Take two aspirin and call me in the morning..........

But Doc.. it's Saturday.......

Of mice and men........... as in, howta git ridda mice........

Find entry point, charge a cover charge.  No, wait, that's to git ridda men, nvrmnd..

Find entry point.  Use them snap traps there if that don't geek you out.  Glue ones if you're a cruel basta..  or, catch em in live traps so you can drop em off later in the yard of the HOA president.

Clear out the garage.  No, wait, again, that one is for men.

Today, boys and girls, we're gonna talk quick fix. Victor, when's the last time you were called a boy?  Good question, I guess it should be, 'Today, men and women"... actually though, we're old.  Google can be mean, for old chicks (sorry, not) they suggest  biddy, or old biddy.. old bag or old bat..  spinster or old maid.  MISOGYNIST!  Hang on...........

Men. Old men. Geezer. Fossil. Dinosaur. Old coot. Old codger...or, as Ethel called Walter, you old poop.

Blog draggin, hop to it.  Thx.   IT guys suggest "Did you try restarting it?"

Harry Nilsson asked Doc,  "Doctor? Ain't there nothing I can take to relieve this bellyache?"..   You put de lime in de coconut, you drink 'em bot up."

Ralphie wanted An Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action 200-Shot Range Model Air Rifle.  Little Orphan Annie's decoded quick fix for Ralphie was "Be sure to drink your Ovaltine."  Damnit darnit. OMG, no soup for you Ralphie, SOAP, only.

Thanks to that TV show where the panel of rich dudes, dudettes. welcome in wanna be entrepreneurs, listen to them beg for a$$i$tance... then yay/nay, give it or don't. Anyways, thanks to that show, Shark Tank mebbe, we're getting all kindsa quick fixes.  

A facial ice roller that you stick in the fridge for whenever you wanna take it out to give your face a chill ride, reducing puffiness, under eye circles, relieve tension from  a headache. 

Mighty Match Pimple Spot Treatment, a hydrocolloid sticker that you can apply straight onto a zit to flatten it, reduce redness, and even suck the gunk out of individual trouble spots overnight. Eww.

Old wives' tales....  MISOGYNIST! WHY, must you emphasize old? OK, how's this, "over time, wives' tales'... not much better, but go on.

Honey/sore throat.  Chicken Soup/Colds. Warm milk/sleep.  Carrots/eyesight. Walnut on scratched wood. Newspaper to clean winders.. Ice for Carpet dents. Peanut butter for gum on shoes. Lemon slices for garbage disposal.

Crap I found on Facebook:  It’s bad luck to sweep the floor after dinner. If your nose itches you are going to kiss a fool. If a black cat crosses your path it is bad luck. If your palm itches you are going to receive money. If you drop a knife on the floor the next person who comes through your front door will be male. (I have Italian and Irish ancestors…very superstitious) 

Victor them ain't quick fixes. Sorry, I was getting bored.  Us too.  Swallow a watermelon seed and a watermelon will grow in your stomach. If you cross your eyes, they will stay that way.  Braniff, believe it. 

Reader's Digest actually had me barfing up my scramble (very scrambled) eggs this morning...  they listed some old wives's tales from way back, and while they were all believed WAY BACK, they are ALL now labeled don't do this:

Desperate times call for desperate measures.  Black Death ravaging London in the 1600's, Doctors suggested Fart Sniffing.  Uh huh, not a typo. Folks huffed farts from jars.

Paste of dead mice to treat coughs, toothaches, other ailments. Don't do this. Drop 'em off in the HOA President's yard like we talked about.

I can't do any more. I'll vomit, promise. If you're a sicko, you can Google 15 Bizarre Ancient Remedies You Won't Believe Existed.

So, I'll hopefully start  your day off on a positive, and that positive is me getting the help outta here.

Happy day.  I won't tell anyone you already tried the fart one.  I have sicko SigaManu buddies that usedta torch 'em. Hard to get the burn marks outta Levi's, or so they tell me.

May the 4th be with you. 

Good day, Victurd