Gordo like me........

Victor, you talking "Like Alex Gordon?"   

Nice try, by a nice guy, but...  no.

Gordo, in Espanol, is FAT (masculine)... and, teeter totter this the misogynist says, Gorda is FAT (feminine.)

BLOGS = TMI.

TMI = Bend me shape me anyway you want me, I don't give a rats.  I've heard "Only you Victor." Yeah, well, I don't care, it's life.

Prior to getting to Mehico...  aside from working on my "Ring of Fire" tan (that's the only place on my body that gets sun...a 6" area between my shorts and the top of my compression socks....)  I tried to, and did, lose weight.

My secret?  It really don't matter.  I recently read, "90% of the people who diet gain it all back."  Sorry, kinda, so, sit back, have another Twinkie.

I can blame 'affliction' but, that'd be a lie. Initially, yes, four years ago I ballooned up to 267.  That ain't a typo.  Me thinks much was water weight. Quickly lost 20 or so, I've hovered around 235-240 since, sometimes, a little less.

I went for six months not eating anything fun.  Nuttin'.  No bread, no pop, as little sugar as possible. Worked, down to 205. "When I get to Mehico, I'm gonna eat any, everything."

Victor?  Yes?  You really telling this? (Scroll to 'rats', uh huh, I am.)

About three weeks before Greyhound to OK City, ride with buddy from there to Roswell, NM, then, the next day, to Tucson, then, from Nogales, AZ thru the 'said to be' cartel country of Mehico, to, beloved Puerto Penasco.. the hell was I?  Oh yeah.. about three weeks before all that, I cheated and gained about 10 pounds back. Ever keep score at a ballgame?  It's like dieting, ya give up about the 3rd inning, but, if you're keeping score, that now puts me at 215.

Kiss.  That, sorry kinda not really, is for all shaking their head in disbelief I relate this.  Anudder kiss, for good measure, as in, waistline measure.  Three drawers of shorts at home...  42... 40... and 38 (enter 'ha ha Victor' here.)

So.... I'm blaming Tip, my Sigamanu buddy.  He likes milk before he goes to bed, along with chocolate.  We have much variety. Snickers. Chocolate covered pretzels.  Peanut M&M's.  I'm 71, the thought of living these days out with no Peanut M&M is like, "did you just get here? No way!"

So, in my blame casting of Tip... I guess mebbe I oughta take some 'credit.'.  My bedroom is at the fronta the condo.  As is my john.  Then there is the kitchen... and to the backa the condo, the living room, the balcony, Tips bedroom.  I make, oh, 25-30 trips a day 'tween my bedroom, to the balcony or the living room.

My paths to/fro always includes the kitchen.  (I AM ON VACATION DAMNIT!) Snickers this time.  Chocolate covered pretzel on the way back. Bag'a peanut M&M's the next time, a handful of whateverinthehell they call Lays Potato Chips down here.  (If you EVER go to Mehico and you love Fritos as I do, BUY THEM IN THE US BEFORE YA COME CAUSE THEY AIN'T GOT 'EM DOWN HERE.  Thank goodness mebbe, I'm only one and a half the size since I got here, had I had Fritos, there's be two Victors prolly.

This one you can't tell.

I likes the hot tub here.  Six days ago, long stay in hot tub.  They gots these reclining lawn chairs, the laydown type, that are about 8 inches off the ground.  When you be old, a kinda sorta affliction, and, a changing center of gravity, it's dayum hard to sit, put shoes on, and get up from 8" off the ground. So...................................

They gots these cheapass stacking plastic end tables... polyethylene I think they call 'em, no idea the Spanish name.  So, after jumping outta hot tub (ok, wallering out).. I had to sit and put my shoes on somehow. Scroll to 8" not working.

The cheapass plastic thingys were stacked, 4 of 'em.  Much higher off the ground than the laydown thingys.  I put my hand on top, pushed, yep, that'll hold me.  Sat, put shoes on, was able to get up.

Two days later.

Fat guy (Gordo) in hot tub again.  This time, 4 or 5 buddies (I think 3 were of the female variety) poolside, in their nifty low to the ground lawnchair thingys.  My towel, shoes, were on the end chair.  Next to ONE, cheapy, polyethylene table.  I think you might know where this is going.

Yes. I sat on the cheapass plastic thingy and as I did, I crushed it (No, not like Gordo usedta crush fastballs) I mean I crushed it to smitherines.  I was next to my buddy Pup.  Ever have onea them moments where ya didn't know if you wanted to laugh or cry?  Uh huh, me too.

Pup helped me up.  Now, not only did I have my red Ring of Fire 'tan' going, my face was beet (should prolly be spelled 'beat') red.

Ya live, ya go on.  I have ZERO regrets for calories downed here.  I have ZERO regrets for telling this. Hell, mosta my friends blocked or unfollowed me years ago simply because I gotta big keyboard (mouth).  What was that word?  Oh yea, rats.  As in, i don't give one.

So, if I had any advice.  Don't roll thru Alto signs, come to complete stop.  Buy Fritos, lots, in the US before you get here. Brush up on your math for conversion.. remember 'El Bano' (bathroom).. Screw trying to diet in Mehico, there ain't no such thing. If you sit on a cheap, plastic end table, make sure there are at least three of 'em stacked.  And, or........

Start your own blog where you too can say, "TMI? I don't give a rats."

Perhaps a touch of irony........ we're going Whale watching today.  Hell, I could save 865 Pesos (that be fitty dolla) and just stay home, look in the mirror.

Love, Gordoturd