Toby did it........ in the Library.... With the candlestick

We got winners
We got losers
Chain-smokers and boozers
We got yuppies
We got bikers
We got thirsty hitchhikers
And the girls next door dress up like movie stars
Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, I love this bar

The thing I like about the recently completed baseball All-Star game is that many across the land, couldn't give a rat's ass about it.  To that, there are those that are aghast that I used the phrase 'rat's ass'.  Some, ne'er cuss, some, whene'er their mouth opens.

Then, ya got them, that either got the spelling gene, or, Big Chief genetics screwed 'em over.   Like, "whenever there mouth opens", or maybe they scratch out Carly's "Your so vane", or maybe even "vain."  Seven jillion elementary teachers just had a hissy fit over that.  Some, folks ne'er have a hissy, some, seemingly live in one.

We got cowboys
We got truckers
Broken-hearted fools and suckers
And we got hustlers
We got fighters
Early-birds and all-nighters
And the veterans talk about their battle scars
Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, I love this bar

Victor, you talked about the All-Star game, then you whooshed on by.. whatsup with that?  I, am on the side that loves loves loves me some baseball.. put me in coach.. i'm a little kid at heart.. I found my thrills on Blueberry Hill... no, that ain't it.. I found my thrills on a wiffle ball field.  I HATE THE FACT THE PLAYERS ALL WHERE (that's expecially for those of you without the spelling gene) THAT SAME DAMN UNIFORM UNIFORM.

Gimme them tootsies lined up on the baseline dressed up in Orioles, Bluejays, Athletics, Royals, Yankees, Red Sox, uni's, yada........Colour my world. Victor, no 'u'..., no, U bite me mate, I'm in London right now........... IF EVERYONE WAS THE SAME IN LIFE WE'D GO INSANE. We got winners, losers, chain smokers, boozers, yuppies, bikers, dressed up girls, cowboys, truckers.......... THAT.

I love this bar
It's my kind of place
Just walkin' through the front door
Puts a big smile on my face
It ain't too far 
Come as you are
Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, I love this bar

Bar = Life.  Some just lifted one eyebrow up to scoff at me, and that's ok.  I don't mean "Go to the bar", I mean LIFE, is, can be, like this song, all the differences in people. That said, sometimes I like going into the bar, just walkin' through the front door puts a big smile on my face.  A hunnerd and twelve members of the Harper Valley PTA just covered their eyes, ears... or, for them there that ain't ne'er seen a Big Chief.. "covered there eyes."

I've seen short skirts
We've got high-techs
Blue-collared boys and rednecks
And we got lovers
Lots of lookers
I've even seen dancing girls and hookers
And we like to drink our beer from a mason jar
Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, I love this bar
(Yes I do)

J&M like to go for walks. And fish. Hi-V, not to be confused with HIV, or, HyVee, likes to grow plants.  I can't.  Legs ain't up for walkin', I hate fishing and the only luck I've ever had with plants is annuals.  I kill them others, and not on purpose (or, porpoise for you speeling-gene-defunct ones), but, annually, I kill perennials. (Butt for your sake, I didn't dare misspell annually.)

I like my truck
I like my truck
And I like my girlfriend
I like my girlfriend
I like to take her out to dinner
I like a movie now and then

I like to golf. I suck at it, but, there are those that are really good.  There are many that could care less.  (I never unnerstood 'could care less' ifn's they already don't care a bunch, but, 'nuther reason why I love this bar, er, life.)  How much is that doggie in the window?  Strictly Rescue here.  Me an' Earl like giggin' for frogs. I'm on the Regional Board for PETA.  I bet on the ponies, too much mebbe.  Granny said, fold your dollar in half to double it.  I'm a veterinarian..  I'm a vegetarian. HOW CAN YOU HAVE ANY PUDDING IF YER DON'T EAT YER MEAT?

