On second thought.. .no... I'm a horrible rider/passenger... can I drive your car?
The times, they'ra changin'. I remember mirrors. Then I remember when cars/trucks came out with the dash screen you look at and it shows you what's behind, and, assists you in backing up, making sure you don't run over the cat.. or the granny pushing her cart at the Piggly Wiggly.
I understand, now, there are 360 degree views on cars. I ain't so sure I would like that. When I think of 360 degrees, I remember times in my life when it's felt like one of my shoes is nailed down, I rotate, and rotate, and turn again, and can't figure out whereinthehell to go, which way to turn.
No cause for concern, now we make cars that drive their own damn self. Nope, can't do that either. Even if I downed 2 beers, 4 ibuprofens, a Wellbutrin and Xanax, no thank you. I will never jump out of an airplane, simply because parachutes are made, packed, by man (or, woman.) Nobody's perfect right?
I like mirrors. Many say I spend too much time looking in the rear view mirror, but oh honey, do you realize what all is in that rear view mirror? Everything, virtually. I don't scrapbook, I couldn't tell you whereinthehell 'Cloud' is on the computer to store stuff 'forever' (Did I mention man-made?), let alone if the Cloud is cumulus or nimbus. I guess I'm animbusole.
Now it says "Objects may be closer than they appear" but I might remind you, there's hella in that rear view mirror, ie, far back, not closer, like 1950-something, 60-something, 70-something, yada.
Rear view mirrors tellya about 'done been.' Done been to this school, that school, lived there, and over there, went with her, almost married that one, did marry that one, oops....
You can adjust those mirrors, but it ain't changin' the images. Well, my pappy said, "Son, you're gonna drive me to drinkin' if you don't stop driving that Hot.. .Rod.. Lincoln." Not totally true, 'cause I've never driven like a bat out of hell. Which reminds me, howinthehell do they know there are bats in hell? Where was I?
Oh yeah, adjusting the mirrors. I mention the Lincoln (I've always driven big-ass cars 'cause I feel safer).. now I got an old clunky Caddy. Back to man-made. There are buttons on my Caddy to adjust the mirrors, both the right side and the other side. Well, they quit working. (Enter Checkenginelight here). Oh, and so did the driver's side window. Smiley man at Caddy dealer say "Sir, we can sure get that taken care for ya.. let's see.. there's three 'modules' we'll needta change.. one's unner the backseat, and two are in the trunk, it'd only be around $900."
Did he just get here? I've owned cars that cost way less than that. Hell, I bought tickets to every Playoff AND World Series game in 1985 for a third of that cost. So now, I can't adjust the mirrors with my buttons, the folks at the drive thru fast food places hate me 'cause I can't 'roll' down my window, especially Allie-alligator arms up there at McDonalds in Kearney.
So, I adjust the mirrors myself. You can bemoan all that's happened in that rear view mirror of life. You can't change all that's happened in that rear view mirror of life - but, sometime if you got enough time to pullover under a shade tree, roll your winder down (or in my case, open the door, leave it ajar to get some air) and chillax and think ALL ABOUT ALL the GOOD in that rear view mirror. And that's a lot. For me. For you.
So now, out the front windshield, ie, whereinthehell we goin'? Someone mentioned, as we age, drive slower, the center white lines don't pass by in a blur, you can actually see them one by one now. My 70-year old thought on that is, "What white lines?"
Back to 'where we goin'?' Heck I dunno, but it tain't far, who can afford to drive far nowadays? One has to think, if there's soooo much good in that rear view mirror, surely, 'where we're goin' ahead would be, could be, just as yummy.
Turns. Life is all about turns. Right ones, left ones, correct ones, wrong ones. To everything, turn, turn, there is a season, turn turn. Even with GPS (did someone say 'man made'?) we make wrong turns, and we come upon a 'No outlet' sign. When that happens, I just take a deep breath, thank the Lord I don't drive a Limo to make a living, and turn around.
My doctor, he looks at me and says "Cigs.. THAT is what's gonna getya." Wrong. Turns, that's how I'm gonna go. You see, I have, I think they call it 'intraocular' lenses. One for closeup, and one for faraway. I've noticed, since I got my one eye close up and one eye faraway vision, it's very difficult to judge catching a softball. (Same thing with judging women.)
Where was I? Oh yeah, dying. I will die turning. I've already been honked at 72 times turning because I pulled out infronta someone thanks to my wunnerful man-made intraocular lenses.
The gist to this whole damn thing is, driving is like life. We done talked rear view mirrors. Mentioned white lines, ie, things we can't see that really should guide us on our path. Technology, and whether you get it orya don't. (I'm using Windows 7 for this, that tellya anything?) I don't even think we've addressed passengers yet, but geez, that's a whole nuther blog.
(Side note. I love old people. Prolly cause I am one. Long ago, I was proudly selected to be a pallbearer. The old feller that owned the funeral home, drove the hearse, well, he looked like he was maybe only a few months from needing the same service for himself. BUT, he was old school. I love me some old school. As we took what seemed like a 72 mile, 23mph drive from the funeral home to the cemetery, if we met an oncoming car that didn't pull over and show a little respect, the old feller at the wheel would suddenly SWERVE at 'em, to basically say "have a little respect you sonsabitch." It was real hard for us pallbearer's to not laugh aloud. I loved the man. Side note finished.)
In summary.. thank goodness Victor this crap is boring.. in summary, life is a ride. We can look back. Look forward. Choose where we head. Much (flat tires, other drivers, weather, hot, cold, alternators going bad [nuther side note, mine just did, cha-ching, $729, but, alternator is a necessity, them window/mirror/power control buttons ain't], AC out, fuel pump inop, hella reasons Checkenginelight comes on.... Which way will we, should we, turn. We can put it in reverse, but, we'll never change what's transpired in the rear view mirror. We go slower as we age. Pisses whippersnappers off, but, as we age, we could care less. (Why do they say that? Shouldn't it be "we could care more?")
I Google lyrics way too often. I just peeked at Rascal Flat's 'Life is a Highway'.. I SWEAR,the lyrics were "Life is a highway, I wanna ride it all night long, I DID IT MY WAY" (But noooooooooooo, it's "if you're going my way" instead.) I like my lyrics better, you rascals.
See the USA in your Chevrolet.....(or Lincoln, or Caddy, or $90,000 SUV with the 360 surround screen that pours a cup of coffee for you, has Alexa, compass, temp gauge, does about everything with/for you except have sex)..
I wonder if Dinah had intraocular lenses? Someone in the kitchen (strummin' on the old banjo) would probably know.
Go Greyhound.
Love, Victurd
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