In summation.......

WAIT?  WHAT?

While I'm not the walrus, I sureasheck ain't the guru, Mr. Peabody, Einstein.  I'm not even of Ben Stein ilk.  In fact, as I was driving across Kansas yesterday (very scenic..and flat, btw Schwabby) I said to my grandson "YOU, are way smarter than I.  I was OK in math and English, but Science, I really sucked."  (It's ok, he's 13, it's among the favorite, most said words of 13 year olds)  "You're smart in every subject!"  And, he is. And yes, biased, and yes, don't care what you think, he really is sharp.

It seems.........  As The World Turns. or is it spins, again, I sucked in Science... we start out in January with all these 'This is the year I'm gonna" and we slowly transgress thru the year and don't.  But, along the way...... we buy more junk.  Hoard a tad more, so, before we keel we can spout "that'll learn em"....

We make it thru the seasons......... BRRRRRRRRRRR...  I'm SOAKED....... Dayum it's hot... honey?  Can you draw me an ice bath?..    OH! THE BEAUTY OF THE LEAVES!  Give it a rest Victor, they're leaves. and then gray, drab, and finally, BRRRRRRRRRR again.

11/12'a of the way, we kill a big bird.... think and arrange THANKS for a year... we ain't finished yet, why do we stop... again, mom/dad said "Finish everything you start, except sex."

We get to this point...   one eye on '26....  so we attempt to add it all up.. summarize where we been, what we've learned, what we're gonna do better next year... 

Then...... we lose 4 pounds in January....  gain 8 in February...  check our voicemail in late March .:"You have one, new message. Tuesday, January 23.."  Crap.  Pete and repeat, there I said it again.

We have a tendency, at this point of the year to add things all up.  Am I smarter at 73 than i was at 72?  Am I smarter than a 5th grader?  Victor, your grandson it in 7th grade and the answer is no, you're not.

Frank sings "It was a very good year"  47 relates 'greatest ever'.   Babies born, losses we mourn, some (bosses - some, members of the other party, jealous ones, arrogant ones) we scorn.  Pretty much, same ole same ole, nuther year.

Blessed.

Blessed we are with another chance, shot, sunrise, oh baby (well hey, to those of you with 'oh baby's', it's gotta help make it a goodyear aint it?"...  

Kids grow, clothes don't, midruff's bulge, leather punches add another hole at the enda the belt.

Snow, ice, are worse on the roads than acne is on a 14 year old..... Raindrops keep fallin' on ma' head... "Sir, this is the Code Enforcement Occifer for Liberty, you've GOT to mow that yard... REALLY?  It's so dayum soggy my lawnmower wheels won't spin.  We eventually cable guy git er done...   drought hits.... where have all the flowers gone?  Corner'a Kansas and Morse, either that lady's thumb is really green, or, she's got a well in her backyard, PRETTY flowers though (Hey, I wrote that last year too!)..

Honey, you checked the IRA lately?  It's AWE$OME!  Let's have a big ole dinner!  Ahm, KC Strip is Fitteen ninety nine a pound, hamburger $7.99, even pork chops are $5.99.... howabout chicken?  OK, grab some wings. Ahm.  Ever since wings became popular, they're $6.99 a pound too.. . OK, fried chicken it is. It's on sale at the Piggly.  I love you honey. (Hey, I wrote that last year too!)

That's Uncle Joe he's a movin' kinda slow at the Junction...... yeah? Well, you ain't exactly no spring chicken bird of paradise yourself Victurd.  Yeah, right you are. (Damnit, I wrote THAT last year too.)

There've been some breakups.. "oh well, positively, we'll get to see 'em this year at Christmas now". nope, wrong you are, already on the rebound... gonna be in Little Rock with the new mate for Christmas.

Glory days for most are like, "Hell, I can't even remember what sports I played in school.  Were we dating back then?  Ahm, we didn't even meet until we were 30, remember.  Oh yea, thanks.

The common denominator (that's the thing after the equal sign ain't it?) No Victor, it's the number below the line in a common fraction.  

OK, well, that number then.

FAMILY.

"You don't choose your family.  They are God's gift to you, as you are to them."  Desmond Tutu

"Family is not an important thing. It's everything."  Michael J. Fox

We're all different, have grown up differently, different situations.  Family is the glue.  Year after year, summation after summation.  THE common denominator in life.

We don't speak ill of family.  We may have 'push over, roll outs' (sounds better than knock down drag outs!).. we may get huffy upon occasion.  We also may hug, love, call, care, be there, yada.  It's the best. It's comfort.

If I may share (which, is fancy for, nanny nanny boo boo it's my blog and I'm going to!) a tiny (huge) example... it may not sound it at first, but, 'twas, is to me.

Little looms large. My cousin's kid texted me last night.  She knows how much I enjoy basketball.  Her son is a really good player at the local high school, sophomore. she knows I come (sometimes) to the games.. she just wanted to forwarn me - they were playing the crosstown rival last night.. "He's had the flu, but, he's gonna try to play".... told her I'm on the tail end of this dadgum flu, "I'm gonna stay home tonight, but ty for thinking of me."  And, that's where it ends for most.  Except her, she's family.  Even though the game started at 8pm, it was Friday.. the last day of the work week..she undoubtedly tired, and she, maybe had the flu too...  texted me back... Do you have plenty of Mucinex and Sudafed ?  If you don't want to get out, I'd be happy to bring some by after the game?"

Little = HUGE.  Family = love.  Year after year after year, summation after summation.  Even if I sucked in Science, was not too bad in Math, English..... I've been very lucky in Family.

I hope you are too..........

By Henry Gibson....... pitcher Bob.......... Guitar inventor Orville...  actor Mel.

Oh, and Hatfields, McCoys, Brady bunch's, Taylor's (Andy, Ope, Aunt Bea), Waltons, Cartwrights (Hoss Ben Joe Adam even Hop Sing), and some Partridges in a pear tree.

Not to mention.... Solty's, Moffits, Shifletts, Stringfellows, Days, Pie's, Weagleys, Tiptons, Hahns, van Dijks, Hacks, Spencers, Rays, Craigs, Estes', Foster, Floray, Martins, Carters, Tucks, Bland, Watson, Brock, LaFevers, Mallory, and if I missed it, you/we are family too, sorry I missed it!

Love, Victurd

The goose is getting fat......... but, who still eats it?

Geese is, are, an interesting lot.  While I ain't never seen one golf, I know they like golf courses.  Wiki, or AI, or Beetlejuice, SOMEBODY tells me they flock there because of short grass for grazing... water for safety... clear views... and....... they do (do) damage.  Droppings, aggressive behavior (Youtube golf geese attacks just for fun sometime).. 

We had a pair that decided to lay their eggs on the White tees of the 18th hole teebox.  You couldn't get within fitty feet of them without HONK HONK, CHASE CHASE, FLAP FLAP WINGS, "Go to L Ernie El, you ain't teeing off here."  So, we didn't.

Their little 'tootsie rolls' make putting more like a miniature golf course what with the obstacles and all.  Ya don't dare take your putter and scootch 'em outta the way ("Damn, that one was fresh.")  Some courses put up wooden or metal coyotes to run 'em off..  Works some I guess.

They habitually pick a spot to graze, chomp that's in a direct line between the teebox and the green.  AIN'T YOU NEVER SEEN ME HIT BEFORE?  AT LEAST ONE IN FIVE IS A WORM BURNER......... SCRAM!

