Hound dogs, rabbits and EAP programs.....

 You ain't nothin' but a hound dog

Cryin' all the time
You ain't nothin' but a hound dog
Cryin' all the time
Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine

OK Elvis.  First, I've been fortunate to own a lotta dogs in my day.  None of em cried all the time.

Well... I take that back.  There was Scruffy. I love all dogs, but must admit, ole Scruff was kinda at the bottom of the list.  I truly don't mind puppy dog tongues, licks, comes with being an owner of canines.  That (getting in your face, licking,) was ALL Scruffy thought about.

Well...  i take that back.  Scruffy howled, cried maybe, in consternation.  You see, Scruffy was a male, wirey somethingorother Terrier.. bout 12 inches tall. He shared our household with Sadie, female, a 24" tall, beautiful, Lab mix. Try as he might, and he mighta a hunnerd kajllion times, there was simply no way Scruffy and Sadie could, "you know."  Consternation, howl (repeated).  Shuddup Scruffy, oops, sorry, kinda, slipped.

Well they said you was high-classed
Well, that was just a lie
Yeah they said you was high-classed
Well, that was just a lie
Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine

Wait a minute.  Just a Tupelo minute.  Whar's Jorine or Moffitt whenya need em.  I know "you was" ain't proper... ain't 'high-classed' wrong too?  (This is where some chicky [Misogynist, AM NOT] chimes in "but Victor, ain't you seen the deep baby, blues, the purity of his voice, and we ain't even mentioned the way he swivels his hips, and... other parts, who gives a crap about grammar."  Yeah yeah, I get it.

You ain't nothin' but a hound dog
Cryin' all the time
You ain't nothin' but a hound dog
Cryin' all the time
Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine

No, I have never caught a rabbit.  I've got three deer in my time, but I ain't never shot one.  I captured, caught, in a cage, quite a few of those yucky raccoons. I heard, "Take em at least three miles, or else they'll pickup the scent, come back. Each instance was It's Now Or Never... I took 'em to the other sidea the Missouri River.  Tutti Frutti, swim that ya furry little basta!

So Victor.. yes?  After you dumped the raccoons, Are You Lonesome Tonight?  Bite me.

Well they said you was high-classed
Well, that was just a lie
Yeah they said you was high-classed
Well, that was just a lie
Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine

OK, I'm crying in the chapel for more, differen't lyrics.  I said over and over and over again.. Ahm, Victor?  Yes?  That was the Dave Clark Five. Oh, sorry, don't be cruel.

Suspicious minds wonder, If I can dream, there ain't more, differen't lyrics. It's now or never to change em.  Sorry, it's too late Victor, return your request to Sender.  Sorry there Mr. Prissy, I guess it's hard for me to see from your Blue Suede Shoes.

Well they said you was high-classed
Well, that was just a lie
Ya know they said you was high-classed
Well, that was just a lie
Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine

OK, tired of talking about lyrics.  Elvis, of course, is a legend.  How hard would it have been to walk in his shoes?  He couldn't go anywheres.. I guess that's the price one pays for fame.

You ain't nothin' but a hound dog
Cryin' all the time
You ain't nothin' but a hound dog
Cryin' all the time
Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine
Elvis is The King.  There's never been another like him and there probably never will. I was gonna do a stupid pun on the Employee Assistance Program being named for him (Elvis Aaron Presley) and I guess I did just make that pun.  Elvis, the man who really couldn't go anywhere...  thus, he turned to a list of opioids, sedatives, and very poor eating habits... well, you saw him. 
Victor, next to your stupid Squirrels on Motocycle's, this may be the second worst blog ever. I thought you said you was high-classed?
I'm All Shook Up.....
Hmmm, ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Love, Victurd

The evens are West to East (or vice versa), the odds are North to South, uh huh, or vice versa

Whoo!

