Weaving...

As an escape, my excuse anyways,  I'll go to my local watering hole, sit at the bar, slosh a beer down, meet people... has very little to do with smart, attractive bartenders or an affinity for Miller Lite. Ok, maybe a tad.

Learning of people's life, day, brain, makeup, is extremely interesting to me, and of course, I read your brain and it's telling you I enjoy a beer or two. True, I do, but so is the other part.

Young man sits next to me...  he had a brief, almost whispered conversation with a barkeep... I thought I overheard the word suicidal... and, "I drove him to the VA Hospital."

I'd seen the guy before, had actually visited with him and knew of his love for mankind, all, but especially for fellow military members.

So, gulp, I asked.  He seemed relieved to speak of it.  Turns out, he'd received an early morning call from a buddy he'd gone to Iraq with in 2004..   known PTSD now., the words "I can't go on", the guy got in his car, made his buddy promise to wait for him as he made the 90 mile drive to get there ASAP.  "OK, promise I will."

By the time he got there, police were on the scene, he told them of their history, begged them to let him go in alone... they did... somehow, he helped the man in distress..  and he agreed to get professional help. . Drove him 90 miles to the local VA hospital for a 96 hour hold.  Told me, "I was in the same place 6 years ago and the only reason I'm still here is thanks to so many who came to my rescue."

I'm waaaay better in listening than speaking, but I told him how proud I, and certainly many, were of him.  WAY bigger accomplishment than winning a football game, teacher of the month, sales contest winner.  Because of him, a human carries on, still walks the Earth.

Of course this is anonymous,  maybe I'm wrong to share... but to me, so so uplifting, in a time, place, we're starved for uplifting. I too think, we who didn't serve need to be reminded of how proud we are of those who did... and the oft times ugly accompaniment that lives within daily.

The weaving part.  Specifically with him, his military brethren.  I've seen him sit and visit with my buddy Jim, my age, and a Bronze Star Medal hero from Vietnam as well as other combat veterans.  High, proud fabric, fellowship, modest, humble, all.

Cloth is made from woven fibers, as are people.  Family comes to mind. "He (or she) is of good stock."

A former girlfriend of mine was a widow. Her daughters had woven a wonderful comforter out of tee shirts from their father. Oh the tears, good, but too, sorrowful.

My cousin, also a Vietnam vet, now deceased, honored annually with a Christmas tree skirt made up of his ties stitched together around the entire base of the tree. 'Tied together,  forever.'

It takes a village. A Unit. A school district. A classroom. Peers. BFF's. Mates. Family. Coworkers.  A coach and teammates. The want of good for others. Perhaps even bipartisanship for the good of all.

"Dream Weaver ..  you can get me through the night". 'was a song about infinite compassion and love carrying us through the night of our trials and suffering.'  Never more true than the buddy of the guy on the barstool next to me.

Viva La uplift, fabric, weaving, humanity and love.

Harmony in a World of discord........

Victurd, we wanna see how you wiggle yourself outta this one......

I was kinda thinking the same thing........... ie, in life.  Real life.

I played high school football. SO, you think you're so dayum smart 'cause you went to high school?  Were you a dumb jock?  Bragging?

Well, nah... I was leading into the Chiefs Super Bowl quest.  OHHHHHHHHH, Goodell's godkids eh?  The owners of, ALL the flip-a-coin Ref calls.. We (says every NFL employee) want the Chiefs to win - do you realize how much revenue Mahomes, Reid, Kelce - TAYLOR SWIFT, bring in annually?  She alone, enlisting her bracelet wearing Swifties, responsible for $330-$331.5 Million to the NFL brand (increased viewership, merch sales, fan engagement, yada).

But... but...  I was talking football.  Like, the game........  I've never liked football.  I ain't watched since that player strike.  Ya can't see the men's hiney's, gimme basketball any ole day.  Football is brutality, we got enough'a that in every day life.

Ahm, ok, nevermind on football.  Howabout taste?  Whadda ya mean?  You mean like the sensory system in us humans responsible for taste perception?  Mebbe.  Well I like it all.  Took me one'a them Facebook surveys, there tweren't a dayum thing on that list of a hunnerd I haven't eaten.  Patooey, not me, fish, huh uh.  But, have you tried it?  Get outta town clown, no, haven't, won't, take your Zebco 33 and go jump in the lake.

Hmmm...  When I grow up, I want to be a veterinarian.  You mean a vegetarian? Oh yeah, that's it.  No shooting Bambi, or clubbing the Chick-fil-A cow over the head with one'a them bullet hammers.  Kale, broccoli, parsley sage rosemary and thyme for me.  Gimme a cheeseburger please, I'm studying up on these Philly Eagles, taking a break and I needs me a cheeseburger.  I thought you said no football?

Train of thought, sorry.

I'll never take a train.  Hearda derailment?  Bumps in the road no matter what ya drive. My Maserati does one-eighty-five, I lost my license, now I don't drive. I have a limo, ride in the back, I lock the doors in case I'm attacked.

Song change............ GIMME  YOUR HEAD WITH HAIR........... you makin' funna me 'cause I'm follicly challenged?  This BETTER not be a BLOND joke, do you have any idea how much time I spend Googling after you tell one?  I want the Mahome's cut Mr. Barber........ NO FOOTBALL FOR YOU.  (Victurd here). SOME, not all, but some, old fart hair coloring jobs are like, huh uh, please don't.

Speakin'o farts, that's in bad taste!  Oh, let your blonde/brunette/redhead hair down, laugh a little.  Ain't  you never seena a little kid giggle over a fart?  Actually, I prefer to use the term flatulence, and I don't believe it has any merit on social media.

I LOVE tiktok, you wanna rassle?  Facebook is for loudmouths, gimme a good book any old day.  If one day, social media is reduced to simply anything, all, AI.. would it still be called social media?  You'll have to ask them, they know everything. You're forgetting Mr. Peabody, HE knows everything, having graduated Harvard, age, 3, Wagna Cum Laude.