I ain't never got one that way - but, sadly, band camp, I worked at the airport, East-West road (the worst kind in Winter).. it was freezing drizzle, slow but go and don't dare tap or stomp on the brakes...  I didn't have a minute to spare.. One came a walkin' across the road North to South.. (They're Canadians, WHY don't they stay North.. .anyways, he was walking across the road, the hood of my Pinto Station wagon sat maybe a foot and a half above the pavement... I saw him... I wasn't stopping, braking, going in a ditch due to him.  It wasn't perty, and that long ole neck kinda splatted on my hood.   Sorry, didn't do it on purpose.

In answer to the first question... Google tells me yes, folks in the UK and parts of Europe still chow down on geese for Christmas.  Not so much in the US, turkey cheaper, ham too.  Maybe the tariffs, hell I dunno.

Friday, December 19th.  Amazon Prime memberships SKYROCKET this time of year because...... of men.  We start shopping late.. reach the "Oh no, It'll never get here in time, Prime it is."

In keeping with the theme of my blogs never making sense (Geese... Prime).. I'll share, I usedto lovingly sing, tease, at Christmas, our two boys (one biological, one step) with the song "We wish you weren't here at Christmas, we wish you weren't here at Christmas."

Yes, we are no longer blessed with the biological son on this Earth.. but I still think I woulda sang it because...  he/they knew I was teasing.... he/they always giggled (at least the first few years, then they just rolled their eyes)..  That's the way, uh huh uh huh, I liked it, or tried anyways.... fun.  Sure there's a time to be serious.... like mebbe right now......

I never ever knew what to say to someone who'd lost a child.  Not sure I really still do, but, from my smelly feet this much I know.. I've been there... I know how difficult it is to find the right words, and there ain't really sucha thing.  Just know this, we know it's difficult.  So anything, from nothing at all, to almost anything, main thing, we're aware you're aware and that all that matters... it affords us that mode to look, see our kiddo, the smiles, the birth, the crawling, the walking, this park, that park, first day of schools, parent teacher conferences, trying our best to feed, raise, clothe, teach, model - and that's all happy stuff.  Bring 'em back alive, even for a short.  Nutherwords, don't sweat it, just that we're aware you're aware is ... and again, 'nothing' works as well because we've been in your shoes and we pray you'll never be in ours.

Christmas doesn't stop. Christmas is color and bright lights. In our case, grands. I sooooooooooooo love the holiday because so much good comes of it....sure it's too commercial... but heck, it's ok to spoil all rugrats on one specific day.  The excitement, the eats, the sibs, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, newborns (yum!), the OG's that are a little slower every year, but, gain appreciation for every extra mile we get.

While it may seem it takes forever to get here.... too, it's in the rear view mirror all too frequently.

That time.

That time to be around loved ones.   Hustle, bustle, spend, save, spend, hustle, worry, fret, whew.. It finally comes.  It goes too quick, but, we get, That time.

Special it is.

We yust go nuts at Chritmas.  Nuts over family, little ones, big'ns, old ones, hounds, cats, hamsters I guess... 

Stop. Look. Listen. Love.

Fleeting life is we learn.  That's why we really need to take that moment to stop.  Look. Listen. Love

Merry Christas, love, Victurd

Old Gray Mares. and... It's very windy today. (Color this blogger guilty)

Of Old Gray Mares and are they still what they usedta be?

At present, grease is the word.  No, that ain't it.  Well, Frankie Valli sang it, but he don't tour no more.

Weather is today's word.  As in yuck  "Major coast-to-coast storm system bringing heavy rain, mountain snow, and strong winds, with threats of severe thunderstorms and flooding in the South/Mid-Atlantic, significant Pacific NW atmospheric river impacts and cold air, snow in the Northern Plains and Midwest, all, while the Southwest enjoys unseasonably warm weather."

At 6:30am this morning, KC weather lady said "Presently, 63 mph winds in Lawrence, KS, heading our (KC) way."  I thought I smelled something.  JK Schwabby.  Fitty degrees now, 40-45 mph North winds this afternoon - projected to send temps into the 20's.....

Happy 100th to Rob Petrie, Dr. Mark Sloan, cheerful cockney chimney sweep Bert. You are our proud male version of Betty White.  Amazing, energizer, still going.

Keith ain't.  At least this go round.  Keith Richards, YES, that Keith Richards, firmly ingrained as "he'll outlast us all" has decided this time, due to arthritis, he can't keep up with the rigors of a four month Rolling Stones Stadium Tour.  Tour cancelled. Godspeed Sir, we loveya and we hope you're back in a Jumpin' Jack Flash.

Yesterday.  Unseasonably nice here in the Midwest.  Big, back deck at local golf course.  Twenty or so, a fitty fitty gathering of gray mares, stallions (probably some geldings mixed in, for sure no studs)... Most, the vast majority, Medicare age... All, of the age the tee shots get shorter, the stories get longer.

The mares, after a brief foray to the parking lot for a shot of some kind of apple moonshine, returned to their chairs on the deck, and voiced kinda sorta formal protest to 'male dribbling' in the unisex facilities at the course.   There was no denial in that happening, "we get your point, we'll work on ours"  Change the subject please.

"It's all the Democrats fault."  Aye yai yai,  Everyone, both sides I think, feel as if we've been in a yearlong hot dog eating contest, we just finished, sat... someone came around with a tray of juicy BallPark franks.  Ahm, thanks, no thanks.  (Change the subject please!)

Some stallion hollered "How bout those Chiefs?"  Usually works, but, met with groans.  "Hell, we might as well talk politics, or dripping."

Mahomes Mahomes on the range (there was a whisper he possibly had an infection from his surgery) then led to war stories - of hips and knees.... TEETH, of all things.  A former surgical nurse said "It's all about your teeth, if you've got rotten teeth, you are more susceptible to infection..."  It's twue, it's reawy twue one chap nodded... "They made me cancel my dental appointment right after.."  A done-had-two-hips-replaced dude agreed, "They kept me on antibiotics for two years. I was deathly afraid of going to the dentist."

Somehow, mighta had something to do with the dribbling talk earlier - there was two factions of retired Auto Workers (one side, Chevy, the other, Ford) and they winged stories about the grossest thing they saw in the stallion's work restrooms...  "Yuck, let's go back to Politics" one mare shouted.

Much like the churning of the political hot dog bellies of all of us, there was discourse all around.... Ford vs Chevy... 'You guys shut the line down because that crap don't sell"... "Say what you want, I'm ok sitting at home for 85% of my pay...   Seltzer, vs, Beer, vs. a shot of Jack... innies outties (guessing here).... Dribblers who come up short, squatters who always leave the lid down.

We ain't what we usedta be, 99% of our putts come up short (dribblers, squatters alike).. 100% windy, all, a tad infected.. but, fun was had.. and will be again, with the Good Lord's Blessing.

Fore sure.  

Love, Victurd

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

Eventually, exhale happens.

Until then, we kinda emulate the feet of Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble as they race each other across the streets of Bedrock.

We risk hackers with binoculars, gas up our SUV's.... or, possible electrocution after paying a shadetree electrician (to save fitty bucks) to hookup charger in the garage so we can juice our Chevy Bolt EV up to make it to the Mall.

There are still hardheads among us who refuse to allow technology to rule our lives, so, we get ink stains on our hands from real newspapers... we look at our contact lists on the phone to call our friends and loved ones (insteada texting, messaging, liking, laughing, whadever on their Facebook post)... we actually DRIVE to the Mall to shop.

We've shopped and bought a LOT locally then, we, leave town to go to the mall, we're held up on the streets waiting for six different Prime vehicles to deliver their goods to all the Gen X homes. (It's worse than all them dayum Walmart personal shoppers that clog the aisles)..  It's chilly, last years winter coat barely fits, salt trucks get more on the hood of our car than on the road before us.  We finally arrive, hear, "Dad, you're parked on the yellow line"... "We'll be fine Suzie."

