Duck, duck, goose........

This may floor you, but I'd originally intended to plant my fingers on words, letters, having to do with 'floor'.  The cobwebs in my brain thought about seeing Elvis's shag carpeting at Graceland.. how much, at this age, getting down on the floor is a pain in the ying yang.

I wondered about "Going down?" and whatever happened to the elevator operators of the land.  Carpet, tile, laminate, slip sliding away, dirty floor, dirt floor, Bubba Gump floors, how, a buddy of mine, his spouse and his 90-something year old mother lived on the 8th floor down on the Plaza, their power went out, thus, no elevator (Makes a trip to the Piggly Wiggly ALL the workout one would need in a day, or, for me, a month mebbe.)

Then, I remembered in a Hotel, going on an elevator where you punched a button from the outside, say, 17, and when you got inside there were no other buttons (other than 'in case of emergency') and presto, you zipped right on up to the 17th foor.

Then, I remembered how very much I am a simpleton.  I once got on an elevator, headed to the 17th (or similar)... mighta even been from the 17, going down, I forget.  Anyways, some 'presumed' snotnose had punched every damn button there was... my elevator trip took me about as long to get down (or up, I forget) as my usual 30 minute or so car commute from Liberty to Grandview.  As I reflect, why the hell didn't I get off, get on another elevator is beyond me, and maybe I even did, I don't remember, but I know I made quite a few stops.

Then, I remembered the expression "You ain't got the sense God gave a goose."

So, what else does one have to do at 3:15am when you're on your third cuppa coffee, the daily 'breaking news' you're watching has done broke.. they're down to talking about Taylor and Travis. WHO? So, of course.......

I Googled "Are geese smart?"  Right there in black and white, LARGE letters, YES. Don't believe me?  Try it, you'll like it.  Mikey likes it.

This is how much I know/knew about geese before my Google quest.  It's very difficult to putt on a golf green after they've had a family reunion there. 'Fake' coyote statues don't really work, witness tons of goose poop on the third hole at Cardinal Hill golf course....s'more.

They're pretty.  They fly in the V thing. I kinda sorta remember they pair up, and since they all kinda sorta look alike, it's hard, year after year, to see if it's the same goose/gander together (wondering in the backa my mind if their divorce rate is as horrible as ours.)

Welcome to Goose school blog readers........

"I'm loyal! I mate for life, protect my partner, and, look after my goslings." (In case you believe I made a typo there and that shoulda been two O's, huh uh, I Googled that too. Tis goslings, why they drop an O I dunno. One would think with all the droppings a goose makes, they'd be entitled to two O's.)

"I stay by the goslings side until they are ready to join the flock." Working at a golf course with two ponds has been hella fun, as, each year, a pair mates, then, "I lay about 5 eggs a year and keep warm in my nest for about 30 days until they hatch."  Then, it's the cutest damn thing ya ever saw, and I'm sure you've seen... they swim (I assume the goose leads the way, don't females run every household?), goose, gander, then gosling, gosling, gosling, gosling, gosling - however many they managed to hatch and keep away from the damn coyotes, raccoons, yada, Denver Park and Rec, or, Wildlife Services, a program of the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) that is well known for its rampant, killing ways. (S'more soon.)

"We're adept fliers, often traveling up to 1,500 miles during our yearly migrations. Why do we fly in the 'V' formation?  Our buddies (other geese) in front reduce air resistance for those of us behind. Flying as a 'V' allows us to fly 70% further as a group than if we flew alone." Kinda like a Delta Companion Ticket.

"It might surprise you, but we feel pain and experience emotions, just like dogs and cats. Just like you. (and me)."

Written in July of 2020:  "A little over two weeks ago, the City and County of Denver (partnered with the USDA) rounded up and killed many of my family and friends. (1600 in 2019, 400 more in 2020.) We thought the people of Denver parks liked us, but now we're not sure. You might not have heard about it because it happened before sunrise when everyone was asleep. Please help us, we don't know why we're being punished."

Culling.

Ain't never hearda that, so, it's now 3:53am, I'm Googling it.  I woulda guessed 'culling' means something like muzzled.  "Quiet down children" or the like.  Well, it means 'Reduction of wild animal population by selective slaughter."

United Poultry Concerns President Dr. Karen Davis notes "It's quite likely the geese were gassed to death with carbon dioxide while in the transport crates: a slow, agonizing death of suffocation, terror, panic, and pain. Individual birds die at different rates as individuals and it can take many hours for them all to be dead. Also, a bird who seemed dead can revive and will then likely be strangled, beaten with a bat or some other bludgeoning instrument, or both." I might point out, presumption. Perhaps a lotta truth, dunno for sure.