Mm, yeah

Life's like a road that you travel on

When there's one day here and the next day gone

Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand

Sometimes you turn your back to the wind

There's a world outside every darkened door

Where blues won't haunt you anymore

Where the brave are free and lovers soar

Come ride with me to the distant shore

We won't hesitate

To break down the garden gate

There's not much time left today, yeah

Life is a highway

I wanna ride it all night long

That Tom Cochrane chap wrote this. Canadian dude. Roughly same age. This is where I, a simpleton from the get go, try to interpret. Ha.

Mebbe about living life to the fullest, in spite of darkened doors, haunting blues, and Victurd input, folks ya love, folks ya no likey, falling down, getting up. Highways are kinda like life. Shit happens, flat tires, outta gas (figuratively and literally). Keep going Everready. That ding you keep hearing five miles down the road means your turnsignal is still on geezer Victurd. Bite me.

If you're goin' my way

Well, I wanna drive it all night long

Through all these cities and all these towns

It's in my blood and it's all around

I love you now like I loved you then

This is the road and these are the hands

He speaks, me thinks, about relationship. A large chunka us desire one. You can't always get what you want. Go away (for now) Mick, Tom's got the floor.

From Mozambique to those  Memphis nights

The Khyber Pass to Vancouver's lights

Places, people, different, my take. Culture diversity, Arkansas Arkansas I just love ole Arkansas. When in Rome, fast on Saturday, vino, bread, pasta, any other ole night.

Knock me down, I'm back up again

You're in my blood, I'm not a lonely man

It's an up, down World. 4th and 12, First down! Tubthumping, Whack-A-Mole, grass stain, shower and new duds.

There's no load I can't hold

A road so rough, this I know

I'll be there when the light comes in

Just tell 'em we're survivors

First I was afraid, I was petrified. You tell em Gloria, I'll pat ma' foot.  Bumps in road, no matter what ya drive, right Mr Knievel?

Life is a highway

Well, I wanna ride it all night long (whoo!)

If you're goin' my way

I wanna drive it all night long (all night long)

A gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, yeah

Life is a highway

Well, I wanna ride it all night long (mm, yeah)

If you're goin' my way (you're goin' my way)

I wanna drive it all night long (all night long)

There was a distance between you and I (between you and I)

A misunderstanding once

But now we look it in the eye

Ooh, yeah (mm, yeah)

There ain't no load that I can't hold

The roads are rough, this I know

I'll be there when the light comes in

Tell 'em we're survivors

Life is a highway

Well, I wanna ride it all night long (all night long, yeah)

If you're goin' my way

Well, I wanna drive it all night long (a gimme, gimme, gimme, a gimme, gimme, yeah)

Life is a highway (life is a highway)

I wanna ride it all night long (whoo, yeah)

If you're goin' my way (you're goin' my way)

I wanna drive it all night long (all night long, yeah)

(Come on, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, yeah)

Life is a highway

I wanna ride it all night long (yeah, I wanna drive it all night long, baby)

If you're goin' my way (you're goin' my way)

I wanna drive it all night long (all night long)

I likes this song. Optimism surrounded by potholes, assholes. Bad happens. Sorry Mr Tolltaker, I'm a dime short. Carry on my wayward way?

This is where I preach. Keep an extra jug of windshield washer fluid in the trunk. (Rain-X is the bomb.) Don't let the bugs of life bug you. 

Carry an 8 inch by 8 inch piece'a foam with ya in case ya get sciatica and your butt hurts.

Life is a highway, but, get off the beaten path. All mile markers and exit signs make Jack a dull boy.

See the USA in your Chevrolet, or Ford, any American made car...and if not, mebbe try for one manufactured here.

Rollin' rollin' rollin', keep those doggies rollin', or cats, whatever your passion.

Mostly, enjoy the ride,

Love, Victurd

Dateline, Eureka Springs, Arkansas

One by one they came. OK, the lucky ones came two by two.

It's the Annual Sciuridae (Family of Squirrels) Convention in beautiful Eureka.  Sqads (that's 'scads' in squirrel,) rode from highways 22, 62, 187, 412 yada... riding Harleys, Victorys and Crotchrockets for the gala.