But I love this bar
It's my kind of place
Just toein' around the dance floor
Puts a big smile on my face
No cover charge
Come as you are
Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, I love this bar
Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, I just love this old bar

Some bars, lives, do gotsa cover charge. Oh baby oh baby, MONEY.  There's them "Hey, can I bum a cig" and then, them there millionaires who play the dadgum game of golf, AND, they look for broken tees so as not to have to buy any.  Extreme.

I extremely like extremes.  And bars. And life.

Red and yellow, and pink and green, purple and orange and blue.. I can sing a rainbow, sing a rainbow, you can sing one too!  OH NO I CAN'T.  OH YES YOU CAN!

Taste great.

Less filling.

That's the way, uh huh uh huh, I like it.  Not me Victor.

I love Christmas.  Hanukkah.  Amazon.  The Piggly Wiggly.  Snotnoses.  Adults only for me perty please, flight attendant, can you do something about that baby in 19C?  Ford. Chevy.  I like my bike.  I'll work 'til I die.  Then there's Maynard G. Krebs.    I like Gilligan better. Not me, I liked Mary Ann. ARE YOU CRAZY?  Come sit right here Ginger!

Ginger?  Gingers are ugly, gimme tan allover.  Tit for tat, I'll take tats, allover, like sleeves, behind ma' ears., tramp stamps.  Not me, I'm a plumber.

Victor, you're nuts.  I'm so very glad, you there, whoever you are telling me I'm nuts, have the speeling gene and you didn't say 'your nuts'.  For what it's worth, pecans are my fav, but, I know almonds are better forya.  I gotta peanut allergy, if I find 'em on my airplane, I'm suing.  I like SW's no assigned seats.  Gimme first class please. Don't you know who I am?

ET phoned home and the world went apeshit. Do gooder, backflip, backflip.  Sorry, here's a quarter.  We all love, hate phones. I got me one'a them earbud things I can talk and you ain't even knowin' I am.  I have caller ID, text ONLY. I hate the phone. We still gotta landline (and a flip phone).

Some folks, they be addicts.  Work, alcohol, drugs, lying, thieving, hoarding, sex.  Sex? Yes, even sex. Nomme. Celebate, celebate, dance to the music.  I can't dance, sorry. Not for me.

I've got an itchy itchy rash. Quit complaining.  Google DIY.   OMG! Hop in, I'll drive you to the ER!

I even like people who have read alla this and ask themselves, "Why did I do that?"

Victor?  Uh oh..... yeah?  Toby?  Library?  Candlestick?  I don't get it.  Duh, he wrote the dayum song you idiat.....  Clue. I hate that game.

I love this bar called life.

Love, Victurd

Open.......

I cheat.

I pick one word, then blog.  It's an Open and shut case, seesya Thursday.

Oh, sorry.. .kinda..  I gotta slight belly ache, gonna open that jar'a Rolaids.

C'mon, let's go to Denny's.. they're always open.

Who let the dogs out?
Who, who, who, who, who?
Who let the dogs out?
Who, who, who, who, who?
Who let the dogs out?  
Who, who, who, who, who?

Who let the dogs out?

Band camp.  Before fatness.  There was fitness. Kinda.  I decided to try to see if I could workout 100 consecutive days.  DO NOT pat me on back, I gotta buddy that has worked out every damn day since HS 50+ years ago, I hate him, jk.  I love him.  I'd go, do, arms and cardio one day, legs and cardio the next.  I felt perty darn good. Then, it snowed.  And snowed. And snowed.  Local news  "Stay home if you don't have to get out."  For a hardhead, that means 'remote start, start my car." TBC.....

Slip sliding away... 6, 8, 10 inches of that white crap....I FINALLY made it.. took over 30 minutes.. normally a 7 minute drive.  Huh?  No cars?  Damnit darnit.  The door wasn't open.  Closed due to Weather.  Didn't matter.  Next day I got bronchitis, didn't go.  Made it 94 or 95 days, I forget, GAINED 8 POUNDS.  Go figure.

Someone's knockin' at the door
Somebody's ringin' the bell
Someone's knockin' at the door
Somebody's ringin' the bell
Do me a favor
Open the door and let 'em in

Please don't tell McCartney, there have been times this has happened.. .I remain as still as I possibly can...  and don't open no door.  I know I know, I'm a jerk, or, can be.