Honest, I try to write fun stuff, life is hard enough. I stumbled onto this, wrote about it.. and thankfully, MANY protested. All kindsa people, animal right's activists, including Jane Goodall came forward.

Happy to report in 2022 Denver Parks and Rec, in cahoots with USDA's Wildlife Services, used nonlethal control (hazing, egg oiling, coyote decoys) and thankfully per the Denver Park and Recs Wildlife Program Adminstrator 'We don't believe we'll need to use lethal control (culling) in 2023."

I don't profess to see from the shoes of those that might be annoyed by geese. Sure, no fun for golf course superintendents to keep their greens clear, perhaps pond owners.  Maybe the protective hiss when guarding their nests bugs folks, worry for their kids.  It is said "Their hiss is worse than their bite." Wouldn't you, don't you, protect your children?  I think they're beautiful creatures and I love watching them, even if they plant their nest on the teebox of the 18th hole (which they've done). I don't putt wortha crap anyways so their crap don't bug me.

Reaction to culling has lead to a 'V',for Victory (and longer flights).  Fly proudly honkers, we loves ya!

Love, Victurd

":

Here comes the sun....doo-doo-doo-doo

Born in October?  Fall month births, more centenarians are born in Fall months.  Long live Libras. SIX US Presidents born in October, more than any other month. Octo means 'eight' so naturally, it's the tenth month. Paul Harvey says before Julian and Gregorian came around, the Romans had a ten month calendar, thus, October was the 8th month. I thought you'd never ask, later, January and February were added.

You dressed up like a Pirate or a Witch didn't you? Prolly stole your little sister's Snickers too didn't ya? The first 5 day work week was sanctioned in October. 

Sports sports sports.  The last couplea weeks in October (and sometimes the first week in November) are the only times ALL four major professional sports are in action (aka, NBA, NFL, NHL and MLB and it's World Series. Hey, don't forget the Rugby World Cup... 

And, ain't the (Hunter's) moon perty?  YEAH, don't forget us hunters!  Ok, won't.

OF COURSE you know November only has 30 days (Thirty days hath September, April, June and November.). I always used my knuckles. Huh?  Yeah, ya start with the index knuckle (Jan), then the dip 'tween the next knuckle (Feb), then the middle knuckle (Mar), dip (Apr), knuck (May), dip (June), knuck (July), knuck again (Aug), dip (Sep), knuck (Oct), dip (Nov), knuck (Dec.) Curly might say "knuck knuck knuck, only the dips have 30 days (or less)."

Sadly, we say scram to Daylight Savings Time... Hello 'mums', we call 'em that because chrysanthemum is too hard to spell.  Speakinowhich, spellcheck (ty btw) was invented in November.  You made that crap up didn't you Victor?  Humor me, like other funny fellow born in November (Mark Twain, my cousin Charles Schulz, Will Rogers and Danny Devito.)

We give thanks, eat the turkeys the hunters killed... hug family.. tear up a bit for any new, empty chairs. We usually get our first hard frost... and, two meteor showers, and, coincidentally, Grandpa showers twice in November whether he needs to or not.

December, yum.  Snug as a bug in a rug in our homes. We lose two minutes of sunshine per day until the 21st, then, boom, we start gaining sunshine.  

Twas a few weeks before Christmas, when all thru the house, folks counted their dollars, in hopes of buying nice enough presents they wouldn't come off as a louse. The children were nestled (looking at their Iphones) in their beds, while visions of Roblox and Fortnight danced in their heads.  They couldn't wait for the fat man to come down the chimney.

VICTOR!  You body shamer you!  Hey, I don't feel bad. He works, what, two days a year and I bet his social security is hella more than mine.

Victor, I really gotta pee... speed this thing up, we got 9 months left.  

OK, January. Only the beginning. Fulla Capricorns, Aquarians, birth month of Elvis (Love me tender), MLK (love not hate) and Virginia Woolf (You there, afraid of love?)  Of course we can't forget to forget Resolutions. And everyone knows about Perihelion.

Ahm, Victor. I don't know about Perihelion.  Oh, sorry.  That's when the Earth is the farthest from the Sun.

February.  Lovers Leap.  And, Leap year babies get shortchanged. Hey, when your mom gotya that box'a Valentines as a kid, did you have the kahunas to give, THE BIG ONE, to that hopeful love interest of yours?  I really can't remember (Patty Gross, 2nd grade, I was all shook up uh huh huh, uh huh, oh yeah). 28 days, 29 days, but who's counting.

March. Lion. March usually affords us sledding, golf, confused robins, drunkies who pretend to be Irish, spill wine dig that soil.. Madness, Ides, Lamb.

