But who's counting..................

Our lives are....  filled with... predicated by... all about... numbers.

Had a buddy tell me, "First thing I do every morning is look at my bank account."  The thought depresses me... thought was unusual (ok stupid mebbe) of him.. then, I looked at mine. Found a subscription that had been charging me 20 bucks a month for who knows how long because I forgot to cancel it.  I can just hear Fred Sanford in my ear "Who's a dummy now Victurd?"

I was, all set (this is a recording  said, numerous times, numerous years, when I got the feeling, "Finally, THE ONE for me.")  The first date was 12/13/14..  (Fred Sanford left to clean his garage, but I can just hear Austin Powers in my ear "YEAH BABY!") The date was soooooooooooooooo fun, I was literally on Cloud 9.  (Since this blog is about numbers, hup 2, 3, 4... I Googled the origin of cloud 9, it's very boring, but in 1896 The International Cloud Atlas cloud number nine (cumulonimbus) was considered the most comfortable and appealing.  See?  Toldya boring.

What was I talking about?  Oh yeah, her.  Retired from a job that provided her boo koo (I don't know the number, lots) of air miles... and hella (again, I don't know the numbers) of hotel nights of a specific chain that rewarded her in future travel.  Eighteen pillows. VICTOR, the hell does that have to do with the price of tea in China? (Google tell me tea, China, $2,912 a ton). It has a LOT to do with it.  She was sneaky (smart.) Take old pillow on airplane, swap with damn comfy pillow from ****** Hotel Chain.  There's Austin Powers again.

One time, about time. She was on one of her many deserved, earned travel trips. I'd asked her "What time is it there?"  VICTOR, where was she?  Oh yeah, Agra, India at the Taj Mahal.  It was like 8:10am where I was, and she indicated "6:40pm". I said nuh uh, your watch musta stopped.  60+ years and I still hadn't learned, don't argue with onea them women.  Turns out, the entire Country of India is "30 minutes off" the resta the World.  One blog reader can prolly Explain Lucy better, but, I read it's because the Country is soooooooo long (3,000KM). VICTOR, talk to us in miles (1,864.114) they decided to unify everything and have just one time zone.

I'd better move on because, don't wanna embarrass her.. but.. we moved on.. Once again, One is the loneliest number...  Cry me a river Victor, one is also First Place  (You know, you've seen all them snotnose kids on ESPN's game day dressed crazily with their U's colors.. touting ONE FINGER, chanting "We're number ONE!"  Reality, I think they were ranked 12th, but who's counting.

There's looking out for number one, number one fan, the one and only, and, a method for 47 to wave at hecklers exiting the stage. In one ear out the other, right Vincent? VICTOR, poor taste.  Eh, whadever.  one fell swoop, one of those days, one up me, one hit wonders (Don't break my heart, my achy breaky heart.)

And then there's two.  Second fiddle. Two peas in a pod. Two left feet. On second thought. Any second now.  Russia, them sly dogs.. during the Olympics, if they were ever beaten in any game by the USA, newspapers the next day would announce, "RUSSIA SECOND PLACE!.. US next to last." 

All about numbers.  Dime a dozen, five finger discount, forty winks, nine lives, working 9 to 5 (And, God Bless Dolly may she rest in peace.... but... where can ya work where 9-5 is 8 hours, paid lunch?)  Take five, Ten four (good buddy)..  Last Sunday,. against Seattle, the Chiefs 'got the whole nine yards', then punted, every, single time it seemed.

Yes Ocifer, just 2 beers (he's three sheets to the wind.) (from nautical slang referring to sheets, or ropes that hold sails taut, coming loose, causing a sailing ship to move erratically) VICTOR, no one asked.

I came to numbers today because I spent ALL DAY (That's ten hours and 38 minutes of daylight presently in KC).. scratching my head, calling Humana, WalMart, looking on the Govt's Medicare site...  I had three drugs at Wally.  Two were ready ($3.02 sir, cue Austin Powers) and the third had to be ordered.  Finally, a text from Wally. "Other one is ready, it's $875."  First Humana lady "Well, it should be 20% of that." Still high, but, could do mebbe.  WalMart lady, "Well, $875 is for three months, one month would be $610." Ahm, OK.  Ring, ring, "Humana".. Xplained Lucy to Henry I think he said his name was. Told him first Human lady (VICTOR, this is boring, I know, sorry) said 20%.  "Well, she WAS correct about the 20%, but, the $610 amount per month IS 20%. (Picture Fred Sanford, grabbing his heart.. "THE BIG ONE"..)  "Sir, my calculator is in my hand (in my phone) and it's up against my ear (right Vincent?), what would the full cost be?"  $3,050.  "I'll take two of em.  Just kidding."  

VICTOR?  DIRTY LAUNDRY.  For that, go to the Highland Laundromat, they got free dryers, big washer (2 loads) is ten bucks, cheap thinga soap across the street at Dollar General, 5 bucks.

8 days a week. When I'm 64. Oh, wait.  Victor, you've called on so many women, have you called Jenny (867-5309, ya loser!)..  Another one bites the dust. BUT I NEVER EVEN CALLED JENNY!  One two three, it's easy as ABC.............

Mebbe 47 is onto something.  With this new 'fraud call in program'... commissions, hit it Austin...  Lemme see...  at oh, let's say, $1000 per pillow, er, I mean per fraud, I'd have enough dough for durn near three years of that one med!  Actually, just short.. on Cloud 8, so to speak.  VICTOR, to every thing, urn, urn urn.  Yeah, ur prolly right. I'd be in that by then.

Sitting on the back deck at the golf course, I told my buddies of the plan.  My buddy that usedta be a shop teacher, looked at the clubhouse attendant, raised 4 fingers... "Get a round on me for all five of us."

2 late, I'm posting this. Not responsible for exaggerations! 

Love, Victurd