Walk, shop, Sleigh bells Ring over the Kohl's speakers but we aren't listening , we finally, FINALLY throw the last gift into the cart - head for the cashier lane - dang, number 16, but at least we're in line. "Ya sure ya just don't wanna go home Melvin and buy all this crap from Amazon..."No's, not just 'no's, but hells to the No's."

 

To the car.. "Allie, hold my hand... Suzie, you too." "DAD, I'm 12!".  SUV now stuffed.  "Dangit.  HUGE door ding!"  "Toldya you were on the line!"

Before ANY, all'a this happened - there's the personal finance aspect.  As in, "Iexpect us to be pretty tight this year." We ain't exactly Whiffenpoof {"we are poor little lambs who have lost our way"}, but, we hold our breath and prepare for embarrassment just in case we hear "I'm sorry, it's saying decline."

We ask all the important questions... .do you think he'll like it...  is it the right size, color, is it nerdy to them, did you save the receipt, "You're gonna have to put it together after he opens it Melvin, I ain't gotta clue".... and then we throw it all in those cheap dollar Christmas bags.  "We ARE NOT using those bags, we're wrapping each and every one, now... Melvin, please go to Walgreen or Dollar General and get us some Scotch tape"

Plans.  When is everyone coming? Is my favorite Christmas sweater clean?  "Honey when you get back from the store can you load up the diaper bag? Oh, and please check to see if Bobby needs a change, he was walkin' kinda funny."

Is (Uncle Tom, usually drunk... Aunt Jean, usually talking nonstop, Harley, usually coughing, and smoking, and coughing, and smoking.. the twins that NEVER stop chasing each other around the coffee table.. that damn shedding cat, yapping dog, them.. ) are all them gonna be there?  YES, now please go change Bobby........."Eww, thanks."

"Now Tommy, this ain't about who gets the coolest gift, you or your cousin Liam.  Liam's dad is a workaholic, he's never home, and becausea that, they simply have more buckaroos to spend on him, but look at the bright side, you get to see your dad a lot more."  "Gee..... thanks Dad."

"What's that smell?  Can you check Bobby again?"   "No, it's coming from the kitchen".. "OH CRAP, I forgot to take out the roast.. HONEY?" "OUCH... I got it."

'Tommy, help your dad load up the car... Suzie, feed and water the cat wouldya... Annie you can help too.. please make sure the Baby Powder is in Bobby's Bag.... Hey, Mom called, she needs 6 more plates.  "I'll get 'em" Thanks Tommy.. (clatter, drop, breaking plate noise) Uh oh.  It's ok Tommy, but we're running late, grab 6 from the cabinet, we'll clean this up when we get home.

Did you unplug the Christmas tree?  Was the thermostat still on 70?  Did you grab my box wine? 'Yes dear, it's in the big cooler with my Miller Lite."  Annie, are you bleeding?  (baby tears).. "yes."  WHAT HAPPENED?  "I picked up one of those plates Tommy broke."  "I DIDN'T DO IT ON PURPOSE!"  OOUCH, TOMMY HIT ME!"  TOMMY STOP!  Suzie what are you looking at?  "I didn't do nuttin' mom"!!

HI GRANNY!  MERRY CHRISTMAS!  Whatup Liam?!  Wanna see my new Playstation?  No, not really.....

Ohhhhhh Melvin?  NOW what'd I do?  Nothing honey, look up..  OHHHHHH, Mistletoe!  I can go for that, oh oh oh.  Love you baby, let's enjoy.

And.. that's what they do.  All the crazy crap, the money, the shopping, the driving, the planning, the cooking, the texting, wrapping, worry this, hurry that......

It's all, nothing a glass of wine, a bottle of Miller Lite. Clean diaper, bandaged finger.. and now... the best...  family love is in the air........

It's the most wonderful time of the year.. 

There'll be much mistltoeing

And hearts will be glowing

When loved ones are near..

It's the most wonderful time of the year.. 

Exhale...

Love, Melvin

Mix it up.........

(Update... this really stinks.  I know, most of em do  That said, sometimes, hey, it's all I got  I promise, before 2027, the Good Lord willing. I'll have a better one!)

Mice, men.  Yesterday, there was talk of "Who was the tall person that put the angel atop your Christmas tree at your house?"...  So, I thought I might dabble today and funnel all talk, words, stories, to TALL.  Even had the Title....."HIGH, how are you?"

Then, I figured you'd all undress me for writing about marihua.... marijua...marjua..  mari..  pot,  And then I'd deny and say "NO!  It's a natural high!" to which you'd probably reply, "Yes Victor, we can tell, we are pretty sure that's the cheap Natural Light stuff you drink?  QUIT LOOKING IN MY FRIDGE.

So, insteada HIGH stories... say, we you aware one of my tall fraternity brothers.. in high school in Iowa.. hella basketball player.. they got tall corn up there.. remember "baseball Ray"?  Well, this was Basketball Joe.  His HS team was in the Tall Corn Athletic Conference.  And....... he was. "ALL TALL CORN" First team!

I thought you said you "WERE" gonna talk about Tall, High, but decided to change..  Yes, will, did, but... afraid of heights?  Me, nah.... ok, maybe some.  In Chicago once.. buddy says "Hey, wanna take that fast elevator up to the toppa the Sears tower?"....  Ahm, gee, good idea, but... I gotta pee... then, I'm having hunger pains, mebbe we should go eat.

And.................... thought I had one'a my grandkids present ALL mapped out.... Kansas City, a couple years ago, built this HUGE Ferris wheel thingy downtown KC a couple years back.. it's like $25 to ride.. but.. for Christmas they had a special, for $27, for one calendar year, ride as many times as you like!  YES, I'll take three for my grands please..  Huh?  Oh, no, that's ok, I don't need one...  Then I learn, middle grandchild no likey heights. Eh, I get it.

So, thought number two was mix it up.  Ain't life sometimes mixed up?  Got loved ones, a couple, they take turns fixing "What she wants for dinner" then, "What he wants for dinner", then, they mix it up, have a night, "You eat/cook what you want, and I will do the same, my fav"  I happen to love that.  To each, his, her own.

Do your pets get the same ole same old Old Roy or the like every day?  Would children,  riding in your car, be shocked if they jumped in, you "head out on the highway" and, insteada Classic Rock,you've got Country on the dial... or even Old Country.... and wow, "Grandpa, you're playing Hip Hop?"  Mix it up baby, it's what life is about.

Go different routes.  Pull into different driveways at night  jk Thinka new ways to say "Howya doin" to coworkers..... "Ya get laid last night Frank?"  VICTOR.  Sorry, kinda   "It's December the month your wife skips ironing your shirts ain't it Hank?"

Cooking. Mix it up. Sitting our fat butts (VICTOR, speak for yourself!... I was/am).. fat butts in easy chair or sofa (mix that up too) mix up the remote. Variety. Checkout the Channel 4 news, you just might fall in love with onea them anchors too.

Glance at your closet. Drab?  Spiff it up. No talent in that?  Ask Sherwin Williams, hell they can help. Haircut?  A bunch of 'em?  Change it up. Grow it long.  Howabout a beard?  Life's hard, like concrete, mix it up.

CHANGE THE LYRICS TO SONGS WHEN YOU'RE OUT PLAYING GOLF, with, the same ole partner, at the same ole course, on the same day of the week...  "Delta Dawn, what's that smelly sh*t you have on?"

