No, that doesn't compute...
Come and listen to a story about a man named Jed,
A 20 handicapper who prolly shoulda stayed in bed...
And then one shot he was aimin' at the green,
And up from behind, laughter could be heard and seen.....
OK, we weren't in Chicago. It was below freezing. We did golf. We did pay $21 each....For January whatevertheheck date it was yesterday - time well spent.
Six of us, rented 'one bay' at a golf simulator in Pleasant Valley, Missouri of all places.
Quite the place... whoda thunk in a commercially zoned warehouse district there'd be 'a golf course inside a lil bitty builing.'
Three LARGE 'Bays'.. each with a computer... each with a BIG OLE Movie Screen-like thing.... Clowns to the left of me, sensors to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle and I suck at golf.
So it cost $42 an hour, total. We rented for three hours, ($126 total, $21 per man.. fun.. well done.)
We hicks walked in....... stuck our necks out, had never seen such contraptions, gave it our best Ozark "Well Ahh'lll Be"..... All of us, 70-something, not one IT programmer among us.
That's fancy for, we couldn't figure out how to get started, in spite of trying our best with the instructions infronta us.
WHAT a business plan. NO EMPLOYEES. Uh huh, honor system, codes to get in the door, timer on the machines so ya gotta stop when the time's up. It was pretty cool.
Back to 'no IT guys' among us....... we ended up having to bug the owner via the phone to get us started.. "Which here button do I press now?... and then? Oh yeah.. Well Ahh'lll Be Durned, that worked!
T-Bird started us off first. He was 'the red guy'. We were able to get him up to the White Tees (Blue are furthest back)... the rest of us, we couldn't figure out how to. Mack is lefthanded, and we didn't know how to tell the computer that, so, it only recorded about 80% of his shots.
Me? I was the 'pink guy'. I think the basta's did that on purpose because I truly am the worst, and, I'm good with that. Go. Enjoy. Here, ya don't lose golf balls. Well, Mack did, somehow. He topped one, it hopped over the big picture screen and somehow stuck back behind there.
In a lotta ways, it was like real golf. No idea why we picked a Chicago course..there were fancy ones the pro's play to choose from, as well as some local KC courses.
Ya take your own clubs. Ya take your own beer. Well, we did anyways. We're 70-something, we're not gonna cause trouble, but, if there's golf, there's beer. It's a rule, I think.
We had a couple of big hitters... hella loud noise upon impact, AND when it hit the screen.... it posted the swing speeed.. and, ya watched a 'red streak' of the ball just like them PGA guys on the Tee Vee as it rolled toward the green... and the distance meter thingy went 180, 185, 190, 195, 200, 202, 203, 205... finally 217. For old farts, that aint too bad. (Not me, I never came close to that.)
Their (my buddies) swing speed was twice that of mine too. I liken it to how we, me, I, drive on the highways. I always drive right lane, keep one car length per 10mph, never exceeding the speed limit, I get stared at (sometimes even honked at)..but thus far, I always get there... may be a few minutes after the others.. but I make it. (Fancy for, their speeds in excess of 100mph, me, fitties, sometimes 60's.)
There were swings and misses... shots at acute (or not so cute) angles... one guy went in the woods...the computer screen was black... completely black... he just aimed for where he thought the green would be...... swung..... presto, perfect, the ball came out.
There were oooohs and ahhhh's... "Nice hit!(s)"... "I Moody'ed it" (that was our beloved Moody, whenever he hit a bad, out of bounds shot, "I Moody'ed it", just like he does/says on the real course.)
It was pretty realistic, up to and including "Hey, the computer said i had a double bogey, I only had a bogey." Oh boy, here we go (again.)
Whoever was furthest from the hole, it was your turn, just like real golf. Sometimes, even after you hit, it would still be your turn (just like real golf.).. Laughter at that was permitted when that happened, even encouraged.
The three best golfers finally started betting a dollar a hole toward the end. Me, hell to the no, scroll to "I suck, but I'm ok with that."
There was 'mean rough'.... ie, weeds hella tall that if you didn't get off the tee very far, you were in the weeds... or, if off course right or left, uh huh, tall weeds. I lived there, but, thankfully, I always found my ball, i eventually always got out as the grass was forgiving to hit out of. Water and sand traps too, but again, it was giving (the sand anyways... no one hit it in the water.)
That's pretty much it. Six old dogs, a new trick, kinda.
Tune in next week when we may try one'a them newfangled "Breakout rooms".. I'm takin' my phone and charger... hope they got USB ports.. I could just see us, a group of 6 simpletons getting stuck in there until St. Patty's day. That'd be ok, (no jobs, understanding spouses) but I fear we'd run outta beer.
Have a happy day Gilmore........
Love, Pinky
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