I tire of this discord.  Let's switch to love please.  What's love, got to do, got to do with it? What's love but a second-hand emotion?  Love means never having to say you're sorry.  I love rock and roll... I think I love you...  The power of love... Everybody loves somebody sometime... Hey, you've got to hide your love away.. What's it to you WHO I love?  Stop, in the name of love...  Love hurts.... I know, I need an aspirin.

Occasional use of an aspirin is ok, but daily use could lead to gastrointestinal bleeding, that's why I take acetaminophen.  I usedto, but I got an itchy itchy rash.  Shuddup old lady.  HELP, I'VE FALLEN (HE PUSHED ME) AND I CAN'T GET UP?  Blog writer, WHY did it have to be a MALE that pushed her?  BRB, looking up the opposite of misoginist.... misandry..  you, you misadryist!

I've got a headache.. You live in Buffalo eh?  You sure them oysters were fresh?  Prolly from the bumps in the road..  nah, I bet it was from that crap music on tiktok/Facebook.  Lover joltya?  

You say, "Goodbye" and I say, "Hello, hello, hello"
I don't know why you say, "Goodbye", I say, "Hello, hello, hello"
I don't know why you say, "Goodbye", I say, "Hello"

I say, "High", you say, "Low"
You say, "Why?" And I say, "I don't know"
Oh no

You say, "Goodbye" and I say, "Hello, hello, hello"
I don't know why you say, "Goodbye", I say, "Hello, hello, hello"
I don't know why you say, "Goodbye", I say, "Hello"

Why, why, why, why, why, why, do you
Say, "Goodbye, goodbye, bye, bye"?
Oh no

You say, "Goodbye" and I say, "Hello, hello, hello"
I don't know why you say, "Goodbye", I say, "Hello, hello, hello"
I don't know why you say, "Goodbye", I say, "Hello"

You say, "Yes", I say, "No" (I say, "Yes", but I may mean, "No")
You say, "Stop", I say, "Go, go, go" (I can stay still it's time to go)
Oh, oh no

You say, "Goodbye" and I say, "Hello, hello, hello"
I don't know why you say, "Goodbye", I say, "Hello, hello, hello"
I don't know why you say, "Goodbye", I say, "Hello, hello, hello"
I don't know why you say, "Goodbye", I say, "Hello-wow, oh, hello"

Hela, heba, helloa, hela heba, helloa, hela, heba, helloa
Hela, heba, helloa, (hela) hela, heba, helloa, hela, heba, helloa
Hela, heba, helloa, hela, heba, helloa, hela, heba, helloa...

I haven't the foggiest why I wrote this, and, I wouldn't blame you if I were the only one still here.  I do have a haunch, and that's it's because we're so damn torn now, nerves on end, whateverinthe hell that means.  Hatrid seemingly runs rampant, sadly, every day. I'm wimpy. I like light.  Fun.  Discord is poopy. No fun. No soup for you when I absolutely love Campbells Chicken Noodle (even the crap WalMart makes).  I run from arguments.  Victor, you can't run.  OK, I get up and waddle from arguments.

Hela, heba, helloa, hela heba, helloa, hela, heba, helloa
Hela, heba, helloa, (hela) hela, heba, helloa, hela, heba, helloa
Hela, heba, helloa, hela, heba, helloa, hela, heba, helloa...

Love, Victurd

Life is....

Exhilarating.  Exciting. Unknown.  Practice, never makes perfect... but helps.

Prepare for it. Study, work hard, take care of your body.

Run, walk, sweat, listen, observe, emulate.

Stop the 110% talk, but be ready with full effort at the bell.

Memories, conflict, resolution, high fives, fist bumps. Uplift, applaud those who maybe do it a tad better,  maybe even assist.

Frowns don't work, clowns are left behind, but humor serves as glue.

Use your arms properly and that includes embrace.  Don't allow noise to drown out the goal.

No one goes through life undefeated - grow from loss, error, upset. Mitsakes happen, try not to repete em.

Cheer others, even if the spotlight isn't on you.  Some days are diamond, some days are stone.

Comfortable sleep comes from knowing you've given your best effort.

Seasons change but the sun will eventually shine, same with you through effort.

Address, work on areas that are cumbersome for you, don't run from or avoid them.

Listen to your boss..  sure, add your opine if you feel it might make all better, but never forget, your boss is your boss.

Before you put those shoes in the trash that now have a hole in the sole, stare at em long and hard and smile at the memories, work it took to arrive at the need for néw pups.

Take pictures along the way... it'll allow you to look back and think,  "Man, he/she was sure fun... I'll never forget our times together. Can you believe we actually used to look like that?  What a great year 1970, 73, 84, 99, 2002, 15, 17,18, 19, etc was/were."

Life will lend us bumps, bruises, blisters, cuts, ailments, queisiness as well as YEAH BABY..  HELL TO THE YEAH.... next time, I'll be more prepared, make better choices, mountains of happiness, valleys of sadness.

Life is like Sports.

One could go back and assuredly change the title of this blog from Life is, to Sport is.

Both are real. Real fun. Unknown ends.  

I love life, sports. 

Go Chiefs. Sorry, had to stick that in there somewhere.

Today we'll all emote, moments of happiness, not so much, and share the excitement of what's to come. Life.

Then we'll watch the game.

Go, have fun. Have an extra taco, piece of pizza, chicken wing.

I'd like to think we all remember those who've touched our lives, maybe even up to 1,340 of em.  Memories can fade, but reminders happen,  "Oh yeah, I remember now."

1,340 have played for the Kansas City Chiefs. Some nerds, like me, remember darn near every one of em (from Hussain Abdullah through Frank Zombo.)

Now, I've had the time of my life. . No I never felt this way before (Sports bars with 73 big screens, FanDuel prop bets about "what color shoestrings so and so will wear.. Green or orange Gatorade.... National Anthem, over/under 89.5 seconds? Rushing yards for third string tailback?"

Never felt this way before... yes I swear it's the truth (it's the truth) and I owe it all to you..   Life. Sports.