Change your undies, at least every other day.  Pick a different spot at the dinner table to sit. See who notices first.  You suck at the Power Ball.. buy a Mega Millions, ya never know.  I've not been everywhere like Johnny Cash, but, I've dang near sat everywhere at Kaufman Stadium and they're all fun!  Same ole same ole season(ed) tickets?  No sir, whisk me around the park.  Anywhere except SRO.  Best time ever (ok, almost, but twas fun) was behind the left-fielder.. the opposing bullpen between us and the field.  Musta been twenty kids in our section and EACH and EVERY one of 'em got a baseball from the opposing team... pretty cool.

FIRST play of the game......... EVERY GAME....... Chris Jones, our beloved nose tackle, looks at the guy lined up across from him and then says, "Whatsup Fatty"  (You can keep some fun things, yain't gotta change everything."

OK, I'll go.  I'm gonna collect all this change on my desk...  drive to Wendys and get THE best Chili eva'...   Victor, you're sheltered. Surely. Mix it up a little.  I DO. Sometimes "Can I have two extra crackers... sometimes three)..  

"I stated mixing my real life stories into my stand up, and on stage it's much more powerful."

Anh Do     (Gesundheit)..

Mixing humour and harsh reality is a very human behaviour, it's the way people stay sane in their daily lives"  Jorge Garcia

DAD?  I was taking my blue acne pill but I think I accidentally took one of your pills  Will it make my acne go away and what IS that stuff?

Ya put the lime in the coconut and ya mix it all up.

Yesterday was PG.  Gotta mix it up a bit.  Sorry. Kinda. 

Love, Victurd

I wonder wonder wonder wonder.................you

Merry Christmas......... early...

What memories have you?  Good ones?  Did your family have a real tree?  Did you help pick it out?  Chop it down? Cedar tree from the country? Did you help decorate it as a kiddo?  Did you have those liquid bulb thingies?  Do you ever remember a cat jumping up, hiding in the tree?  Who was so tall in your family that put the angel atop?  Were you a tinsel slinger?  Do you think kids today even know whatintheheck tinsel is/was?

Where did you go?  Granny/Gramps?  Aunt/Uncles?  Or, was the celebration in the house where you grew up?.... Didya have enough chairs for everyone that came?  Did the little's have their own table?

When didya open presents?  Was it always Christmas day, morning?  Christmas Eve?  Did you go to multiple family Christmas's every year?  Did you notice I'm not real sure how to punctuate Christmas's Christmas'?

Speakin' a punctual, what time did you get mom and dad outta bed to see what Santa brought you? What kinda goodies did you leave out for Santa the night before?  Ever swear you saw him? Do you like eggnog?  Me neither.

Was there a big ole pile of gifts beneath the tree?  Truth, did you usedto grab the ones for you, feel 'em up real good and try to guess what was inside?  Do you have a favorite Christmas present from over the years?

What year did you first play Santa?  Was it tradition to watch certain Christmas movies?  Did you take drives all about town to see the lights as a little?  As a big kid?  What comes after "FIVE, GOLDEN RINGS"?

Carols... gotta favorite singer?  Ives?  Martin?  Sinatra? Nat King Cole?  Dolly?  Ella?  Andy? Or were you a leftfielder and it was Leon Redbone?  Our family played Christmas Carols on (the record player, stereo, reel to reel, cassette, CD, Spotify, Pandora, or.. "we sang 'em ourselves acapella"?)

Did you ever go sledding at Christmas time?  Did you have a Flexible Flyer? One'a them circular things? Ever, run over a cousin, your hound pooch, hit a curb, a tree?  Ever eat a pine tree?  Did you ever use socks as gloves?   Buckles or zippers on your boots? Get your tongue stuck on the metal of the sled? Burn your tongue on hot chocolate after?  Go sit by the fireplace after?  Furnace vent?  An uncle with hot air?

Do you remember your tears from the first Christmas someone special would no longer ever be at?  Did your family pray before the meal?  Favorite pie?  Ham or Turkey?  Did the hound pooches beg the entire meal?  Ever bonk a cousin or a sibling with an Christmas wrapping paper tube?  Did everyone tear into the gifts at the same time, or, did the kiddos get to go first and it was then by age?

What old relative was voted most likely to nod off in a recliner Christmas afternoon? (Mom's, dad's, Granny's, Aunt Ethel's) pies were the best!

Remember being a kid and you didn't think or worry about how Christmas was paid for?  Ever, as an elder, remember thinking howintheheck are we gonna pay for Christmas?  Remember bank having saving clubs for Christmas?  Did any of your grandparents give ya cash in an envelope for Christmas?

How many days did it take before all the goodies in your Christmas stocking were gobbled up?  In that there Christmas popcorn tin, your fav Cinnamon, Caramel or the Chedder Cheese one?  Ever string popcorn an put it around the tree?

Was Granny thrifty and would save as much of the used wrapping paper as was possible?  If you stayed at Grannys.... was there a large crowd?  Did everyone sleep in bed?  Ever sleep on a pallet on the floor?  How old were you when you found out Santa Claus really IS real?

Did you ever dream of a White Christmas, then, get it?    Going to shop, or, traveling to Grannys or whever you went... your transportation?  Car?  Bus? Train? Plane? Walked? Bike?  Did you shop at a big Mall?  Is it still there? Ever get a BB gun for Christmas?  Doll? Train? Lincoln Logs?  Furby? Cabbage Patch, GI Joe? Game Boy? Rocking horse? Tinker Toys? Slinky?  Sled? Bike?  Trike? Beanie Baby?  Operation game? Monopoly?  Twister? Lite Brite? Lava Lamp?

Hopefully you have great memories of Christmas past.

It's like anything in life....  it's not perfect..  of course, very commercialized now..  that said, what a joyous time.

Collect hugs, not to mention memories..trade smiles... pet pets... eat way too much, it's just one day... 

Merry Christmas, Victurd

Needta buy a sign for my door..

"BEWARE OF BLOG!"

Do you ever have fun moments, hours, days, weeks, where you talk to yourself (constantly).. you don't really wanna hear it...  you grab a blanket, throw it over yer head and holler "PLEASE LEAVE ME THE HECK ALONE!"

I don't. HA.  I live them.  I've come to the conclusion, life is really weird. Dense fog forecast for today, and that's extremely fitting for it describes me to a T of late..  Dense.. and.  Foggy.

I dunno if it's a Blue Christmas...  a temperature of a hunnerd and one, drippy, 'coughy', just lemme sleep, headache, achy, GRUMPY, but, by gosh I'M A PEOPLE PERSON, me, I'll be just, fine and dandy (right Dolly?)

I keep staring at the glass, it ain't... half full... it ain't...  half empty.  THE BASTARD LEAKS, I SWEAR!

You know, I feel like I'm onea those doggies you walk up on.... you stick your arm out to pet and in a millesecond you find yourself missing three fingers.  That's me... of late.

The news ..  a big time college coach... making $6 millio.n a year...  news showing pics of he with his family.. he's holding the youngest (maybe 2) of his three kiddos and he throws it all away for an affair.  Mental issues to boot  I don't get it.

Epstein photos..  flooding in the Pacific NW....  Snow, here to Long Island.... Oh, and tomorrow's low temp is 6 degrees, I curse at the associated 'real feel temp', which means, if you should drive to Piggly Wiggly (careful, chance of freezing rain today) them shelve'sll be empty, they ain't gonna be able to helpya wipe yer hiney, fix an omelet. or get any kinda mlik, less'n it's Almond.  Oh boy, Almond joy.

Other than that, peachy keen!

I jest, some.

I'm known to slap myself out of it  Or, attempt to.  I get stuck, an itchy itchy rash, my battery needs a jump and my boomerang won't come back.

