I'm hooked on........ ooga-chaka ooga-ooga

People are strange, namely me.  There are four of us that play golf a few times a week. Same four.  Same results.  I finish last.  Same guy finishes first.  I hit two (or three) in woods.  We drink a beer or three.  We go home, we do it again soon.

But....... there are many (MANY) times these idiotic four 69 year old, 70 year old somethings, break out in song between shots. (I know, I thought weird too.).. It could be "I see a little silhouette of a man, Scaramouch, Scaramouch, will you do the fandango".........Or.. when your ball is on the green and it's in the way of the guy who's turn it is to putt, you can't find a coin to 'mark it', so you sing "There's a hole in my pocket dear Liza dear Lisa"...

Or, "Can anybody... find me...  someome to love."....... or, "Hit the road Jack.."..  or..  "Hello baby.. yeah this is the big bopper speakin'...ha ha ha ha ha..  Oh, you sweet thing.. Do I what?.. Will I what?.. Oh baby you know what I like."

The accompanying stench to our singing keeps dangerous varmits away, as well as chiggers, mosquitos. We are of the age we don't give a rats what anyone thinks, thus, (for us), FUN.

One day I gave it the ole "Ooga-chaka ooga-ooga"...one guy swore I made it up.. (Hell, I mighta already blogged about that, oh well, I repeat myself, sorry.)  Another guy said "BJ Thomas?  Hooked on a Feeling?"...

Upon further review, kinda sorta.  A childhood friend of BJ's, Mark James, actually wrote the song. James be a perty good songwriter - as, also to his credit he wrote "Suspicious Minds" for Elvis and Willie's "Always on My Mind."

The kinda-sorta part.  Ooga-chaka ooga-ooga wasn't in BJ's version.  A couple years after BJ recorded it, Jonathan King added the ooga-chaka ooga-ooga. (It's kinda fun to say, especially amongst buds on the golf course.)

Then, a Blue Swede singer Bjorn Skifs and producer Bengt Palmers (Vanna honey, tell Mr. Sajak I'd like to buy a couple vowels for these guys) took King's lyrics, released it, BOOM, big hit. (Appeared in a trailer for 'Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2").....

It is suggested the ooga-chaka bit was kinda sorta stolen, mimicked from George Jones' 1962 song Runnin' Bear and it's "uga-uga uga-uga" chants.. (We have not sung Running Bear on the golf course, but we do admit to peeing behind a tree when called for.)

Upon further review.  My opine only of course, I knda think the history of (some) songs is almost as yummy as the song itself.

Runnin' Bear was actually written by Jiles Perry Richardson - you might know him better by the name "The Big Bopper." Well Bop actually gave it to Johnny Preston to sing in 1959, a couple years before ole' George recorded it.

There is tragedy, ALL ABOUT.  Preston recorded it shortly after "The day the music died", ie, the 1959 plane crash that killed Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and The Big Bopper.

Preston's 1960 version ironically came just after Marty Robbins' "El Paso" and just before Mark Dinning's "Teen Angel", both of which feature a death of, or affecting, the protagonist.

Running Bear ends tragically as well.   It's about 'A young indian brave' and Little White Dove, an indian maid. The two are in love..........but......

Their tribes hate each other. And, they are each on the opposite side of a raging river. Against all odds, they each jump into the river, share a passionate kiss, are swept under by the current, drown, thus "Now they'll always be together, in their happy hunting ground."

That about wraps that up.  I'm off to play in, literally, an old fart golf tourney at the course (We actually tee off from the women's tees, don't tell nobody.. please.)  If you can think of any catchy ooga-chaka ooga-ooga, or uga--uga uga-uga-like songs for us to sing, please leave it in the remarks.

Can anybody....... find me...  someone to love (that doesn't give a rats how crappy of a golfer or singer that I am.)

Love, Victurd     (Forward by Jack Nicklaus, Ed Ames and Bo Diddly)

If we be blessed.......

We'll see fall. Those of us smack dab in the middle of the US really ain't got much choice on seasons. Those of you further South, maybe ain't got seasons. (I Googled "Do tree leaves fall in Hawaii?"..  "Nobody hibernates. Island trees don't drop their leaves, they flush with new growth.")

According to some site I read, Fall is the favorite season of American folks with 29% that prefer an autumnal climate. (Summer 25%, Winter 7%, and whateverintheheck that leaves for Spring.)

I'm on Facebook. I have friends on Facebook that list Winter as their favorite season.  I think they are nuts, but isn't everyone on Facebook nuts?

Thieving again, I found 'have a gourd time'... 'orange you glad it's autumn'... 'I only have pies for you'... 'Hay there'..  'I'm so corn-fused.' ... 'Let's just fall it a day'....   'Don't sweat the fall stuff.'

'Leaf me alone'...  'If money grew on trees we'd be raking it in.'.  'Don't leaf me hanging.'

'Give em pumpkin to talk about.'..  'Let's get lit'..  'Smashing pumpkins.'  'Pumpkin pi.'

Closets get a makeover..  Short sleeves to long..  Sweaters, jackets are hung... Shorts tucked away, long pants now the thing.  I wouldn't know but I surmise thongs are put away and granny panties are in order so buttcheeks are protected from cold. Save room in the undie drawer for longjohns.

I usedta feel sorry for the deer and only having rut season to you-know. Now, we lonesome George creepy geezers are kinda envious and would like our (few) day(s) in the hay as well. (That's not an advertisement and I never said the word pitchfork.  You are sick Victor.  Eh, mebbe.)

It gets darker earlier thus you youngsters get prime time at restaurants, bars, plays, movies, yada because us old farts can't see the damn white lines in the dark. Also, fall/darkness brings falls and whilst that may keep ER docs, nurses employed, it ain't a good thing for AARP.  Fall brings hoedowns, but not of the ER ilk, I'm talking the fiddle ilk.

Snowbirds get the RV ready to get the hell outta Dodge... us clingers that stay home tuck the mower, shovels, garden hoses in the corner in the garage, and, tune up the $650 snow blower we use twice a year.

In Fall, baseaball teams are whittled down to two... Football is the rage, all bundled up to watch, and those of us that forgot to pack a blankie or bring a stadium seat are guaranteed pink buttcheeks thanks to aluminum bleachers.

Bonfires, hayrides, pumpkins, cornstalks, indian corn, corn mazes, trick or treaters.

The trees, yes, they do turn perty.... oranges.. yellows.. deep red.. then the damn leaves fall (it's fall).. and we either mulch 'em, compost 'em, or, blow 'em over into the Simmon's yard.

We Midwesterners always announce "I love the seasons" and we'll leave it to you to figure out if our fingers are crossed behind our back.

Some of my favorite things about Fall...  The inside.  You can generally see your breath which correlates to still living.  The pure joy and excitement of changing the battery in the smoke detector on 'Fall back' day. Those fairly rare pleasant days where you can take the golf clubs outta the garage, go play and pull a muscle cause yain't exercised since July. Yum huh?

OK, truth be known, I love, except for the fact I get another year older every October. OK, I don't mind that either, I know we still here are blessed. I love the World Series.  I love the invigoration one is given between the time you exit the house and the car heater starts to get warm.

I DO love the trees and their changes. I've seen God's glory of the Aspens in Colorado, a bucket list is a trip to Cooperstown in the fall which would include a long drive in Upstate New York to see the colors.

I don't care what Tyreek Hill or Sammy Watkins say, we've got the best damn quarterback in the land right here in river city...... as well as the best, loudest, fans. Red Fridays tug at one's heart.

Frost on the pumpkin (of which Google tells us they can still live for awhile even if the vine dies, but, once it hits 20 degrees, huh uh.)  Frost on the golf green, and once it melts it's game on.

Ladies with pretty red noses. Family gatherings that include TWO pieces of pie.  Going to the gym, and you go 'shhhh, listen'... and you discover there ain't no snotnoses cause they're all in school, said lovingly of course.

The end of Fall is kinda drab, colorless, El Boro...... mebbe just like this specific blog. Tune in tomorrow, when I won't post one... yeah, that'll be better!

Love, Victurd

*Tune in in a few months and we'll dicuss that wonderful thing Winter, as well as cuss those that still have droopy dried up pumkins on their front porch in December.

Happiness for a simpleton....

Seeing an elderly couple walking hand in hand... or, simply helping each other in and out of the car.

The tail wag of the dog, the knead of a cat..

As a child...... cotton candy..... a peanut buster parfait.... a nickel mug of root beer..  a vanilla phosphate.... the stick of gum straight outta the baseball card pack....  mom's Spanish rice... mulberries after a 12' climb to get 'em...   granny's chocolate pie... peanut M&M's.... funnel cakes..  the cinnamon rolls at school, yum..

As a big person..  fall or the bone ribs... lasagna..  ok, I'll stop, this is boring, each person has their likes and dislikes!

The look on the face of a kid thatsa movin' without training wheels for the first time....   a child hoisted on mom or dad's shoulders so they can see too.. 