Ali Baba overheard one of the 40 thieves saying 'Open Sesame'.. the magical phrase that opens the door to the cave where the thieves have hidden their treasure. Ali's overanxious brother, goes in.....  forgets his UserID/Password (or something like that).. offers up the names of other grains, nope, trapped in the cave.

Open and shut case. 

An open book.

Keep your eyes peeled (ie, open)...

Locked the keys in the car?  That'll be $545 to get a new Fob, getya back in the car.

Your barn door is open.  The cave is open but the beast is asleep. In Danish we say "Tivoli har abent', which, translates to ''Tivoli is open' - Tivoli is an amusement park in Copenhagen..

Band camp, clirca 1961, redheaded snotnose. Anxious, after using the john, to go back to the frontyard to continue all important wiffle ball game... glass door, someone had hooked it.  Like a wanna be fullback, said freckleface stiffarmed a glass panel on the door. Panel said "huh uh, tackled" (ie, it broke).  Doc Bowles stitched (I was a regular).  Looking at that scar on the insidea my elbow right now.

Me, me, me.  Sorry......... kinda.

Horrible news, good end.

Band camp. 1978. Mo mother worked at the local college.  She's goofy (said VERY LOVINGLY) in that she enjoys, loves work.  She NEVER missed work. I'm talking never. Heriditary, her dad worked 31 years in a brick plant, missed ONE day in 31 years.  Anyways..  8:40am, my phone rang. Mom started work at 8am.  "Victor I'm worried about your mom, she's not here.. we've tried calling, she isn't answering. Very definately not like her." TBC

I loved loved loved my mom, know you loved yours too. In a heartbeat I was across town, attempting to open the same door that I got my scar from. Nope. Twas hooked.  FOR SURE, something amiss.  Massive stroke. Victor, how could this be horrible news, good end?  TBC

Because... my father stopped traveling (sales).. Got 'D tags', fixed up old clunkers in the alleyway...  cooked.. cleaned.. gave mom a little bell she rang any time she needed anything.. sang as he cooked.  Whistled as he sanded body putty on fenders.  Happy. Each. Both. Nine years of happy before we lost mom.

"An open heart is an open mind."  Dalai Lama XIV

Ante, open.  

The Open Golf Tourney.  It ain't really open, open.  A small group'a pros, amateurs play for a cool $17 million in prizes. OLDEST golf tourney there is. They all at the practice range hoping to open a can'a whoop ass. Canya blame em?

Open a can a worms.  Eh, go fishing if so. Open mouth, insert foot. I do do that. Victor, don't say do do together. K.  I do do that, but, I don't think I can physically do do that today.

Open season, RUN BAMBI!  Open the floodgates. Open batting stance.  Open relationship, oh my goodness. (I heard they wear upside down pineapples.. or flamingos).. 

As usual, I ain't got no catchy ending.  Please keep an open mind about me, and have a wonderful day.

Love, Victurd

 

 

Grape Jelly............ Door Dash...... Smash Mouth... Howya doin'?

So, of course by now you've figured out what I'm talking about..... so, that ends today's blog.

Wait justa gol' durn minute Victurd....... you drunk?

Ahm, nope.  Fat and happy.

Howya doin'?

People say things like........ fat and happy...   tired and old (my personal fav)..  Finer'n frog hair... Good enough..   fine thanks, and you?...   Can't complain though sometimes I do.

Smash Mouth?

The hell is that?  You talking about when the poor baby turns one, they have his Birthday party and they smash his face/mouth into the cake?

Swing and a miss..   I'm talking Baseball Ray.....  Smash Mouth wrote the song All Star..  with ending lyrics like.......

Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play

Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid

All that glitters is gold

Only shooting stars break the most.

So, you're talking Bobby Witt Jr aren't ya?  And, how fun that was last night, at least for you damn braggadocios Kansas Citians... Proud ain'tya?  Big City Penis Envy, so to speak. Hell to the yes proud, THAT was fun.