So.  I have choices.  I could go to Cabo like my buddy The Big L...  A six month 3 bedroom seaside condo in Mehico might helps like a buddy of mine has with his wife. Noise canceling headphones, watching PBS and only PBS (Ok, maybe a Mayberry RFD or two), eating wholesome crap might help... going to the gym and workup a sweat, I think I remember having done that in the past.

Every picture tells a story.... Every story tells a picture.... and there you'll see me sitting at the same damn computer, same bat channel, day after day, watching my belly grow from inactivity, not answering incoming phone calls, dreading incoming text messages..  Which one of the Seven Dwarfs are you Victurd?  I AM NOT HAPPY.  In my nutshell, I (can and sometimes do) back burner the good in life, and stress, fret, dislike (but accentuate) the negative.

"Let it go"... thanks Elsa, ain't doing it for me though.   'You put the lime in the coconut you drink it all up."  I do very much love coconut, but lime burns my lips. VICTOR!!

Huh?  DO SOMETHING!

Quoting Alvin, "OHHHHHHHHH KKKKKKKKKKK!"

Lemme see.. here's 7 suggestions to turn this all around.  And, if you too are close to "They're coming to take me away ha ha, they're coming to take me away ho ho, to the Funny Farm where life is beautiful all the time"..    mebbe we can hitchhike together eh?  They were listed as fixes to post holiday blues, but blues is blues, we can use!

Talk to somebody verbally, not by texting.   Someone you enjoy, care about.  No complaining  Instead, ask em  about the best part of their holiday.. most fun moment... or, laugh about that time "You remember when we..................

Go out of the house.  Take a walk  Go to a dog park. Heck, even just get the mail.  Don't do the auto checkout.  Talk, LIVE.  Park far from the store door.  Enjoy what's going on inbetween your car and there.

Read something others have written.  An old greeting card.  An email  Saved instant messages  Come alive.

Get some exercise.  I hate (love) when young people make great suggestion - a loved one (I was talking to them, bemoaning how crappy my house looked, and the overwhelming fact of it all) suggested "Each time you get up from your chair, do one simple chore - then it won't seem so bad after a few hours!"..   Works!  I might even try the gym.. except, sometimes I see perty women there.  Yeah, I think I'll do the gym.

Look forward, not backward. Contemplate one thing you'd like to have happen this year.  Something reachable, not daunting and then plan it to come into fruition

Start cooking.  I'm allover that one. I am a penny pincher and I love going to multiple grocery stores to buy their 'loss leaders'. it's a perk for me to cook, think, "Aha, this meal presented for under two dolla!"

Slide out of the holidays  If you're going to watch TV or pick another activity, pick something not remotely holiday like.  Take charge of your mood and close the door to negative talk.

I wish.  I wish I could tellya down never happens.  I wish I had greater control on positive self thought.  Honest, I think I control it fairly easily, BUT, the kettle on the stove will sometimes overheat, steam spouts out and, I think I remember hearing in the past, "Woah, another side if Victor we hadn't seen."

Sorry, mostly, kinda.  I am human, hear me roar.  

Beware of Blog(ger).

Love, Victurd

NOT 47, NOT 67 (WHATEVERINTHEHECK THAT IS) BUT 57.

I am a picky eater, but in this case, not like you think.  I PICK what I like to eat.  It is not based on your, other's stomach, suggestion, or, snobbishness in regard to my choices.

Looooooooooooooooooooooooooong after my bedtime, a 'friend', sent a short YouTube clip (Complete with a LOUD wake up DING) showing a Chicago Hot Dog Vendor... Serving a guy in a Boston Red Sox T-Shirt... a hot dog.  They have idle chit chat, then, the Boston dude grabs the ketchup and says "I'm going to put ketchup on it too."

The vendor, who probably tells his little kids which sports, sport teams to like, as well as strong suggestion to his spouse on exactly what time they eat at night, not to mention, which way she should hang the toilet paper, what kinda undies she wears, and when (and when not) her mom can come over.  He's incensed by the Bosox fan.

Incensed by this ridiculous lore that 'you can't put ketchup on a hot dog', shouts, "YOU CAN'T PUT KETCHUP ON A HOT DOG!"... and, as the Bostonian flips the top to the Heinz 57 bottle, the vendor draws his glock, points it at the poor dude....   Boston sees this, hollers "Can you help me officer?" to a passing cop.  Cop sees the vendor with his gun pointed, points his own gun at the vendor - at which point, the vendor pleads "HE'S GOING TO PUT KETCHUP ON HIS HOT DOG!".. .thus, the cop immediately switches the aim of his gun at the poor Red Sox fan,

Ludicrous, 'all in fun;, whadever... the guy does so anyways (puts ketchup on it), and as he does you hear the gun BOOM.... next clip shows Boston laying on the ground, his hot dog flown out of his hand as he falls...  How dare he threaten (snobbish) Custom, eat what he wants (NOT what we say he should eat. That.

Funny, ha ha, NO.

My first thought, close your ears, was, kiss my ass.  I'll eat what I want, not what you want me to eat.

Then, I Googled to learn 79% of the people agree it's OK to have ketchup on a hot dog.

Backing up even more......

"The Chicago "no ketchup" tradition isn't from one 

event but evolved from pride in quality ingredients, a desire to not overpower complex flavors, and a cultural pushback against masking subpar meat, especially during the Depression, leading to it becoming a symbol of true Chicago identity, with ketchup seen as childish or redundant with the dog's many other sweet, tangy, and spicy toppings." I say AI learned 'jibberish' adeptly.) And, I vote it's a damn snobby tradition.  "How dare you come to our City and put what you want on your food?"

EVEN WORSE...... my buddy who woke my ass up sending the YouTube video in the middle of the night is one of, THE BIGGEST ST. LOUIS CARDINAL's FANS, EVER. He lives in OK now, but, originally from Missouri - and recently we were disussing rivals... and I said "KU is by far the biggest rival in my book."  "Oh, I don't know Vic, I can't stand the Cubs more than that."  Yet, he wants to be the Food Critic for The Chicago Tribune?

I love going to the Royal's home games and watching the "Hot Dog Race".   Bottom of whatever inning, they have these three people dressed like Hot Dogs... one is Red (Ketchup) one is Yellow (Mustard) and one is Green (Relish.)  For three consecutive years, my role at the local golf course I work at, has been to purchase the condiments for the hot dog eaters at our big tourneys.  Due to observation the first couple years, I now always buy one small thing of relish... one big thing of Mustard, and TWO HUGE Things of Ketchup all based on popularity, who eats what.

Thus, when I do watch that Royal's Hot Dog race... .I've always rooted for Relish to win,  I like rooting for the underdog, mebbe pun intended.

NO MORE. GO KETCHUP!  TRIP THOSE BASTA'S IF YOU HAVE TO!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The dogs are hot, ready off the grill.  Pup?  Hand me that huge bottle of 57 wouldya?

Love, Victurd 

Bet me!

AI Overiew says,

"Bet me" (or, just, 'bet') is a modern slang for enthusiastic agreement, similar to saying "Okay."  "For sure." "You got it," or, "I'm down," showing confidence or accepting a challenge, often humorously, as in "Want to race to the car?"  

My name is Victor, I am, can be, a betaholic, among other addictive things.  At age 73, can't help it, or, moreso, don't wanna, don't care.

What usedta be "I'll race you to the thorn tree and back" as a kid, is now replaced by me, in my mobility scooter at WallyWorld, challenging fellow feeble scooter riding chums to "Wanna race from the meat aisle to the soda pop aisle?"  I've yet to have one take me up on the offer, but by golly, I would

What folows, is a hopefully brief recap of my betting 'skills', life, aspects, history, yada - so, don't say I didn't warn you.

