Hi, my name is Victurd (as I extend my hand out for a handshake.) It ain't a meeting of the mind...I guess it could lead to that, but, it's a meeting of strangers.. There's a range... you know... somewhere between 'wet fish' and 'you're breaking my dayum hand'... nonetheless, an icebreaker... (Side note... QUICK! Whaddaya say to open a meeting of folks that don't know each other but are gonna be together for a long meeting? "Heavy Penguins!" Yeah, as an Icebreaker)
Victor, I'll hand it to you, that was dumb..... So, the accompanying element of surprise to you... you've never been here before eh?
Kiddygarden teachers everywhere are greatly thankful for hands, as, they're a learning tool. Not ony do we learn one to ten, them fingers learn us up/down, in/out, rain/sun with games sharpening our fine motor skills like 'the Itsy Bitsy Spider.'
We pickup those dang wooden hammers with our hands, pound them pegs, readying ourselves for a lifetime of labor. In life, there's all sizes, kinds = them shaped figures (triangle, rectangle, square, circle, star, yada) that we pickup with our hands and attempt to place 'em in the corresponding sized hole in the box - welcome, foretell, future engineers, designers, artists, and mebbe even assist us in the dating world, picking Goldilocks ("just right")......
If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all......
Wait... that ain't what I meant. If it weren't for hands, we'd have no luck eating, writing, dressing, working, etc. Victor, sure, hands are important, but, ya don't need em for soccer... You wanna impress me, then how are you gonna get the ball back inbounds when it goes out on the side? Uh huh, what I thought.
Our hands helps communicate - via writing, signaling, high fiving, waving, letting Taco Via know ya want three please, and, as our President examples, a one fingered method to say goodbye to someone. VICTOR! You have TDS! High five, er, I mean mebbe.
We pitch, catch, roll, shoot, nock a bow, find that trigger on the BB Gun, paper rock scissors, see if the chili is ready "nope, too cold" or "YEEOUUCCH! I think it is.? You wanna impress me Junior? Thread this needle.
Employees must wash hands before returning to work. EWW if they didn't. They help us wipe... mind outta gutter... i meant like wiping the kitchen counter when chili drops on it, but yeah, I guess that too. VICTOR, you're told this one! SORRY, not. I laughed for two days when there was a Facebook video of the 5 year old who was running away... had his little backpack of goods trekking down the sidewalk... mom, coolly, calmly, standing on the porch, hollered out.."Good Luck... I hope you find someone that will wipe your butt for you"
With our hands we make love.. Gee whiz, I'm going have to start hanging out with folks that don't live in the gutter! I MEAN, you know, how you lift your hands, and using the thumbs touching at the bottom, and the index fingers at the top, we form a heart! And of course I was teasing, you can prolly show me a hunnerd 'perve' example in the stupid blog's past. Oh well, the pay ain't much either.
AI is limited (don't tell 'em) as they say there are (only) 5 things our hands do.. .they grip, touch, manipulate, communicate and caress. Eh, I reckon that covers it... It would be tough to imagine a life without the ability of our hands. Deaf folks even 'talk' with their hands.
They (hands) gots 27 bones, 34 muscles, 48 nerves... phalanges, metacarpals, carpals. They help us get lids off... they (using two of ten) help the hippies hold their smoke.. How would we EVER remove our boogers? VICTOR, I DAMN NEAR LEFT WHEN YOU DISSED MY PRESIDENT, COOL IT!
Speakin' o boogers... whaddaya do if you ain't got no Kleenex. Be truthful. Ya flick em? They're UNDER the carseat ain't they! VICTOR! Well, no tissue, it is an issue.
Oh there's hands in music. The Beatles wanna hold em.. The Georgia Satellites begya to Keep Your Hands to Yourself, Grandma's hands... Hands across the water. Many. Hands cause applause, or something like that. My cousin Darrell can clap one handed. Damndest thing you ever saw. Fast too.
Pass the beans. Hands up, and hand over the money. Please stand and place your hand on your heart for our National Anthem. Itchy itchy rash? That's what hands are for. Author's write, Boxers right, Drivers 10 and 2.
Raise your hand, speak now or forever hold you peace. They still do that? Ever heard someone speak? I ain't, would be kinda fun to hear. VICTOR, SLAP! Oh yeah, forgot you can do that with hands too, and don't you forget it Will.
Holding hands, ain't that sweet. VICTOR, don't be pervy.. I AIN'T. That ain't even making it to first base... it's kinda like just leaving the batter's box. I do admit to really really admiring older folks, together fore'er, holding hands as they walk.
I'm sure you've seen how the shop teacher (who survived battle with a band saw) orders four beers at the ballgame. Make love (Victor you already did that) not war, Peace sign.
Some things we ain't even aware we do with our hands.... gesture whilst we talk.. fingertips together gesturing calm... twiddle our thumbs.. feel a surface... test the temp.. fix our hair...
We also...... make puppets....... muffins..... knead bread... touch our chin... tug our ear... constantly touch our hair (I'm accused of being misogynist what the hey, why do women do that? BECAUSE YOU'RE A PIG VICTOR.... no, I mean why do some always touch their hair? Like I said, OINK.
The hands of time tell me I better leave.
Just a song before I go........
No, that ain't it.
Just a moment of silence, before I go...... In honor of........
Patrick..... no hands. If it weren't for his buddy Spongebob, he'd never be able to hold, eat, a Krabby Pattie. I wonder if he can wipe his purple booty? GOODBYE VICTOR.
(Waving) Love, Victurd
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