Faster Victor faster I ain't sure I can hold it.

April.  Fools who gotta pee but continue to read.  April showers pun mebbe intended but I never once used the word golden. Easter, yum. Baseball Ray. I do my Spring Cleaning.  Well, actually, my 2023 cleaning. Kids and school teachers get antsy.  April welcomed Willie (both Nelson and Shakespeare), talk show hosts (both Letterman and Leno) and come and listen to a story about a.. what I heard thru the grapevine, Buddy Epsen and Marvin Gaye.

May. May you make it thru without, you know, spotting?  

Wive's tales about May (Don't husbands tell tales too?) Victor, Mother's day IS in May):  wash your face with dew collected in the morning, will enhance your youth...  marry in May you'll rue the day... cats born in May won't catch mice, instead they'll bring snakes in the house. Mayday mayday.

Some, Taurus (the Bull) and some, Gemini's (twins) born in May. Would make for an interesting China Shop.

Ju hurry? I gotta pee! OK, June. SCHOOLS OUT, FOR THE SUMMER! Mild weather. Mosta the time. Sometimes. Occasionally. There is no other month on the calendar that begins on the same day of the week as June. SEE WHAT YOU LEARN HERE?  Victor, I GOTTA PEE!

My source said "June is an exciting month for sport's fans.  Both, the NBA Finals and The Stanley Cup Finals. Yawn, nomme.  Color me outdoors hiking, swimming, skateboarding, boating, fishing.  I know, I didn't believe it either. Would you believe maybe back porch in onea them heavy duty lawnchairs that holds heavy duty people, with TWO, count em, TWO, beer holders built in?  Yeah me too.

July. Ice cream and dog days. May the 4th be with you.  Poppers, firecrackers, sparklers, snakes, cones, roman candles, trips to ER. THE BIKINI DEBUTED IN JULY OF 1948. Oh, sorry. That's one small step for man (talking Armstrong on the moon, not the bikini. The bikini was a giant leap for mankind. Sorry, kinda.

Red in the face, doing pee pee dance.  Sorry, I'll try to go faster.

August. Humid. Here, come jump in the pool. More people are born in the Month of August than any other Month. (OK, I too, counted the months backwards. Seems as if "not a creature was stirring" is a horrible myth.) The month of August had turned into a griddle where the days just lay there and sizzle. Credit some kid's book. Speakinowhich, back to school you little snotnoses!

September, almost pee time for reader. Harvest moon. Sometimes that happens in October and when it does, then September is call the Corn Moon. That was boring Victor, I GOTTA PEE.  Ok, sorry. September is the only month with the same number of letters as its numerical place on calendar. See what you can learn here? Pee pee dance pace now faster. First montha Fall in Northern Hemisphere.

OK, go pee.  Oh, I see. Well, then shower and change your undies.

A trip around the sun.  Here comes the sun.  I always think of Woodstock, Richie Havens, but too, I know the Beatles wrote, recorded it.

Victor, that's a lotta trips around the sun for you.

Uh huh.

I was bored, sorry kinda. I love you, and life, the sun, Christmas, Valentines Day, Baseball Ray, Green beer, April Fools jokes, Patty Gross, but mostly, bikinis.

Love, Victurd

Day Planner........ Day-O.....

It has been deducted from observance, whenever I write about 'me', many, can't blame you, run the other way. Trust me, I get it.

Then, I see the black and white vision of I Love Lucy, and can't help but remember Ricky saying "Lucy, you've got some 'splainin' to do"... and when I do 'splain, it's akin to all the bugs in the house running to hide when one turns on the hunnerd watt lightbulb.

That's ok.

Day Planner.  That popped in my head this morning. Long ago (oh crap, here he goes) I got a job in Hotel Sales at the Hilton Plaza Inn.  For whatever reason, my boss loved me.  I was her canvas.  She guided me in buying suits, a nifty briefcase, tons of 'structions/suggestions, and, the 'much needed' Day Planner. Long story short, it ain't me babe, I said a no, no no it ain't me babe, it ain't me you're looking for.. . I sucked at Sales. I no likey wearing suits. I couldn't fit a 12 oz beer in the skinny briefcase, and......for the Day Planner, I am, undoubtedly, THE LEAST ORGANIZED PERSON on the planet - which, would make one think the Day Planner was a wonderful idea.  Huh uh.  It ain't me babe, I said a no, no, no it ain't me babe.

Victor, alla the above about you, everyone is hiding.

I'm good with that.... OK, but what are you trying to say?

I'm saying different strokes for different folks.  Square peg, round hole. Sail mebbe, with whatever floats one's boat. Niche. Labor of love, hard to find, but when one does, yum.

