHHH, Mistletoe!  I can go for that, oh oh oh.  Love you baby, let's enjoy.

And.. that's what they do.  All the crazy crap, the money, the shopping, the driving, the planning, the cooking, the texting, wrapping, worry this, hurry that......

It's all, nothing a glass of wine, a bottle of Miller Lite. Clean diaper, bandaged finger.. and now... the best...  family love is in the air........

It's the most wonderful time of the year.. 

There'll be much mistltoeing

And hearts will be glowing

When loved ones are near..

It's the most wonderful time of the year.. 

Exhale...

Love, Melvin