Five or six of us '12 year olds' (at least we were, acted like it last night)..  most, septuagenarians (Wiki tells me that be 70-79 yrs old) and some sexagenarians (that be 60-69 yr olds) rooted like crazy for Bobby.  Darn near did it..  a few feet of fence kept him from winning.  Bobby would answer.. (to Howya doin'?) FANTASTIC

Ingred Andress, howya doin'?  If you missed Bobby, chances are you missed Ingred sing the National Anthem.  I did see Bobby, but missed the anthem, have heard replays, and it ain't perty.  Many are saying "Worst ever rendition"  So....... howya doin?  She'd prolly answer, "Oh, Im good.. I've been nominated for 4 Grammys, a Danish Film Award, an iHeart Music Award, 3 Academy of Country Music Awards and 3 CMA Awards... oh, and last I checked, somewhere between one Mil and five Mil in my bank account. (Victor, that's impressive, especially since she was born when you'd already been outta HS 21 years.  Bite me.)

Door Dash...

Not really door dash, but.. a lady took her elderly pa to the bank.  She tried talking him into Online Banking.. and into online shopping.. like Amazon, groceries, et al. He said "If I do that, I won't have to step out of the house?"  YES! YES! daughter answered excitedly.

Then dear old papa said "Since I entered this bank today, I have met four of my friends.. I chatted with the staff who know me very well now.. two years back I got sick.. the store owner from whom I buy fruits came to see me and sat by my bedside and cried.  When your mom fell a few days back on her morning walk, our local grocer saw her, immediately got his car to rush her home as he knows where I live.  Point taken.

My own father.  13 years after mom died, he started dating a nice lady.  He could sense my uneasyness and for that I feel like a pig.  "Victor, sometimes I go three days without talking to anyone."   Point taken.

This morning I got a text...  "You up?"............. yes....... then a phone call from same number.. It was a pretty much lifelong friend who'd thought maybe, by something I'd written here, something was wrong.  I am very, very appreciative of support, folks, like that, told him I'm fine and that I really appreciated that.

I think anyone, that ain't gots someone to play toostie with under the covers, sure, has brief moments of loneliness.  Truth for me, I have a plethora of people contact thankfully..  through buddies, work, golf, etc.  I'm lucky (I shoulda answered, when asked "How ya doin."?) because I truly am.

Love, good people, nice folks, those that live by the Golden Rule - flat make this World a better place to pitch a tent.

All well, good, albeit a bit sappy Victor.. the hell does Grape Jelly have to do with it?

I went to Mickey D's... I'd used my app so I didn't have to spend so long yapping with the snotnose order-taker.. (Victor, YOU are a pig). oink.  When I got to the window, I'd asked a lady if I could get a couple grape jellys to smother my sausage biscuits with.. she said "sure, but I'm gonna need you to pull up to the first sign and we'll bring it out to  you" - this usually means, somewhere between Wednesday and the time Ronald McDonald graduates, has his AA and is off to heap Big State University.

And?

You'd asked "How ya doin'?"  The answer is great.  Sausage biscuits smothered with grape jelly that WAS in the bag..   I did use online banking to transfer a hunnerd from Savings to Checking until SS check at midnight tonight..  THE ALL STAR GAME ON TONIGHT!  Right Bobby?  Smash Mouth?  Ingred?

That is all, sorry.. too long... 

How YOU doin'?

Love, Victurd 

All Star 'Pong"........

Don't let old farts fool you.  If they say, "The All Star Game brings out the little kid in me" what they are really, really saying is, "the little kid in me never left.'

Smashmouth says:

Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming
Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running
Didn't make sense not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

Last night mebbe seven of us 12 year old (acting) sexagenarians and septuagenarians  gathered to cheer on Bobby Witt Jr in the Home Run contest.  Ya mebbe had to be there, but, twas fun.  C+ M+ brain never knew sexagenarian is a 60 to 69 year old person and septuagenarian is a 70 to 79 year old person.