A jogger, but not your everday Runner's World Magazine, or marathon man, 10K kinda jogger.  A jogger who quite obviously ain't jogged in awhile and has the fortitude to get out there and go, maybe hurt a little bit, with great effort for personal betterness.

YOLO... BOGO... ILY..  ILY2... TY..  ROFL..  

First time ever for a little one to go off the diving board..   A mom, dad or even a grandma or grandpa that shows the kids, "hey, I too can go off the diving board!"

Being at any kind of baseball game - you almost always see something yain't seen before.

Seeing an old friend.....  Seeing a young friend...

Life when the tailgater on your heels gets the yellow light and you are free to laugh for 30 seconds or so.....

Farts....

A cow in a pond, a hog lazing in a muddy earthen..  A hawk soaring above.. A deer almost tippy toeing thru the woods...

A snake (in an aquarium.. going back down into it's hole.. or, shortly after a visit to the taxidermist.)

Karma.....

Being blessed to age...  Finding someone in WalMart that is actually older..  Being in a retail establishment, having to pee, and, after asking clerk where the john is, it's so close you don't have to do the pee pee dance to get there on time..

Jumping into bed after a fun day....  Jumping into bed only to find the smell of the sheets that just came offa the clothesline.. Jumping into bed and there awaits..- well, you know.

Rain, thunder observed, heard, from a screened in porch... Sunshine, but with a gentle breeze...  A fairly warm day but being graced with God's blanket of clouds...

A couple that sidesteps divorce court only to remember they both like pina coladas, gettin' caught in the rain, the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne.. makin' love at midnight... batteries recharged so to speak.

Eyeballs here.   Eyeballs on a beautiful person.. Eyeballs on a puppy - discovering things for a first time.. Eyeballs on a loved one..  

Being at the movie theater, the movie ends.. it's quiet.. the tear ain't dry yet..  you feel like you just ran a marathon, you don't wanna get up, you're emotionally exhausted, but DAMN, it was good.

Hello's.. fist bumps..  high fives from a kid..  

Certain noises..  the coffee's done perculatin'.. . a helicopter above..  the mower that starts after the pull..  music so good you can't sit still...   "Play ball".. "Say cheese"..  "Dearly beloved".... remembering the voices of those that have departed...

Parades.. the mechanical wave of the queen sitting up on the back of the convertible.. watching, listening to kids in hysterics after they just saw a horse poop.. bands in precision..  little ones marching and an appreciation for them as they must take twice the steps of others..

Full fledged naps..  Easy chair unintended naps where you wakeup and think "oh hell, what time is it?"

A dog and a tennis ball..  a dog on the leash awaiting a nice walk..  a dog off his leash going wherever in the hell he wantsta..  a dog so excited he's running in circles..  

Toothpaste, mouthwash, shampoo, a warm relaxing bath where their ain't no damn hurry to get out.

Getting outta the heat and into the cold.  Getting outta the cold and into the heat.

A pond, a lake, a stream, a river, an ocean. A camera. 99% on a cell phone.

When things go as planned.  When things don't go as planned, you manage, and you are actually damn proud of yourself.

Batman, goblins and Elsa knocking on your door in October..   Santa with his REAL beard..

People gathered for just about anything.. a concert.. a ball game.. a parade.. a child's school performance..  a Fall Festival.. a movie..  and recognizing, "hey, we can do this, there ain't one GD (gosh darn) thought about politics, political party, no name calling, we peacefully can exist. (Together) (Us Americans.) The Turtles might even write a song, "Happy Together...Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba."

Once I was an elementary school teacher..  I loved my boss, the Principal.  She taught me, maybe my 'favorist' all time advice: "Catch 'em doing good."  Yum.

I would bet, if she were still around, and she could read this, she might add "Catch yourself being happy.. there is sooooo much out there to be happy about."

By Henry Hallmark Gibson.   Forward by Bert, Ernie and Mr. Rogerts

Love, Victurd

imagine if you will, lads from all walks of life...

Farm towns, suburbia towns, big ole cities, this State, that State.  All kindsa sizes - 5'6" to 6'6", a buck fifty to 300+. A mixture of football players, baseball players, swimmers, basketball players, soccer players, artists, musicians, with some regular ole regular guys thrown in. A mixture of economic backgrounds with the vast majority leaning toward 'work-study' jobs, grants, scholarships, ie, need.

Gathered for education, sport, women, fun, hi-jinks, and not necessarily always in that order. Crammed, 30+, into a ten bedroom home - and many of those bedrooms were actually partitioned chunks of the basement, or offshoots of an offshoot of a bedroom. Music, music of the 60's and 70's blared from room to room.  It could be rough to find quiet to study, but if so, one just jumped in the car and headed for The Hill, the place where this education was to happen.

Theses guys were best exemplified by Wally Clever types - but the bean counters and marshal at arms of The Hill, from day 1, watched with one eyebrow furrowed, and from their notes taken, it was suggested the guys were more like Eddie Haskell.. with an Ernest T Bass and an Otis thrown in.

Do good.  There was much do good by the guys. Not only on the athletic courts, fields, music rooms - but in academia in general - and the community, they did things for little kids. Cool things, charitable things.

But the beancounters were unrelenting.  "I'm sorry sir, we have no idea how those 42 For Sale signs showed up in that one fraternity's yard.".... "The Sambos mat by  the downstair's bathroom?  Ahm, it's a gift from one of our alums who is the Director of Franchise Opportunities for Sambo's." Maybe they didn't all start out like choir boys, but some did sing in the choir.

Over the course of four years (5, even 6 for some) these men gathered degrees (and or tons of knowledge) and either headed home or made the town of The Hill, home. Much happened in between.

Fellowship. A fellowship like you ain't never seen. I've got your back Jack.  Brothers. Eternally united. Intramurals, skits, plays, floats, creative songs. They studied together.  The guys shared rides across the land during Summers, weekends, Spring breaks.  One Spring break, 27 of 'em drove 24 hours non-stop for fun and frivolity on Padre Island. Occasionally, they even partied together.

Basically, their time stuffed in that ten bedroom home, was the time of their life.  They maybe didn't realize it at the time, but it was. Some grabbed a coed, made a home.  All, eventually headed out to be positive role models in society.  Ya had teachers, coaches, athletic directors, principals, superintendents, lawyers, judges, specialized trades, managers, supervisors, Vice Presidents, CEO's and more.  Imagine that, Eddie, Ernest T and Otis coming out like that in the wash.

What the bean-counting, marshal at arms were unaware of, these gents all abided by the creed of their fraternity. 

To believe in the life of love. Love thy wife, child, family. To keep the sainted memory of our loved and lost, their faults forgotten, their virtues enshrined in our hearts forever. To try bravely to do unto our fellow man as they would undo to us.

To walk in the way of honor. To realize deeply the baseness of deceit, that no obligation will be more binding than our plighted word. Spurn the gifts of greed and power, to be content to live by our knightly vow of honor. Emulate the chivalrous deeds of courtesy, and sealing not our hearts against the touch of tenderness.

To serve in the light of truth. To seek in nature, the meaning of Infinite Truth. To believe in the melody of birds, the laughter of children, the unmeasured sacrifice of motherhood. The spirit of hope and faith which soothes the hurt of grief, heals the wound of wrong, and calms the fever of doubt.

One day each of those men that were crammed into that house walked out for the last time. As they passed The Hill one last time there was no urge to scorn the bean-counters or marshal at arms, moreso, a lust, a thirst, to go, life a life of love, walk in the way of honor, and serve in the light of truth.

Most would tell you, it was the time of their lives and certainly a wonderful preparation for life.

We lost a good one yesterday.  He lived the life of love, he walked in the way of honor and he served in the light of truth. God Bless and RIP Sir - we loveya, always will.

(Please know, I love you all - but please no "I'm sorry for your loss," as it was the loss for all of us, thanks.)

Imagine if you will, lads from all walks of life.......

Imagine if you will, lads from all walks of life. Farm towns, suburbia towns, big ole cities, this State, that State.  All kindsa sizes - 5'6" to 6'6", a buck fifty to 300+. A mixture of football players, baseball players, swimmers, basketball players, soccer players, artists, musicians, with some regular ole regular guys thrown in. A mixture of economic backgrounds with the vast majority leaning toward 'work-study' jobs, grants, scholarships, ie, need.

Gathered for education, sport, women, fun, hi-jinks, and not necessarily always in that order. Crammed, 30+, into a ten bedroom home - and many of those bedrooms were actually partitioned chunks of the basement, or offshoots of an offshoot of a bedroom. Music, music of the 60's and 70's blared from room to room.  It could be rough to find quiet to study, but if so, one just jumped in the car and headed for The Hill, the place where this education was to happen.

Theses guys were best exemplified by Wally Clever types - but the bean counters and marshal at arms of The Hill, from day 1, watched with one eyebrow furrowed, and from their notes taken, it was suggested the guys were more like Eddie Haskell.. with an Ernest T Bass and an Otis thrown in.

Do good.  There was much do good by the guys. Not only on the athletic courts, fields, music rooms - but in academia in general - and the community, they did things for little kids. Cool things, charitable things.

