All about Eve.......

Of course, Christmas is centered around a birth...  On this Christmas Eve, I envisioned doing research and finding fun, crazy, wild stories I could steal about 'the day before my baby was born' from Google, Reddit, Quora, hell, I don't care, Good Housekeeping, Reader's Digest, SOMEWHERE, but I couldn't find any.

So I only have one.  Victor, you've already told it to us too. Bite me, bears repeating.

One of our friends, she played softball with my ex... She was THE BEST athlete, well, for sure in Liberty, probably Clay County, hell, I dunno, throw Missouri in too.  You get the picture, she was THE BOMB.

Preggo she was.  Fifth, mighta been sixth child on the way. I can't remember.  She was well into her 30's.  Impatient. Past her due day. A day.  Three days  A week. Impatient she was.

So......................... she went into the garage, got her kid's Pogo Stick out, bounced her way around  the backyard for roughly 30 minutes.  Magically, she delivered healthily the next day. Baby Eve story. The only one I got.

Butt.......... along the way Googling, i found some fun (Victor, you tell 'em, WE'LL decide if they're fun) stories about Labor.

Stolen:

"I was in back labor the majority of my labor, and I was in a lot of pain. Well, when it was time to push, I screamed, 'Push her back in! I feel like she's coming out of my butt! I'M HAVING A BUTT BABY!'"

"During my childbirth, I accidentally howled like a coyote."

"When I had my son, I tried to tell the doctor I had gas, but he said, 'Oh, it's just pressure from the baby.' Well, as soon as he slipped his hand in to check my cervix, I farted so loudly, it sounded like furniture scooting across the floor!"

"We were headed to the hospital, and we got stuck behind a school bus. I was screaming my head off in pain when I looked up and saw all the kids on the bus staring at me, terrified!"

"During labor, I told my husband I couldn't do it anymore and wanted to go home. He asked, 'What about the baby?' and I said we could just borrow one from the nursery.

 "I had a long labor, and my mom came to my side to give my husband a break. During a particularly bad contraction, she told me it was going to be OK and that it would be over soon. I yelled back, 'You have no idea what this feels like!'

"I was pushing when some old guy in shorts and a cardigan walked into my birthing suite. I yelled, 'Get the f*ck out, old man!'...only for my midwife to inform me that he was actually the obstetrician. My bad."

It ain't much but it's all I got.  Merry Christmas Eve.  Men, get to shopping.  Kids, go to bed early.  Santa is presently in South Korea, but... he's coming to town so be good for goodness sake.

Love, Victurd