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National Backward Day is January 31st of each and every year. It's so hot off the press, there ain't even no Wiki about it. Actually though, a couple of ladies dreamed it up in January 29, 1961 whilst they were milking cows, thinking of arts and crafts of all things.  Sound like udder nonsense to me, but, that 's when it happened. Word spread, townsfolk liked it, they made up rules, celebrated two days later.

So, you do stuff backwards. Schools have backward day now. Stuff like, have dinner for breakfast and vice versa later. Go out the back door to start the day.  Wear your clothes backwards, inside out mebbe (I unwittingly celebrated this one day, in a crowd of a hunnerd people, and some chicky tapped me on shoulder and said "Victor, your shirt is inside out." Geez.)

Twiddle your pinkies insteada your thumbs. 

You say yes, I say no. You say stop and I say go, go go.. Oh, no! You say Goodbye and I say hello.. .hello hello.  (ie, say Goodbye, or, answer phone Goodbye.)  You'd never have to shout "REPRESENTATIVE!" or be put on hold when you call the cable company, you could start out right away with that person you can't understand.

Instead of coming unglued when you're upset, get glued. Peel a banana from the bottom.  Play a record backwards, you know, like finding out Paul is dead, but, in actuality, he's still here, only a couple of years younger than Ringo.

Write your name backwards.  It's said, Leonardo da Vinci did this. He'd look in the mirror, write. They say he did so, so people wouldn't steal his ideas.  Maybe he could write backwards long enough to lend his buddy Van Gogh an ear, ie, "Don't do that."

We adults can participate too.  Like, maybe read a book backwards.  Take 50 Shades for example.. .You could start on the last page first. You know, kinda like, start out a pervert, then, you'd be naive when you finish.  You could go to bed with your honey of however many damn years, then presto, you'd be on your honeymoon again. (Careful, our hearts ain't what they usedta be.)

Back to the Future.  Mirth from Earth.  Jimmy Piersall on the basepaths.. Michael Jackson on the stage. No penguins though.  Them poor suckers physically can't walk backwards.

They wouldn't haveta go rescue space capsules outta the ocean, they'd automatically come back to the launch pad. Screw the casino, we could all go to the laundromat and win every time! Yoke wouldn't be allover the King's Men's hands with Humpty Dumpty, all kindsa possibilities!

The poor little lambs who had lost their way, could be baa baa back in the barn. Bedpost Doublemint gum would have twice the flavor.  Boomerangs would never not come back. No one would show up for gender reveals though. It'd be a rerun. (Side note. I love to ask couples "How'd you meet?" Was in the sauna the other day, asked.. "We met at a gender reveal." Do you think they really did, or, were they talking that they..  well, you know.)

GPS might be kinda tricky.  Them 4 judges on The Voice would be hella confused. Would yeast rise or droop? A backflip be a flip back?  We could scroll back far enough to where our Chief's wide receivers could actually catch.  Forget that 4-putt, we're back at the teebox.

Hair could grow on bald folks.  You know, like Chia. Ear hairs would shrink. We men could run, get our 32" belt back outta the drawer.  BMI attainment would no longer be fruitless, hopeless.

I see your red door and I want it painted der.

We could all stand on our heads. (Better call 911 first though). We could hiccup, then drink beer.

"Why back in my day, I walked to school in the snow two miles, downhill, both ways."  Never again fear getting out of a ski liftchair.  The Tilt-A-Whirl would Whirl-A-Tilt.  Hackers would never make it past the Ring doorbell.

The guy I ride to the golf course with (and BLESS him for always picking me up)..well, we could ALWAYS then, be the first ones there.

There would no longer be a need for Dentists in Arkansas. Dogs would become puppies, cats - kitties.  Recent HS grads would have to flip their tassels back and do it all over again.  Dave Wottle would be back at the starting line. Tyreek Hill in the huddle.  Gaylord Perry would get spit allover him when the back came into his hand.

Annoying children could be put back in until later.  Just imagine all the possibilities.

Blurted, hurtful words would be unsaid.  We'd come out from under the bus. Divorce would never happen.  People wouldn't, couldn't live on their phones in restaurants, at ballgames, WHILE DRIVING.

The twelve drummers drumming would be FIRST! Take that, ya damn partridge!  Harry never woulda met Sally. Cher would have to sing "Where are you babe?"  George Washington could have a belly ache from eating cherries.

We could start work making time and a half.  TGIF would become DIF (damnit, it's Friday.)

Dorothy and Toto would be home.  The Scarecrow in Mensa. Tin Man could donate blood. The Lion would be an MMA fighter.

Blog pages would be, could be, empty.

I'll get back to you on that one.

drutciV evoL