Forward by:

Chris "Back, back, back, back, back" Berman,

Keith "Whoa Nelly" Jackson, 

Howard "Down goes Frazier" Cosell, and,

Harry "HOLY COW" Caray,

Love, Victurd

Wait a minute....

And when ya do, they say it seems like three minutes.  Twelfth car in line at Mickey D's ain't no fun.

Waiting in a waiting room for the Doc... germs. She looks worse than me. He, not so much either.  I wonder who has bronchitis, psoriasis, herpes simplex.

Me waiting for Doc, wondering, will I stay or will I go (I'm kinda fond of life here.)  My BP is ALWAYS way higher from waiting,  then, I make the trek back alongside the nurse, "slip your shoes off, let's weigh you", damnit do i haveta, even GREATER BP. I beg them to retest my BP in ten minutes, they usually give in, and yep, lower. Waiting can be poopy.

Cubicle eyes on the computer clock, c'mon 5 o'clock and how come Dolly only had to do 9 to 5? Basta's here make me start at 8. Older farts eyes on the combined calendar/DOB race to Medicare, take this job and shove it.

Hang on, hang around, loiter, line up, stay, bide one's time,  

Hurry up and wait. Cool one's heels, tarry, anticipate.

Alert, anxious, apprehensive, breathless, eager, expecting, hopeful, in suspense, on edge, and on tenterhooks. I have no idea whatinthehell tenterhooks means, no patience to Google it (ever blog on an Android?), I'll wait for Moffitt to educate me, or, L&L.

May I share a personal favorite story about waiting?  Victor, why ask, we know you're gonna anyways, and, odds are good we've already heard it once or three times.

Ahem, ok. My mom. Our creaky old house had a stairwell, ah, a landing area on the stairs from 1st floor to 2nd.  Dad was a traveling salesman, gone early Monday morning, to return at some point, time, Thursday.

Thursdays, Mom would sit on the landing, sometimes literally for hours, looking out the back window at the alleyway where his old station wagon would eventually appear.

Whenever, wherever I'm forced to wait, I try to remember mom, that landing, how beautiful it was to see, feel, her/their love.  Makes waiting not quite so ucky. 

We spend approximately six months of our life waiting in lines for things. 43 of those days are spent on hold for customer service.  Most of us are practiced at top of our lungs REPRESENTATIVE!!!

I don't really have advice on what to do while one waits.  I play Sudoku, do the pee pee dance in line at the men's room, envision, in that waiting room 'that one' being my girlfriend...well, providing she gets cleared up of,  bronchitis, psoriasis,  or, well...(all men are pigs), and if, in that waiting room someone continually stares, I pretend to pick my nose, then pretend to swallow said booger. Snot fun to be stared at.

Chiefs vs Bill's. Plenty of KC hate while we wait. We can almost hear the "I told you so's" the first time a ref tosses his flag. Or, "I KNEW she'd be on camera, im sick of it!" Swiftly, we don't care.  Plenty of us have waited and waited and waited for this. We've waited countless years thru "been down so long it looks like up to me." Can you say Elway, Manning, Brady as, compared to Bono, Blackledge, grrrrrrGrbac.

Don't wait for fun, have it. Don't wait too long to wing the L word.  Make the call, the text, the hug, the laugh, the compliment.  Tons of positive can happen in wait.

Unless the wait is toooo long in the men's room. That's why I always carry a book, or a jacket, so I can cover up. If I forget, I moonwalk out.

On deck today, a nap, the cinnamon roll in the fridge, filling my car up. That's exciting Victor? Uh huh, joined Sam's. Hardly ever a line, THIRTY CENTS LESS than QT.

Life is a QT, don't hate the wait(s), embrace it. And if you carry a book you can always read it.

Screw The Kinks and their "so tired, tired of waiting, tired of waiting for you."

Ya never know. Ya know?

Love, Victurd

Eight sentences I wish I'd read earlier in my life....

Even when you trust someone, keep some things for yourself. 

Boy howdy you 'big keyboard' Victurd, you screwed that one up long ago. 

Eh I dunno. I will admit, I get uncomfortable, turn the page when I read dirty laundry, family infighting, yada, on social media.

My take, (Victor, may I remind you there are 8 of these sentences, we can't sit here until February ya know), eh, whatever.  My take, sure, I'm ashamed of some things in life I've done, said..  sure, I still keep much private...  Two buddies here.. one in WA, said "I'd like to share but it's Facebook, cant share those feelings", understand.. annudder, a MO buddy, "sometimes you say things we are all thinking but afraid to say." Ahm, so, like, you want a medal Victurd?  Nope, just want to borrow your brain, hopefully make you think, occasionally,  hopefully laugh.

If you want something worthwhile, be ready for criticism.

Don't worry about this taking until February, this one is easy...  I can dish it out, but I can't take it. Stick that in your goo stained 1970's bong and smoke it, ha!

Your mental health is way more important than your career will ever be.  

No worries here.  Level best, I always, well, usually did. No bitey hand that feeds. (Forgive me Father, I did look Facebook, a lot, on company time, until they hired that 3rd, freelance, IT nerd who called me on carpet. Oh, and once..  ok, three times, I came in way early and printed 200 pages of Christmas Carols we used to sing at Nursing Homes.) Sorry. Kinda.

You become an unstoppable force when you realize you can do it all alone.

Can do, have done, oft times poorly,  but accomplished. 

Be ok with people not liking you. Most don't even like themselves.

Hey, I'm ok here.  Sometimes I don't like me. What bugs me the most is seeing folks who don't enjoy the moment, the day, their life. Now that, bugs me for there's nothing I can do to change that.

Not everything will go according to plan, be ready to adapt.

I call BS, the Royals will draft me, looooong career, Hall Of Fame, I'll make 20 bucks a signature at baseball card shows and Winnebago happily across the land.  VICTOR!  YOU'RE SNORING!  Oh, sorry Auntie Em, what's the next one?

You can always choose to be happy no matter what happens in your life.  Being sad should never be an option.