So much to do, so much to see
So what's wrong with taking the back streets?
You'll never know if you don't go
You'll never shine if you don't glow

Shine?  It's the old Tonto and the Lone Ranger are out camping story.. asleep. Tonto wakes up, taps the LR on the shoulder.  "Look up, what do you see?"..  LR says "I see millions of stars, potentially billions of planets...I see Saturn is in Leo,.,, I deduce the time is approximately a quarter after three, and meteorologically I suspect we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." Tonto replies "You idiot, it means someone stole our tent."

Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play
Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid
And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold

"They invented the All Star game for Willie Mays."  Ted Williams

Whenya stop and think about time, it being fleeting:    

"It's a mere moment in a man's life between an All Star Game and an Oldtimer's Game."  Vin Scully

Generic is boring. Generic is boring. Generic is boring. Generic is boring. Generic is boring. Generic is boring.  Generic is boring. 

Why back in my day, when they announced the players in the All Star game, they ran out one by one, stood on the baseline.. it was a thing of beauty... the reds, the blues, oranges, easy to pick out your hometown hero as, they all wore the uniform of their team.

Now. Generic is boring. They (all) wear American League (or National League) All Star Uni's, ain't no distinguishing which team.. patooey.

Food for thought........

Grapple...........   Debate........   Stroke one's beard......  

Headscratching...    Reflection........    Weigh.......   Chew on it.... 

Gather your thoughts..   Rack your brain...    Ponder...   Soul searching..   

Well, it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe

If you don't know by now

An' it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe

It'll never do, somehow

When your rooster crows at the break of dawn..

Look out your window and I'll be gone.

You're the reason that I'm, travelin' on.

But don't think twice, it's all right.

I'm not really a fisherman.  I do, VERY MUCH, enjoy water.  All kinds.  The beauty of it when a lake is still.. the auditory orgasmic sounds of the ocean waves gently crashing...

Problems.......   Overthink, again and again why don'tya....     OMG.....   What is one to do?  Well I was tossin' and turnin', turnin' and tossin', tossin' and turnin' all night.

Excuse me... Ahm, you kissing the skies Victor?  Did you fart Victor?  Ahm, no. Well, not recently. Dylan's song up there above, yep, it's about a woman, relationship.  That ain't really what this is about.  This is about..........

WORRY... 

There's a park with a waterfall nearby..  Ironically it's called Tryst Falls..  supposedly due to it being a meeting place and picnic site for young couples.......  But that ain't what this is about...  This is about.. 

WORRY.

I very much enjoy driving, going to, sitting by, this waterfall.  After a good rain, katy bar the door the water is a flowin'...... the only thinking I do is "I wonder where all this water comes from?"   But.. I ain't there, I'm here blogging (grapple, debate, scratch head, ponder) and I'm bugged by the fact there's a double space after both'a those WORRY's up there. I tried fixing. Nope.  It's what I do..  WORRY..........

But don't think twice, it's all right.

Damnit darnit, there's that double space again. I ain't gonna worry. I'm gonna find me some water.  HEY, it's raining! I loves me some rain. Rain'll wakeya up. Rain'll makeya shiver, smile, be thankful, turn stuff green.  Make waterfalls.

But............ wouldn't it be a lot better Victor if you went, laid down, thought about (WORRIED) about, the scope of our land..  the Royals losing their last two games before the break.. . Car problems..   Family stuff...   Howabout counting sheep that are baa-baabaa-ing about money woes? 

NO.   HUH UH.  STYMIE HALT.  STOP. DO NOT ENTER "WORRY"

Or, (damn the double space) as Zach would say:  I got my toes in the water, ass in the sand, not a worry in the world, a cold beer in my hand, life is good today, life is good today.

But Victor... they said the shooter was a registered Republican... and, one news outlet said he gave $15 to the Republican party on November 5.. then, another news outlet said he gave money on that date to the Democratic Party..  Hey, we had Lugo and Singer pitching and we lost both games!  This new pitcher we got..  his ERA in his last three outings is over 8.00, and he's already had Tommy John surgery.  STOP!  I WANT WATER!