Members of, Squirrels of Silence, Trees Angel's, Chewing Few, Leather, Lace and Longtail... the welcomed invaders took up temporary residence in VRBO's (Vacation Rental Being Outdoors) and the infamous tree houses throughout the hills of Eureka.

Rocket J. Squirrel, the outgoing Convention President according to KNUT News...

"Welcome brethren, high tail to all. Much, very much going on this week, and we are glad you all made it here safely.  Them windy roads gettin' here, with some'a them hills, made it Sqarier'n goin' down a hunnerd foot oak tree head first. ...

"Squeaking o' which, one of first 'brake-out' sessions will be led by Squeakmund Freud in hopes of improving all of our skills in making Squicker decisions when in traffic. Heaven knows we've all come upon a flattened relative in the middle'a the road who obviously couldn't, didn't decide quick enough.

"Brake out #2 will showcase Sqyreek Hill (Star SFL receiver), of course the most famous zig zagging squirrel ever. Wear comfy clothes as he's gonna teach this-way, that-way, then-the-other way moves.  Were you all aware our hind feet can turn 180 degrees? But of course, that and our claws enable us to go downs Oaks, Elms, Sequoias head first.  

"Then we'll take a break so we can all gad about town, taking in Blues, BBQ, fermented apple juice, and of course swing by the East By West to say Hi to our cousin, rabbit, as he takes in cash and credit cards, then gives back receipts or change. Warning, if you imbibe on one too many fermented juices, either take Designated Squirrel with ya, or, if you're alone, or, the whole damn scurry of'ya are sloshed, call a SqUber.

"Good news, bad news..  our contingent from NY, the VeSqpas, can't come this year, but, thankfully that additionally means our longtime archival Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale won't either. They're stuck in a NY Supreme Court hearing where the VeSqpas are suing the pair for nonpayment, slander, and, for paying other Squirrels to make untrue, incriminating statements about the VeSqpas. Bor' and 'Tasha claim 'Not True', but, that's a bunch of Bull (wink wink.)

"Later we'll have the Why Did The Squirrel Cross The Road Race up on 23 outside our buddies, The Elks Lodge joint. Every squirrel pays 3 acorns, fastest Sq across the road and back takes all, and after we'll have a brief memorial service for those that didn't make it last year.

"It's not all brake outs and meeting, we're gonna have tree climbin' contests, see who can Crack and eat the most acorns in ten minutes - and we'll finish up with our annual 'BushyTail.com" Dance, of course that's our dating site, come one, come all, ya just may find ya some tail to your liking, no bull, wink wink.

"I'm also announcing this will be my final Convention as President. I'm getting up there in age, and no one wants an old, Sqenile geezer as a leader.  We'll have an election as our last order of business here. Please bring a picture ID, and as always, DemoSqrats can vote twice with four accompanying acorns.

"Be proud, hold your tails up high, and may you never miss a limb when you fly."

Love, Victurd

That and this....

What's in a name?  You tell me. I waste money. I get the online edition of the KC paper, but rather than scour, read every inch in hope of becoming a well rounded, informed, intelligent person, I instead thumb thru articles with speed prolly fast enough to wear off thumbprint.

I await articles, things, that catch my eye. Victor, I clicked the link to your blog today in hopes of being entertained, maybe having some laughs, so far, huh uh.

Sorry., I'll try to spiff it up, but, I'm a simpleton, C+ kinda person, that (entertaining, invoking laughter) prolly won't happen. First thing that caught my eye. I enjoyed the name of the guy that won the XPEL Grand Prix road race, Will Power. How cool'a double entendre name is that?

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale

a tale of a fateful trip,

that started from this Spider Creek Resort,

aboard many tiny ships (kayaks, canoes)

The mates were mighty sailin' men (and woman, kids and pooches)

the Skippers brave and sure,

fitty partakers set sail that day,

for a one hour tour,

a one hour tour.

Holy guacamole. Painted, planned as fun, durn near turned to disaster. Treacherous eddies tossed at least four folks and a hound into frigid, 45 or fitty degree temps of the White River.