I try. I don't always succeed but thanks to smiles, laughs, hugs, niceness, Welbutrin and an occasional Miller Lite, I keep matriculating down the yellow brick road. Victor?  You can't afford Miller Lite. OK, bite me, Natty Light.

As far as being sad I disagree.  Sad, my book, plays a role in life.  No, we can't waller in sadness, but dadgummit, if ya don't feel (loss, pet rainbow bridges, illness of others, much) what's the point in being here?

Don't waste your time stressing about the things you can't control.

We are human, we all error here. Level best, all we can do. Hard to admit, we just can't control everything. 

I'd better go. I gotta pee.

Oops. Too late.

Oh well, be kind, be nice, don't worry (much), be happy, 

Love, Victurd 

Life, the boob tube and big screen.

My eyes hurt.

Sometimes they shed tears.

Occasionally they roll, accompanied by smirk, laughter, maybe even louder, guffaw.

Huh? Life, likens those. Those on screen who are fictional, but, have become (with apologies to Janis) a piece of my heart (and yours, hers theirs, yada.)

The glow of the tube, or the screen.

Yes.. . Life is a Soap Opera. The Days of our Lives, All My Children,  Guiding Light (is there one?), The Edge of Night and periodically General Hospital.

Family reunions are Al Bundy, Cousin Eddie, The Waltons,  Hoss, Ben and crew, Aunt Bea's green bean casserole,  Hop Sing's egg rolls.

Childhood is Dennis, Margaret, The Beav, Judy, Eddie, Lumpy, Bart (Heaven forbid), Gordie, Chris Chambers, Smalls, Squints, Ham Porter,  Daniel Larusso, Johnny Lawrence, with a little Ralphie, Webster, Dorothy, and Willis thrown in.

Whatchu talking about Victor?  Childhood. We see all them, and at some points in life we befriend similar,  make blanket forts, sell lemonade, girl scout cookies, sled, catch bluegill, crawdads, tell scary ghost stories, smoke our first cigarette (smokin' cigarettes and watchin', Captain Kangaroo... and Mr. Green Jeans, Rabbit)

And Tom Terrific, Barney and Fred, Rocky, Bullwinkle, Boris, Natasha, Mr Wizard,  Huckleberry, Bugs, and, da da da da da...da da da da da, Woody. 

Victor, all you're doing is Googling, reminiscing, bringing up names. 

Tell em Frank, that's life. We ape, we learn or rid morals, we empathize,  sympathize, size up, compare.  "He reminds me of....."  Mom, Gladys Kravits won't give us our wiffle ball back.  Maybe Karen will help you young punks relate.

High School, College - Ferris, Moe, Larry, Curly, Fonzie, Buffy Summers, Veronica Mars..

Early adulthood brings us Ross, Phoebe, Rachel, Jerry,  George, Elaine... Bluetooth, Otter, Flounder...

Parenting, oh my goodness. The gamat from Father Knows Best to Frank Gallagher. Sometimes,  we attempt to emulate one, and end up on the other end of the spectrum pulling hair out. You tell em Arch, Edith'll pat her foot. We see the brilliance of Andy raising Opie, so we prepare a speech and end up sounding more like Barney. Then, we might wonder "if hes so smart, such a good dad, how come HE aint married?" The Rollercoaster story in Parenthood.

A TV, movie stage for every age, range of our Lives.  Some are extreme, some we resemble...or, our friends, family, bosses, coworkers do.

We are what we Roku, stream, record/replay, Netflix and chill.  

We mimic our heroes, heroines.. . Aaaaaay! To the moon Alice!.. Book em Dano... I'd like to phone a friend.. D'oh!..  Come on down!  Hey hey...  Holy (whatever) Batman...  Jane, you ignorant s....   No soup for you...

Say...  you look like... you sound like... you oughta get your haircut like... 

TV, cinema... Wally, Piggly... there are hefty, skinny, black, white, red, blonde, brunette, follically challenged, rich, poor, sassy, happy, sad, fun, boring, confident, wimps, experts, sexperts...

I (watched) the news today oh boy..   then, twelve if us gabbed about it the morning over coffee at Mickeys, in the lunchroom... at soccer practice...

We scoff at the weatherman, lady, then run to Piggly and wipeout bread, milk, egg shelves.  We dress for it, we warn others. We are impacted by the little screen .. and the big screen.

When we roll the credits, ours are real... we put on fronts, portray, so to speak. We too, get caught in white lies.

We too have Roseanne's, Matt Lauer's, Rooster's (on The Ranch)... ostracized... huh uh, don't communicate with them any more.. For every Johnboy there's an Otis.

We see ourselves, our friends, bosses, family, or we don't- but, we continue to be entertained.

I know personally I reminded my ex of someone on TV cause she usedta point the remote at me and hit some button, I dunno, mute, change channel, on/off button.

Life would be boring without our ocular phenomenon friends. 

Say goodnight Chet.  Goodnight Mrs Calabash, wherever you are.  And that's the way is.  Good day.

By Henry Gibson, with Roy a pickin' and Buck a grinnin'.

Love, peace and soul,

TVicturd

Short one...

Good gosh you're perverted and in titling this I'm probably going against the grain of my own thought, point.

I'm old, I'm grumpy.

Ahm, Victor? Like, we didn't know that?

Ok, ok, my blog reputation precedes me.  

Are you like me?  Good gosh I hope not!  But, (Victor, you can't start a sentence with 'But'.)

But, does it turn your belly like mine to roll up to a four lane traffic light stop, and ya got one car (amongst your car, a car with a mom and two little ones, a car with an (even more) elderly couple and you are 'treated' to MAX VOLUME SONGS WHERE, 'CREATIVELY' EACH, EVERY VERSE INCLUDES AN F-BOMB OR SIX?

Continuing my Walter-like on golden grumpiness... many youths (Damnit Victor, that's discriminatory)...eh, whatever...   many youths, our moral 'cover up' has deminished so, there is no longer a verbal filter where me thinks a filter oughta be in place.

