It's the most wonderful time of the year...

Eventually, exhale happens.

Until then, we kinda emulate the feet of Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble as they race each other across the streets of Bedrock.

We risk hackers with binoculars, gas up our SUV's.... or, possible electrocution after paying a shadetree electrician (to save fitty bucks) to hookup charger in the garage so we can juice our Chevy Bolt EV up to make it to the Mall.

There are still hardheads among us who refuse to allow technology to rule our lives, so, we get ink stains on our hands from real newspapers... we look at our contact lists on the phone to call our friends and loved ones (insteada texting, messaging, liking, laughing, whadever on their Facebook post)... we actually DRIVE to the Mall to shop.

We've shopped and bought a LOT locally then, we, leave town to go to the mall, we're held up on the streets waiting for six different Prime vehicles to deliver their goods to all the Gen X homes. (It's worse than all them dayum Walmart personal shoppers that clog the aisles)..  It's chilly, last years winter coat barely fits, salt trucks get more on the hood of our car than on the road before us.  We finally arrive, hear, "Dad, you're parked on the yellow line"... "We'll be fine Suzie."

Walk, shop, Sleigh bells Ring over the Kohl's speakers but we aren't listening , we finally, FINALLY throw the last gift into the cart - head for the cashier lane - dang, number 16, but at least we're in line. "Ya sure ya just don't wanna go home Melvin and buy all this crap from Amazon..."No's, not just 'no's, but hells to the No's."

 

To the car.. "Allie, hold my hand... Suzie, you too." "DAD, I'm 12!".  SUV now stuffed.  "Dangit.  HUGE door ding!"  "Toldya you were on the line!"

Before ANY, all'a this happened - there's the personal finance aspect.  As in, "Iexpect us to be pretty tight this year." We ain't exactly Whiffenpoof {"we are poor little lambs who have lost our way"}, but, we hold our breath and prepare for embarrassment just in case we hear "I'm sorry, it's saying decline."

We ask all the important questions... .do you think he'll like it...  is it the right size, color, is it nerdy to them, did you save the receipt, "You're gonna have to put it together after he opens it Melvin, I ain't gotta clue".... and then we throw it all in those cheap dollar Christmas bags.  "We ARE NOT using those bags, we're wrapping each and every one, now... Melvin, please go to Walgreen or Dollar General and get us some Scotch tape"

Plans.  When is everyone coming? Is my favorite Christmas sweater clean?  "Honey when you get back from the store can you load up the diaper bag? Oh, and please check to see if Bobby needs a change, he was walkin' kinda funny."

Is (Uncle Tom, usually drunk... Aunt Jean, usually talking nonstop, Harley, usually coughing, and smoking, and coughing, and smoking.. the twins that NEVER stop chasing each other around the coffee table.. that damn shedding cat, yapping dog, them.. ) are all them gonna be there?  YES, now please go change Bobby........."Eww, thanks."

"Now Tommy, this ain't about who gets the coolest gift, you or your cousin Liam.  Liam's dad is a workaholic, he's never home, and becausea that, they simply have more buckaroos to spend on him, but look at the bright side, you get to see your dad a lot more."  "Gee..... thanks Dad."

"What's that smell?  Can you check Bobby again?"   "No, it's coming from the kitchen".. "OH CRAP, I forgot to take out the roast.. HONEY?" "OUCH... I got it."

'Tommy, help your dad load up the car... Suzie, feed and water the cat wouldya... Annie you can help too.. please make sure the Baby Powder is in Bobby's Bag.... Hey, Mom called, she needs 6 more plates.  "I'll get 'em" Thanks Tommy.. (clatter, drop, breaking plate noise) Uh oh.  It's ok Tommy, but we're running late, grab 6 from the cabinet, we'll clean this up when we get home.

Did you unplug the Christmas tree?  Was the thermostat still on 70?  Did you grab my box wine? 'Yes dear, it's in the big cooler with my Miller Lite."  Annie, are you bleeding?  (baby tears).. "yes."  WHAT HAPPENED?  "I picked up one of those plates Tommy broke."  "I DIDN'T DO IT ON PURPOSE!"  OOUCH, TOMMY HIT ME!"  TOMMY STOP!  Suzie what are you looking at?  "I didn't do nuttin' mom"!!

HI GRANNY!  MERRY CHRISTMAS!  Whatup Liam?!  Wanna see my new Playstation?  No, not really.....

Ohhhhhh Melvin?  NOW what'd I do?  Nothing honey, look up..  OHHHHHH, Mistletoe!  I can go for that, oh oh oh.  Love you baby, let's enjoy.

And.. that's what they do.  All the crazy crap, the money, the shopping, the driving, the planning, the cooking, the texting, wrapping, worry this, hurry that......

It's all, nothing a glass of wine, a bottle of Miller Lite. Clean diaper, bandaged finger.. and now... the best...  family love is in the air........

It's the most wonderful time of the year.. 

There'll be much mistltoeing

And hearts will be glowing

When loved ones are near..

It's the most wonderful time of the year.. 

Exhale...

Love, Melvin