Back in the dinosaur days, we snotnoses got to stay home (school was out) for BOTH Abe Lincoln's Birthday (Feb 12) and George Washington's (actually, it's Feb 22) but, in 1971 Congress said the kids needs more skoolin', we'll make it ONE day, call it President's Day and it'll be on the 3rd Monday in Feb. Mikey doesn't like it, but, too bad kid, go get dressed for school.
Today, I am going to write a blog about Presidents and it's going to be the best blog ever.... read by more people than any blog has ever been read by. No, no, no, I ain't pickin' sides, I'm including both.
DID YOU KNOW......the Coolidges damn near brought an Arc with them to DC? Uh huh, included, five dogs, a cat, a bear, two lions, a bobcat, an antelope, a wallaby, a pygmy hippo, a raccoon named Rebecca, and a partridge in a pear tree. Kidding on the last part, but the other stuff, that's a fact Jack.
The Kennedy's tweren't far behind, zoo'ming to DC with dogs, horses, a rabbit, hamsters and cats. Caroline's pet Shetland pony, Macaroni, had free reign of the White House lawn. My favorite though was Andrew Jackson's potty-mouthed parrot.
Lincoln logs were named after, uh huh, and the cabin where he was born. Garfield was the first ever to pickup a telephone and say "Sarah, get me Alexander Graham Bell wouldya?" Bell was 13 miles away.
There have been SIX President's with the first name James but I ain't gonna list 'em 'cause you'd forget just like me. "De plane de plane" award (shortest President) goes to James Madison at 5'4" (he only weighed a hunnerd, and uh huh, he did whadever the Mrs asked him to do.)
Jefferson soaked his feet in a bucket of ice daily as he thought it would ward off a cold. Woodrow Wilson painted golf balls black so he could still play golf in the snow. Garfield was the first lefty, Fillmore was the first to have a stepmom. Harrison was the only President who studied to become a Doctor and he called Jefferson an idiot because of the ice bucket. True, I seen it on his Instagram post, so, Minnesota ain't the first Ice controversy. In a response post on Twitter (it was still called that then) Jefferson reminded everyone Harrison was afraid to touch light switches. True, was.
The very day Richard Nixon met his future bride Pat, he proposed to her, adding, "I am not a crook." LBJ proposed to Lady Bird with a $2.50 ring from Sears. RUN Lady Bird! Buchanan was the only President without a First Lady. Pat musta believed Richard.
Who do you think wrote an autobiography without mentioning his wife? Shame on you Terry Hahn, no, it was Martin Van Buren. Years before he was ever elected President, LBJ sold 'Muzak' to Ike when he was in office. Cheap basta, shoulda used the funds for a nicer ring. Bill Clinton's first job was selling comic books. I don't write 'em, I just forward em to you.
Ulysses S. Grant was given a $20 speeding ticket for riding his horse and buggy too fast down a street in DC.
Carter believed in UFO's, Ford modeled for Cosmo. Taft was the largest at 340 pounds, but huh uh, just a rumor he got stuck in a tub. True though, he took his 7' long tub that weighed a ton with him to Panama due to his affinity for baths. John Quincy Adams didn't need no tub, he got up early (4am) and went skinny dipping in the Potomac.
Harding lost the White House China in a poker game. Garfield could write in Greek with one hand and Latin with the other. (Liberty folks, was it Mr.Moore in HS that would start on the left side'a the chalkboard with left hand, get to middle, switch to right?)
His wife was a strict Presbyterian so ya never heard nor seen folks dancing to Polk Salad Annie while James Polk was in office. Dancing was frowned upon. Chester Arthur, president numero 21, held a yard sale (included within Abe's pants, Adam's hat), then, used the funds for a White House redecorating project. Hmmm.
Ike no like acorns on the White House lawn (they messed up the golf game he practiced there.. ordered all the squirrels to be shot. Secret Service no like guns on WH lawn, trapped em and moved 'em instead.
Coolidge invented 'Pay it forward'... well, maybe. He awoke one night, found a burglar rifling thru his belongings, calmly talked him down, learned the guy was desperate to pay his hotel bill and buy a ticket back to college... Coolidge gave him all $32 from his wallet and helped sneak him out past Secret Service.
Andrew Jackson kept a 1,400 lb block of cheese in the WH, Teddy's son rode his pony on the WH elevator... LBJ conducted meetings while on the toilet. (Toldya to run Lady Bird).
Ford, after a standout football career at Michigan, was 'woo'ed' (not drafted, but woo'ed!) by both the Lions and the Packers. Ike played football at West Point and once tackled Jim Thorpe. Next play, Thorpe ran over Ike for a touchdown. Taft started the 'throwing out the first pitch' tradition from his seat at a Washington Senator's game, tossing the ball to the pitcher. Reagan spent summers as a lifeguard in Dixon, IL and reportedly saved 77 swimmers there in the late 20's. A plaque now commemorates his time there.
Victor, I'm getting bored.
Me too. I'll sign off (THANK YOU VICTOR) with George's suggestion the day he gave his farewell address....... deducting the main message from his 32 page handwritten address that day, he advised Americans "to avoid excessive political party spirit and geographical distinctions." I'm still pissed the Chiefs are moving to Kansas, but, I'll leave the other part alone.
Hail to the Chief(s)
Love, Victurd
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