Bar soap has been replaced by fine, sensory, scented body wash, and it might even taste great, hell I dunno.

Victor, just how tall is that pedastol you envision yourself on?

OK, right you are.  I am, somewhat liberal (no, not politically... well I am, but that ain't what I mean here.)  I am somewhat liberal in fun, somewhat dark, KINDA push the R rated envelope, let hair down, enjoy, have fun..... but but but.   It's gone too far.  My opine anyways and yes I know I've done some pretty raunchy, Goofy stuff here, but hopefully i've never meant to offend.

Victor?  Where ya going?

Well, breakfast, then maybe to the gym, pickup some paper towels at The Piggly,  then, to a minor league hockey game.

No, no, no. I mean, where ya going with this blog?

So glad you asked! I've got two nieces I love to brag on.  The youngest one awakens at ugly-thirty as I do, so, we battle each other in Wordle, then relate, 'her day' and I in turn share 'my day.' They are both, of course, a generation younger.

In learning about her, her hubby's day yesterday, she related:

"Then we watched Carol Burnett, the Three Stooges and Scooby Doo in our little TV room, it was nice!"...

Far out!  Even farther out, she added:

"We often say that little room is like a Time Machine...I'm even thinking of decorating it in a 70's theme. Only rule is we can't take any tech/device in there. It's amazing what a distraction that is, with all the beeps and notifications...nice to go back in time, so to speak."

Youngsters (at least to me, and i think most of you),  going back in time.

We, on golden grumpy folk, cannot lay the blame of moral degradation fully upon the lap of the young.  Somewhere along the tug of war life grip, we slipped as well.

Never F... 

Huh?

Never Forget, the ones who stood before us who brought belly laughs without the need to include pungent. Skelton, Knotts, Conway, even more recently, Seinfeld. 

Ok, off my high horse...watch your F...

Feet.

Love, Victurd

Always on my mind....

That's pretty scary ain't it? The thing that sucks about blogging is that I OH SO want to know what's on your mind, but I ain't got no means to access that.

So, once again, you're stuck with me, my mind.

Fred Sanford comes to mind. Whenever I watch a rerun and I see him joltingly stagger, clutch his heart and question "Is this The Big One?" I think we all, all of us old enough to remember crawling under our desks in grade school in the 50's, 60's, 'duck and cover', hopeful salvation from potential nuclear fallout, think about. Is this The Big One?  We're all gonna die, there are just a lot of fill in the blanks regarding same.

I'm also like Fred in mess. He was a junk dealer. Gal I worked with complained and complained about the husband created mess in their garage, it never getting cleaned up, thus, her cell phone was programmed with the Sanford and Son theme song when he called her. My car is a mess. Don't really care, but, it is on my mind. If I ever did have another date it'd be like, "ahm, canya gimme till March? I gotta clean my car out."

And then there's Willie, well his song at least....

Me. After a 7 yr marriage, a 20 something marriage, a couple live in, near misses, certainly has to have blog readers asking, thinking, What in the hell is wrong with him?  Which in turn, of course, weighs heavily, me constantly asking ME, what in the hell is wrong with me.

Victor?  Huh? You talk to much. NO I DONT!  I type too much!

Maybe I didn't love you
Quite as often as I could have
Maybe I didn't treat you
Quite as good as I should have
If I made you feel, oh, second best (you did, you did)
Girl, I'm sorry I was blind

Eh, boring. So, like Romper Room, I see you (enter blog reader names here) and I wonder.. if maybe you think...

Hmmm 5 dealerships.  That line ain't selling well.  This one is.  Scrap one, double the size of the other? Or, sell all, bask in the sun until infinity.  Would I get bored? Sunburned?

I see ______ and he's thinking, should i/we stay in this state, sell one of the houses, or, continue the best of both worlds?

Then there's ______... should we be eyeballing potential forever and a day properties here in Mehico? We could do it now if we wanted. Do we wanna?

I see _______ and her mind, maybe(?) is going "We've GOT to get going on more girls trips while we can! Let's!

Maybe some are..   should we move home, or, is this now our real home?  Maybe, one kid here, one kid there, stay put or uproot?

Long range planning for me is lunch.  I would love to, I think, get a conversion van (or some kinda vehicle where, "here, come sleep in our Cracker Barrel (or WallyWorld) lot." That's on my mind, lots, probably never will do it. (I'm reminded over 30 years ago I overheard "Victor is a bullshitter", and that, ah.. is always on my mind.

Ain't words impacting?  You ever had a verbal tattoo? That's when someone is not very complimentary and, right Willie(?) It's always on your mind?  I gotta shoebox full that I frequently pull one out and box myself.

Victor, you're weird. That don't bother me. I like me. Not overly, but I do.

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Money. I think money is on a lot of our minds and in varying ways. More, more, more, or maybe oh please last long enough until I have my Fred Sanford clutch my heart moment.

When you were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me
Tell me that your sweet love hasn't died
And give me
Give me one more chance to keep you satisfied
I'll keep you satisfied

Still with me?  I don't 'always on my mind' think like that...about 2nd go's. HECK, three aren't even on Earth any longer.

Victor you'll regret this blog.

Nah, either ya like me or ya don't.  I love life. I don't like worry but, I think we all do it. Honest, I don't have guilt from my past. Sure, "coulda, shoulda done better."  Can't help about the shape I'm in I can't sing I ain't pretty and my legs are thin. That. Don't bug me.

Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time
But you were always on my mind (you were always on my mind)
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind (you were always on my mind)
You were always on my mind

A mind is like a parachute, it only works when it's open.

"The mind is everything. What you think you become."  

 Buddha

Wonder if Buddha had ex gf's? Hindsight that got stuck in his brain? Itchy itchy rashes?

Blog reader you are always on my mind but, I'm blind to your thoughts about Your thoughts.

Life ain't necessarily all about who you gave (or received) the One HUGE Valentines Day card in the package. If yours is, I'm truly happy for you.

Peggy Gross, 2nd grade. Now she'll be added to the list of Always on My Mind.