Ya come to a 4 way stop, ya either go straight or turn.  Turning here. (Whew, glad, we thought this whole dadgum blog might be about you.)

I've got s'more 'splainin' to do, I'm so sorry, kinda.

A friend posted "Dating when older is like trying to find a cart with good wheels at WalMart." Agreed, and I chimed in with "Or a buncha bananas that are kinda blackened from being on display awhile."  Anudder friend then came with "That's going to come back to haunt you Vic!"

Mebbe, but scroll to Day Planner.  Or Day-O.  Or, Yes, We Have No Bananas. 

We, old farts, have 'been on display awhile.' We ain't perfect.  We mebbe got spots on us making us unattractive, we ain't no longer Koolaid Koolaid, tastes great, wish I had some, can't wait.  We're squishy. Bananas with black spots that ya might haveta eat on the way home from Wally or else they ain't no good.

Victor, 'splain.

OK, but you asked for it. (My brain wants to type 'you got it, Toyota' but I'll try to resist.)

DAYting, like Day Planner, Day-O, is (can be) poopy at this age.

You there... you there that went 'ta High School together, hooked up, wove that yarn on your class ring so it'd fit your tiny finger, then..... ya went and done did got married, KUDOS.  This, will be hard mebbe for you to relate.  You've gone to bed together for years and years, you wake up together, you've likely been thru a tonna mattresses, diapers, birthday parties, inlaw celebrations, your family celebrations, kid, grandkids, you know what color your better half likes, the eggs... always scrambled  (or however).. you can virtually predict what your lifelong buddy will say, what time they'll get up, if they feel well, sicky, hungry, horny (sorry kinda, not really), tired, fulla vim/vigor.. ya know everything, up to and including if they want a longterm car warranty, EVEN A TERM POLICY, prolly the last four of their social, and fer sure, their desired sleep number. Two, done tangoed awhile.  Salude (I'm going to Mehico soon, practicing.) Victor, that was 'me', we're running.  Eh, OK.

We are here, single, for whatever reason. Past. It's the past.  We go forward, eh, do we wanna date?  It means:

New (kinda).. getting to know an entirely new family. Perhaps a new town. Whether or not they're an innie or an outtie (getting to that may be one'a the highlights though). Night owl or early bird? Mayo or no? Taste the food first or put salt on it? Sharing the remote, is that even remotely possible at this advanced age?  CNN or FOX? Piggly, Price Chopper, Hy Vee, Wally World? Chinese, Thai, greasy ole burger? Travel, stay at home. Walk the dog (mebbe he/she prefers cats, or, is allergic, or, would rather sink in the easy chair.)

OK, maybe we could try. I really like my sofa better.. and.. you could put that fitty-five inch TV in the basement mebbe? 68 degrees. Are you crazy? I'll freeze to death. Gardening. Golf. Alexa, pick a radio station we both can enjoy. Taste great, less filling. I gotta have a bathtub. I MUCH prefer showers. Theater? Live music at the bar on Sunday.

Do this, don't do that, can't you see it's a sign.

Hard.  Mebbe, mebbe not. High road, low road.  Cooking channel, Sportscenter. I like touch. Ok, maybe here at home, but not in public, it ain't me babe.  Interstate. Backroads.  Float trip, The Kauffman Center.

OK, hand me the Day Planner, we'll figure out tomorrow together.  Ahm, come what may?

Coffee?  Nine-ish? Hells bells, by then I will have been up five hours, had 6 cups, constitution (sorry, not sorry), seen how many it took for the 12 that post their Wordle score, and have written a really stupid blog, yes, probably with a little about me.  OK, I'll correct that, a lot about me. And, prolly a halfa packa cigs by then. Oh, I was gonna talk to you about the cigs.

Differn't. Differn't strokes for differn't folks.  Spots on the banana. Day-O. Yes, we have no bananas.

Netflix and chill? I thought you were going to Wednesday night church service wit' me?

Nap, yum.  Naps are a waste of time. Holy guacamole.  Not a fan of guac', pass me the queso wouldya?

Quoting Bob Dylan (OK, but can we hear Willie later?) "And it's a hard, it's a hard, It's a hard, it's a hardIt's a hard rain's a-gonna fall."

See what I mean Vern? Shucks, I was kinda hoping we could go to the Opera.

Love, a banana that's got black spots, way past it's expiration date, Victurd

On a scale of one to ten......

I'm old, I'm tired, my legs hurt, this is a recording.

Retired, kinda sorta, yesterday was the fourth day in a row I worked at the little golf course nearby. For me, that's a lot as I usually only work on Thursday and Sunday. Whenever I hear someone grump, grown about something rather trivial, I sometimes chime in with "Crybaby!" yes, perhaps in hopes of self reflection, enlightening them to think "you're right, I'm a dummy, my problems are minute in comparison to others."