Ozarks, Table Rock, Pomme, the White River... hell, I'll even take the Little Niangua.. it's a beautiful little arm.....the creek by the 8th hole on the golf course..  heck, little bitty Holly Lake settles me down.

NO VICTOR.  GO WORRY. IT'S WHAT YOU DO.

Huh uh. In fact, I'm gonna have Salvy dump a Gatorade bucket fulla WATER on you. Then, I'm gonna put my toes in the water, my ass in the sand.. not a worry in the world, a cold beer in my hand, life is good today, life is good today.

Victor........ you'll shoot your eye out.  Or, minimally get sand in your buttcrack.

Well it ain't no use to sit and wonder why.........  Don't think twice, it's all right. Worry ain't all it's cracked up to be... right Bob? Zach?

BRB, gonna go grab a water.

Love, Victurd

Put an 'X' by all the ones you've visited....

Remember the old Rock Em Sock Em Robots?

I was eating my Corn Flakes... and allofasudden, I gotta funny taste... which... is fancy for... Less Filling/Tastes Great.... CAITLIN DID IT/NO SHE DIDN'T!.... HE'S TOO OLD!/HE'S A FELON!... me, the Red Rocker Robot... dualing the Blue Bomber.... WHAMMO! I took one to the chin, ya' hear that unwinding sound, my head shot up and I was toast. Gone. Done. Finito.

Yick.. .yuck... patooey... Victor, you PROMISED yourself you'd NEVER allow someone, something, to upset you so.  I would say, Social Media, ya got me again, BUT... I am of the age, when I feel like mebbe someone did pee in my Corn Flakes (And trust me, I know, I know, Granny taught me "two sides to every board.").. I shoulda poured 'em out.. rinsed the bowl.. scrubbed it... THEN, put it in the dishwasher to clean, sanitize, ie, stayed calm.

But I didn't. THAT got my dander up. LIGHT BULB! Not an LED one, I ain't that bright. Not onea them swirly circular "25 year bulb"s, I ain't living that long... but, I had an idea........

I wonder if there is a town named Dander??

Couldn't find one.  Maybe I could find me onea them rich, divorced, hard of hearing, doesn't speak English, 60-something, hot blondes.. fetch her up in my 2002 Buick Century, take what pittance I gots left in the bank... buy a small (really small) parcel of unincorporated land, toss a Tiny Home up, plant a sign in the yard, 'Dander', whatever state, and we'd be the first. OK, 70-something'd work too.

As my BP lowered, and, I pushed down my head back down on the Rock Em Sock Em Robot (I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down) - eh, whatever Victor...  I found me some towns I ain't never heard of.........

Boring, Oregon.  Sounds wonderful.  

Flasher, North Dakota. Wunner if that's close to Sturgis, SD? Band camp (VICTOR, you've told this before). Bite me. Band Camp. A buddy had recently returned from Sturgis during Sturgis and I asked him, "What's it like?" ... he thought a sec... then... "I've never seen so many ugly naked people in my life." Mebbe they retire in Flasher?

Monkeys Eyebrow, Kentucky.  Huh?  WTH?  According to an unofficial historian, this community’s name is sometimes rendered as Monkey’s Eyebrow or Monkey Eyebrow. There are several stories about why it got called that, but the preferred version is that western Kentucky vaguely resembles the profile of a monkey’s face, partially outlined by the Ohio River — and Monkeys Eyebrow sits where, well, the monkey’s eyebrow would be.

Normal, Illinois.  SURELY no one lives there.  Ain't no one normal is there?  Ahm, there are 54,534 residents Victor. Wow.  Liars!

Peculiar, Missouri. X. I have been here!  1899 the citizenry applied for a post office to be established for their community.. they suggested "Excelsior", but, found out there already was one'a them (Been there too!).. so, they sent the name-picker-outer in the Department a note "Give us some 'Peculiar' name" and that they did.