On the road again. I can't wait to get on the road again.

Victor, that's bullshit, you'll never do it.

Damnit Jim, that hurt. Just kidding.

Love, always, Victurd

Smooth...

Smoothie. Wedgie yes, smoothie, no, ain't never had one.

Life, I spose, is better when smooth.  Smooth sailing.  Sitting beside a lake, there ain't no wind, glasslike. Calm, yum.  Just does something appealing to the innards.

Victor, no bumps. Positive, smooth. Satin. Glass. Jelly. Tomato. Paper.

Satin is smooth?  Sounds hot, bumpy bubbly to me... and glass?  Paper?  CUTS!  Hey, this blog is about smooth.... chill kemosabe, we're talking smooth today..  chip chip cherio!

Smooth as a baby's bottom...  a cue ball... a bald guy? Sure! Why not!.. oil... velvet.. ice.. porcelain..  whipped cream... pool table... 

A marble. I once knew a wise guy that would offer "He/she, sharp as a marble." Baby swallers a marble... i reckon you sit by that smooth bottom and wait it out.

Happening without any sudden changes, interruption or difficulty.  Our flight was smooth.  Our marriage, basically, has been perty smooth.

Tasting pleasant.... coffee, yum.  many say burgundy, bourbon, fine as wine... 

Complexion.  Is there anything more appealing than a beautiful (or handsome I reckon) complexion?  I winged a comp recently at a lady... Clumsily said "skin"... meant, beautiful complexion..  she didn't swat me so I guess I was ok... she also mentioned "As much as I spend on it".... I too think genetics plays a huge role.

Blend them mashed taters 'til they're smooth........ really smooth.....

Smooth talker... very polite, confident, able to persuade people, but in a way that is not sincere... NO, please NO, say it ain't sooooo-Olsteen. VICTOR!  We are here for smooth.. relaxation... play that classical music white boy...   HEY, HE was the one that wouldn't let hurricane victims in his big shrine... OK, I'll behave.. .things will be smoother. PrOmIsE.

Smooth over...  smooth something out... 

We all... all... drive over, into potholes.  Naps lend huge wrinkles to our face... As do time, finance, wind, rain, sleep, lack thereof, loss, illness, tribulations of fellow man, woman... golf balls find their way out of bounds, into creeks, lakes.  Even with GPS, we can get lost.

Tis said, bumps in the road no matter what ya drive.

Much........ much goes into a smooth life...  Victor, is THIS where you preach?  Oh no olsteen.. justa observation or twelve.

Kindness. Smile.  Compliments.  Touches.  Notes that have few words but have a ton of wonderful impact. Embrace.  Saying, when saying needs said, and... the ability to know otherwise, when not to say.

Much, much makes things smoother.  Onea them dry wall thingies.. an iron...  a heart to heart.. sometimes it's as simple as "I'm sorry" and "Me too" can be.  Hugs, tears.  I love you's.  I've missed you. 

Smoothness, like life, can be easily interrupted, changed.  I reckon that's why we oughta appreciate it, note it... when things are smooth.  Some things, past, can never be smoothed over.  Maybe that's not inclusive for us all..  I guess best we can do is not repeat the process...

I, we, have soooooooooooooooooo many friends that are so doggone smooth.. ripples, hailstorms, don't cause em to bob much...  I think it's ok to envy them.. .mebbe try to emulate them.  Thank goodness for the smooth people in life..  they make our own layout that much smoother...   a good boss... a good friend... a wunnerful BFF... THE perfect mate... 

PB&J.  Creamy peanut butter (I'd put some peanuts on mine, tyvm!)... A Modelo Negra (ifn's you enjoy an occasional beer, try that one.  Smoooooooth)

Smooth as a cheese grater..  huh?  Oh, OK, I guess..   the course of true love never did run smooth (yep, and a gained appreciation for those times it IS running smooth... ).. 

Smooth is beautiful.............. like you.

Love, Victurd

Roll one's eyes....

We can GPS 'Normal', and sure, the only place it takes us is Normal, Illinois.  Nifty University there.... but, I'm of the ilk, normal is elusive, huh uh, ain't such a thing, place. Life is one snowflake after annuder.

What makes one roll one's eyes, might be normal for another. How so you ask? 

Well, let's use Fred Arbanas for example.  Victor?, you've told that one. Eh, go ahead, roll your eyes,  it's what I, old people do. Pete and rePete stuff.

Fred was a fine, All Pro tight end for the KC Chiefs. Victor, ain't that normal? Well, one exception. He had a glass eye due to an attack. Sometime after, he was bonked pretty hard in a game, eye popped out (a genuine eye roll), play was stopped, all 22 players (43 eyes) got on hands and knees, ultimately found his glass eye.

Fred stuck it in his mouth to clean it, popped it in his socket, 'play ball.'

One astonished ref, thinking, that ain't normal, told Fred "You are one tough sonofagun.  You ever stop and think what would happen if something happened to your other eye?"  

"Oh, that's easy", he countered, "I'd become a ref." (Roll your eyes here.) He asked for it, he got it, Toyota.

Covid. "Can't wait till we get back to normal."

Ha.

Nature, nurture. Two offspring, sooooo different. One normal.... or... is it the other way around?

Dog bites man. No eye roll. Guy rides an ATV nekkid on major city Interstate in rush hour, normal?  "That's weird man", said the guy who climbed The Trump Tower with suction cups.

Good Housekeeping pitches in with weird things people do.

Shave their toes. Nuh uh. Uh huh.

 

Pick their nose.  Ahm, that's snot abnormal..

Pee in the shower.

Guilty aren't ya?

Check under your bed or behind the shower curtain to make sure no one's there.  THAT'S CRAZY! (I do it every day/night.)

Found a dude, mebbe a dudette I dunno, on Yahoo who said "I dress up in a ball gown I found at Goodwill and drink tall boys while doing puzzles and listening to murder podcasts."  Makes ATV guy, suction cup guy sound normal.

A trip thru Best Buy might seem normal...unless you're Amish.  