Doc, it hurts when I do this. Well, then don't do that.

I ambled to my car after work, and, the last few years of my amble ain't been a pretty sight. I have an affliction that makes me walk funny.  (Crybaby, Victor, you've told us that twenty times.)  Ok, sorry. Forgot.  I'm old, I'm tired, my legs hurt, I forgot.  The pain in those legs was roughly 5 after that fourth day in a row.

Then, I jumped in my car to go home, which, is fancy for, I hope you weren't looking.  It was more like the Hokey Pokey. I put my right foot in, I set my big butt down, I put my left foot in and I moaned until it hit the ground. (Crybaby.)

And then it happened. (Color me a "Cover band" writer. Have trouble being original. I write [steal] words, then I'm reminded of a dadgum song, I gotta Google that song to see whointheheck wrote it, what it was about, yada yada.  Shazam. And then I sometimes blog simularly [steal] the song.

And then it happened, it took me by surprise, I knew that you felt it too, by that look in your eyes.  Sweeter than wine, softer than a summer night, everything I want I have, whenever I hold you tight.

That Magic Moment, The Drifters.  Ahm, no. That ain't it. I mean, it was that song, but not what I meant...sorry, kinda, not really.

And then it happened. I pushed my door back open a tad so I could feel for the seatbelt, and as I did, I cursed General Motors because there are two plastic parts that come together, (NO, not the Beatles Come Together, sorry).. anyways, my dadgum thumb got stuck between the two plastic parts, my gut reaction was to yank it out as hard as I could, tried, it stuck,  and when I did it again it came out, but, I was just sure I severed the tip'a my thumb off. (Pain TEN Doc, I swear!). Didn't, pull the tip off, but daaaaayummm it hurt. "It's OK, the Hospital is on my way home, I'll swing in."  Oh, wait, it wasn't even bleeding.  But daaaaaaaayuummm it hurt, AND, there was a little crease, AND, it WAS red. (Crybaby). I know.  Bite me.

Where was I?  Oh yeah, playing the game "Ain't it awful." What goes up, must come down. (VICTOR, I know that one!  Spinnin' Wheel by BS&T!) Well, yeah, but I was talking more about, on a scale of one to ten, my pain went from a TEN, to mebbe a three or so as I drove home. Nothing a nap and mebbe a beer couldn't handle.

Then, reality, perspective jumped in. I read the news today (Victor, A Day in the Life, the Beatles, put that Shazam app away, I got this!)  Well, yes, and no. Tain't what I meant.

I meant I read the news. Article with quotes from the parent of a child in Israel who was kidnapped. OMG. The next headline was regarding a motorcycle involved in a crash. I didn't, couldn't read it. That never ends well.

I have sat here, my cursor blinking for almost an hour. Facebook. Someone who has lost, not one, not two, not three, but four.. Perceived purpose.. Chosen by God to tell the story. To help others, "know you did nothing wrong. Aware many don't believe, but, guess what? I love them, and they love me. It's OK to be mad, cry, take meds, talk to a professional. Know that people will say the wrong thing in attempt to console. Give them grace. Know that God loves you, I love you, and that you are strong."

This person is remarkable. What was written (and there was a lot more) is among the saddest, yet most beautiful words I've ever read. This person IS a 10.

Perspective. Pain level 10.

Yes, I walk funny.  Sure, my legs do hurt. In the scope of other's pain, by comparison, I may not even  register a 1. 

With every grump, grown, ache, pain - we must know, in comparison to many, we're blessed. It might have taken that awhile to sink in for me, but I know I am.

I love you too,

Victor

Fall, Autumn, the N fell off....

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.  Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, all the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't put Humpty together again, so... they scrambled him up and toasted with gin......

Bill Cosby (I know, I know) usedta say October was his favorite time of year because the flies get slow.

Fall, the like Humpty kind - is key.  It is said "Balance, lack thereof, is the #1 thing that will place one in a Nursing home."

Fall, like the Beatles 'If I fell in love with you' can, does, maybe has, done weird things to folks.  Remember what Percy said?  'When a man loves a woman, can't keep his mind on nothin' else, he'll trade the world for the good thing he's found.....if she is bad he can't see it.. she can do no wrong.. turn his back on his best friend, if he put her down.'

Rain falls, snow falls. Leaves eventually fall, unless they're evergreen. London Bridge is falling down, falling down, London Bridge is falling down, my fair lady.

Fall asleep. Winter Spring Summer or Fall, all you gotta do is call....