Arkansas, if yain't never been there, is really pretty.  Folks are laid back, fun, not much Rock Em Sock Em 'ems.  I likes a couple towns I found:

1. Toad Suck, Arkansas. X. On the Arkansas River.  Seems Steamboats usedta go thru.. the river would get too shallow.. they'd tie up.. go to the local tavern to await passable conditions. Apparently they imbibed so freely “They suck on the bottle ‘til they swell up like toads.”

2. Bald Knob, Arkansas. Has an immense rock outcropping that served as a landmark for early pioneers.

Why, Arizona... Population 167. Victor, this ain't Hee Haw.  Sorry. POW, take that smartass Rock Em Sock Em blog responder.  X. Been there, done that, Why not. Seems it was named after the Intersection of Hwys 85 and 86.  Folks wanted to name it Y, Arizona.. State said "nope, three letters, minimum." Ok, "Why" then.  Why not, right?

Whynot, North Carolina.  Town meeting for a town that ain't never been named... LONG town meeting. Finally, it was suggested "Why not name it Whynot and then we can go home?"  Did.

Likely, California   Postal Service said "get ridda the name South Fork." Folks gathered, submitted three town names. Nope, nope and nope, "all three are already CA towns." A dude said that they would likely never find a name, then another dude said, “It is not likely that there will be another post office in the state called ‘Likely.’” They submitted that, and it was accepted.

Goodbye Joe (Montana) me gotta go. Local KC radio station, when Joe Montana came to the KC Chiefs from the 49'ers.. got Ismay, Montana to unofficially change it's name to Joe, Montana.

Gonna stop in Gas, Kansas to fill up.  Then, I'll drive, stop, overeat in Chunky, Mississippi..  swing by Blue Ball, Pennsylvania (Victor I don't even wanna know.. me neither).. get to the fork in the road in Between, Georgia (take it, per Yogi Berra).. avoid traffic in Accident, Maryland....

Back across this great US of A, home to Boring.

Woooooaaaaaaahhhhh  Dander, stay down. No Rock Em Sock Em for me for awhile. I'm outta Rolaids.  Work on that rich, divorced, hard of hearing, doesn't speak English, 60-something, hot blonde for me wouldya?

Love, Victurd

(Somewhere in this hoarder mess I've got me a pic of a redheaded snotnose standing infronta a sign in Victor, Colorado.)

Going to go look up that disingenuous word that one guy winged at me. Victor?  Let it go, love, Elsa...   Elsa?  Yes?  English as a 2nd language?

Groovy.........

It's really too bad life don't come with no 'structions.

Think mebbe we all have seen that book about understanding women..  It appears to be a kajillion and sixty six pages thick...

And then we men.  When the ladies think'a us, its probably like when they sit on the back deck on a glorious Summer night... ceptin' the damn mosquitos won't leave 'em alone. BZZZZZ.. SLAP! Damn, missed... BZZZZZZZZZ, OUCH!  Ya little basta!  Time to Google "DIY Git Ridda Mosquitos (men)".......

Element.  Outta our element.  No, that ain't it.  Out of our grooves, maybe that's it.

Back when Antioch was a thing (Victor, ahm, I don't live in KC...??).. oh, sorry.  Antioch is onea the big ole shopping centers, now gone by the wayside thanks to a kajillion and sixty six Amazon Prime trucks blocking damn near every street 'tween here, Topeka and City Hall... and then, big signs with Kohls Staples Dicks, them kinda strip malls.  BIG shopping centers - Dinosaurs, seeya later.

Back in the day though......... Victor, we're all different ages.  What is this "Back in the day" era you speak of?  I dunno, it's what we old people say. You know, "Why back in my day" which, of course means we old farts are, were, smarter, wiser. Ha.  Anyways, back in my day --  you went to Antioch Center for stuff.  Stuff like the "40 STAR SURVEY", a weekly printed thing, ranking 'rock n roll' songs, put out by THE most popular AM radio station around........ Christmas Shopping...  and......... a bigass slot car track.