Harvesting corn is normal, unless you get allergic smelling hay.

Jack Nicholson is normal it's his characters that ain't.

You're in squatter #3 at QuikTrip and the guy in 4 says "Hi, howya doin?" Roll eyes here?

Blizzard.  It's normal for Facebook to have over a thousand 'bloopers' daily.  Wouldn't that make them normal then?

An airline middle seat. Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

Kinda uppity aintya Victor? I bet you pick your nose and pee in the shower don't ya?

No hablo Ingles, and I've NEVER shaved my toes tyvm.

Size, shape, color, language, likes, dislikes, education, edjumacation, tall, short, average (is there such a thing), eating habits, innie, outie, blonde, brunette, redhead, bald. (I was SO pissed when I was 16 and got my drivers license, I looked at 'hair' and it said BLD...ahm, excuse me, I AM NOT BALD!)

I'm just a common man, I drive a common van, my dog ain't got no pedigree.

Unique, just like you. Snowflake. #294 in line at the DMV.  A Lottery auto pick please.

OK, I'm off. (Victor, we knew that.)  Funny haha.

I'm off to drive slow, bitch at the Government, or, about the weather, bursitis, do a pee pee dance, or, to the diner where I might borrow a line from my uncle..."Can I have a little sugar?"

Pervert!  Ain't it prevert?  

Have your normally fun day.

Bloggers are weird, pee in the shower (after they've checked behind the curtain)....

Just like you. 

By Henry Gibson

Eye rolls by:  Elaine, Aunt Linda, Taystee, Stephanie Tanner, Clair Huxtable and Liz Lemon

Love, Victurd

Blizzard...

What to do, what to do.

For those of us, 'stuck in the middle (of blizzard) with you.... I don't know what I'm gonna do.'...

Learn a foreign language. It's said, Spanish, Dutch and Norwegian are the easiest to learn.

Now, if you're like me, one, I will pray for your sorry butt, and two, once I've spent an hour or so because I HAVE TO withanyone, I get itchy, cranky, "please, getthehell outta here, but, have a nice day."

With concentrated Babbel effort, you can (smile, and) say things like 'Siempre pensé que eras un idiota', tell them it means "I'd pick only you to go to the Iditarod with - when really, in EsPanol you're telling them 'I've always thought you were an idiot.'

Mean, maybe, but then you could smile, flash the heart sign with your hands and say 'Kom er overheen', which, kinda sounds like 'come over here', you know, maybe to watch a movie, play Uno (that's 'one' in Spanish), but actually Kom er overheen means "Get over it" in Dutch.

Maybe you'd start to feel guilt, so then I reckon you could (again, smile, then) say 'ta en lang spasertur fra en kort brygge' which, I don't really know what it sounds like, but, in Norwegian means 'Take a long walk on a short pier.'

Or, I guess you could play Solitare, Farmville (geez, remember those requests) Sudoku, or,  Mahjong (supposedly helps us old farts keep our brain status quo (skeery, ain't it.)

We could, rearrange the spice rack... blindfold ones self, open the junk drawer, grab something within,  holler and play "Whats this?"

Listen to, watch, eleven straight hours of "Don't go anywhere", so, take a spin. Or, walk the dog. If you do, take a baggy. For poop of course right Vic?  No, mix up some Icyhot and Vaseline, put it in the bag in case Fido has a 'Flick-like' accident with a fire hydrant. Well, not exactly like, but, you know.

Paint the spare bedroom, watch it dry.

Get out that 1,000 piece puzzle and complete it now that you found the last piece when you were blindfolded, stuck hand in junk drawer and hollered "what's this?"

Listen to Alice's Restaurant, five times. In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, 12 times. Play it backwards.

Thread 7 needles since you have the time and you won't have to do it in a frenzied hurry next time.

Call Dairy Queen and ask "Any truth to the rumor Blizzards are BOGO?"

If your electricity goes out, grab all the goodies in the freezer, put em in a trash bag in the trash bin outside. Hell, they ain't coming for two weeks anyways.

Play Pong. With your Pirate Patch on.

Create a new, lookalike Facebook page. Invite all your present friends. It's hella quicker to check in on buddies versus texting, calling or emailing them.

Call Uber and see what they'd charge to take you to your next door neighbors.

Hide your dog's tennis ball in the junk drawer, then holler "Go get your ball!" excitedly.  I'm teasing, I'm teasing!  But, you could do it in Spanish 'Ve a buscar tu pelota', Dutch 'Ga je bal halen' or Norwegian '

Gå og hent ballen', that wouldn't be mean. I mean heck, they rotate their head mosta the time to English anyways.

Could exercise, clean, breakout that tooth whitener junk you bought two years ago.

Nah.

You could..   drink WAY too much coffee.

Nah.

Or, I guess you could blog.

That's the stupidest idea yet.

Love, Victurd 

Putt putt..to the...... Piggly Wiggly?

Winter.

It's coming.

Actually, for most of us, it's here.

You there. You there, close to, on, The Gulf, Atlantic, Pacific, Cortez, yada... pacifically dayum Sunny points - You ain't immune. The Winter of life is ahead for us all (we hope.) That ain't a forecast. It's an edict.

Yes, a brief snippet of 'real' Winter is ahead here upon us in the Midwest. Snowmageddon some are calling it.

This time of year, we, used to it, but still, as if someone set a big heaping helping of liver and onions infronta us, SNARL.  Dayum snow plows abound.  The antonym of Spring's Robin.

We race to the Piggly as if it's Black Friday and fitty-five inch big screens are $99.99, line up here.

Me personally. I'm taking my baseball bat. Thataway, if another old fart Joe Cocker like me heads for the last motorized cart, "Saaawiiinnng batter batter". No, I wouldn't, but I might threaten as if I'm in the on deck circle.

Aisles and aisles of mostly emptiness- most all that remains are $5.99 loaves of patooey bread, almond milk, and heaven forbid, name brand hella overpriced peanut butter.