Two gals found themselves trapped beneath their kayaks, semi panicked as they tried to resurface. Another couple (and the hound) were tipped over, strewn into trees, one kayak continued on by its lonesome downstream.... the pooch freaked a bit..  as the guy attempted to get his head above water the hound piggybacking, scratched, clawed, keeping his master mostly submerged... a nearby feller called 911, water patrol enroute, paramedics.... aside from some deep scratches, bruises, a little mental anguish, all ended up being ok for what was planned to have been a fun, leisurely one hour tour.

The diving board into 'the swimming tree.'  Nature. Weird. Fun. Beautiful.  Forty foot long deck railing, 2 by 6 on the top. One by one, a squirrel would come into view... eyeball me.. trepidly pause, then zoom - TAKEOFF along the rail and dive into a nearby tree limb. Eh, mebbe you had to be there.

Like when one Mr. Forrest Gump stopped running, "I'm pretty tired.. I think I'll go home now."

Sorry tweren't long, better, funnier.

Use your Will Power... wear a lifejacket.  Have your camera phone readied in case ya run onta squirrel divers, and have a quality day.

BR549... YOLO...  TTYL... BRB (tomorrow mebbe)..  

Love, Victurd

Stolen

 Or borrowed, however ya wanna look at it.. from friend Vicky.

Sorry to be lazy, on a semi vaca!

I liked, hope you do too, Love Victurd

"“My dear,

In the midst of hate, I found there was, within me, an invincible love.

In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile.

In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm.

I realized, through it all, that…

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.

And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.

Truly yours,

Albert Camus”

I'm so excited...

Pointer Sisters ain't it?

Yeah...

1982, Columbus had long since sailed the ocean of blue, The Pointer Sisters wrote it, and I'll be frank (or Tom, Bill  John, Steve, Louie, any number of men) its about sex. Sure, exciting, I think I remember, but that ain't the point of me borrowing the Pointer song.

I'm so excited

And I just can't hide it

I'm about to lose control and I think I like it

I'm so excited

And I just can't hide it

And I know

I know

I know

I know

I know

I want you

I want you....

No, not you as in Oh Baby Oh Baby.... well, kinda sorta I guess... but not sex..."you" is Baseball Ray (or Charlie, Scooter, Jimmy, Bebop), any number of us old farts that still has '9 year old innards.'

Fitty, mebbe sixty geezers, many, related, many, not.. departed a suburb of a major city on a Friday,  rolled 4 hours South to the Mountains, a beeyouteafull State, whar they kinda talk funny and, it's rumored, most are related. I just pass along what I hear, see, I ain't the originator of that statement.

We shouldn t even think about tomorrow

Sweet memories will last a long, long time 《that, was from Pointer song...

So's.... we get here, there's nine or ten of us who played Little League ten or twenty (SIXTY) years ago..  we go in our cabins, flip on the tube..they got Dish, so, we get our daily workout just flippin' the Guide button thru three hunnerd and eighty-six channels....

Then, in our best 'pretend we've lived here all along accent', we espouse "Well ahhl be, they git the (enter favorite team here) baseball game!

Let's get excited

We just can't hide it

No, no, no

I'm about to lose control and I think I like it

I'm so excited

And I just can't hide it

I know

I know

I know

I know

I want you

I want you

Calm down, we simply want to watch the game.  Let's see, first inning, other team 7, favorite team 0.  Crapola, "Hey Hank, grab the cooler, let's go outside and visit the others." "K".

Hellos, lawn chairs, ham/cheese on a toothpick, music compliments of onea those small round things I have no idear waht'ya call em.

Conversations about arthritis, bursitis, skeeters biting us, "Hey Frank, check the score." Frank hollers "wahl I'll be, whatshisname (struggling player) hit a 3 run bomb, we're down 4."

I'm so excited 

And I just can't hide it

I'm about to lose control and I think I like it

I'm so excited

And I just can't hide it

And I know

I know

I know

I know

I know

I want you

I want you (mind outta gutter...we want Victory, not Oh Baby.. we might say Oh Baby if favorite team comes back.  Been down so long looks up to me (said hella many 'enter favorite team here.)