Fall out, as in hair, teeth, or, mebbe an argument with a friend.

Fall.....bear is ready for a snooze.  Middle Age, maturity and melancholy. Harvest, reap what you sow... 

Bob for apples, bonfires, plants die but mum's the word. Crisp, crunchy leaves.  Homecoming, hayrides, pumpkin this, pumpkin that.  Trick or treat, smell my feet, gimme sumpin' good to eat or we'll Humpty your house.

Well it's a marvelous night for a Moondance. If Frank Zappa's daughter got married, would the father/daughter dance be a Moondance?

Ghosts and goblins. Can you see thru that mask?  We don't want you to fall down. Mom, dad, can't wait until Junior falls alseep that night.. gimme a break, gimme a break, grab that plastic pumpkin and break me offa piecea that Kit Kat bar.  Screw that, throw me a Snickers.

Stock market, falls.  What goes up, must come down.

Fall in line.  Fall out.

Grab the thirty aught six, a hunting we will go, a hunting we will go. Bring it home to momma, she'll take the giblets out, temper it, season it, stuff it, truss it (whateverintheheckthatis), roast it, serve it, gobble til you wobble, give thanks.  Yum.

Baseball Ray, as in World Series.  Mel Allen, Vin Scully, Curt Gowdy, Joe Garagiola, Jack Buck, Tim McCarver.

Fall of the Roman Empire.

You no wear belt, pants fall down. Cougar Mellencamp Something Or Other might refer to them as Bobbie Brooks. If Jack and Diane do get together, maybe a fall from grace.

Which way do you prefer your TP to fall?

Help, I've fallen and I can't get up.

Victor, this is pretty goofy... Apple not fall very far from tree. (Sorry dad!)

Spring forward, fall back, unless you live in Arizona or, you answer the telly with "Mahalo."

Motorcyclists wearing shirts about someone falling off.  

Dave Wottle fall behind.  Of course he more than made up for it. Turkey gobblers noted above, if they add gravy, green beans, sweet potato casserole, buttermilk dinner rolls, candied yam, crusty cornbread, pecan pie...converse, eat, converse, eat... have leftovers Friday, Saturday, Sunday.. they too will get a Fall behind.

This blog vely bad.  Many, most are, fall in that category. Thanks for not falling asleep.

Tune in tomorrow. (Don't fall for it.),

Love, Victurd Schultze (Most people hear the last name, write it as if the E fell off.  Didn't. Happy Autumn Autum and NE1 else still here.)

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life........

I never REALLY listened to that song.  Simpleton, enjoyed the beat, but again, didn't listen. Akin to  savoring the taste but not 'ciphering the words of a bowl of Alpha-Bits.

The next line is:  Never make a pretty woman your wife, so for my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you.

Victor, is this gonna be a 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder' blog?

Mebbe.

This aging thing is really quite interesting.  When we (old farts) were twerps long ago, a different song set the tone:  Chantilly lace and a pretty face and a ponytail, a wiggle in her walk and a giggle in her talk make the world go 'round.. Ain't nothing in the world like a big-eyed girl, To make me act so funny, make me spend my money, Make me feel real loose like a long-necked goose, Like a girl, oh baby, that's a-what I like.

Ya know, Bardot, Raquel, Sophia, Elke, Marilyn, Tiegs, Bo Derek, Farrah, and a Laurie Partridge (Susan Dey) in a pear tree.

Pigs.  Oink oink... I suppose that's why we start out swimming in a shallow pool.

To me (oh no, HERE we go).. bite me.  To me, perceived beauty has changed.  Piglet goal was 'a trophy'. Oh sure, not everyone, but take the lie detector test... you had that poster of Farrah hung in your bedroom DIDN'TYA?

Different day now Victor, EVERYONE gets a trophy. YES! You mighta backed into it, but that's kinda sorta the point. Sure, one has to be physically attracted to another... (VICTOR! WAIT!....YOU, the one who's been married twice, and had a couplea live in arrangements, are gonna offer US advice?  Then what next Smoky, you gonna preach on stopping smoking?  How NOT to hit a slice in golf? Investment techniques?

Bite me. No, not giving advice. Simply offering observance. People are beautiful, all.  Ok, that vast majority. Many. Lots. Almost everyone.  It ain't about lace though.. . ponytails, wiggles, big eyes. Sure that can help... but, simply loving people in general, beauty is everywhere.  Like Chickenman.  Remember?  HE'S EVERYWHERE HE'S EVERYWHERE.  Well, so is beauty.