My list has "cheapy gloves"...well sir, there ARE some welders gloves left for $39.99... and windshield washer fluid.  Haha, we ran outta them on Thanksgiving.  Bic lighters. Check the BBQ aisle sir, there may be onea them long ones left. Ice scrapers? HAHAHA, YOU FUNNY MAN!

So, I place all my 'necessities' on the scanner, put em in one future trash bag (I'm a tightwad, that's what I call em) and I set a new, personal plastic bag record of $72.13 in my single bag.

Victurd, might I suggest, this all ain't fun.

BINGO.  Mebbe the point, to Winter.  Winter in the real - I briefly curse you'ins on Sunny Beaches....and, the Winter of life. 

I reckon, the main point being, if Winter hits, we are damn lucky to see it, live it.

If you, are like me..  and FB memories pop up, a smile happens, then ya read the comments, the names, the happy memories pop up of those that didn't get much past Fall. Sucks.

Bring it on snow, freezing rain. I've got welding gloves to scrape ma' damn winders.  I know my bones will creak, but hell they do already anyways.

If I don't slide off the road before I get to Piggly it's hoped I run into buddies there for a Winter of life chat. (Hi Charlie! Say, do you really need that $1.69 Great Value loafa bread?)...

I jest. Usually only on Tuesdays, but sometimes spills over on other days.

Today, I am thankful to be alive.  Channel 9 weather dude, ty for your work. I promise not to curse you if we only get a dusting. I might only cuss you once (or twice) if we get over 12 inches and we're stuck inside for a week.

Either way, think of all the golf balls I DIDNT hit in the woods throughout this crap.

Long live us all. And if we are lucky enough for that to happen, we might as well smile, enjoy.

Victor? Done preaching? (Remember dude, I gotta baseball bat.)

Excuse me sir, I've just got one item, mind if I checkout ahead of you?

Sorry lady, then I might miss the start of Wheel of Fortune.

Watch the Wheel. And life.

Mr. Whoverinthell you are that replaced Mr Sajak, I'd like to buy a vowel, a $1.69 loaf of Great Value bread, a pair of those cheap brown .99 cent gloves, and, a better (more appreciative) disposition.

Ah, you go ahead lady, I gotta pee. Vanna will be there forever. I hope.

Damnit darnit. I slipped, fell whilst carrying my $73+ bag in. Might as well celebrate it, make snow angels while I'm down here. Life, especially long ones, is/are, good.

Hey.... could you give me a hand up?

Love, Victurd

Abby Normal.... ?

Or, as some might shout, "I call BS Victurd, it's TMI!"

Eh whaddeva, that don't upset me. 

As a single person, there is no "running this by you to see if you think I'm nutso."

So, you're stuck with me running this by you.  Of course, I swear (infrequently, I swear)... I swear, I wouldn't get upset if you used the mouse and clicked the 'X' in the ULHC (that's, Upper Left Hand Corner for you shorthand gators.)

Why, oh why, do I spend an ordinate (or would it be inordinate) amount of time on things, interests that I know will never happen?

Back to the 'single, no one to run it by'...  you there. You can glimpse inside the brain of your significant, or, BFF or whoever is the closest to you and tell them "That's crazy?", or, maybe comfort them with "I can understand why you do that, feel that way." Converely, they can eyeball,  play shrink on you, your thoughts, ideas.

Inoherwords, and these are 'other' words, I can't see in your brain, but, I 'take all the clothing off my modula oblongota' (I type too damn much) so you can see mine.

I guess perhaps I'm backhandedly asking (hoping?) "Are you weird like me?"

Victurd? Examples please.

I look, every day, and twice on most, for an RV, conversion van, small pull behind camper so I can get the hell outta Dodge... forever.

All the leaves are brown (and the sky is grey)....BUT, BUT, I no likey renting, I ain't greatly fond of present living situation, so, up, up and away in my beautiful balloon (camper thingy) my problems are solved.

HA! Wanna buy some swampland?

I DO love independence,  I DO love scenic, there is SO much I've never seen.

Then.

Reality sits in. I'm a white knuckles, speed limit is my max, get offa my ass..  I'm 72, suffice to say, my eyes ain't getting better with age... and.

That moment I'm finally parked, lights out, I would be Kramer/Barney Fife nervous someone would rob me, harm me, take whatever little I have. Even Barney one ups me, he's got his bullet. I don't, won't carry.

Besides, with no physical Addy for the USPS, how would the hearing aid companies, burial plot sales reps, extended warranty people find me?

Is that your only weirdness Victor?

How long ya got?

I'm in love with Alaska, homesteading, folks who live off the land. If I ain't watching sports, my TV is dialed to the AK shows on Discovery, Homestead Rescue, 'Bush living' reels on FB, that.

And, that's weird because?

Ahm, I'm 72. Afflicted. Elvis would hate me (I've never shot or eaten a rabbit - or any critter)...  the thought of eating anything that ain't outta the meat aisle at The Piggly Wiggly makes me wanna upchuck. Besides, I hate the cold.

Ahm, OK. Done?

No.  Close your ears, I like 'Falling in love.' I do so, but usually only on days that end in Y.

I fall for smiles. Niceness. Positive outlooks (rub off on me perty perty please). Eyes, lips, dererriers (forgive me Father.)

Victurd, are you REALLY gonna hit 'publish', then 'share to FB'?  Uh huh, am.

A Cliffsnotes shrink might say "Victurd, you spend time enjoying things you'll never have because you suffer from Fear of Failure. That is, if you never jump, you'll never come crashing down.

Thanks, I think.

If you care to share, am I the only one with weird thoughts, weird brain? I'd promise not to laugh if you shared some facet of something your brainwaves might wave at.

In keeping with the musical touch of this blog, tune in next time when we dissect, and further inspect, Patsy Cline's Crazy (as well as Victurd's)

They're coming to take me away ha ha, they're coming to take me away, ho ho, ha ha, hee hee..  to the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time...

Ahm, ok, cool.  Will I be camping?  Have a wood stove?  Are there perty women there?

Love, Victurd