Do I look like I got me one'a them TH-7 phone numbers? It's a joke son (a poor one).. Way back in the day in Liberty... there were us po' po' pitiful ones that had the Regular ole Regular ST-1 phone numbers (You can call locally, but anywheres else, they zap you extra.. COSTS, a bunch. It was a prestige thing, TH-7, call Kansas City, Lenexa, Lees Summit, anywhere anyone night or day, included in the bill).. Anyways... Regular = ST-1.
Long about mid to late November, once the turkeys wings start'a flappin' and they stir things up in effort to avoid the carving knife - ALL HECK breaks lose for the next month-plus.
Turkey Day soon. Herbert, did you start thawing the turkey yet? Do we have enough chairs? Where'd we put that slat for the Dining Room Table? Will you be nice to my mom? Remember, boys will be boys, they're little turds, if they break something, they break something, it's just stuff.
So, ya eat. And eat. And hobnob. VICTOR! That sounds uppity, remember, we're REGULAR... oh yeah, thanks. So we love one another.. have a great visit.. kids toss a ball in the yard, unseasonably nice weather. One eye on the Cowboys game.. I'll have a piece of pecan pie AND a piece of pumpkin, thanks!"
Then, ya get all the relatives a movin' on, thankful of their visit.... ya gotta trash bin and a half of trash, but trash day ain't until next week... and... ya wake up EARLY for, BLACK FRIDAY! Should we stay or should we go (to Wally? Best Buy? Target?) If we do the Amazon thing, ya think someone will hack our card? Porch Pirate the boxes?
Spend, spend, spend. Then........
Oh crap, it's December. We still gotta pay December's bills. Ya think the kids'll get disappointed if we put Spam in their stocking? jk, kinda.
So, we're makin' a list, checkin' it twice, four, six times...... We aim our best to please with our gifts. We spend the next three weeks runnin' like a turkey with it's head cutoff (Speakin'o'which, ya think that turkey in the fridge is still good? Whadda they call that? Tircky-nosis? Sal-ma-nella?
Hark the herald, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas... Gifts under the tree...... and, more gifts....... HONEY! Don't forget, the dadgum car payment is due on the 20th, we gots to be careful...
Weather happens... not only is the parking lot at Wally full... the toy aisle and the TP aisle ain't, not to mention no milk, bread, eggs and ear buds.
We gather. Here they come again. Cat climbs the tree - a strand goes out. HERBERT? Can you fix it? Yes dear. Plenty of chairs, now whereinthehell did we put that slat, we just had it. Santa made it, even though we ain't gotta chimney. (Herbert, easy on the pie this time, you had 8 chocolate chip cookies last night after you brought the presents in outta the trunk.)
Hobnob repeats... well, you know. They all head to their homes, or inlaws or somewhere.. There are now TWO and a half trash bins, and hells bells, who knows what day it is let alone when the dadgum trash comes. Herbert I'll check on Facebook to see when our City plans to pickup.. Them idiots don't know nothing. That's a double negative. I KNOW, tis why I said it.
SLEEP happens for several days. Was I sposeta work yesterday? WHAT DAY IS IT? Lemme get my pillbox, I'll see. HEY, let's have everyone over for NYE! It'll be the best! Are you crazy woman? Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh crap, we forgot little Johnny's birthday... I feel soooo sorry for kids with birthdays around Christmas. You think he'll notice, care if we use the Candy Cane wrapping paper?
I think I gotta go back to work tomorrow. Ain't sure though. We grab chairs. We gather. This time, we didn't even take the damn slat out. We stay up WAY too late. We hope those were fireworks and not gunshots. No one put the lampshade on this time. They all leave, one or two by Uber thankfully. We sleep, and sleep, and a little more.
Then, OH CRAP, it's trash day. We now have 3 and 1/2 bins. We get it to the curb just as the trash truck pulls up. I thought he gave'me a dirty look but I think he was teasing...
AND THEN...........
AND THEN...........
WAIT FOR IT.........
WAIT FOR WHAT?
NOTHIN'. January 2nd, 2026. The first, REGULAR OLE REGULAR day in a couple months.
I'm reminded of a TV show...... VICTOR STOP! I know which story you're gonna tell, and hell, most folks in our lives weren't even born when Room 222 was on tv..
Sorry, telling. It was one'a my favorite shows (ahm, Karen Valentine, sorry, slipped)... Anyways... there was hustle-bustle-crazy-crazy-cray-cray happening in the Office. Parents'a screamin, kids with drippy noses, itchy itchy rashes, hoodlums awaiting detention assignments........ the entire staff looked disheveled, at wit's end... finally, the Principal says, "I'll NEVER forget April 2nd, (such-n-such'a year)..... WHY? What happened, April 2nd (such-n-such'a year?)...................
NOTHING. Absolutely, NOTHING.
Happy January 2nd, finally, a regular ole regular, NOTHNG day.
Love, Victurd
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