How big?  BIG.  We snotnoses would do chores, mow, collect pop bottles (that's how we did it "Why back in my day")..  buy little cars that kinda looked like Matchbox cars - ceptin' they had this pin or blade looking thing unner the front of the frame... it was placed in a groove in the racetrack..  Unner the hood, they had a low voltage motor hidden.. the pin thingy touched thin metal strips in the groove.. .ya had a controller to push.. kinda like the volume thing on a nowaday cell phone.. you could crank it (the speed) real high.. or, back off if you wanted to slow down.

That, to me, is life. Crank that sucker.  Go. Run. Jump. Hop. "Careful, you'll shoot your eye out!".. I mean, "You can push it, but, one day you're gonna push it a little much and the pin thingy is gonna come outta the groove thingy and your sorry little butt (car) is gonna go flying off the track to who knows where."

Groovy.  Or not. The 40 Star Survey might remind us, "Slow down, ya move to fast.".. or mebbe, "You're pushin' too hard, pushin' on me, you're pushing too hard, what you want me to be."

Black and white.  Life. Should be easy eh?  All ya gotta do, sell enough pop bottles to buy you two hours of time at the Antioch slot car race track thingy.. take a rag.. clean the underbody of your car..  stick the pin thingy in the groove..  press (not TOO hard) the controller thingy.. around and around we go.  Like..... a lazy river..... mebbe like some songs..  That U2 guy's Beautiful Day.. The Beatles.. "In My Life"... Freddy with his "Don't Stop Me Now"... "Will it go round in circles?  Will it fly high like a bird up in the sky" Color me a bonified simpleton.

OK Victor, you, a "bonified simpleton"??? .. I mean, I knew that, but.. why this time?  I always thought it was "Willie go round in circles"...   C+, M+, oh well.

THEN........... so............... ya stay on the track.. (GROOVY).............. things are going hunky dory.... (Side note.. 'hunky-dory originated in the 1860's in NYC.. hunkey believed to mean "in a safe position."  No real definition of 'dory', but, hunky dory means 'going good', the pin thingy is still in the groove.. call Uber when you're done, er, I mean mom. Save more pop bottles.. do it again the next Saturday.

And then............ Life.. Ya fly offa the tracks.  Divorce, affliction, aging, s'more aging, checkenginelights, WHAT? The kid is back to live in the basement again? Dayum it's cold down there.. no wonder, he's got the air on 63. Will either of these guys even be alive in four years?  Whaddya mean our company is going under?  Under what?.. Doc, did you just say the C word? The Nursing Home called.. it's not good.  Life can get, be, not so groovy.  Katy, bar the door. I mean, get the dayum pin back in the groove.  HELP, I need somebody. HELP, not just anybody. HELP, you know I need someone.

All the Kings horses..........  Or, like Dave and his Five said "I'm in pieces, bits and pieces,, all I do it sit and cry."

Music can help.  We won't go over allofem on the 40 Star Survey..... but...  Eye of the Tiger..  Here Comes The Sun..   I Will Survive.. Don't Worry Be Happy.

Much....... much in life gets 'the pin back in the groove."  Faith. Partner. Family. Friends. Most often, it is we ourselves that help, enable, figure things out.

Hello lamppost, what'cha knowing  (CUT HIM OFF BARKEEP.. he's talking to a post.)
I've come to watch your flowers growin'
Ain't you got no rhymes for me?
Doo-ait-n-doo-doo, feeling groovy
Ba da-da da-da da-da, feeling groovy

I can see it now.. that one guy will write in .... I love writing these stupid things with a kinda sorta good, happy message.. I likes helping people with their dandruff (ya know, ya read, ya scratch your head.. ":The hell did he say?"..  that.)

Life is groovy... if you keep your pin whar it's supposedta be. (Hear that skeeters?)

I'm gonna go sell this grocery sack of empty Natty Light cans I've saved up.. get me s'more life laps.

Smile.  It causes nice grooves in one's face.

Love, Victurd