Vikturd. ..

One of my all-time favorite videos (I remind you I'm a simpleton, but you knew that) is of a middle aged man, pretty darn accurately imitating a dog.

It begins, like Wilson, behind a six foot wooden fence - he, jumping up again and again, tongue hanging out of his head as he momentarily bops over fence for a glace each time.

Finally, he's taken for a leash walk. Like any dog, the first thirty seconds on that leash are yummy. Guy imitating dog so wonderfully does so as dogs somehow do, his back half gyrates in one direction, the front, the other, back and forth and back and forth.

Of course he pulls, tugs, tries to go 90 mph in a 5 mph zone. There is a chalk picture of a dog on a business front, sure, he runs over and sniffs the 'correct' end just like dogs do.

He's finally let off his leash, does then go that 90 mph, chases a mailman, runs up to people in hopes of a pet and a new friend. You maybe had to be there but I thought fun.

The end was a bit over the top. Way far off in the distance, the 'dog' drops his drawers and literally does his business in the street. Eww, but then again, it's what dogs do do.

I was reminded of taking my ex girlfriend's hound for a walk.  He was doing the 90 mph attempt thing. I'm certain, much to the chagrin of the English accent dog obedience trainer we went to, the little pooch pulled to the point he damn near choked himself,, and I let him tug away. Me no likey the 'heel' stuff, let the dog be a dog. 

Anyways, I'd proudly tucked a plastic Piggly Wiggly bag in my back pocket, patted myself on the back, and felt like that lawyer guy in KC advertises, "Mike's got this "

As if on cue, 'Nascar' (the name of this 10 lb or so miniature schnauzer tugging this 200 lb man UPHILL, ok  damnit, 220 lb or so) stops at the 4th house on the block, squats, does what dogs do do. "Mike's got this" (me) takes the Piggly bag, neatly scooping the poop in the bag...I peeked to see if there was a nervous Gladys Kravitz looking out the window (there wasn't) continued on to the park, tossed the bag in a trash barrel, backtracked down the street for home.

End of story? No. The little sh*t (sorry, it's kinda how I felt) stopped AGAIN and squatted. Unh huh. Uh huh he did. #2 #two. I guess that's what dogs do do but I didn't know that.

Sooooooo, I leaned over, pretended to scoop the poop, glanced, no Gladys, continued on for home.

Yesterday was a poopy day for me. We all have them, sorry to moan, but it's what I do do, stick up for one I love when terse words are winged about one I love. TMI, but at my age I don't give a do do.

Mostly well and good Victor but whatinthehell does all this have to do do with the title "Vikturd"?

I thought you'd never ask.  Viktor Hovland, PGA golfer, yesterday at The British Open, was preparing to hit a shot, a seagull swooped by, did what seagulls do do, right on his arm. He flinched, then laughed, then said (on camera no less) "I just got sh*t on" and laughed and laughed.

He handled it much better than I, but it's what I do do upon occasion.

Sorry.

Not sorry,.

Love, Vikturd and Victurd