As Mayor of Forrestville, Mayor McOak had called a Bored Meeting for 6pm on Tuesday night. They didn't dare call 'em Board Meetings, cause they knew if they did, none of the Spruce, Pine and Fir trees would show up for fear of being turned into a 2 by 4 or a round fence pole, or sumpin of the like.
Wendy Willow was the Recording Secretary, mainly because her limbs were the closest to the ground/table, to take, keep notes. Wendy was a longtime Widow, but it'd been a lotta tree rings ago, she was basically past the Weeping Willow stage and there's even a rumor afoot she's been seen at the ShadeTree Lounge with Marcus Maple a time or six.
The Deciduous and the Firs shuffled in.....For the most part they get along, but too, there's the fair share of banter... what with Preacher Pine needling Barney Birch about how his yard is a mess ffom all his shedding... Barney, deep down, wanted to call him a prick, but he knew he couldn't, so he'd simply reply "You're just jealous cause I get to sunbath in the nude all Winter."
Sherry Cherry, in spite of her being so very sweet, had earned the reputation as the town gossip. Somehow she just knew, and TOLD everyone, of every cross pollination that happened after hours of the ShadeTree Lounge. Anyways, she piped in with "What's on the Agenda this week Mayor McOak??"
The Mayor, he was'a runnin' late... proud man... he'd always count, and brag, about how many acorns he'd saved up. Townfolk were use to it by now... but anyways, he de-firred, pun perhaps intended, to the notes of Wendy Willow from the last meeting.
"Wendy?"... "Yes Mr. Mayor... we're going to branch off into two topics.... One, The Leash Law for dogs in Forrestville... Sycamore Sam would like to make a presentation on that.... " The Mayor stopped her... "Well, I saw how everyone's eyes turned to the Bradford Pears, so, I think we oughta stop, attack these one topic at a time. Sycamore? What say you?"
Sycamore rubbed his chin, and even though the Mayor had many more rings around him than Sam, he still opened with "And careful how ya toss that word 'Saw' around.. it kinda feared the Spruces Fines and Firs gathered here.... but OK..... here goes:
"We've had complaints about the Bradford Pears. As most of you know, they live in the trailer park in buckets... and, since they're so mobile, they'll let their dogs out, then stay inside... and then, when the dogs come back in, then they go out for awhile. Wouldn't be so bad, ceptin' while their dogs are out free to roam, they come over to CottonWood Lane where a bunch of us live, and they relieve themselves on a lot of our family members...." (TBC)
"Now.... you know and I know... whenya get peed on and there ain't no rain for two weeks, it's not pleasant. I gotta petition here signed by fellow residents.... Arnie Apple, Barney Birch, Elmer Elm and myself for a Leash Law to be established, and none'a these damn dogs the Pears own can galavant as they like."
"Now HOLD ON a minute," Barbie Bradford chimed in... "That's pretty judgmental, accusatory... and we ain't the only ones in town with dogs.. and I fear everyone would gang up on us... especially all you folks out there who've been granted Concealed Carry Chainsaw licenses by this group."
"SO," Sam Sycamore's wife Sally offered... "if your hounds come to pee on us, howabout we buy some limburger cheese and come stuff it in the vents of your mobile home?" Bout that time Mayor McOak pounded his plastic gavel... "ORDER.. ORDER.." (TBC)
"I hearby propose," the Mayor orated, "we endorse a Leash Law effective tomorrow, where all hounds be either on a leash, or enclosed within the confines of a fenced yard." The breeze from his words shook the trees, limbs looked left, right, as if to say "I dunno, whaddayou think??" - and, before you know it, Mayor said "All in Favor?" of course, Arnie, Barney, Elmer, Sally, Sam and others hollered "Aye".... the Mayor looked left, right, then announced "Opposed?" Not a creature stirred, not even a Bradford seedling.. SLAM, the plastic hammer again, "The law takes effect at 8am tomorrow morning." "So recorded your Honor" Wendy Willow added.
"Next?" Mayor McOak peeked over his specs at Wendy... "Secondly, Elmer Elms has asked to speak with regard to whether or not we should outlaw Ash Trees in Forrestville." Leafy eyebrows raised, folks looked left to where Elmer was sittin', then right... right to where Ashley and Ashton Ash were seated. Easy to see, they were already kinda a beet red mad at the suggestion."
"Elmer?" The Mayor queried... "What say you?" Elmer had a lot of rings too, but, he was thin like old age thin by now... he cleared the limbs from his view out, then spoke... 'Mr. Mayor... this ain't really nuttin' personal, cause we know them ash's can't help it.... but with all the known cases of Ash Borer disease... the cost involved for the taxes we healthy trees pay to remove dead ash trees....I, we, kinda look at 'em like Lepers... and maybe they'd be better off living on top of Old Smokey Mountain, or down in Shady Valley... we don't need or want 'em here."
Ashley Ashton furiously stood, her hubby, Ashton, tugged on her shoulder and had her sit back down as he stood... he too had taken on kinda of a lava hot red color.... "YOU, Elmer... YOU of all people, YOU, of Dutch descent.... short memory eh? Mr. Mayor, there is nationwide effort to make our 'type' strong and proud again. Arborists have successfully utilized trunk injections.. as well as releasing parasitic wasps that target the ash borers... and it's working! How dare he!"
The Mayor, and many of the others in the grove gathered, were tired, uncomfy with the growing dissidence of the evening. He looked at the watch on his limb. Thought to himself "Geez Louise, it's only and hour and a half before closing time at the ShadeTree Lounge... "I gotta gitme a nightcap after this long night."
SLAM... he pounded his plastic gavel again.... announced... "I move we table the topic of Ash trees until the next time we meet, and move to adjourn this meeting... those in favor?" Treemendously, they all agreed, hollered "AYE"... and adjourned it was. "We'll meet here, same Robin Channel, same bat time, the 21st of February.
On the way out.... Ashley and Ashton Ash caught up with Mayor McOak... "Thank you your honor... just one thing, you think we could just all it a Town Hall meeting and not a Bored Meeting?"
Shorly after dawn the next morning.......
Bulldozers, excavators, mulchers, backhoes and skid steers showed up...... wiped out the entire town of Forrestville before straight up noon.
At this time and date, it's speculative and it is unknown what is to be in the place of Forrestville. It is rumored to be either an Arthur Tree'cher's Fish and Chips....... an ICE detention facility.... or, the new home to the Kansas City Royals.
Jane you ignorant slut, trees don't talk.
Have a treemendous day,
Love, Victurd.
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