I'm so excited

I just can't hide it

By now the ladies has kinda gathered, separated to themselves, talkin' bout whatever they talk about..you know, prolly complimentin' us on how fast we respond to their chore list, or sumpin like that.

Same with men, prolly braggin about that new perfume they just bought their honey, or, how they went the distance, mowed the yard both directions "cause that's how she likes it", or, ahm, that one chick that just got here, "you see her yoga pants?"  (It is razorback country, oops, oink, slipped)

I'm so excited

I think I like it...

Now what's the score Bebop?  "9-7, bottom of the 8th."

Could be any team, anywhere.  Now, 8 geezers, cabins with big screens two hunnerd feet away ("too fer to walk") are gathered around a 2 inch by 5 inch, cheapy Android, staring at the letters of ESPN's play by play.

"Charlie, I'm out, can I bum a beer?"

No runs in the 8th, one more chance.

We, our team, many such teams, have been "The Dollar Store Team" for quite some time. After a few weeks of nice wins, we were in Dollar General territory. Speakinowhich, got em damn near every hairpin turn down in these hills.

"OK, leadoff guy walked...then an infield single, error, 2nd & 3rd...ground out, ONLY DOWN ONE!..(We done passed Wally, Target, we be in the lobby'a Kohls now!)

Ernie, dude holding the phone, ain't been this popular since 8th grade when he got onea them electric git-tars.

(OUR BEST PLAYER) TRIPLED! TIE BALL GAME! ONE OUT, MAN ON THIRD!

I'm so excited, I think I like it!

We stare at Ernie, awaitin wahts next cause our eyes can't read them durn letters, even if theys right agin our face.

"Intentional walk."... "And, anudder, bases loaded, one out, tied, (enter name of player) up, "

The screen flashed to 10-9, "WE WIN!!!!" High fives all around. Herk did a backflip, well, almost...he'd had a couple, in jubilation he stumbled backwards, Ralph caught him...

Conguently, gathered geezers, hollered out "IM SO EXCITED. I JUST CANT HIDE IT, IM ABOUT TO LOSE CONTROL I THINK I LIKE IT."

Baseball Ray...Ralph...Ernie..  Herk...

My town, team... your town, team.

Baseball, hot dogs, apple pie... friends, Miller Lites, Pepsi, cheese/ham.. yoga pants. 

I'm so excited, I think I like it.

Love, Victurd

Dodge...

Horace and John worked with Henry in the early 1900's.  That's kinda bland, no not you Edwin.. so, let's add (Horace and John) Dodge worked with (Henry) Ford. The Dodge brothers had a machine shop and they supplied parts and assemblies to Ford, and, Ransom. No, they didn't scoop up Ford employees whilst delivering parts and hold em hostage.. ... sorry.. .I need to be more clear.  They too sold parts to Ransom, as in Ransom Olds, uh huh, became Oldsmobile.

Dodge actually predated The Chrysler Comany (there's a stupid, useless trivia  question forya, and, started building their own cars in 1913.

Wiki wiki can be triki triki.  They done say Dodge was an innovator... pioneering all steel bodies, a 35 horsepower engine (vs Henry's Model T and it's 20 HP... the sliding gear transmission.. and, 12 volt electrical systems. Wiki Wiki can be triki triki as any ole fool (like me) can provide input.  In another search, Wiki this time tell me huh uh, that was GM in the fitties who developed the 12 volt thing. Who knows, obviously Wiki don't.  They needta start their Wiki sentences with "I mean.......", you know, kinda like Simon, Simon says. If it don't say 'I mean" or.. "Simon says"  huh uh. Call BS, I will too.

Take this job and shove it?  I guess maybe somehow, someway the relationship between Horace and John and Henry became strained as their motto at one point was "Someday, people who own a Ford are going to want an automobile."  Ouch.

Dodge ball ouch.  Who ain't, been there, done that, ie, have the old red Champion playground balls smackya upside the face, leaving that snowflake like dimpled impression on the sidea your cheek at least until come time for school to get out, hop on the bus.