But the beancounters were unrelenting.  "I'm sorry sir, we have no idea how those 42 For Sale signs showed up in that one fraternity's yard.".... "The Sambos mat by  the downstair's bathroom?  Ahm, it's a gift from one of our alums who is the Director of Franchise Opportunities for Sambo's."

Over the course of four years (5, even 6 for some) these men gathered degrees (and or tons of knowledge) and either headed home or made the town of The Hill, home. Much happened in between.

Fellowship. A fellowship like you ain't never seen. I've got your back Jack.  Brothers. Eternally united. Intramurals, skits, plays, floats, creative songs. They studied together.  The guys shared rides across the land during Summers, weekends, Spring breaks.  One Spring break, 27 of 'em drove 24 hours non-stop for fun and frivolity on Padre Island. Occasionally, they even partied together.

Basically, their time stuffed in that ten bedroom home, was the time of their life.  They maybe didn't realize it at the time, but it was. Some grabbed a coed, made a home.  All, eventually headed out to be positive role models in society.  Ya had teachers, coaches, athletic directors, principals, superintendents, lawyers, judges, specialized trades, managers, supervisors, Vice Presidents, CEO's and more.  Imagine that, Ernest T and Otis coming out like that in the wash.

What the bean-counting, marshal at arms were unaware of, these gents all abided by the creed of their fraternity. 

To believe in the life of love. Love thy wife, child, family. To keep the sainted memory of our loved and lost, their faults forgotten, their virtues enshrined in our hearts forever. To try bravely to do unto our fellow man as they would undo to us.

To walk in the way of honor. To realize deeply the baseness of deceit, that no obligation will be more binding than our plighted word. Spurn the gifts of greed and power, to be content to live by our knightly vow of honor. Emulate the chivalrous deeds of courtesy, and sealing not our hearts against the touch of tenderness.

To serve in the light of truth. To seek in nature, the meaning of Infinite Truth. To believe in the melody of birds, the laughter of children, the unmeasured sacrifice of motherhood. The spirit of hope and faith which soothes the hurt of grief, heals the wound of wrong, and calms the fever of doubt.

One day each of those men that were crammed into that house walked out for the last time. As they passed The Hill one last time there was no urge to scorn the bean-counters or marshal at arms, moreso, a lust, a thirst, to go, life a life of love, walk in the way of honor, and serve in the light of truth.

Most would tell you, it was the time of their lives and certainly a wonderful preparation for life.

We lost a good one yesterday.  He lived the life of love, he walked in the way of honor and he served in the light of truth. God Bless and RIP Sir - we loveya, always will.

(Please know, I love you all - but please no "I'm sorry for your loss," as it was the loss for all of us, thanks.)

Give piece a chance.....

It truly is a Wonderful World, but it took a bit to get there.

I see trees of green
Red roses too
I see them bloom
For me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Bob Thiele (as George Douglas) and his buddy George David Weiss wrote this song in 1967.  According to Lyrics Genius, it was written during the time of the Vietnam War to try and bring hope to the millions of victims suffering the effects of the war like the loss of many loved fathers, sons and husbands - as well as for the 'half cast' children who were sent away from their mothers to a foreign land with foreign people.

Weiss wrote the song specifically for Louie Armstrong to sing as he was inspired by Louie's ability to bring together people of different races.

I see skies of blue
And clouds of white
The bright blessed day
The dark sacred night
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Armstrong had a gig at the Tropicana in Vegas - but it didn't get over until Midnight.  Still, he agreed to meet Thiele and Weiss to record it at a nearby studio AFTER his performance at the Tropicana.

Armstrong had recently signed with ABC Records, and president Larry Newton showed up to snap pics of Louie. Nelson wanted a swingy song like "Hello Dolly" so when he heard the lyrics and the slow pace of Wonderful World, he tried to stop the show and he had to be physically removed and locked out so recording could continue, ie, "give the piece a chance" Larry!

The colors of the rainbow
So pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces
Of people going by
I see friends shaking hands
Saying, "How do you do?"
They're really saying
"I love you"

Just when it was thought all was well and good (2am by now), Louie would start singing, the musicians would start playing, then "CHOO CHOO", whistles from nearby trains would stop the recording. (Ever been to Knuckleheads!)..  Louie shook his head, laughed, and kept his composure throughout.

I hear babies cry
I watch them grow
They'll learn much more
Than I'll never know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Finally... finally.. recording was finished at 6am.  To make sure the folks in the orchestra were paid extra for their overtime, Louie accepted only union scale for his work.

Yes, I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Oh yeah

Ceptin', Nelson tweren't happy about his removal, thus, he refused to promote the song.. it reached #1 in England, but not so in the US.  There was an episode of The Muppet Show in 1978 had Rowlf the dog singing it, but it wasn't until the film "Good Morning, Vietnam" used it and was re-released in 1988 that it FINALLY hit the charts in the US.

Finally, finally, Rolling Stone, in 2021, ranked it as song #171 in "The Top 500 Best Songs of All Time."

Louie got knocked down, but he got up again.  My take, that one guy didn't know shit from Shinola. (And, as long as today is back to school, we ain't too old to learn, Shinola was a popular boot polish in the first half of the 20th Century.)

Kinda like life, and, the 440 yard hurdles, there be some obstacles in the way sometimes.  Louie jumped 'em.

I've always loved this song, loved Louie's expressions, vigor, smiles, happiness....... Now that the piece has been given a chance, I love it even more.

Now you know the rest of the story,

Harvey Paul <-- so I won't get sued for plagiarism.

Love, Victurd

Theft......

Plagiarism....   "The practice of taking someone else's work or ideas and passing them off as one's own."

Davy, Davy Crockett..  Born on a mountain top in Tennessee... Kilt him a b'ar when he was only three..  Davy, Davy Crockett - King of the Wild Frontier.

I'm confused.  Fess Parker was Davy Crockett.  But too, he was Daniel Boone.

Daniel Boone was a man, yes a big man.. he was brave he was fearless and as tough as a mighty oak tree..

But too... So was Davy.. I mean Fess... I mean Daniel.. Damnit Jim...

I 'Fess' up.  I stole the below.  One might call it plagiarism, but I ain't passin' it off as mine. Turn me in, take me to jail, I won't collect $200, but I also won't haveta pay $4.99 a pound for ground beef at the Piggly Wiggly.

I was confused as all get out on what/if/should I write about.  Then I thought, "Ball of Confusion" and I done did that some time ago. I thought about writing about cliques, but nah, that would remind me of Jonathan Heasley.

Victor.  Whointhehell is Jonathan Heasley.  I'm so glad you asked.  He's a pitcher that had a really gutty performance for the KC Royal's the other night.  Poor feller.  He upchucked TWICE in one inning.  Manager stayed with him.  Did it again the next inning, manager pulled him.  Cliques make me upchuck, so nah, not about that.

I Googled confusion.  Found much.  One of 'em talked about Great Britain/The United Kingdom..   Alligators/Crocodiles..   Jam/Jelly...   Mule/Donkey...  (What happened to ass?).. Stuffing/Dressing..  I love me some Thanksgiving, but I don't eat stuffing (or dressing) and I was falling asleep reading this article, so nah.......

Found one I really liked.  I AM STEALING THIS...  IT AIN'T ME BABE. Then, that confused me. I thought Sonny and Cher sang that, I guess they did, but with Bob Dylan.  

But too...  So did the Turtles.. Johnny Cash... Nancy Sinatra.. I'm confused.  Wouldn't that make them plagiarists?

Some favorites I am admitting to stealing that I liked, you may not, but that's life and that's why it's confusing:

If you are shorter than someone, it's it possible to talk down to them?

Do prison buses have emergency exits?

Why do we cook bacon but bake cookies?

If God sneezes... . what do you say?

Why isn't there mouse flavored cat food?

If Cinderella's shoe fit so perfectly, why did it fall off?

Why do noses run but feet smell?

(See?  This beats the hell outta Daniel Boone, Davy Crockett, cliques, yada)

Why do they say you have a cold when your temperature goes up?

If you drop your soap on the floor, does the floor become clean or does the soap become dirty?

You must be really really bored if you are still here.

Which armrest is yours at a movie theater?
If cyclops were to close his eye, is it winking or blinking?

I don't understand IT crap at all.  Why did that sentence only space once insteada two like the rest?

Why is the objective of golf to play the least amount of golf? (SEE! I gets my damn money's worth!)

What do they call french kissing in France?

A baby's butt pops out of his mom at 11:59pm and the head comes out at 12:01am, what day is he born on and who decides?

Do Dentists go to other Dentists or do they treat their own dental care problems? Proctologists? <- that was mine, I ain't fessin'  I stole that.

I'm sorry, kinda.  There is much to be confused about in life.  On a serious note, "Why do bad things happen to good people?"

Humor (to me) was in order today.  There's enough messy real life stuff to be confused about, worry about.

Laugh, love, hug, kiss, include others, smile, wink, pray, fist bump, shake hands, high five, combat ugly stuff, and have a great day.

