Someone knockin' at the door...

In this song by the Beatles...... Victor, this ain't the Beatles.  It was written in 1976 by Paul McCartney and performed by Wings. Oh, k, thanks.

In the song 'Someone Knocking At My Door' by Wings..   Victor.. the name of the song is 'Let 'Em In'.   Oh, k, thanks (and sorry.)

Damnit darnit where was I?

What is your take when someone knocks at your door?  Excitement?  Go the hell away? Plan a speech as you walk to the door?  Hide? Don't answer the door?

I'll be frank, which is not to be confused with Zappa, Sinatra, 'lin Roosevelt, or -furter....

I don't like when someone (physically) knocks at my door.  It's about self image is why, but that's a story for another novel, and this is a blog.

In this instance - it means 'someone knocking at the door of your life', and that, after admitted 'arm's length judgment' (just shoot me, but I think we all do it), I love letting someone in my life.

Since I'll admit to (initially) being judgmental, I ain't a fan of cliques, BIG TIME ain't a fan of cliques.  (Victor, did you take your Wellbutrin, this all sounds VERY negative?) Stymie halt, wait justa minute, wait justa gol durn minute and lemme type, try to explain what I mean, then it'll get positive, I'm positive!

So Victor, lemme see if I've got this right.  You're judgmental but you're not a fan of cliques. Are you ambidextrous too because you're talking out of both sides of your mouth? Hold on horseface, I'll try to explain.

To me, a clique is like....... say you're leaving WallyWorld, and while you usually come for one or two items, you end up spending a hunnerd-plus, you carry enough bags to cut your circulation off as you race from the car to your front door.  THIS TIME though, you leave WallyWorld and you don't buy anything. SO.  You try to exit the entrance, but there's those 'bar/gate things' that won't let you through.  To me, that's what a clique is..  a gate that's unattended, already made up it's mind, and... you ain't goin' no damn where.

Interesting. Carry on, if you must.  I must. I think most of us, at least me, 'attend' the gate as someone enters your life... you won't ever stop them from passing though, you'll be friendly, nice, treat them as you would want to be treated - but befriending is a different thing.

You're still not making it real clear Victor, and, that shovel next to you, appears you've dug yourself in a little hole.  Continue please.

OK, lemme try to step outta the hole and throw some damn dirt in the level this thing out. Things change.  Life changes.  If I were to go back fitty, sixty years ago, my two very best friends, we did everything together.  Sounds a little clicky Victor, but carry on.  No, we weren't that, we loved everyone, honest, we just enjoyed doing things together.

Yeah....... so?  So. Now one is deceased, the other has 6 kids, a football team and a half of grandkids, and he's barely got time in life to take a coffee break.

So.......... I have been blessed. Blessed I'm telling you for all the folks that have come into my life in the meantime.

Victor, could be all those damn jobs you've had.  You're probably right streaky-underwear person, but wow, I'm happy to say I've met some (actually SO very many) wonderful people.

I don't have peanut butter in my ears Victor, I remember your 'arm's length' statement.  True that Mr. Grab a Banana and make yourself a sandwich, true that.

What I mean is - you turn back the clock years and years ago - you think, every friend you have will be the complete list of friends you'll have in a lifetime - but thankfully, that just ain't so.  And blissfully, that just ain't so.

"The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend."  Henry David Thoreau

Take Facebook (some would say "Take Facebook and shove it, I ain't ever going there - and that's ok, I understand).  Still, take Facebook - I would believe we all have made very good friends there - and friends where, in our lifetime, we've probably spent little or no time with them in person.  I've 'fallen' in 'Like' with so many there over the years. Buds, good buds, and again, some of us have never formally knocked at the door of the other.  There's much more to friendship than riding shotgun with someone, taking a vacay, downing one or seven at the bar, spending hours on the phone talking - friends is friends in many form or fashion.  Yum, at least to me.

"There is nothing on this Earth more to be prized than true friendship."  Thomas Aquinas

Ain't there a bridge somewhere where lovers take a padlock to and they pick a spot to place it, lock it, so it'll be there forever? Similar could be done with friends.  Yes Victor, there is that bridge, but don't you think after so, so many, the bridge would be weighted down?  Fall, collapse? OH NO, the span would be SO MUCH stronger.  Kinda like life, the person, the friendship, it makes us better, stronger, happier, all the more pleasing to pop outta bed in the morning and say "Thanks" insteada "Do I haveta?"

"A true friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.  Jim Morrison.  You tell 'em Jim, the time to hesitate is through.

Not all puzzle pieces fit, and that's ok. The list of 'have to's' in our life is fairly short.  Some people have no want to be with me, and, you tell 'em Gloria, "I've got all my life to live, and I've got all my love to give, I will survive, hey, hey."

