Dearly beloved Liberty Senior High School Class of 1970, we're gathered here to discuss 'tomorrow'....
Ahm, The Beatles are gonna breakup.
NO NO NO!!!!..... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ME and say it ain't so!
So. Sorry. And, so sorry.
Billie Jean King defeated Bobby Riggs in The Battle of The Sexes. Bobby Riggs that's in our class? Oh no, no no. Bobby Riggs, a retired tennis great. So, they actually had a competition between a man and a woman? Oh just wait a few years, it's gets better, er, or, mebbe worser .
Lotta movies came out. Jaws (about sharks) was huge. People skeered shirtless, wouldn't swim in the ocean for ten years. Nuh uh! Uh huh. Star Wars too, 12 of 'em to be exact. You mean like Billie Jean and Bobby star wars? Nah, this was about Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Chewbacca, Yoda, C3PO, them. OK, what else?
Elvis has left the building, sorry. NOOOOOOO! From my hands and knees on my shag carpet, please say it ain't so! So. So sorry. It's ok if you need to go cry in the Chapel for a sec. Separation of Church and State, we ain't gots no Chapel. Please, on to the 80's this decade sucks. K.
Compact Discs came out, all the rage. You mean they had a new track and field throwing event especially for short people? Ahm, no, let's move on. Geraldine becomes the first female on a Presidential ticket, running for VP with Walter Mondale for President. You talking a real woman, or, Flip Wilson? Real woman. Mt. St. Helens erupted. Smallpox eradicated. A young man named Michael MoonWalked. You mean like Neal Armstrong? Ahm, no. Actually he walked backwards. Geez. Remember, we're 17, 18, short attention span, on to the 90's perty please. OK but.........
Plug in your USB's and save this one, Google and Amazon happen and change the World, life, as we know it. I remember googly eyes when we were parking on the low road at Jewell.. and you talking that rainforest? And whatthehell (oh, sorry Boyce Smith, slipped) is a USB? We'll explain it later. OK, but try to remember, we're the generation that questions, needs to know, everything, and the why involved. Sure, right. Ahm, they had a strike in baseball. Duh, every other pitch is a strike, next. No, I mean there was no World Series in 1994. OMG, I bet folks went bizerk! Hey, you can't use 'bet' and 'baseball' in the same sentence, just ask Pete. Who's Pete? Nevermind, let's move to the turn of the century.
Ahm, Tiger won all kinda golf tourneys..... Tony the Tiger? No, Woods..... In baseball, guys 'roided up' and hit more homers than ever... the hell? (Sorry again Boyce).. they didn't have Preparation H too? Yes, I mean, no, different kinda 'roid..... Rap music is about all the youth plays, listens to.. BORING! Christmas Carols like we play when we wrap presents? Blasting from the car as we circle the KuKu? I could see December mebbe, but fo'evr? For real? Ahem,ah, no. Move along, we're anxious to get the hell (sorry Boyce) outta here, get married, raise families, drive to Antioch to shop. Ah, about Antioch, and all shopping centers for that matter.. eh, later, we'll talk about that later. Let's move to 2010. K.
Everyone was broke. Ya mean like our folks in the Great Depression? Kinda, yes. A lotta new houses sat empty. The Cubs won the World Series. Now I KNOW you're pulling our legs! A business man would be elected President, and then later be impeached. Hell's Bells (sorry again Boyce) that trumps all! The iphone came out. Ya mean ya stared in it insteada talked into it? Kinda, more about Facetime later. Twitch is launched. Ya mean kinda like our raised eyebrows from alla this you're predicting? Ahm, no. Facebook buys Instagram, then, WhatsApp. Facebook? I know ya talked about the eye phone, but, face book, we've always buried our faces in books. Right Charlotte? Then there's the car that will drive itself. You gotta be kidding me. I know when Coach was with us in Driver's Ed and he'd fall asleep, we kinda wished the car would drive itself. There is MUCH public discourse. "Our side, their side. People across the land, slinging mud, hurling ugly adjectives pointed at the other side, both ways. On to the present decade, 2020's...
WAIT!.. Hang on, brb.. (using fingers, toes) we'll be damn near 70! Don't tell us... let's guess.. Some guy is gonna wake up, say, "What are you gonna do today?" and the other guy'll say, "Well, I think I'm gonna put on these suction cups and climb the Trump Tower." HA! Next your gonna tell us there's some guy NAKED on a revved up 'lawn tractor' a going the wrong way on Interstate in Kansas City! And then, you're probably gonna try to convince us that the real reason you chopped down "The Smoke Tree" (where we puffed Camel nonfilters, AND settled our arguments) is because ya moved it to Capitol Hill so they could settle their arguments thataway, ya know, like maybe a Sentator challenging a Union Leader "well, stand your butt up then..., No, YOU stand your butt up", or, them two guys elbowing each other in the kidneys in the Senate hallway... and, don't you ever say they're gonna use The Smoke Tree for a hangin', all your talk is gobbledy goop.
We left a lot of ugly out, on purpose. Mass killings, natural disasters, Wars, wars and more wars. Plagues, starvation, terrorism. Much, ugly.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Where have you gone Joe Dimaggio, our nation turns it's lonely eyes on you.
Paul Simon actually did run into Joe Dimaggio in a restaurant. Joe asked "What I don't understand is why you asked where I've gone? I just did a Mr. Coffee commercial, I'm the spokesman for Bowery Savings Bank and I haven't gone anywhere?" Later, Simon related "I said that I didn't mean the lines literally, that I thought of him as an American hero and that genuine heroes were in short supply. He accepted the explanation and thanked me. We shook hands and said good night."
And that's the way it is. Class dismissed.
Good night Chet. Good night David. Goodnight Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are. Later Walter.
Love, Victurd
.
No comments:
Post a Comment