Confucius say man who sit on tack, get point.

Love, Victurd 

The dog ate my homework...

 I'm a sap.  I cried (again) this morning. Oh no, don't fret. I think crying sometimes just means "need a washing."

An 8 and 1/2 by 11 sheet of paper, and typing.  What could be so all powerful about that?

Words, that's what.  Words are the spigot to water that garden, the pedal to make the jalopy go, the aorta to giveya that lub-dub, thump thump.

The "I do" to start a thing of beauty. The "You're hired" for a one day life of retirement. Words are greeting cards, texts, DM's, Braille, posted notes, love letters, offers of prayer.

Words provide more strength than Gorilla Glue, more 'ups' than Michael Jordan or even Superman and his ability to leap a building in a single bound, more power than Popeye's spinach, more magic than Samantha's nose twitch.

I'm madly in love with words, truth.

Today I lean on my friend Ethel who posted the below. The dog ate my homework, ie, nothing I could write could compare to anything like the below.

They're only words, and words are all we have, to take our hearts away.  They're only words, and words are all we have, to take our hearts away. They're only words, and words are all we have, to take our hearts away.

Happy bathing, love Victurd

NEED WASHING

A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Wal-Mart. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence.

It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout.. We all stood there, under the awning, just inside the door of the Wal-Mart.

We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day.

I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.

Her little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in, 'Mom let's run through the rain,'

She said.

'What?' Mom asked.

'Let's run through the rain!' She repeated.

'No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit,' Mom replied.

This young child waited a minute and repeated: 'Mom, let's run through the rain..'

'We'll get soaked if we do,' Mom said.

'No, we won't, Mom. That's not what you said this morning,' the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm.

'This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?'

'Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, ' If God can get us through this, He can get us through anything! ' '

The entire crowd stopped dead silent.. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain.. We all stood silently. No one left. Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say.

Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.

'Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If GOD let's us get wet, well maybe we just need washing,' Mom said.

Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They got soaked.

They were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars. And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.

Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories...So, don't forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories every day.

To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.

I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

A quickie.......

You have the most disgusting mind I've ever seen!

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not, 'that'.......

Oxford tells us, a quickie is defined as:

1. A rapidly consumed alcoholic beverage. (That wasn't what I thought of as #1, but oh well.)

2. A brief act or instance of having sex. (That..  that's 'that' I was thinking of.. I suppose it'd be like riding a bicycle, been awhile (TMI sorry) but, riding a bicycle skeers me so I dunno.

3. Done or made quickly.  Example, 'a quickie divorce', or, in this case, a quickie blog.

Today's quickie is about kids, youth.  So many wonderful pictures of snotnoses headed back to school... damn cute..  dadgum smart.. brave.. ambitious.. each with the goal of personal betterment.

We of the age of "keep your damn baseball outta my yard" form opines, misconceptions, stereotypes, pigeonhole.. etc.      "Lazy..  disengaged.. not good communicators..  apathetic toward future.. don't take advantage of opportunities afforded them. Not respectful."

In every deck of cards there are a couple of jokers.  In any subset of Americana (I ain't professing to be no expert, just gathered wrinkles from observation) there are flunkies.  Those that fit the bill. "aha, see what I mean?"

Happy to report, I think most of us witness just the opposite day after day after day.

Not all children are afforded two, well meaning parents, guiding and redirecting them with love, not fear.  Some, sans a parent or two, break the eggshell mostly on their own becoming a good person. Nice.  Real nice.

The vast majority of youth, my opinion, are respectful, fun, practice the age old Golden Rule, and it's almost as if mom or dad are standing there behind them, awaiting to see if the need is there to say "that's inappropriate."

Inotherwords, I think society is in fantastic shape for tomorrow, even if they hit the damn baseball in my backyard.

We old farts are perked by things like, getting our undies on without falling, breaking a hip....taking five minutes upon awakening to figure out whatinthehell day, month, year it is. Coffee. Texting without error in spite of the size 8 type. Being 'regular', well hey, perhaps a crappy take, but it is important. Dogs, cats, nice weather, grocery shopping when everyone else is hard at it at the factory.. . simple kinda things.

And youth.  Youth, in our case, pretty much refers to anyone born around or after JFK was in office.

There ain't much better than having an interaction, when one is a geezer, with someone younger... they're respectful.. they listen with interest.. and, color me an old fogey, they use the words 'sir' and ma'am (not essential, but a fixodent to our heart.)

As we turn the corner of life and the 'rules' change from "raise your hand before speaking aloud", "line up at the door", "use your inside voice" yada..... to...  stay active (if you don't move you die).. take them supplements.. eat a healthy diet..  wash your hands (one that was held over into old age).. get plenty of rest..  but a/the biggie: THINK YOUNG.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.

No.. that ain't it.

I screw up, you screw up, we all screw up.

But......

Youth, who live, breathe, walk, talk with pride, AS IF their parents were standing behind them in observation - yum!.......

Well....... if/when we think young - maybe that's not a bad plan for us old farts too.

We all, if we gotta closet, have skeletons in there.  We be human.

But.....

For the most part, tradition has even carried into our old age, and we too live, breathe, walk, talk with pride AS IF our parents were standing behind us in observation.

I love youth.

I love rock and roll, put another dime (5 dollar bill) in the juke box baby.

Now, go have a quickie and don't break a hip taking your drawers off.

Love, Victurd

The 59th Street Bridge

Odds are, when you are mostly likely to simply 'go in your pants', you're two.

Scraped knees are a common affliction when training wheels come off at around age 6.

When the baseball is taken away from 'the Tee', the 'machine pitch', 'the coach pitch', and, placed in the hands of a youth to pitch, you're likely to get hit with a baseball - around age 9.

The tricky damn parallel parking, it's quite likely you're going to 'ding' another car at age 16.

"Hold my beer and watch this" accidents are prone to those in their 20's, 30's.

Life is real.  We must face facts. At age 1 or 2, you're bound to fall.. put a penny in your mouth.. try to taste the flavor of an electrical cord.

6-ish, most of us will race around the swimming pool on hardened concrete, modeling the greatest US Olympic sprinters at break neck speed, yet, with no anti-lock brakes... one 'teeter' and it's like a semi trying to stop on a dime on the Interstate.  Trips to Urgent Care, ER's happen.

Age = likelihood.

Slow down, you move too fast
You got to make the morning last
Just kicking down the cobblestones
Looking for fun and feeling groovy
Ba da-da da-da da-da, feeling groovy...

Odds are, the eyeballs reading this are roughly my age, 69 at present.  I know some younger, some older..  OK, I admit, only three people read this blog, one younger, two older.

Anyways, association with age are basically predictors of what/when something happens.  First fall, the never ending first bike ride that ends against one's will.. the first beer.. the first paycheck.. the first true love.. parenting..  empty nest..  having aging/ailing parents.. retirement..  GRANDKIDS!..  this, that, lots.

A look in the mirror of honesty tells us, we are of the age some really crappy things can/do/probably will happen.  GPS'ing in on a specific group, the Liberty High School Class of 1970 had 211 graduates in 1970.  Our last reunion (40 year) we had roughly 20 that had passed. Now, we're up to over 50.

Plans to attend our upcoming 50 year (+2, thanks Covid) Reunion, ARE NOT being made by quite a few due to affliction.  Likelihood oft times simply sucks.

Hello lamppost, what'cha knowing
I've come to watch your flowers growin'
Ain't you got no rhymes for me?
Doo-ait-n-doo-doo, feeling groovy
Ba da-da da-da da-da, feeling groovy...

With one eye on the future, we must live day to day enjoying the flowers growin. We must fool the young punks by demonstrating our ig-pay-atin-lay ability to say 'am-scray' to things like consternation.. hatred.. prejudice.. bad moods... simple arguments.. getting, being testy.. 

It's a time to chill.  Enjoy.  Look for beauty insteada inequity.  Smile, we have an unlimited supply of them. Love.. hug.. cry, happily. (Even if we go in our pants, scrape our knee, get hit by a pitch, ding a car, fall at the pool, or anywhere.)

I got no deeds to do, no promises to keep
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep
Let the morningtime drop all its petals on me
Life, I love you, all is groovy...

Odd. Even.

If we're at a parade and it rains, what better time for us to take off our hat and allow it to hit that bald spot, would feel yummy.  If profanity, dislike, hatred, political name calling are in a direct line towards us, we can use our Clark Kent shield of armor to thwart those mo-fo's off.

It's time.  Golden time.

Odds happen.

Even we can live it out gloriously, happily, nicely, yummily. (<-- screw you grammar check, should be a word.)

Oops, slipped.  I mean, "it's ok grammar check, I'll take my hat off and feel the rain, it'll be alright."

I pledge allegiance, to the lyrics, of Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel.  And to the repugnant trying to knock us off our stand, one gathering of old folks, indivisible, from Liberty and other parts, with happiness for all.

Life, I love you, all is groovy.

Jolly good......

