I hit a range ball over 250 yards.

Can't you hear Springsteen in the background singing "Glory Days" kinda sorta about a never been braggadociosly about what he thought he once was?

Well, this ain't about that.

To everything turn, turn, turn
There is a season turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under Heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

Victor, is this another dadgum blog about YOU?

Sorry, kinda sorta, yes.  I guess you're are 'SOL' (Surely outta luck, or something like that,)

Golf course.  Where I work.  Like everyplace, hard to find employees. Grass grows, it don't care about how many people ya gots to mow, it's grow, grow, grow.  Then rain, we had somea that. Scratch that, we had a lotta that.

Now, heat.  Much. I abhor whoever came up with the "Realfeel" temperature thing.  93 is hot enough without knowing the 'Realfeel' is 109.

Where was I?  Oh yeah, Kearney.

So.............. I LOVED mowing back in the day.  Is that the glory days of which you refer?  Uh huh, tis.

Hey Moe (our course superintendant).. I love to mow.. if you need help I'd be happy to come in and mow a few hours.  Yeah?   Yeah.  What time do you start?  I get here at 3am.  (Gulp).  Yeah, if you have extra time and you wanna mow, just come.  I'll get a mower for you all setup.

I didn't (get there at 3am).  I got there at sunrise, because old people can't see the damn white lines, Bambi's can appear in a millisec (vely stressy when old tight man have liability only). So, I got there at sunrise.

Moe, is it a zero turn mower?  Yes.  Oh criminy, I've never done onea those.  It's cinchy, you'll get the hang of it.  I've already mowed the fairways, you mow 'em now to knock down the patches of grass clippings that pile up.  Start out on #9 to practice, then go to 18.

I drove to the shed (home to chemicals, mower parts and 4 or 7 feral cats.) Spotted the mower.  Moe followed, thank goodness.  "Here's how you start it..." He did.  "It takes a bit to get used to, but you'll get the hang of it."

Uh huh, right. Moe then drove off, which was a very good thing because 15 yards into my drive I smashed into the dumpster. Don't tell.

You put your right foot in
You take your right foot out
You put your right foot in
And you shake it all about
You do the hokey pokey
And you turn yourself around
That's what it's all about

That's kinda what it's like driving onea those damn zero turn thingybobs. You wanna turn left, you push the right lever forward to more speed.  You wanna turn around, simply close your eyes, it'll happen.  No, that ain't it.  You pull the levers back halting the mower, slowly push one forward, pull the other back, and jualah, a 180.

Moe came over to watch me on #9.  It was 6:30am, I wasn't drunk, but it sure looked like it. Howinthehell do you get this thing to go straight - I asked myself.  Moe was smiling as he watched me go West, East, South North kinda all at once.  "Vic, push both levers all the way up"  Yeah?  Yeah. As in 'full speed' as in, close your ears, oh shit.

I harkened back a few years... OK, fifty five years damnit., I was 15. Liberty Park Department. "Here, take this mower to Bennet Park and mow on the East side." Glory days, as I was fitteen, OUT ON THE REAL ROAD, driving, waving at all the 16, 17 year olds I recognized on the roads.  Got there. Mowed a bit. Figured it out, kinda.  Was going laterally across this hill.  Kinda skeered me.  Tip over, sever arms, legs. I know, I'll start at the bottom, drive straight up, depress the clutch, coast down, let the clutch out, and UP again. Cinchy.,

Except.  Except, when you depress the clutch (WHY is everything about depression?) Well, don't do that. As I learned, when you depress the clutch, coast downhill, then let the clutch out, the front wheels come off the ground, you pee a bit, thank goodness for the mower behind because I shoulda, coulda tipped over. A lifetime of "Victor, why do they call you Stumpy?" almost happened.

Where was I?  Oh yeah, Kearney.

Ring, ring.  Hey Moe, it's Vic.  I got off to go pee (of course in the ORI between hole #14 and 15... are you kidding me? I peed behind the lumber yard fence, outta sight from all the neighbors. Don't tell.)  I got off to pee, of course the mower auto get off stop the engine thing happened.  Howintheheck do you start it?  You got the arms pushed all the way out?  (Didn't, now do.) Yeah.  You got the emergency brake on? (Whereintheheck is the emergency brake.. I didn't ask that, but I tried three or four levers, tried starting after pulling each one, finally, "AHA, yep, now I do" and away I went.

I sucked on #9.  I went to 18, eh, not bad.  Then to #1 to start in order.  After awhile, I kinda started figuring out the zero turn thing. It was hella fun. Temp only 80-something (real feel 90 something, not too bad.)  By #4 I actually kinda drove it straight.

When you are 70, you pee.  A lot.  On some holes ya simply can't due to the houses lining the course.  That said, I peed on 5, 7, 9, on 10 behind the pump house (That's the 'she-shed', we figure that's where all the chicks pee 'cause the ORI ain't until after 14), in the ORI after 14, and a little bit in my pants when I skidded down that wet hill and I thought I was toast, ie, old Stubby.

This is all well and good Bruce Springsteen Glory Days, but what about "I hit a range ball over 250 yards?"

I did. It's twue, it's reawy reawy twue! Adjacent to the range, I ran over a golf ball. I didn't see it, which, is fancy for I saw it but I wondered what would happen if I ran over it, would the mower be too high and it would just sit there, or would it slice into two pieces as I drove over it.  Well, I (The mower blades) hit the range golf ball over 250 yards.  See? I didn't lie.  Don't tell Moe I ran over it on purpose.

Three and one-half hours later, finished. "Well, what'd you think?" Moe asked.  I had a blast, I really did. (Scroll to being 15, driving a tractor across town, waving at all the snooty patooty 16, 17 yr olds.)

Need me back tomorrow (I anxiously asked, hell I can use the bucks.) Nope, we've got it now. Which, I deducted I really did a crappy job (and that's ok, to everything, turn, turn, turn is different the first time you try.) Or, he got more help.  Up drives some guy I ain't never seen before, so, made me feel better.

That's all.  And yes, sorry, twas about me.  A chance to go back to feeling like I was fitteen again.  Did I mention (Glory days) I had a flat belly back then?  Did I mention, I could actually walk to go pee, and ne'er drip before OR after?  Good gosh Victor, you're a sick puppy.

I kinda like the sound of 'puppy'.

Glory days.

Think I'm going down to the well tonight
And I'm going to drink 'til I get my fill
And I hope when I get old, I don't sit around thinking about it
But I probably will

Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture
A little of the glory of, well time slips away
And leaves you with nothing mister but
Boring stories of

Glory days, yeah, they'll pass you by
Glory days, in the wink of a young girl's eye
Glory days, glory days
Yeah, they'll pass you by
Glory days, in the wink of a young girl's eye
Glory days, glory days

Here's to boring stories. To everything, turn, turn, turn.

Love, Victurd