Grandma's hands.  Grandma's smile when watching grandkids. Seeing two friends hug. There's probably a lot that has gone on prior to that. Mebbe one of 'em was falling off the ledge of life and the other threw 'em a rope to save 'em.  Mebbe cancer snuck in, one of 'em was 'the rock' beside them in their struggle. Mebbe they lost their hair due to crazy, (in spitea trying all means) outta control kids.

They guy with a bag of potatoes at the Piggly, waving a mom with a full cart and two 'littles' within, saying "You go ahead ma'am." Perhaps it's a golfing buddy who's watched you attain bogeys, double, triple bogeys, but he catches you nailing a 4 iron off the tee.. "NICE SHOT!"  Beauty in an ugly game.

The Voice.  I likes the idea.  The chairs are turned the other way, yer ears pick the beauty so the eyes don't get in the way. (If they were to hear many of us sing though, they might have a Snagglepuss 'exit, stage left' button on their chairs.)

Looks.  That is what is was all about.

Still is now, but differn't. Looks of kindness.  Laughter. Seeing a lifelong friend and in a millisec allowing your facial gestures to portray "Damn I'm sure glad I met you long ago, you've enhanced my life..remember when we once..... " Smiles, they talk.

Our brains are walking, talking photo albums, camcorders, GoPros, TikTok (whatever in the hell that is).. Cloud, as in ICloud (whatever that is).  We done got much up there in that brain.  Yummy stuff.  We've done pooped and peed all the ugly stuff (sorry, not sorry) that happens out long ago.  Sidestep it next time we see it. Ya don't needs to be athletic to 'do the hurdles', happy.. fun... niceness... hugs.. touches.. fist bumps.. we all gets a trophy now because life is grand.  Just like them Olympians, we're up there on the stand, cept who gives a rats if it's first, second, third, yada.  We're all winners.

Goofus and Gallant.  Remember?  Goofus bosses his friends, Gallant says "Whattaya wanna do next?"... Goofus takes the last apple.. Gallant shares his orange.

Goofus drives to the City. "GD (gosh darn) potholes! HONK! Lady, the light's green, get offa your phone, GO. WHY? WHY is that guy in the left lane? He's going the SPEED LIMIT, are you kidding me? I hate my job, I cannot wait to get the hell outta there and retire. Traffic, coworkers, especially Susie, patooey, weather, dark, bright, it all sucks.

Gallant starts the car, tunes to 101.1 the Fox (for you outta towners, that Classic Rock) He sees where Smitty usedta live and they'd play whiffle ball in his front yard.  He smiles as he drives past the drive in where he remembers his first smooch..'I hope she's doing good'... his eyes catch the tips of the changing color trees enroute.. neighbor Charlie passes him, honks and waves.. Big smile.  Charlie's a good dude.  He slides in his parking place at work, anxious to yap with friends about Mahomes and the Chief's win.. he can't wait to hear about Jane's new grandbaby "Hope she's got pics!".. oh, and it's payday. There were bumps in the road (there are, no matter what you drive) but Gallant was smiling, laughing so much, he never noticed 'em.)

Everyday is a payday if you let it be so. (TYVM Joel Osteen, here's my envelope with the fitty inside). Bite me, life is good.

Yesterday was my birthday.  WE KNOW VICTOR, WE KNOW. Anyways, I worked for a buddy.  My boss, not knowwing it was my Birthday, left little fun sticky notes in every drawer she knew I'd dig into. One such note was hidden under the quarters suggesting I start my day singing a song.  (Apparently I've never sung infronta her). 

So............  I grabbed three of my own dadgum sticky notes... went to her desk drawer......

1) Two can play this game, HA! Thanks for the fun notes..  Oh, and I took your advice about singing..

2) I owe you $112 (4 times 28) as, I sang Moon River and just as I did four nonmembers walked in, turned around and walked right back out. Sorry.  Sooooooooooooo....

3) I mooned them!  Happy day

She sent me a fun text back. She good people.

Have you noticed, they're everywhere!

Of course it's perfect and ok to ogle at the "Pretty Woman, walking down the street".. Sing if ya wanna be happy.. . or Chantilly Lace...

I'm kinda fond of Louie's Wonderful World too.  Trees of green, red roses too.

Beauty, it's everywhere to behold now. Right Chickenman?

Love, Victurd

No parking by the sewer sign.......

Nuisance......... a person, thing, or circumstance causing inconvenience or annoyance.

Geico does a wunnerful job with nuisance.... the "Aunts"... the 'weeds'...  "Ratt" infestation... I don't mind their gecko... to me, though, the AFLAC voice of Gilbert Gottfriend causes annoyance. They got ridda him in 2011 for something, I forget. Annoys me when I forget.