 Elijah Ezekiel Edmund Edison finally got his complete name finished on his Big Chief tablet the 3rd Quarter of his 2nd grade year. The kids made fun, he didn't care - he looked at life as a party, why get mad when laughter feels so much better?

Elijah dreamed of putting on a Major League uniform one day. Living two doors down from Tank Zernok, they played catch, hit flies to each other, and over the course of their childhood, played 'pepper' 11,487 times, but who's counting. Elijah's 'career' led him to be the quintessential JV player. His senior year in High School, he finally made the varsity, basically because Seniors couldn't play on the JV. He would only enter the game if his team was 10 runs up, or 10 runs down. Tank, however, led the conference in batting average, doubles, triples, stolen bases, and his home run total of 34 was the second best EVER in the entire State. Each, and every homer (double, triple, stolen base, yada) Tank would be met by the first in line to greet him, clean uniformed Elijah. You would think Elijah would have no finger prints or hand prints left after having high-fived Tank so many times.

The end of the season happened, a baseball banquet was held.  Second place finish in State, pretty darn good. Nearing the end of the banquet, the Coach had a special announcement. "In addition to Tank being named, All Conference, All District, All State - I'm here to announce he's just been offered a contract by the Cincinnati Reds!" Elijah was the first to stand, the first to "WOO HOO!", and soon the entire crowd joined him. Tank, laid back, sem-shy, partially embarrassed by all the attention made a short speech.  He thanked his parents, his teachers, his coaches, all the fans/students and finished with "I am here to tell you, I would not be here if it weren't for my best bud, Elijah!" More hooping and hollering, Elijah let out the very biggest smile he'd ever had, and that was pretty damn big because he was ALWAYS smiling.

Arnie, Elijah's coworker at the printing factory - became Elijah's 2nd 'BFF'. Daily, Elijah would swing by Arnie's house to pick him up for work. In 100 degree temps, pouring rain, slip sliding away ice,  and even in tornadic threatening storms. (Blog writer's edit:  They underlined 'tornadic' indicating it ain't a word... should be.) Arnie had medical issues through no fault of his own and missed many days early in his career. Elijah always picked up the slack and would call Arnie after to work to check on hm. Arnie, over the years, slowly arose through the ranks, lead, manager,  VP, and ultimately President/Plant Manager of the entire company. Elijah kept the same position for years and years, but he did it better than anyone the company ever had. One day Arnie called him in his office, Elijah walked in the door, offered that smile of all smiles to his buddy - Arnie proceeded with "Elijah, I simply want to thank you. I wouldn't be here if it were not for your devotion, stability and friendship."  A smile wider than Texas came upon Elijah's face.. "Oh thanks Arnie, but you'll never know how much fun you've given me with your friendship."

That was Elijah.  Doing for others, but always wanting to remain in the back row, outta the limelight, yet lighting up the room with his smile.

Elijah would have that effect (or, blog writer always confused, wonders if that should be affect, "sorry Mrs. Pugh, HS English teacher.") for anyone who met, befriended him. He was friend, confidant to the cashier at QT, the guy who oiled the lanes at Stanley bowl, to his cousins, his siblings, folks, the neighbor kids, coworkers, teammates, yada.  His take on life was bend, never break, and that included a persistent smile, no matter.

Later in life, Elijah would get sick.  He battled for many a year.  Arnie made it so he could work from home and he never missed a payday, had continuous health insurance.

Doc Henson called Tank one day, then Arnie, then Elijah's oldest brother.  A turn for the worse. Devastation to them all. They all gathered and decided upon a special retirement party for Elijah. Phone calls were made to all the guys on the HS baseball team, all the employees at the plant, the QT lady, all his family members, the guy who oiled the lanes at the Stanley bowl, many.

They decided to keep it a secret. Thursday, at 4pm exactly, they all met in front of Elijah's house on 6th Street. Elijah's folks welcomed them in.  Marching back to the Elijah's bedroom, once they got there, they noticed scads of pics on the walls, virtually each and every one in the crowd had their smiling mug on the wall. That was Elijah.  It's about you, not me.

One by one they moved through the line to offer congrats.  It was easy to see Elijah was dealing with some pretty severe pain, but each and every tear of those in line was met with that beautiful, everpresent smile of Elijah's.

Over the years, Elijah Ezekiel Edmund Edison had experienced bullying, laughter, making fun of his name, yada.  He took it in stride, with smile. Their memories of Elijah rapidly ran through their brains while they all awaited the chance to congratulate Elijah. One by one came to the realization Elijah had taught them more than they could ever repay him for.  His friendship, his loyalty, his jovialness was unmatched.

He loved them all.  Equally, no matter if you were the starting shortstop for the Reds, the Plant manager, the cubicle mate, the QT lady, bowling alley dude, of course friends and family. "Four E" as he was known, and certainly teased about over the years, never regretted for once his folks adorning him with all those E's. (Ezekiel and Edmund were his grandfather's names, and he was Edison proud of that.)  No one knew exactly how to end this party. It was pretty evident Elijah's party of life, was nearing an end.

Finally Tank stepped forward. He looked to his right, and to his left, and started to sing "Four E's a jolly good fellow, four E's a jolly good fellow."  Trite? Not on your life, it was heartfelt. One by one they joined in. Tears were the order of singing the song.  Not Elijah.  A smile brighter than the lights at the McGregor HS Ballfield came across his face.  

Of course, Elijah thanked each and every one. Of course it couldn't be about him, as always, it was about them.

Four E's a jolly good fellow.  A pretty damn good life to live, example to follow.

Love, Victurd

Before the birds gather.......

A wondrous time of year.  Families gleefully riding across America for one more family fling before it's back to school.  The pennant race in baseball is heating up, across the land hope is renewed, heightened for High School, College, and NFL teams as pigskins fly.

We wave goodbye to Summer, slap on a jacket, light a bonfire and welcome Fall.  We can't hurry Mother Nature, but we also can't wait for the beauty of the reds, orange, bright yellows that trees provide for our hungry eyes.

Then, there's Homecoming. While Janis belts out A Piece of My Heart, planes, trains and automobiles carry folks 'home',  where lives a piece of our heart, and we have another peek at where we grew up, who we grew up with, and my, how we did grow up, and many of us, (blessed to be) old.

I am biased.  If Norman Rockwell had traversed across the land, I feel quite strongly he would have setup an easel somewhere around the Square of our town, a hill, sandwiched between two hills, one, the majestic old buildings of William Jewell College, to the East,  and - the hill on the West side, the good ole High School where we once had spring in our step and hope in our future.

S'more bias, our town hosts "an all school reunion" in September every third year, and, my opine, it's special.. Due to Covid, it's been five years since our last reunion. We finally will gather again this September 10th. The old High School was built in 1920-something, and it was last used as a High School in the early 1970's.  Each graduating class has a designated area on The Square for their class to gather. The 'young sprites' of the class of '74 gather in the Southeast corner of the Square... The Bluejay is/was our mascot, and a lifesize Bluejay with the #74 stands in the stall of the folks there.

From there, ya walk North and find the Class of '73....  then '72, '71' and '70, each, with a life size Bluejay designating their spot. There are fairly good size crowds for those classes.  Then ya have to turn the corner back West on The Square for the continuation of the classes chronologically, '69, '68', '67, etc... For the people that graduated in the 60's and 70's, most are afoot and ones gather in a circles discussing their Senior Float, Senior prank, love interests, and "say did you hear so-and-so passed?"  "Damn, no, I didn't."

Next, you turn back South, to find folks that graduated in the 50's.  It's a calmer pace, most are sitting, and one might even bring the '54 Chevy they had driven to school in back in the day.  The groups are smaller, nonetheless just as happy to gather, relive.  

The 40's.  Not many in their spots.  What started on the East side of the Square with a lot of spacing between the '74 and '73 Bluejay mascots, the signs in the 40's' and 50's are closer together.  Attrition.  Nature. Growing old.  Dying out.  Life, sometimes, sucks.

Then, you turn the corner back to the East and there are Bluejay signs gathered labeled '39, '38, '37 and so forth.  There is virtually no space between the signs where the Bluejays are gathered, and at the last reunion we had, virtually no folks there to reminisce.

Time happens.  In fact as we round the Square of life, it's now been decided to invite the classes from 1975 to 1985 so we once again can have big crowds.

A lap around the Square is a happy, sad thing. It goes from bursting energy, to mostly standing, a few sitting.. to all sitting.. to literally walkers, canes, afflictions..  to the 30's, where the birds gather.  We move from bikes, to SUV's, to Station Wagons, to Hot Rods... Rap to rock to at the hop to big bands.

There we are in our 60's, 70's, 80's...  all, reliving, remembering when our heart was 17.

On a sunset hill of glory see our High School rise..  Ornate, beautiful and spacious pointing to the skies..  Liberty High School live for ever and true to the we'll be.. may the coming years but deepen, our great love for thee.... (Or something like that!).....

May we all, love, gather, reminisce, hug, see old flames, have hearts race.. allow eyes to meet to remind us of the acts, goofy stuff, wonderful stuff we did back in the day.

