But, yes, you can start a sentence with but. But, life don't come with no 'structions.
We plop out. Well, some if us are pulled out, cut out.. and then they herd us into a room fulla other straight jacketed snotnoses...our eyesight aint great yet, but examples abound for us to learn how to behave, aka, act our age.
Then, we crawl, then walk. Then, mom/dad dump us off at preschool where we are surrounded by many our age. We cutout triangles, squares, rectangles with scissors so dull they wouldn't cut a pinkie off. The bright colored construction paper pieces that look more like rhomboids complete with scribbles allover em are tossed in our backpacks as we eyeball the door for hours awaiting mom or dad to show.
Whilst at this preschool, we are placed in the sandbox with others where we learn to knock over the other guys sand castle, throw sand (or drop a few grains down the back of Susie's shirt), get sand outta our eyes, shoes, diapers (some of us are slow learners), and ultimately, learn to SHARE
IE, examples all around. We are taught how to act our age. Ossimosis too I spose.
The colorful rhomboids are magneted to the fridge 'forever'. By the time we ride the yellow bus, learn to spell our name via friend Big Chief, we don't notice the rhomboids are gone and the soccer and school lunch schedules have taken their place.
Pick up the pace Victor, this is dragging a bit.
The point is, all along the watchtower, no that ain't it. All along our toddler, early childhood, school age, transition to adulthood, adulthood, there are examples near, far, everywhar. It's easy to be the corresponding age.
I don't know how to be old. Three bedroom old home converted into apartments. 30-something the floor above me, 40-something in the apartment beside me, no help, role modeling, yada.
I usedta go to WallyWorld and I made it a point to walk around the damn store until I found someone older than me. "Excuse me ma'am, what year did you graduate?". Just kidding, but I did go look. Now, I give up. There are NO examples for me, us.
I think I mentioned I'm going to Mehico for a month in January. Two fraternity brothers, one's spouse, and me. Daily, we have a text chain where I am the referee between these two beautiful fraternity brothers who lovingly go for one-upmanship over the other, much like living in the 70's at 36 Moss in the Sigamanu house.
This morning we were discussing dinners out and I mentioned the wonderful humongous tenderloins at Christine's Firehouse in NKC. If yaint been, youghta. $14.50, we split em in two, plenty for each.
One one-upmanship (about the other) said "Trust me, ___ knows all the food specials...like Jerry Seinfeld's dad in Florida."
I laughed, then peed a bit maybe. Is that normal for an old person?
One upmanship continued, "He complains about how noisy the kids are in the pool. He's in full retiree mode in Puerto Penasco."
Apparently, at this condo, there is a kids pool, a heated adults only pool and a hot tub. When it's overcrowded, the kids filter into the old folks pool."
Defending himself, other one upmanship guy said "It only bothers me in Jan/Feb, when the family pool is too cold and those rug rats come over to the heated adult pool."
Much. There is much nobody taught me about being old. I barely brush my forearm up agin' the bathroom door then later that night I look down and there's this damn purple spot the size of Australia.
Today, Wednesday, is kinda a fav for me as the grocery ads come out. With pen and paper I'm ready to write down any/all bargains and I notate 'HyVee, Aldi's, Sprouts, Piggly Wiggly,WallyWorld and yes, if gas is somewhere under an arm and a leg, I'll drive to all five. (Got to of course remember the quarter for Aldi's AND take my own bag for the groceries as the basta's charge you for them if you don't.)
Halfway between scouting all the 7 day ads (my eyes were getting sore) I slammed the lid to my laptop down and muttered mostly under my breath "Them ain't sale prices. Howinthehell am I supposed to make it to midnight next Tuesday (My social security, 3rd Tuesday at midnight monthly!")
And, under my breath I continued to bitch "How come Boogie gets his check EVERY month on the 15th and I gotta wait until the third Tuesday? Sometimes that means a full extra week!"
I jumped up from my chair in disgust. Well, that ain't true. I centered myself in chair, grabbed both chair armrests, grunted, groaned, pushed. Finally on feet. A moment to orientate body, head rush, and went to pee.
Made the mistake of recently adding a 2nd 60 Watt bulb over the sink cause I usedta shave and miss spots the size of Mosby. Now, I see each and every wrinkle, yuck.
And just look at that damn ear hair, it's 3/4's an inch long! I'm embarrassed, I've been everywhere the last few days and I wondered why folks were laughing at me! WHY? WHY DIDN'T PEOPLE TELL ME WHAT BEING OLD WOULD BE LIKE?
After #2 (damnit, last roll of toilet paper.. did you know that crap is a dollar a roll now?) I'm gonna take a nap, IF, them snotnoses in the apartment above ain't running relay races.
I don't know how to do all this...act old.
Victor?
Yes?
I think you're doing quite well at it.
Bite me,
Love, Victurd
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