Friday, May 24, 2024

Two birds, one stone........

Two Byrds (Roger McGuinn, Chris Hillman) One Stone (Keith Richards)

Old age, ya drop something on the floor. It sits. And sits.  Until ya drop another something on the floor.  Scootch it over with the side of your foot toward the original something you dropped. Two birds, one stone.

There were two blondes walking along on opposite sides of a river.  One blonde yelled across the river to the other blonde "Hey, how do I get on the other side?!"  The other blonde looked around for a moment and then yelled back "You ARE on the other side!" (Two blondes, one misogynist named Victurd.)  AM NOT!  ARE TOO!  AM NOT!  ARE TOO!

The King sent the servant to the market for peanut butter and jelly.  He waited, and waited, and waited, and was growing terse.  When the servant returned, he had only brought back peanut butter.  The King smacked him, admonished him,  "when you go to do something, you'll be more productive if you do two things while you're at it!" (s'more...........)

The King fell ill, sent the servant for the Doctor.  Servant returned... with two men.  "Who are these people" the King bellowed..  "Before, you sent me for two things and I returned with only one, so you beat me, thus.. I brought two."  "So which is the Doctor?"   The servant pointed him out... so the King then asked "And he is?".... "Well sir, if the Doctor can't help cure you, then, I brought the grave digger with me... you know, two birds, one stone."

The foreign auto builder BAW has developed a rock solid looking SUV called Stone 01.  It's a hybrid, thus, uh huh, both gas and electric. (Two birds, one power.)  Somewhere, a few months leading up to our upcoming Presidential election - there was an anonymous suggestion to BAW to build an extended version (limo-like) with a divider in the middle so two dignitaries could be picked up at once and they'd each have privacy. (s'more). 

The limo first went to Mar-A-Lago.. uh huh. picked up DT. "We're going to the debate" driver said. "Great, thanks" and he hopped in.  Drove to DC, picked up JB, "We're going to the debate" driver said.  "Wonderful, let's go."  For each and every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  I ain't sure if that's two birds, one stone, but... it decently describes the two within.  (s'more, s'more.. two paragraphs, one blog)

Instead of driving up to the huge arena where opposing side fans were out front, spitting, cussing, holding signs, some wearing red hats, others wearing blue shirts (two sides, one victorious theme).. the driver suddenly made a U-turn.  They rode for a long, long time. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out in the Country, they finally pulled into a joint.  While folks couldn't see into the deeply tinted windows, nor could the seat sitters inside, see out. (Two tints, one purpose.)  s'more, s'more

"Where are we?", twas said twice, almost as if echoed.. (two candidates, one question).. "We're at the Arena, for the debate" the chauffeur lied through his teeth. Two octogenarians, one whopper.  The secret, apparently, had been let out to the Secret Servicemen who walked in front of, beside and behind the candidates - hiding from their view of the sign to "GOLDEN PASTURES ASSISTED LIVING."  Two birds, one BAW Stone 01.

Borrowing from the Eagles......"Last thing I remember, I was running for the door
I had to find the passage back to the place I was before"Relax, " said the night man, "We are programmed to receiveYou can check out any time you like, but you can never leave"

And, the people lived happily ever after.

VICTOR! I'm gonna kick your butt..... BOTH cheeks, ONE foot!  You're damn near onea them, wha'd you call it, octogenarians, too. Should all geezers be sent out to pasture, IS THAT YOUR BELIEF? s'more, s'more.

Huh uh.  Just these two.

Burma Shave (TOO many signs, ONE funny at the end.)

VICTOR? Who said this was funny.

Forward by Darryl  and his other brother Darryl..  One friend (Amy) her two cats (Larry, Not-Larry)

Victor, you write as if there are two people talking to each other in this single blog.  You're fiiggin nuts, get outta here.

Right you are............ I feel a constitution coming anyways.  Might as well pee whilst I'm at it.

Sorry, not sorry. (Two sorry's, one conflicted.)

Love, Victurd(s)

(Two T-Birds in Miami, one, shaking his head in disbelief!)

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