I pray for us all, health, happiness, do good and love - and with a heart that's like 17........

Before the birds gather.

Love,Victurd

Go to sleep....... little creep......

We talk and talk and talk about our occupations - which, at least during the week, take up 1/3rd of our lives.  We talk and talk and talk about our relationships, lack thereof, kids, grandkids, hobbies, yada, that occur in the 1/3 of the time we ain't at work.

Not sure I've ever heard a conversation around a table about sleep - but, we do that, sleep, roughly 1/3rd of our lives.

Ever eat a pine tree?  I'm sure giraffes probably have, and maybe that's a reason they only need 1.9 hours of sleep a day.  Brown bats, on the other hand, cave into sleep for 19.1 hours per day.

Huh?  Us?  Oh, newborns 14-17 hours per day, all at once, right mom/dad?  Pre-schoolers 10-13 hours.. teenagers 8 to 10... adults 7 to 9... and us, geezers, 7 to 8.  I read statistics that equated lotsa sleep for old folks to major health problems, but, it's too damn late in life to get bent outta shape about that.

Speaking of shape.  How do you sleep?  Most people sleep in the 'foetus position' which I ain't never heard of but, it's on one's side, curled up.  There's studies of everything nowadays, but, studies show these folks are tough, but with sensitive souls, and generally shy.

Me?  I am 'the log'. On one's side.  Supposedly relaxed and social.  'Starfish', those spread-eagled on their back are reported to be good listeners, make friends easily but, don't like to be the center of attention.

Freefallers.  Are you a freefaller, ie, sleep on your front?   If so, odds are you are brash and gregarious, confident, BUT, respond badly to criticism.  Would it be legal for someone in HR to ask "Ahm, how do you sleep at night?  Back? Side?  Tummy?  Toss that resume' in the trash, she/he sleeps on his/her front.

'Soldiers' (on back) generally have high standards.  A 'Yearner' is similar to a log (on side, but with hands raised up).. these folks are suspicious and cynical.  Another resume' to trash.  

What?  What else did your 45 minute Google study learnya about sleep?  I'm glad you asked.  1 in 4 married adults sleep in different beds. I would assume a locked door means makes it easier than having to say "not tonight honey."

 2/3rds of a cat's life is spent snoozing.

People have done weird things during sleep.  Yeah?  Yeah.  Like?  Like drive a car. Dismantle a grandfather clock. Cheat on a diet. Fix a meal. Texted (usually nonsensical).   Been known to sit up in bed and conduct an orchestra.  Hurl ones self out the window.  Murder.  Yep. In the year 2,000 alone there were 68 of 'em.

And, have sex.  Yes, true. It's even got a name, sexsomnia.  Was it good for you Susie??  Susie? SUSIE!!!!!!!! WAKE UP FOR GOODNESS SAKES!

Deaf folks are known to use sign language in their sleep.  Talking folks can get chatty in their sleep (2 outta 3 people do.)  Untrusting mates over the years have listened and listened for them to spill the goods, but what's said is normally nonsensical, not real.

The record for sleep is 11 days.  So, on Halloween, you could call your boss and say, "Oh hi Stan...I'm gonna take a bit of a sleep.. I'll be back to work on November the 12th, take care."

We 'fall' and then twitch during sleep.   We can awaken to temporary paralysis (normally caused by sleep deprivation.)  Deep sleep for most is maybe like a Friday night for me after 3 beers - moral and rational decision making does not occur.

Naps.  March 14 is "National Napping Day."  I call BS. January, February...yada.. November, December are inclusive of Nap Day.  More men nap than women.  They didn't give any reasoning behind this.. ya think more brain cells that need rest, or less?  The Japanese tell us consuming caffeine before a nap is the best way to increase alertness.  "Ahm boss, gonna grab a coffee, back in 45 minutes or so."

A 20 to 30 minute nap can increase our alertness.

A 40 minute nap can improve performance by 34%. (They didn't mention sexsomnia on this.)

A 60-minute nap can boost our alertness for up to 10 hours.

A 60 to 90 minute nap helps our learning process.

Well, hit the bed Fred, or something like that.  I'm gonna copy and paste those nap stats on the fridge.

Ben and Jerry's, Uber, Zappos and Google allow napping during the work day.  Uber?

Band camp. One day at work, phone rang. Boss.  "Are you asleep?" NO, why?  Someone just came and told me you were asleep in your cubicle?  I'm like, 'what the hey, why didn't they just tap me on the shoulder insteada running to my boss?' I think it was Margaret from Leave It To Beaver.  Forgive me Father, I told a white lie.  "I'm sorry, I was watching my infant grandkid, who is sick.. I got like maybe two hours of sleep last night."

It's scientifically proven, if you read a boring old blog like checkenginelight, you'll go to sleep somewhere halfway though...

I lived with a sleepwalker. Honest, she was trying to get out the window one night.  She was astounding, she could sleep in upright sitting position on the couch from sometime during the Jimmy Kimmel show to 3am when I awakened and got her to come to bed.

We've all probably done goofy stuff in our sleep.  I do take my phone to bed with me -  and I play Sudoku until the peeps close.  Oft times I'll inadvertantly change settings on my phone, awaken to a new screeen saver, do not disturb is on, and, I've called my eyedoctor at 3:07am (true).

Please enjoy your day, and hopefully we can all retire at night counting our blessings (as well as dogs, cats, kids in the bed with us) and fall fast asleep.

I'm going to go to my standard 'log' position for 30 minutes or so before I go to work.

Good day, 

Love, Victurd

Don't think twice, it's alright.......

It ain't no use to sit and wonder why babe... 

64 years ago.......  Philadelphia.  The Phillies versus the New York Giants. (Baseball...).. 

Richie Ashburn, star centerfielder at the plate.  Richie was a thorn in the side to pitchers..  He'd foul off pitch after pitch, often working the count to his favor, for either a walk a base hit on a grooved fastball.

On this day, he was well into his at bat when he fouled anudder down the third baseline.  It so happens to have hit a spectator - Alice Roth, and she was hurt pretty badly.  Smack dab in the nose, blood everywhere - Phillie's personnel attempted to get her broken nose to stop bleeding as the onhand ambulance crew carried a stretcher down the stadium stairs to fetch her.

Twas so intense, the game actually stopped until it was deemed she wasn't going to pass out, and she was strapped in comfortably to the stretcher.  As paramedics toted her upstairs, the ump signaled "Play Ball" and the pitcher winged another toward Ashburn. Richie, doing what Richie do, hit another foul ball, yes, down the third baseline, and yes... as Alice was being carried up the stairs, the ball hit her smack dab in the knee.  Don't think twice it's alright.

Alice had her grandsons with her... Her hubby was a sportswriter - he was up in the booth..  He cared for the grandkids as Alice was taken to the hospital.  The Phillie ballclub felt horrible about this - and, after the game ended - invited the two grandsons into the Phillie locker-room, gave them free tickets to a future game and autographs of any players they so desired.

Ashburn was basically your "really good guy." He felt horrible.  He visited Alice later that night in the Hospital as well as several nights thereafter.  They became fast friends - and every year he'd send her both a Christmas card and a Birthday card until her death 30 years laster.

The evening of the "I got hit by foul balls TWICE"... Alice's hubby brought the grandkids to see her in the Hospital. They were ultra excited about getting to go into the clubhouse, see the players - and they showed Granny Alice the autographs they collected. One of the lads, sitting on the edge of Granny Alice's bed, asked "Grandma, do you think you could go to an Eagles game (NFL) and get hit in the face with the football?"

Don't think twice, it's alright.

Love, Victurd

The rain disdain stays mainly in the sane.......

By George I think something's amiss there!

Tain't rained for 20 days here in Kansas City.  Raining now. Yum.  

Weather, whether you agree or not, is kinda like life.  I guess I'm writing down memories so one day I can look back, if I can still read, and observe, just who in the heck am I, was I, were I.

I remember rain in Little League, like "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!".... I remember rain as a bonified airline suitcase thrower = YUCK!  You can dress for cold.. You can take off for hot.  There ain't no escape from rain.

I remember that rain makes you feel alive.  Yep.  You're out and about, an unexpected shower happens, and as it happens, it intensifies...  ya head for shelter - but, ya end up drenched from head to toe.  If you remember when this has happened, once safe haven has been reached, smiles abound.  Rain makes one feel.  Titilating. Rain is like a flashmob, a grandkid's smile, a knowing glance at your mate across the way... the wagging tail of a hound pooch. (Shiver me timbers, and unplanned wet T-shirt contest!)

Much like drugs, food, sex, video games, work, idleness, yada - too much of it (rain) is poopy. It'll make your basement flood, your crops grow and then die (with too much.)

Hello Mudda, hello Faddah.. Here I am at Camp Grenada..  Camp is very entertaining, and they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining.