Jimmy. VICTOR, you're old, you've told this before.  Don't care. People are either nice, and listen... or they say "yeah, you were telling us that", in which case, I block 'em forever.  Jimmy was THE best athlete in our High School.  THE BEST running back I ever saw in my time hanging around this "First Daylight Bank Robbery" city (that be Jesse James, our claim to fame. Kinda sad eh?).. Anyways, dodge ball........... PE class... my sophomore or junior year, I forget.

Jimmy, THE BEST running back I ever saw (speakin' o' dodge, he did that, to opposing defenses.. Now you see him now you don't kinda thing.  Jimmy also had THE BEST smile in our whole first ever daylight bank robbery town.  I hated (LOVED) him.  We all looked up to him. He was simply a good dude, not conceited, LOVED fun.  My/our kinda friend.

Me and him.  It had come down to, I think, me and him.. mighta been another one or two on each side, but if there were, they were what we call 'hiders' (or, in keeping with this stupid blog) - dodgers. They didn't dare try to throw the ball, they just dodged it.  Jimmy held a ball in his right hand, AND, in his left hand.  UnJimmylike, he threw a wimpy old lob at me. Easy, peasy to catch.  My brain went to HA!  YOU'RE GOING DOWN MR SMILING FOOTBALL PLAYER HERO!  I'll catch it, me and the two or three hiders (dodgers) left WILL WIN!

As I Amos Otislike, Mickey Mantlelike camped under the ball.. I almost had time to count, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, YOU'RE OUT!  But...... somewhere between the 2 and the 1, Jimmy had thrown his second ball, like, a 90-something mph fastball... hell, he prolly pitched too, the guy could do anything.... .and, yep, Paul Harvey.  Didn't see it coming, no way I could dodge it. It smacked me upside the head. I wore onea them snowflake Diamond impressions until 7th hour. . Jimmy won AGAIN... and his infectious smile got two times more infectious'er, if that's a word.  Blogspot underlined it, saying it ain't, I'm gonna dodge them and leave as is.

Get out of Dodge. People nowadays use that verbiage, say, if they're leaving a company.. .or, going anywhere hurriedly and or quickly. Victor, what's the difference, hurriedly or quickly. Dodge, sorry.

Of course, you know, I know, it's about a town in Kansas (Kansas is that really flat, boring state with all the Mercedes Benz fans, sunflowers, yeah yeah, has a college with a fictional bird as their mascot, but, luckily for them, it borders up to THE GREAT STATE OF MISSOURI!

The saying "Get out of Dodge" actually came from a radio show, Gunsmoke.  That's pre Marshall Dillon to all you old farts like me.  Dodge, Kansas had a bad reputation for gambling halls, saloons, brothels, and was overrun by criminals.  (Before they got to that criminal part, it actually sounded like a town I might wanna visit, but, me and Norm Stewart took a vow to never eva' spend a dime in Kansas, sorry Schwabby.)

Hence, the officers of the law warned bad guys to "GET OUT OF DODGE!"

Sometimes, folks get in a rut.  They simply needs to getaway.  Even old farts like me.

Getting out of Dodge for awhile.  Headed to Eureka Springs, AR.   Windy (that's like curvy, not like the air blowing), windy, hilly, roads....... beeeee you tea full views'a them Ozark Mountains..... I will try to dodge the deer (lots of em), and pray that David built me good steering, suspension, tires, yada to assist.

VICTOR?  Yes?  Please don't dodge this one........

Whointhehell is David?  I'm talking David Dunbar Buick, who, in 1899 started Buick, later established as onea the GM Brands in 1908.  I will dodge the deer, slow down, swerve, turn, say baby prayer for the brakes of my 2002 (David) Buick Century.

BRB, phone ringing............

Nevermind, caller ID.  Dodging that one.

Please don't you bad guys leave Dodge, Kansas, move to Liberty, MO.  We got ridda that Jesse James Daylight bank robbery feller long ago...........

Jimmy... grab a dodge ball. Grab two in fact, just in case they (bad guys) don't listen.

Getting out of dodge,

Love, Victurd