Our golfing foursome.  Liberty punks that grew up some 60+ years ago together in school.  We always bet, One Dollar.  Two man scramble, I pay Mac, Tom pays Gary, or vice versa.  It gets real. I can't believe you gave him that putt!"  Laughter, followed by, "We're playing for a DOLLAR!"  Don't matter, competitive. We talk big, brag about last time, bottom line, fun.

Sans Divorce, blackjack.  Katy didn't bar the door, so, I played, and played.  Sitting down at the Flamingo Hotel in Vegas at a $5 table (that's how long ago it was) at 4am, I played, smoked cigs, played s'more, got up, peed, grabbed a beer, played... then noticed, it was 5am, the next day.  Sadly, true.  It's simply, a rush.

Anyone who relates, time and again, winning at the casino, ain't telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  All gamblers are suckers, but, again, it's a rush.  Among the hunnerd plus times I've lost playing blackjack - there was one time, I'd won... I dunno... $1200 or so... got up to cash in...  a couple of questionable fellers followed me to the window to get my dough.. I asked the change lady, "Is there any way I can get an escort to my car?" In a flash, a guy who coulda passed for Danny DeVito's cousin was there to walk me out.

Another time, between some'a the hunnerd times I didn't get up and cash in - it was December.. I cashed out at the window, immediately drove across the highway and got six rooms at a nifty hotel with a big ole pool, fun kid area - for our family for Christmas Eve. Proudly, best Christmas ever, or, at least since my divorce anyways.

Slowpitch softball..  while it wasn't technically betting, we laid our talent (or lack thereof) on the line, in that, on our team, if you struck out (you just don't, shouldn't, strike out in slowpitch) you had to buy a 30 pack of beer for the team's next game.  I'd said "If I ever strike out, I'm quitting."  I friggin' swung and missed with two strikes.  I friggin' swung and missed with two strikes. "Sh*t, now what?"  OK, I'll change it to, "When I become a detriment, I'll quit."  That wasn't too long after.  There was a team made up of cops in our league... if they struck out, they had to wear a tutu into the field the next half inning  That was pretty entertaining.

My bookie.  This portion of the blog will selft destruct in two minutes.  He wasn't really a bookie, but, he was, amongst us friends.  We bet enough, he was actually playin both sides of the line, and he'd win on vigs, ties, yada.. Anyways... I was behind, wanted to bet s'more..  so...  walked into our regular ole regular table at our establishment, handed him a quick fitty.  "Vic, don't do that." - not wanting to spend six months behind bars I guiess...   Duh me, so, next time I paid him (and I later quit because I always paid him, I put the dough in and empty cig box, "That work?" Yes, that worked.

I was ready for the big time, or so I thought. Gamblers think like that.  Peyton Manning, in Indy, walkled on water that wasn't frozen.  He continued to do so in Denver.... and no matter how many damn times you hear the dreaded "OMAHA OMAHA".. he'd win.  Super Bowl.  One hundred dollars.  I didn't have an extra hundred, but, that's what gamblers do, besides, it was Manning, he ALWAYS wins.  2014. The very first play of the game, they snap the ball OVER Manning's head, resulting in a safety, and a very long day for me, Peyton, and a 43-8 loss to Seattle.  That was the last day I bet on football.................. until........

Yesterday.  Sport's betting FINALLY legalized in Missouri.  Every other commercial n TV talking about "Bet $5 on your initial bet, we'll giveya $300, even if you lose."  Being an online neophyte, I posted on Facebook, asking a couple buddies to guide me how to do so.  "Call me" said one. Did. He helped me.

One hour before the Chief's game, I'd been trying to get logged in DraftKings, the site I wanted to. couldn't, and I'd been trying for an hour.  Finally, YES!, seven minutes before game time, it accepted password, user ID name ("caution, others will see it") password, addy, email, everything, including my debit card and $25 initial deposit.

In my haste, I forgot to enter the code to get my damn $300 bonus money.  I wanted ot go back and change my user ID name to "ImAnIdiot" but didn't have time, put $10 on the Chiefs.  You know the rest.  Fourth quarter, after playing horribly, the Chiefs were amazingly still in it.  In spite of nine incomplete passes in a row for Mr. Patrick, Andy Reid elected to go for 4th and one, on the Chief's own 31 yard line.  Sure, the 10th incompletion happened, the Texans score (twice) and in keeping with the song lyric theme of this blog......"I'm a loser... and I AM what I appear to be."

So.............. I've got less than $15 left in my account.  Thought maybe I'd bet a final $10 on something, then, "Call it a (Gambling) career."  I logged onto DraftKings...  up pops "K State basketball versus Mississippi Valley State."  Interesting.  K State, their last game, lost to a small college.. Coach was hot.  Kids, I'm certain, will regret practice all week.. They will kick whoever they play's butt.  "I wonder what the spread is?"  K State is giving 35 and 1/2 points to Mississippi Valley State..  WHAT?  They'll beat 'em, but they ain't gonna beat em that bad, sign me up.  But first, I looked at Mississippi Valley State's history... Crap, their record is 1-8. Ken Pom, renowned basketball guru says "Mississippi Valley State is the worst team in College Basketball."  Either way, ImAnIdiot is gonna be ImALoser.

So, curious.  Who did their only win come against?  Mississippi University for Women.  I ain't kidding, thats what their team site said.  Little known fact I usedta coach Women's Basketball.. I argue, at length, with my Zizzer buddy about just how good women's basketball is.

I'm going to flip a coin.  Heads, K State, tails, Mississippi Valley State.  My last $!0.  Stay tuned. Or not. I wouldn't.  ImAnIdiot and ImALoser.

Love, Victurd

Hi, my name is Victor... and,

I'm a lifeaholic.  Uh huh, am. That.

Ohhh joy, here he goes again... where's he going with this one?

Simply, not so simple - an expression, appreciation and a love for life.

I ain't real sure if anyone drives, rides on roads that ain't got, nor ever get, potholes..  Smooth as slate?  Sure, until they need to repave it.  See them white lines grandpa?  NO, as a matter a fact I don't.  Just a baby respite until the State Highway Department comes along, slows ya down along the way, sprays NEW white lines.. it's kinda windy, yes, a tad gets on yer brand spankin' new F-150.

Point being Victor?

I could never make it living in Nassau.... or on, in a real nifty condo atop the city's tallest 'scraper.

Give me your head with hair...... NO, THAT AIN'T IT!  Well, yet anyways.

It's more.......... give me Winter, Spring Summer and Fall....   potholes, construction zones, Friday night lights.. kids playing, laughing, running at the Park - with an occasional pushing, or being pushed down - to learn, all about that... and that it happens in life..  but, we learn NOT to push folks down..  NOT to sit there and watch if/when someone gets pushed down, and NOT, to allow yourself to be that person always getting up from being pushed down.

I don't mind if a dog poops in my yard...  I keep a Band-Aid in my billfold just in case a mom (or a dad) needs one for their little Tigger.  Happens. As does, do colds, blisters, tummy aches, happy, sad, mad, thankful, elation.. even lonely teardrops.  Mix all them 'gredients up momma, gimme a nice sip'a life.  Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

The ability to see (and feel) all expressions in life.  Mebbe if we didn't have tears we wouldn't have rivers... or, gosh darn, what if we lived a life without smile - would we never have wrinkles?  No thank you, I'll just have a hamburger, oh, and a medium fries... Because, I like happy mediums.