All across the land, raisins (that's fancy for old farts like me) will gather the morning after at McDonalds, the local mom/pop diner, Hy-Vee dining rooms - and compare... "I live halfway to Kearney, we got 2.7 inches last night."  "Gladstone, we got a little under an inch and a half." "Just a sprinkle down around Belton." We measure much in life.  Happiness.  Wealth.  Love.  Possessions.  Giving. Exercising.  Calories.  Rain. Rain, it be like life.

Take me home, oh Muddah, Fadda..  Take me home, I hate Grenada.. Don't leave me out in the forest where, I might get eaten by a bear.

Rain is religious.  My granny used the margins of her Bible to record (unusual occurrences.) "Rained half a foot in Mokane yesterday, shut the main highway down for two days, July 7, 1958."

Rain paints.  Makes grass green.  Cornstalks grow and ultimately turn yeller. Radishes, strawberries, beets, cucumbers, a plethora of the color wheel.

Fellow raisins, we curse at rain.  A golf ball that would normally travel 197 yards, will only go 164 yards immediately after the rain ends. 

The AM/FM dial brings us rain songs.  Or, Spotify, Pandora, iTunes, iHeart, Youtube, GooglePlay, Bubba Shrimp, Sirius, yada yada.  Have you ever seen the rain?   Rainy days and Mondays always get (some) me down.

The Temps want, look forward to rain:  "Sunshine, blue skies, please go away.. my girl has found another, and gone away..  With her went my future, my life is filled with gloom....so day after day I stay locked up in my room.. I know to you it might sound strange, but I wish it would rain."

Dearest Fadduh, darling Muddah.. how's my precious little bruddah... Let me come home if you miss me.. I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me.

John and Paul offered "If the rain comes, they run and hide their heads.. they might as well be dead.. if the rain comes.. if the rain comes..."  There's a song about Purple Rain but reckon I'm sheltered, ain't never seen that.  Poor BJ can't get away, the raindrops keep falling on his head.

The Eurythmics, not to be confused with "Listen to the rythm of the falling rain", tell us, "Here comes the rain again."

Rain can make driving hard to see.. roads slick.. hydroplaning.. folks complaining.. Ahm, it could be worse.. A little over a hunnerd years ago, folks rode horses, how bout them reins?  Makes your saddle itchy don't it....

I kinda likes the smell of rain on 120 degree asphalt. 

There's all kindsa people. Dems, Pubs, innies/outties, Yankee fans, Dodger fans, other fans, saggers, raisins with their belt buckles up over their innies/outties, People that speak different languages.  Kings, queens, pawns, commoners, Class systems, some folks even with no class. There's homeless, Castles, RV'ers, those that live in tents.  Different takes on rain, all. Some love it, some hate it, some get too much, many, never enough.  Rain is kinda interesting. Makes rivers rise, gets creeks outta their beds, crappies bite (I have no idea if that's true, ain't a fisherman). Oceans continuous.  Can make hydroelectric power.

There's a dictionary and a half of terms:  atmospheric water vapor, irrigation, ecosystems, fronts, cumulonimbus, rainbands (Somea them we already focused on their lyrics), upslope flow, monsoon, particles, drops,  hail, sleet, snow, freshwater, hurricanes, tsunamis, acid rain, rainforests, swamps, deserts, Bubba Shrimp rain.

Baseball games gotta go 5 full innings (Ok, 4 and a half if home team ahead) before being rained out.  Don't rain on my parade as we've already addressed how sucky rain is on horseback.

Well I'll be go to hell.  (Why do people say that?  Urban Dictionary indicates one is reacting to something interesting or surprising. I looked around, didn't find much interesting here, but I am surprised.)

You see (well... I didn't.)  You see I was typing this 24 hours ago... The rain, combined with thunder, knocked out the electricity of half of us folks who live in this town.  (Stevie, I think she's a witch, or so I heard, says "Thunder only happens when it rains.).. After the rainy night in Georgia and here and the lights went out..I was bein' smart (finishing this blog), I turned on the flashlight function of my phone (I kissed it, ha) and I finished this damn blog.  I made a few errors, but, figured I would correct them once lights, tv, wifi, came back on.

Well I'll be go to hell.  What this simpleton (me) missed was...... all that typing, finishing this blog, hell's bells the wi-fi was down, NONE of it was recorded - so, I get here this morning, there's 2/3's of a blog.  Sunny Beach.  Well, kinda sunny I guess. High in the 70's today, yum.

In summation, rain is wonderful, sucky, necessary, has a mind of it's own, a little goes a long ways, a lot makes your car float down the road a long ways.  It's invicorating, fun, unsuspected, expected, scary, cool to watch, listen to, cold, you can't escape it..  basically.  RAIN IS LIKE LIFE.

Wait a minute, it's stopped hailing.  Guys are swimming, guys are sailing.  Playing baseball, gee that's bettah, Muddah, Faddah kindly disregard this blog.

By Henry Gibson..    Foreward by Allan Sherman, Fred Broski, Dan Henry and Brian Busby

Love, Victurd

That's life...... in song.

 I really don't remember much...... It was dark.  I was comfy.  It's where I learned to be lazy.  The sounds from around were kinda sorta indistinguishable, but I remember hearing a fairly deep voice singing "You're having my baby, what a lovely way of saying how much you love me."....

Again, I really don't remember much..  dark, lazy, completely happy.  Then, parts happened.  I was becoming some kinda being.

"Head and shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes.. head, shoulders knees and toes, knees and toes.. and eyes and ears and mouth and nose.."  This is kinda exciting, I think I thought.  I must have a brain too, I think I thought.

I hear this faint voice.. a girl, I would learn later.. my sister, they'd tell me.. She was only five, but I recall her saying "I'm so tired, tired of waiting for you.. so tired, tired of waiting for you.".... It was rewarding to hear that, seems she really really did love me.. I loved her too. I think, though, she tickled mom's belly 'cause she kinda sorta teased me for many, many a year.  All in good fun.  Yeah, fun.

We headed toward some place called a hospital.  I ain't been to school yet, but little by little I picked up a word here and there... and it must be a good place 'cause I remember the word hospitable.  

Then, I was in this room.  Folks gathered around.  Joy, fear, trepidation. Them's lotsa combined feelings.  I kinda remember thinking "You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain."   Then I started movin.  I've always moved, kicked, punched, maybe bit a time or two with my gums, but I ain't never moved North or South.

Don't be afraid ma'am.  Push, push. I'm down here ready.  "Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, never let it fade away."......................................................

WOAH!  HERE I GO!  "Slip sliding away...slip sliding away.. you know the nearer your destination the more you're slip sliding away..."

And then...............

I was "BLINDED by the light...  Revved up like a duece (which I later would learn is a reference to the badass 1932 V8 powered Ford).. another runner in the night." Bright lights!

HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!  WHAT'D YOU SPANK ME FOR?  I DIDN'T DO NUTTIN'!

"I really can't stay... baby it's cold outside."

"Now hold me tight, tell me I'm the only one and then I might, never be the lonely one."  Well honey, of course I will hold you tight, but remember "I'm so tired, tired of waiting"?  You've got a sister and OH she loves you.

"STOP, in the name of love, big girl you break my heart.. think it oh over......."

It was crazy. "But there I was.... I was taken to a place...  Naked to the world, in front of, every kind of girl.  There was long ones, tall ones, short ones, brown ones, black ones, round ones, big ones, crazy ones."

They wound me up in something like what a burrito (I would later learn) looked like.  "Turn out the lights... the party's over."   Rest, I'm finally getting rest.  Dark too, THANK YOU.

Then, in the background, they play this music they tell me they play every time a kid is born.. "Lullaby and good night, with roses bedight. With lillies o'er spread is baby's wee bed. Lay thee down now and rest, may the slumber be blessed."  But then i hear that wonderful deep voice (my pops I'd learn later), teasing me from the get go.. He changed the words.. which, I was kinda thankful 'cause I too would get to sing them some 30+ years later......."Go to sleep...  little creep" Brahms Lullaby, Bud Schultze version.

"They shook my nerves and they rattle my brain.  Goodness gracious great balls of fire."  Well, it's a tad too early to learn about that one.. come back in fitteen or so years and maybe we'll visit.

I finally get out of the burrito costume. Now I'm in a onesie.  YUCK.  Maybe why I love summer so much, gimme shorts, a t shirt and sandals any ole day.  We get to this place called home. "Take me home, country roads" but, in St. Louie proper there really weren't many country roads, but, we arrived.

After a few months of observation, it was deemed I was 'accident prone' whatever that is.  "I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down."

We had a sandbox.  MY sandbox. "I says 'hey, you, get off of my cloud..hey, you, get off of my cloud,... hey, you, get off of my cloud... don't hang around 'cause TWO's a crowd on my cloud, baby."  You gotta learn to play with others Victor. OK mom, thanks, and I will, but... I've been drinkin' milk for a loooooooooong time now, anything else on the menu?

Mom, dad, and that girl, my sister.. tried to learn me... "A, B, C.. it's easy as 1, 2, 3.. as simple as Do, re, mi.. A, B, C.. 1, 2, 3.

