Fill 'er up with Ethyl.........

Half full. Half empty.  Age old question. In old age, many thoughts.

The season our Kansas City Royals are having is yielding many empty seats. Tweren't that long ago you couldn't walk twenty paces without seeing any/everyone in Kansas City wearing Royal's gear, espousing (jointly) "Let's go Royals!"  

Mostly full, mostly empty.  At least, they ain't made outta carboard.

Years ago, we'd drive into Phil's Apco, cross the ding ding rope, within milliseconds a lad would run out, and one would announce "Fill 'er up with Ethyl." Ethyl, I've learned, is an additive concocted in the 1920's to combat the severe knocking of internal combustion engines. Price of tea, China, but oh well.

Speaking of empty, knocking, I pray my 2nd cousin won't get upset with me for sharing, and in preface, I want to say what a beautiful, fun, loving mother she had. She was my mother's best friend (and cousin.) There was nothing NOT to love about the lady.  Into her 90's, she was in a memory care ward.. My cousin's story from one day:

"Okay, so our mom is now residing in an Alzheimer's unit, bless her heart. Though she's not quite on the top of her game anymore she still can be funny, whether she knows it or not. Another resident is a sweet little woman named Marie who hasn't talked in a very long time but s.he loves to take your hand and give it kisses, graces you with a lovely little smile and twinkles in her eyes. It's all she needs. So I'm offering my hand to Marie today, receiving kisses and smiles when mom walks over, raps Mary on the head three times (softly) and says............"Hello, anyone in there".

The nurses witnessed this and almost fell to the floor trying not to laugh and be unprofessional but seriously, you have to be made of stone to not laugh. Marie just kept smiling."

When one leaves our physical world, we're empty, but thankfully, we have a glass full of memories.

Bank account, empty. Peanut butter jar, empty. Gas tank, almost empty. Fill 'er up with Ethyl, no, wait, scroll back to bank account, "I'd like $10 on pump 3, will that get me to Kearney to work?"

Empty nest. Empty Arms Hotel. Running on Empty. Empty calories. Empty suit.

5 Hour Energy Drink. Family gathering. A drive in the country. Sitting beside water, be it creek, pond, lake, river, sea, ocean. Memories. The vision of a face, transferred to the brain, opens our Dewey Decimal drawer to the past, the shared past. A hug. A smile. Many smiles, many hugs. Laughter. A just down plate of lasagna. Much. Much helps with emptiness. "Just one more please barkeep."

I've noticed, this blog frequently speaks to empty, full. I reckon that's "How we roll" (thank you Coach Reid) in life. Down, up. Fat kid on a teeter totter, haha, jokes on you tailbone. Rollercoaster.

One of my favorite quick videos on Facebook is of a 50, 60-something couple strapping into an amusement park ride... she, frantic.. he, joyous, onea' those laughs that make you laugh, feel comfort. WOW it lifts them, FAST, stomach dropping... by now screaming, she begs he get her down, soon kinda sorta turns to namecalling. The entire time he's joyous, knowing she'll be safe, back on ground in a few, his laughter infects, in a good way. The more she screams, the more wonderful, louder, soothing his laughter is. I'm reminded of many of my lifelong friends who have lifelong relationships - they end, and there's an emptiness. He truly cared for his wife. Whichever, she, the frantic lady, go first, or he, the calm one, there's worry. He makes her whole and vice versa. When two lean on each other, they walk upright as one. Emptiness sucks, but again, full of memories.

We are of age, many spend a huge, large, long portion of their lives fending for, taking care of, their significant other. Or child. Or grandchild. Or sister, brother. Parent. Grandparent. Bless you. Truly. Empty is really full, my take.

Emptiness. Estate sales. Auctions. Dumpsters. Full house, empty house. Once vibrant, now empty. Oft times, little or no warning.

Life is a book. No one knows how many pages within. Once after a hospital stay, my son related "Dad, I read a 600 page book." Really? Cool, what was it about.... he related the story line, what impacted him, his memories of it all. All kindsa emotions ran through his description, fun, laughter, good guy, bad guy, outings, events, lovers, family, yada, twas fresh on his brain, I loved hearing about it.

Win, lose. We all win, we all lose. Touches us, knocks us down. Fills us, leaves us empty. We each handle it differently.

A loved one just lost her father. The grandfather to her two children. I love youth. I consider her youth, certainly in comparison to me. I'm amazed by youth today and specifically her. I hope she won't mind me sharing her reaction to the emptiness. She wrote:

"The amount I miss him is near debilitating, but I know that it would break his heart if this destroyed me. My son and I have promised each other to remind ourselves every day what my daddy would want if he could tell us, and we both know it would be happy and enjoying life and doing everything we could to be as good and kind as he taught us to be and to know no matter the distance between us, he is with us in everything always, from now until I can finally embrace him. Thank you daddy, you have nothing unfinished, you gave us everything we needed and more, you will be in every smile I ever have on my face and in every word I speak and every thought I have. You are the air that I breathe."

Empty = love, full.

In life, it gets tougher to continue to walk the yellow brick road but we must. Should you, whoever reading this, feel emptiness, prayers.  I wish for you, driving across that imaginary bell at the station, allowing your ongoing life to fill 'er up with Ethyl.

Love, Victor