I like happy.  Without down there'd be no up.. If we didn't get up every day, go toil, labor, burn some calories - we'd never be able to sleep at night.  That said, even a sleepless night can be a lesson.

Of course all shoes don't fit. Don't mean we can't try to jump in anothers and see how they view life...

Soon..... I will be going to a paid seminar where I'll express my views...  I've done this before...  Last time, the leader of the pack (vrooom vroom!) noticed I was mostly boring, quiet, a non-contributer - and he called on my for my opine.  Yes, believe it or not, points in my life of shyness.

No longer.  Also during that last one, there was one person (OK, happened to be a lady, just as easily coulda been a man) who dominated, or attempted to, conversation, and the opine of our other 47 chairs.  When I did try to contribute - she'd raise her voice to drown out mine.

No longer.  I had sleeplessness last night.  A good thing from my stinky feet.  I dreamed the scenario repeated itself, and, there she was.  Nope huh uh, not this time.  Of course we NEED the view of other's shoes - and, Al Bundy might suggest trying on many.  Different ones.  Brown, black, loafers, slip-ons, steel toes, these boots were made for walking, spiff it up a little bit. There comes a point, sometimes, we need to Meatloaf someone, STOP RIGHT THERE, before we go any further... ma'am, I appreciate your opinion, I do. I may not agree, but i appreciate.  Now it's time (are you singing the Mickey Mouse goodbye song Victor?.. no, well, kinda..  Ma'am, now it's time we hear other's opinions, tyvm.

Victor, I'm dizzy.  If we didn't have dizzy then howinthehell would we calmly sit in a beach chair soaking up the sun and the music to our ears, wake of the ocean?

When visiting with a loved one recently... I spoke to how much i enjoyed going to sing Christmas Carols at Nursing homes long ago.. pre Covid of course.  I thought it would be all sad.... or course there was sad... it's everywhere, noticed?  Yes chicken man, he's everywhere he's everywhere.

There's a gamut.  A gamut of movement ability or inability.  Sight or no, partial, sight.  Hearing differences. HUH?  Uh huh. The eager beavers placed their chairs right up next to us carolers.  Some sang with us, clapped, ooh and aah'ed right along with us.

Almost to the back... I noticed a lady, seemingly catatonic.  She wasn't, completely. I'm certain, somewhere within that facility there was someone who was...  Life, all but squeezed out by who knows what.. illness.. loneliness, perhaps, due to no control of their own.

The one lady I thought was catatonic -...  as we got to and sang, Silent Night... I watched her. Eyes still closed - but lips moving too, singing, as if she were reliving life.  Talk about happy, sad, glad, tears, access ramps, potholes, family woes and glows, sandbox to being boxed in, yet, still, that ability to be a lifeaholic.

Life sucks, and then... it's beautiful, breathtaking, OMG, LOL, there are newborns, namesakes, pets, pets and s'more pets.  Poop in the yard, litter box full, uh oh, outta Alpo, I'll be right back Rover.  OK, sure, come along. I'll lower the window a tad so you can stick your head out - see it, feel it, enjoy it. Watch out for Junebugs, happens.

Just a song before I go, I think, was a CSN song, mighta been CSN&Y, I dunno.  This one though, was by Jummy Soul from a long, long time ago.............

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life.......  sure, I know the rest, or most of the song, but I'm gonna rearrange a tad.

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life...    Be.  Just be.

Love, Victurd, confessed lifeaholic

Let 'em in....

Someone's knockin' at the door
Somebody's ringin' the bell
Someone's knockin' at the door
Somebody's ringin' the bell
Do me a favor, open the door and let 'em in

Beethoven?  Mr. Postman?  Sgt. Peppers?  Anna?  Lady Madonna? Michelle?

Someone's knockin' at the door
Somebody's ringin' the bell
Someone's knockin' at the door
Somebody's ringin' the bell
Do me a favor, open the door and let 'em in, let 'em in

Sister Suzie, Brother John
Martin Luther, Phil and Don
Brother Michael, Auntie Gin
Open the door, let 'em in

The Taxman?  The Fool on the Hill?   When I'm 64?  Lucy and her Diamonds? Paperback Writers? Even a term policy?  <WHAT'S  THAT DOING IN HERE?

Sister Suzie, brother John
Martin Luther, Phil and Don
Uncle Ernie, Auntie Gin
Open the door, let 'em in

Someone's knockin' at the door
Somebody's ringin' the bell
Someone's knockin' at the door
Somebody's ringin' the bell
Do me a favor, open the door and let 'em in, let 'em in

After A Hard Day's Night?  The Nowhere Man?  Prudence?  Penny Lane? The Walrus?  The Eggman?

Sister Suzi, Brother John
Martin Luther, Phil and Don
Uncle Ernie, Uncle Lin
Open the door, let 'em in

Someone's knockin' at the door
Somebody's ringin' the bell
Someone's knockin' at the door
Somebody's ringin' the bell

Eleanor Rigby?  Jude? Lovely Rita?  Mother Mary? Maxwell and His Hammer?  Rocky Racoon?  Bungalow Bill?  The Girl With Kaleidosope Eyes?  Should JoJo Get Back?  The One And Only Billy Shears?

Do me a favor, open the door and let 'em in ...

I'd never make it as a Security Guard... Hall Monitor... Ticket Taker.. .TSA...  (Band Camp.. this past September at our Class Reunion... I went for a smoke or two around 6:30pm... I thought "hmmmmmm" as folks (not my classmates) were walking into the establishment for some chow... I made a fast $45, "Cover charge is $5, band starts at 8"... None the wiser, I was home by 7:30pm! jk..... 7:45)

I was kinda raised love your neighbor as yourself, extending to outsiders and strangers.. not to be haughty, to associate with humble people.

We can work it out..

Love, Victurd

When I grow up........ I wanna be old.....

I'd planned to do a blog on being 70-something...   An OG.. Codger..  Geezer..  Feeble..  "Get your scratch off tickets and step on it Walter."

I thought it would be easy about writing about being old, because... well, I am.

It ain't.  There's no 'structions for being old.  I'm not sure if I've forgotten the rules, or, I don't pay no 'tention to 'em cause I'm old.  I mean, don't you now wear socks with your sandals? Have ice cream for breakfast?  I draw the line, and call bullsh*t to Bingo being a sport.

I've noticed, more women make it than men.  For example.  They say Arizona has a 9 to 1 ratio, chickies to roosters.  If I wasn't such a ginger, I might consider.  Research I've done (which, ain't much) indicates "Old people still enjoy sex."  How do they know that?  When my census taker knocked on the door, he wanted name, age, date of birth, race.. oh, and he did ask "sex" but I just said male, I didn't know it was a yes or no question.

It (research, they, I ain't real sure who) said "Seniors transform from a structured environment (working) to a relaxed, no stated pattern, game plan for retirement.  There's a great need for purpose."  I heard that once before and I really didn't like it then either. On purpose I don't like it.

If. You. Are. From. Where. I. Am. Grew. Up. Graduated. (1970) you might remember our beloved Coach Cokely.  Well... we are exactly 13 years older than Coach was in 1970.  Uh huh, what I thought too.

While sure, sit down Volleyball, played across the table, with a balloon as the 'volleyball' might be fun...   and.. armed with nerf guns in our wheelchair for us to 'kill' the Golden Acres CNA's dressed as Bambi might be fun, I kinda think I'd still like the real McCoy.  Then, i think about it, and wanna take a nap.  On purpose. My purpose.

Nuther article said "Now that you're financially secure, and great attention is paid to healthy behaviors (dieting, cutting out alcohol, cigs, all the fun stuff) and exercise is job one..." Did they just like get here?  "Thanks for dumping my ashtray Samantha, can I get another Miller Lite?  Oh, and did I tellya I went to the gym today?  No time today to workout, but, I sat in the Jacuzzi, then went in the Sauna... an hour of heaven."

