But there I was........ I was taken to a place........

Being old, I had hopped in bed at 8pm.  OK, you win.  Being old, I had plopped in bed at 8pm.  My body, ahm, let's just say it needs some work.  My checkenginelight has been on for too many years.  I have a chest with four drawers of pants/jeans.  Top one is labeled 'now'.  The next one down is fulla jeans two inches smaller in the waist.  It's labeled "you can do it Victor, you can do it!"

The one just below that one, pants four inches ago. Whilst it is labeled, and, in fact labeled with permanent marker, it's been so long ago it faded and I can't read it, but I can tell you the drawer is lined with KC Star newspaper from when the Royals were in the World Series.  No, not that one, the one in 1985.

Finally, the bottom drawer (pants now 6" too small) is labeled "Ideal BMI" (< that's that bullshit handout the Doctor gives you on 'where you should be', and as soon as you walk out the door, the Doc, and the nurse, have "ha ha" knee-slaps.)

But, not butt. One thing I know.  My body is FINELY tuned (bare with me...second thought, don't do that... ) my body is FINELY tuned to wake up EXACTLY 6 hours after I hop (ok, plop) in bed.

On this specific night, er morning - going to bed at 8pm, I actually only made it 5 hours and 59 minutes...thus, the clock on the wall said 1:59am.  I felt like I'd had enough sleep, but common sense (believe it or not, there's still a pinch left) beckoned me to roll back over.

I fell back asleep in a jiff... and awakened in another jiff.  The clock now told me it was 1:02am.  I gave it the Scooby-Doo "Ruh?"

But there I was..I was taken to a place and reminded by 1,643 Facebook posts "Set your clocks back one hour tonight, then Tuesday set your Country straight be eliminating ALL (Republicans, Democrats, saw it posted both ways), then, our Country would be faster than a locomotive and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.

Victor, you just waisted 7 paragraphs of our lives to tell us basically, you gained an hour?

Uh huh. I did.

One Hour Cleaners.  I played on their Little League team.  That's perty neat, you take your suit in, presto, one hour later, cleaned, pressed.

What can one do in an hour? I Googled that, and I found a chicky's blog with suggestions regarding same.  VICTOR.  Sorry, kinda. I love advice from chickys, I really do.. anyways, among the things she suggested:

Read a book. No.

Take a walk. No. I can walk long distance in a pool, that's it.

Go for a swim. No. I only walk in the pool.

Housework.  Hello?

Cup of tea with friends.  Well, they do now have those Truly tea thingies, mebbe.

Visit the hair salon and get a re-style.  Honey, my hair has looked this way since I was able to wear pants from that drawer labeled "ideal BMI".  No.

Phone someone you don't see very often. Mebbe.  There's a list of maybe 3 people in the world I would do this. I hate the phone.  Unless, I'm at work, caller ID is on and I prank them.

Bake a cake. Lemme see, hmmm, go to grocery, find/buy flour, eggs, fat (butter?), sugar, salt, a form of liquid, and 'leavening agents' (I'll ask Customer Service, they'll know.)  Take 'em all home, sweat, look at the recipe 7 times.  Spend hours. Ahm, no.  Four aisles over at Piggly Wiggly, the same damn thing, mebbe a couple bucks more, already made. Ok, thanks.

Admin chores.  Ahm, double no.

Arrange your wardrobe. Did you just get here?  See above about 4 drawers.

Write a short story. Impossible, took me 7 damn paragraphs to get to the point here today.

The others were boring, but, basically the list.  WHAT?  No BBQ?  Casino? Bowling? Monopoly? Sudoku?  Sex?  

This and that, as we pretend (blog) writers call it:

Most, in one hour:    Pull-ups: 1,131...   Push-ups:  3,182.... Running, how far, one hour:  13.25 miles.... High-fives:  2,514....  Free throws made:  1,338....   Chest to ground burpees:  965.... Cups of tea:  249...  Cappuccinos made:   420...   Hot dogs eaten:   76....  Most 12 ounce beers drank, couldn't find the answer, but, in one sitting (6 hours) Andre The Giant drank 119. He peed for 4 days, jk. Only 3.

Now, if you are still awake (Don't worry, you get an extra hour to get past/through this)... some personal, one-hour thingys.......

4 times.  (Number of times in an hour I gave up on the Kansas City Royals in the 2014 Wild Card game.)

7 times. (I followed this one lady in WallyWorld once, one toddler in the basket, two, on foot).. Seven times I heard "I'm not going to tell you again.'

6 miles.  Driving (coupled) to Eureka Springs once, I was driving 74mph. "Faster" she said. "No" I said. "It's my car, faster."  To which I wanted to reply "yeah but it's me getting the ticket" but, being the wimp I am, said, "OK".  80mph. 6 more miles than what we woulda gone.

Having my baby, what a lovely way of saying how much you love me.  Emotions, aplenty.  I was at work at the airport. Ring, ring.  "Vic, come on, you're gonna be a daddy." Drove me to employee lot, I was scared (1).  Airport to Liberty, 16 miles in 11 minutes. White knuckle driving. (2).  Got there, "LET'S GO!" (Hurried, panicked, 3rd emotion.)  "No, sit down, have a cig."  "HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM, YOUR WATER BROKE?" (s'more panic, 4th).  Drive to hospital (In trance, like, no idea how we got there, emotion #5).

Checked into room.  Doc making final preps.  Uh oh.  Umbilical cord wrapped around neck, emergency C-section. I felt SO sorry for my wife. Of course she started shaking. (Empathy #6). Fear for both her and child. (#7).  Prayer (#8).  God answered, sending the most remarkable, genuine, fun, calming anesthesiologist EVER. (Thankful, #9).  Successful C-Section, baby, mom OK. (Whew, #10). "Mr Schultze, would you like to carry your baby down to the nursery?" (#11, the most wonderful feeling I have EVER had.)  And finally.......... #12........ drum roll.......I'm a dad.... Now what?

Hours make up our lives. What are your funnest?  Scariest? MPH?  Sit-ups? (Me neither).  Your all-time favorite hour?

I've told this one before, sorry, I guess, but it was one of the most therapeutic, grateful hours I've ever spent. In my sister's motor home, just she and I. Parked outside of my aunt and uncle's house - one hour before the funeral for our mother was to begin.  Love, tears, even baby bits of loving laughter on remembered mom stories.  The final emotion of that hour - just before we were to leave.. Vanda said "I've got to use the restroom." (for the life of me, why do women always announce that!)..Anyways, just her, me. Motor home.  She goes in the bathroom.  "CLICK".  She locked the damn door.  LEVITY, our final, and much needed emotion. "Damnit Vanda, did you really think I'd try to get in the bathroom."

Love your hours, they makeup you, your life.  Don't forget to vote.  Twice if you're a Democrat.

Happy Hour(s).......

Love, Victurd