Kiddygarten? I gotta go?  "We don't need no education..we don't need no thought control... no dark sarcasm in the classroom...hey, teacher.. leave them kids alone."

I CAN'T DO THIS!  "You just hop off the bus, Gus."

HEY, then we started playing a game.. Maybe this ain't so bad.   "Ring around the Rosie.. Pocket full of posies.. ashes, ashes, we all fall down!"  The tricksters!  Twenty-some years later I would learn this was about the bubonic plague in London...the posies were to control the stench from rotting bodies.. and the ashes were about the cremated remains.  Ahhh... YUCK!

Then we sang "Old McDonald had a farm.. Ee I ee Io.. and on this farm he had some cows.. Ee I ee I oh.. with a moo-moo here..."  WAIT!  I remember the dadgum bubonic plague song.. i've been drinking milk for what seems like a decade, PLEASE tell me this ain't gonna be about poison milk is it?

Slowly.. I'm learning.. about life.. trust.. no trust.. Lucy pulling the football away from Charlie.. bubonic plagues.. next thing ya know they'll prolly vaccinate us for sumpin.  "Well I know what's right.. I got just one life.. In a world that keeps on pushin' me around.. but I'll stand my ground.. and I.. won;t back down."

"SCHOOL'S OUT FOR THE SUMMER!"............... 

"I got a beat up glove, a homemade bat..and a brand new pair of shoes..  You know I think it's time to give this game a ride... Just to hit the ball and touch 'em all a moment in the sun.. It's a gone and you can tell that one goodbye.. OH PUT ME IN COACH, I'm ready to play, today.  Put me in coach, I'm ready to play, today.. look at me, I can be, centerfield." (Or pitcher, cather, first base, second, I don't care, just lemme play.)

And then...... 'Well I saw her face.. now I'm a believer."......"Ya got me goin' in circles."..   "She put a spell on me..."..   "Standin' in the sunlight laughing.. hiding 'hind the rainbow's wall.. slipping and sliding.. all along the waterfall with you..  a brown-eye girl.. you.. a brown-eyed girl."

VICTOR!  Stop staring at Susie... you missed that ground ball!   Oh, sorry coach.. I'll never stare at another girl as long as I live..   uh huh....

"Thank heaven for little girls.. for little girls get bigger every day.. .thank heaven, for little girls, they grow up in the most delightful way..  those little eyes so helpless and appealing, when they were flashing, send you crashing through the ceiling.. thank heaven for little girls... without them what would little boys do."

This.  This completes the first ten, maybe fitteen years of my life.  Thanks for riding with me thus far.  "Low rider don't use no gas now. (Important nowadays). Low rider don't drive to fast.  Take a little trip, take a little trip, take a little trip and see... take a little trip.. take a little trip, take a little trip with me."

Tune in tomorrow.. or next Friday.. or whenever in the hell I get around to completing my life story in song.

Of course, lightbulb, women. I've found women.  What on Earth could go wrong?

"Follow the yellow brick road..  follow the yellow brick road."

"I said that's life.. (That's life).. And as funny as it may seem, some people get their kicks, stomping on a dream, but I don't let it, let it get me down.. cause this fine old world, it keeps spinnin' around.. 

I've been a teacher, a coach, a suitcase slinger, a wanna be writer.. a pawn, but never a king.. I've been up and down and over and out, and I know one thing.. Each time I find myself, flat on my face, I pick myself up and bet back in the race.....

That's life.

By Henry Hallmark Gibson          Foreward by Ole' Blue Eyes.

Love, Victurd

Weebles wobble but Wordle Wardles.....

I ain't never invented anything, but, I am amazed by inventors. (Except Henry Ford, more later).

Yes, Weebles wobble but the inventor was a feller named Strongin.  Wordles Wardle but only because Josh Wardle invented Wordle.  We can either thank him or hate him for that, and some days, I even do both!

Joe Smith invented the Heimlich Maneuver.  JK, it was Frank Maneuver. JK again, it was Henry Judah Heimlich.

The Mason jar.  Hmmm. Mason Williams? Classical gas, er, guess, but no.  Was it one of the many freemasons?  (Who Victor, who are some of the freemasons?)  I'm so glad you asked:  FDR, Harry S for nothing, Andrew Jackson, Benjamin Franklin, Beethoven, Mark Twain, Harry Houdini, Winson Churchill, Arnie Palmer, The Duke John Wayne.  No, tweren't any of them.

Was it Shirley Mason?  Nuh uh, ladies aren't allowed in the Freemasons. Bricklayer masons mebbe, but not the free kind.  Twas actually John Landis Mason in 1858 and he was a tinsmith of all things.   They are hermtically sealed, which, I'm not gonna research, but assume invented by Herman's Hermits.

Bueller?.... Bueller?  Nice try by a nice guy, but no, the Ferris Wheel was invented by George W. G. Ferris as it was to be the spotlight of the 1893 World's Columbian Exposition.  George tried to make it taller than the Eiffel Tower (of course invented by Ethel Mertz) but nope, twasn't.

Of course, the Graham cracker was invented by Graham Nash after he and his live in Joni Mitchell had gone to breakfast and bought an expensive vase on Ventura Boulevard and returned home where their two cats were in the yard.  Wait. I might be confused. No, that's when he wrote Our House.  While their house was a very, very, very fine house, the Graham cracker was invented by Sylvester Graham to combat the blandness of his diet.  Sylvester was married to Marsha Marshmellow, but he booted her out when she gained 40 pounds eating chocolate. S'more on that later. Maybe.

Henry Ford didn't invent the car, but he did mass produce the Model T, named car of the Century in 1999. We should be thankful to Henry for coming up with ideas that are still used today in cars, such as different speed gears, and parking brakes.  I hate Henry Ford. JK, hate is too stronga word.  OK, me no likey Henry Ford because I shoulda been a rich kid as my great-great-grandfather owned the biggest Buggy-making franchise this sidea the Atlantic Ocean.  The Model T, ultimately, put my GGGF (Buggy Schultze) outta business. JK on the Buggy Schultze, I've got his name somewhere in my ancestry file, but, I'm too lazy to go look now.

Men.  You write only about men!  What about us women?  Shirley women invented something didn't they?

But (Victor, you can't start a sentence with 'But').  Butt out.  Madam Curie (you can call me Marie) laid out a theory of radioactivity. She was but 44. She died in a street incident in 1906, see, I toldya I hated, er, disliked Ford.

Do not pass go and do not collect $200 until you know it was Elizabeth Magie that invented Monopoly.  You men suck.  WHY'S THAT?  Because.  BECAUSE WHY?  Well, after Magie patented the game, some dude named Charles Darrow stole the idea, sold it to Parker Brothers, the race car, top hat, thimble, battleship, rubber ducky and all. The Parker Brothers later did track down Magie and offer her $500. HUH!  MEN!

706 people, read that number again, 706 people were saved when the Titanic sank in 1912 due to the fact Maria Beasely invented the first effective lifeboat in 1882.

Women drivers you say? WELL, you can thank a woman driver.  Mary Anderson visited New York City in 1902, rode in a trolly car in falling sleet, and, uh huh, she went home then and there and invented a working model that used a lever inside the car to control a rubber blade on the windshield. Yep, the Windshield Wiper was born, thanks Mary.  She had trouble selling the idea at first, enter cusswords about Ford here, but finally, in 1922, Cadillac included her invention on its vehicles in 1922.  It had to have bugged her it took so long.  Sorry, kinda, I will wipe smirk off face now.

Almost done.

A quick look at inventors/inventions:

Watch - Peter Henlein.......  Electricity - Benjamin Franklin..... Five and Dime - Ben Franklin.... Radio - Guglielmo Marconi (not to be confused with Macaroni inventor Maestro Martino)....

I see the Silhouette (invented by Etienne de Silhouette) of three men who invented the Telescope: Hans Lippershey, Zacharias Janssen and Galileo (Thunderbolts and lightening, very, very, frightening me, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Figaro, Magnificoo!)

Battery - Alessandro Volta (wouldn't ya know it)... Diesel Engine, Breaker 1-9, Rudolf Diesel.. Dynamite - JJ Walker..no, that ain't it.. Alfred Nobel. He shoulda won a prize for inventing that.... Inert Gases  - Charlie Smith, no wait, that ain't it, Charlie sat infronta me in 5th grade, it was actually Sir William Ramsey...

LED - Losev and Holonyak..  LCD - George Heilmeier.. LSD - Albert Hofmann, not Abbie Hoffman.. (I wrote the FDA to make sure they weren't related, didn't know the DNA, I asked them to RSVP, they didn't, so I guess I'm SOL.)

Pasteurization - Louis Pasteur... DNA sequencer - Lloyd Smith... The Quickie - Vic Schultze... 

I Googled "who invented Viagra" and the response was, "British Scientists (drum roll, and I didn't make up these names) Peter Dunn and Albert Wood."

I gotta go. (Who invented the urinal?  Andrew Rankin.  Makes sense.)

By Henry Gibson............. Foreward by The Mothers of Invention

Love, Victurd