"A goal should be to impart wisdom gained over the years to younger folks."  They don't want that!  And I don't blame 'em.  If they ever do share things about their lives - I might physically react, respond with facial gesture - but they ain't gotta care in the world what us OG's say.

Get a tattoo, take that bucket list trip, or five.  "Enjoyable pastimes like gardening, cooking, listening to music can encourage social interaction, stimulate the mind, and, bring structure to the day."  There's that word again.  Structure.  Who said so?  Why?  Hell no, we wont try.

I WILL wear a striped shirt and plaid pants to Piggly Wiggly..  My socks might not even match. WHO CARES?  On purpose (SEE? I GOTTA PURPOSE!) I might even leave my barn door open.

Oh sure, there is some jesting in the above.  That said, we've a lifetime of Big Chief tablets with those dotted lines to help (make us) form letters... Curriculums, true/false, multiple choice, sign, sign everywhere a sign.. 

Meetings, training, seminars, continuing education, shadowing, mentorship, cross-training, peer led sessions, workshops........ STOP RIGHT THERE MEATLOAF.. We've had enough of that crap!

Sure, there will always be have to's.  That said, succinctly, I think being old, being retired, being our age - is all about doing whatever whenever.  Sorry. Kinda.  Not really. Said it, on purpose.

All we ever needed to now we learned in Kiddygarten.  No, wait, that ain't it.  It was Eric.  Eric Burdon. The Animals. In 1965:

It's my life and I'll do what I want... it's my mind and I'll think like I want.

Come to think'a it, I really like that album as a Big Chief lesson plan for life... "Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood."........ ahm, and, "We Gotta Get Outta This Place".... not too mention "Don't Bring Me Down."

It's My Life.     

Our, old people's life.

OK Boys and Girls..  Here's a #2 leaded pencil and an 8 1/2 by 11 blank sheet of paper.

Us, truly Blessed to be old people can.. Create however we wanna.

School's out for the summer...    School's out forever.

Love, Victurd

Life, streaming, fine print, and dog parks

HA!  Look that one up in your Funk and Wagnalls!  (Editor''s note. VICTOR, you're not an editor, you're a gosh darn blogger.).. Blogger's note.  My dad actually sold for Funk and Wagnalls!  He did, sold, just about any, everything.  Those, S&H Green Stamps.. Not to mention Top Value, Plaid...  Jerry Lewis Cinema's.. art prints, goofy looking el cheapo rings, and.. finally, his last job was when he got D Tags and sold clunkers from the driveway after my mom had her stroke.  One eye on the body putty, spray paint, the other on mom.

Life is kinda like a streaming service ain't i?  You have your device (eye balls)..  ya plug 'em in.. well, not really, but more on the device later... and then you observe, live, love, yell (eh, everyone has).. get happy, mad, tired, frisky, all that.

FINE PRINT.  FINE PRINT. FINE PRINT. FINE PRINT....  EDITH!  WHEREINTHEHELL DID I PUT MY READERS?  HAS MEATHEAD BEEN OVER HERE LATELY?

Band camp.  I know this guy, he really liked this girl.  And, the feeling was mutual as she invited him to move in.   He did a backflip, which, was a mistake, because he was an ugly redheaded freckle faced guy who couldn't do backflips.

After he recovered, he fetched his clothes, all his junk, and moved in.  There on the coffee table, the contract.  Eh, it's all good... All he really wanted for him was his 1971 set of Topps Baseball cards, so he was cool signing it.  The contract stated either party could tap the other party on the shoulder and give 'em 30 days notice to say "Notice, this ain't working, we must live separately and ya gots 30 more days to get your duds, find a residence."

He was cool with this, except, he REALLY grew to love her hound pooch too.  So, an addendum was written, where, if the 'notice' thing happened, he would still have visitation rights to said pooch. Addendum approved.

Couple three years later, 'notice' happened.  Followed by joyful trips to the dog park, long leash walks with plastic poop bag in hand... Good times, including sticking head out the window when heading out on the highway.  Fine, added print.  Then, three's company happened, of course it would be uncomfy, "Loveya pup... I'll explain in Heaven if we both get there."

I Googled examples of people getting burned by fine print.  My lawyer buddy will call BS on this, and I kinda thought so too... but supposedly, a guy was in a car accident.. Clearly other guy's fault.. His insurance company ignored responsibility.. Guy sued.. was settled, in his favor, got his dough... then, a few weeks after, that insurance company called him, asked if he'd sign something saying he was satisfied with the outcome.  His voice was recorded, "Sure, sure, send it."

They did. He threw it in the trash.  Apparently in the fine print, the documents stated that HE accepted full responsibility for the accident, and that HE would repay the insurance company plus reimburse insurance company for all the other payments they’d made for the accident, AND HE'D pay this attorney’s fees!

This was on 'Quora', most called BS.. "The State would revoke their license to work there"... 'No way this happened."  "Can you not read?".. lotta stuff. "Did you mail it back?  Have to pay?" No answer.

One guy, I thought fun... Told.......I had a Senior-year elective law class in HS, specifically about Contracts. The first day the teacher gave everyone a 1-page contract (face down on the desks) and told everyone to read it, then sign it when they finished reading. I actually read my copy, stopped about 1/2 way through and yelled out, indignantly: “I’m not signing this!”

She immediately had her aide collect all of the contracts, and then asked me why I wouldn’t sign it. “This line says that the signer forfeits his or her left arm to the signee! I’m not giving you MY ARM!” More than half the class had already signed the contract by the time I spoke up.

VICTOR?  POINT TO THIS?  IS THERE AN END GAME?

Yes, I'm an idiot. I've been thru more cable, streaming, boxes, devices, coaxial cables, cords, connections, sales calls, post cancel begging calls to give it to me for half, "Well why didn't you do that when I cancelled?:

Anyways... the most recent. DirectTV.  This, not too many months after a returned Spectrum cable box, T Mobile router...  then, a Specturm streaming device.

I was cancelling Direct TV.  I always use the "Poor poor pitiful me" I'm a Senior Citizen, living on Social Security, or trying to.. I simply can't afford.. in hopes the high pressure dudes will leave me the hell alone... If they don't, I revert to the failsafe, "Well, I'm hungry... and I know I can't live, eat the kitty litter, tried, huh uh, can't"

That usually works with the best of 'em.  "OK Sir, I understand (then I hear 'em trying to muffle the phone, "Gladys, get aholda this one!".. laughter.. and then finally, "OK Sir, we'll need our streaming device back.. we'll send you a return receipt and we'll give you 30 days to return."

Eh whadever, it never worked anyways, threw it in the junk drawer with similar junk, worst case, I figured a threatening letter, phone call, whatever, "Oh yeah, forgot, I'm mailing it to you..

I gotta buddy that told me "Every morning, first thing I do is logon to my bank account." I thought "Good idea" I should do that to. Have been.  Noticed this morning, a $132.47 charge from DirectTV that I got rid of way before Halloween.  Took my baby aspirin, then, checked my email.

Yep, an email from DirectTV with fine print included, I'd agreed to pay them that. So, figured i could call, see if "Hey, is it mine now, or, can I send it back and get a refund?"  In her best attempt at good English (VICTOR, THAT is JUDGMENTAL! Eh whadever).. "No sir, it's yours, no refund, and you will not have any more payments deducted."

Life.......... Streaming, enjoying life.. occasionally skipping the fine print.

I miss that dog.

Oops.

Love, Victud