What gets your goat? (Side note. I realize side notes can be a nuisance themselves, sorry, kinda.  When I think of goats, two things come to mind.  THE very first date with a gal I REALLY REALLY admired. (Fancy for damn she was pretty)... she lived in the country. Barn with all kindsa critters.  Feral cats, horse, pony, chickens, goats.  Our date was to play pickleball, neither of us had. I ordered cheapy paddles, ball from Amazon. Toted to her 'farm'.  Uh oh.  Her goat was having a goat, kid I guess they call 'em. Yep. She had to help deliver, make sure all was ok.  Did. Thought maybe 'twins', thus, sister was called in to take over for her.  This gal looked SPECTACULAR. Except.. she had one half-inch round thing of goat afterbirth in her hair.  Not even 3 games of pickleball displaced it. I never told her until a few years later.  She was temporarily devastated. Nomme, I thought it was 'fun', so 'her', she STILL, looked spectacular.

Side note 2. A different GF. (many GF's, yes, lucky, but too, mebbe annoying).. anyways, she worked with a Greek dude. He was getting married.  Greek tradition has it (I forget if it's the bride's family or the groom's family) gives one really cool gift, like an animal or something. Soooooooooooo.  He wasn't gonna. Sooooooooooo, coworkers did.  They 'borrowed' a goat. Chained it (Don't worry PETA,wasn't cruel) to his front porch the night before the wedding.  Fun. Brought great cubicle laughter the following Monday. The first day back to work for newly married guy, he was met by virtually all employees pulling into parking lot. "Hey AJ (or whatever his name was, I forget)" yelled the boss's boss.. "I hope you guys had a great honeymoon and nothing bah'bah'bah'bah'bahd happened."

Nuisance.

Flies.  Ever get one in the car, winders are rolled up, so... you roll one down.. and insteada fly bootscooting a SECOND fly comes in?  Uh huh.

Skeeters.  Poison Ivy.  Pop-ups.  Phone solicitors. Boogers that the person don't know they got stickin' outta their nostril. Size 10 type.  Fighting traffic, paying waaaay too much for parking at a Royal's game, then, paying a dollar an ounce for 16 ozMiller Lite, finally making it to your seat.. ahhhh, yes.. we get the visiting team out in the first inning.. come to bat. . the guy sitting right behind (imagine our luck, 30,000 people and we get 'him'..) anyways, he's for the out of town team.. leadoff hitter and we hear (toppa his lungs) "HEY BATTER BATTER BATTER.. HEY BATTER BATTER BATTER...  SaaaWING BATTER BATTER BATTER."

The runs. (Not baseball, the other kind.) Sitting down, finally, finally, 'constitution.' Pun not intended "Oh shit, last 3 panels of TP"... replacement roll ten feet over in the cabinet. Waddle waddle waddle. Whew. Uh oh, gotta clean that up..later.

Do this don't do that, can't you read the sign? I have long wanted to live soooooooooooo far out in the country I could safely go grab the morning paper in my undies. I reckon there are several kinda people.  You have the ones who have the City Code Enforcement Office phone number on speed dial.. "Hello.. trash pickup was yesterday, the folks at 301 Maple still haven't taken their trash bins from the curb." Patooey.  Then there's wayy too liberal folks like me. Gimme farmland acreage with a rusty 1962 Oldsmobile terminally parked in the middle of nowhere. My kinda landscaping.

Don't get me wrong, I love my City.  My City has lotsa rules though.  About: Noxious odors, Carcasses (Where I, on the other hand, LOL at pics of a runover Rocky Racoon on his back in the middlea the road and someone has affixed a "Get well soon" Mylar balloon to it's hind leg.)  Where was I?  Oh yeah, nuisances in my City:

Adandoned, discarded or unused objects or equipment such as vehicles, furniture, stove, refrigerators, toilets, water heaters, yada, yada.  Hazardous live or dead tree.  Building material ifn's yain't building. Weeds. Swimming pool discharge. Huh? Whaddaya supposed to do, drink it? Sight distance on corner lot.

I just scrolled, top to bottom, bottom to top, the list of nuisances in our fine City.  I've drank a 12 ounce beer faster'n it took me to scroll the whole list. Do this, don't do that can't you read the 43 pages?

Bloggers that don't know when to say when. Sorry.

Alarm clocks. Loud folks. An eternally unsmiley face. Cars/trucks that take up two spots in the lot.  Cars/trucks that park RIGHT infronta the gas station door so everyone else has gotta walk all the way around (DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?).. 

Text abbreviations all the young punks know but I gotta Google. Skid marks (waddle waddle waddle). Rain when it ain't expected. Cold, anytime. TV/radio 'teases'. 

Promise I'm leaving, but one last thing.

Check engine lights really bug me.

Love, Victurd