Maybe moss don't grow on a rolling stone, but, in this life, as we make it over the bump and head downhill, it's well noted we grow, simply from the collection of wonderful friends we've made over the years.

I've noticed, about every few years, all through my life, I've been able to say, "Some of my favorite people all time, I've met in these last few years."  I usedta be all about collecting baseball cards, now, life is all about collecting friends.

Sometimes I have a hard time explaining what I mean.  Very basically, I'd be a nutcase were it not for all the friends I've been lucky enough to have made and call friend.  Thank each and every one of you.

"A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same."   Elbert Hubbard.

You tell 'em Elbert and I'll pat 'ma foot. And, guard the door.

Do me a favor, open the door and let 'em in..  ooh yeah... 

"A wing is a type of fin that produces lift while moving through the air." Wikipedia...   Or, as Paul and Wings might suggest, friends produce lift.  True that.

By Henry Gibson......   Forward by Paul McCartney, WingStop, Buffalo Wild Wings, The West Wing, And, the synonyms: Fly, Glide, and Soar.....

Love, Victurd

Living remotely......

If life afforded a do-over, I woulda run, not walked, to 1164 Morning Glory Circle back in the day.

Yeah?  Yeah.......

The hell is there?  Elizabeth Montgomery, that's who.

You mean Samantha Stephens?   Uh huh.

Why there?  Why her?  Did you just like get here?  OK, I was only 12 when Bewitched debuted, and mebbe that woulda been a tad young to go chase Elizabeth, but damn I wish I woulda.  I've loved her for going on fitty-eight years now.

She could twinkle her nose and make everything all good.  Did I mention she was beautiful?

Quite a few years after we'd been blessed to watch the fix-everything with a twitch witch.. I was sitting on the sofa... For like the 4th time that day, I tried to convince my wife of something we really needed to do. I don't have any recollection of what it was, but I'll never forget the moment when, she lifted up the remote control, pointed it at me and started clicking.

Hell to the yeah. THAT, is how life should be.

Crying baby, being anywhere where you hear someone's voice that grates and grates on you?  Your boss, asking, once again, if you were done with the three month project two weeks after he'd assigned it to you.  CLICK. CHANGE CHANNEL. HIT MUTE.  Seeya!

OK, just shoot me, I'd really rather hit the hay with Samantha, but, if life afforded me control with a remote control, I guess I could settle for that.

You say something really really stupid, maybe hurtful, you're embarrassed....... BINGO....... hit REWIND..  All good.

It's 4:45am, you've had under 6 hours of sleep?  Just hit the POWER button, our problems are solved.

Problem knowing what to say, how to parent your kid in a trying time?  The alternator on your car ain't alternating. It's right on top. Mechanic wants two weeks of your salary to fix, you don't know lefty loosie from rightie tighty?  HIT GUIDE BUTTON.

Your snotnoses first steps?  Scenes from your mom and dad's 50th anniversary?  That time your boss Ebenezer ACTUALLY complimented you?  HIT VIDEO REPLAY!

That HORRIBLE argument you/she were in, and the one hour, 15 minute 'make-up' you had upstairs, HIT VID........ VICTOR!  Sorry, got carried away.

Having a take this job and shove it moment?   Just hit your second consecutive tee shot into the woods?  HIT EXIT BUTTON.

Driving to work....... You hear that choir preface to Mick talking about "You can't always get what you want." CRANK VOLUME.  You are NEVER too old to CRANK VOLUME even if your driver side window quit working two years ago, you're at a stoplight and the window is still two inches from completely closing. CRANK VOLUME.

NUMBER PAD.  Pick a year, any year.  Prom? The Little League Championship game? Whiffle ball in the front yard? A college mixer with 43 gorgeous Zeta Tau Alphas (or any of the sororities)?  Pick a NUJMBER, a corresponding number. Why, one could even use that button when standing atop the scale. Pick a number, any number. Life should be like that, go back, yeah it should.

MENU.  Hell to the yeah. Mom's Spanish Rice. Lovey Houston's 300 burger.  JackStack's Poor Russ Pulled Pork Sandwich?  Feed me Seymour!

You're in a conversation, well, someone is conversing with you and there ain't no way in hell they seem like they will allow you to get a word in... one place suggested you should take off a sock and hand it to the nonstop chatterer.. life with a remote control, simply push INPUT... or MUTE.. or EXIT.. or POWER!

Granddaughter's 1st grade music performance?  50th Class reunion,? Well this could be the last time. baby the last time.. HIT RECORD.

Feel like Colorado?  The four dead guys in granite?  Padre Island? A night at the Del Coronado?  JUST HIT DIRECTION, swoooooooooooooosh.

Would love a great golf fore-some of buds?  A cold one at the Corner Bar?  A weekend at the Lake?  JUST HIT FAV and your buddies will be there!

In seriousness, of course all of the above is not remotely possible. Yes damnit, pun probably intended.  The very nice thing, I've found, about aging, is we do tend to react, live more like we're holding the remote control with our actions.

Life has 'learned us' to deduct, act much more swiftly so as not to relive errors of the past.

It would kinda be nice to be 12 again. Or 16, 21, 43.  Actually though, this age is pretty special.  If we even tried to go back, we would lose much of the memories, friendships, special moments, lessons learned.

Besides..... even if life did come with a remote, the aisle in WalMart would probably be completely out of AA and AAA batteries.

"For awhile there, it was kinda hard to tell which witch was witch."  Samantha

Twinkle twinkle little star,

Get me outta here and take me far.

By Henry Gibson...........    Forward by Endora, Gladys Kravits and Darwin.

Love, Victurd

A kiss is justa kiss... . but...it's only 4 letters......

Wordle........

Damnit, wordle.

There's nicotine, booze, drugs, sex, gambling,........

You awaken..... there's slobber on your pillow.. you flip it over.  No matter, you still have visions of sugarplums..... no, that ain't it.. you still have visions of gray, green, yellow --- letters...

Ya wakeup feeling like onea Pavlov's dogs?  Don't lie to me slobberbreath.  Ya do.  Damnit.  So do I.

October, 2021, Wordle created.  November 1, 2021, ninety, yes, you read that right, NINETY players. By the end of January, 2022, millions.. yep, millions of us addicted. As the peepers open, the slobber pillow tossed aside, all we can think about is Wordle.  Well, after we pee that is... then, it's Wordle. (If you are a lady and you're peeing, you're probably already thinking about Wordle possibilities as you sit.  If you are a man, you aim to, but only after you aim, flush, walk (run) to the computer.

Seven figures.  Lemme count.  Minimally, that'd be $1,000,000. Seven is hella more than five, so, a high five to Wordle creator Josh Wardle. "Low seven figures" is what he recently sold the game Wordle to The New York Times. Ahm, he still works.  Please don't shoot me Josh, but 'dummy' is five letters.

Compare is seven letters, but it we must, 1% get Wordle correctly the very first time, or, basically blind ass luck. After 2 tries (and yes, I found an article completely about attempting to solve Wordle in two tries, advice for same).   28% solve it after two letters.  While I've yet to accomplish this, I've had several friends do so on Facebook, and I hate you all.

Another 38% solve it in 3 tries....... 20% get it in five.... 7% on the sixth try.. and... Drum roll...... but first (first is five letters).. First, band camp, I forever said "If I strikeout in slowpitch, I am NEVER ever playing again"  Well, I struck out. Penalty for same on the team I played on was to purchase a 30-pack for all to share the next game (Pepsi of course, since it's 5 letters. Maybe it was Coors, I don't remember.)  Could be worse. Another team in the league I played in, if you struckout, you had to wear a 'tu-tu' in the next half inning out on the field.  While 'tu-tu' is only 4 letters, it's for friggin' sure SHAME is five. 

Where was I?  Oh yeah, striking out.  I did that. I digressed.  "Well, OK, I struck out, but I enjoy playing so much, I'm going to keep doing so until I'm a detriment to my team." (My softball 'career' ended in 2017, don't ask.)

Drum still rolling (think, inagaddadavida baby, which is 14 letter, and yes, pretty much continuous.).  ONE PERCENT do not solve the puzzle in the maximum 6 tries. Damnit darnit, yes, I've 'struck out' a few times.  I enjoy 'the game' so though (fun, something to look forward to besides hearing aid, life insurance, and burial solicitations I get in snail mail almost daily coupled with ED ads in email. How DO they know?) I will continue to play until it is detrimental to my health, as if the 7 cigarette butts accumulated in the ashtray whilst playing tweren't enough.

SO WHOINTHEHELL IS THE BEST AT THIS?  I'm glad you asked.  The ones that are really, really good on Facebook, I long ago unfriended them for that.  Hehe.  Google tells me the Swedes are the level best (solving at a 3.72 average) followed by the Poles, Switzerland folks, and 4th place, the Aussies.

But what 'bout Merica?  Again, glad you asked.  North Dakotans be the best.  They plan to one up their neighbor South Dakota by carving the faces of FIVE in granite.. no idea about who the 5th will be after George, Thomas, Theodore and Abe.  I understand Don feels he is worthy.  Hehe  Get mad if you like, I'm good.

THE best city solvers in the US reside in St. Paul, MN. Notables in the top ten cities, Ann Arbor, living on Tulsa time, and thirteen hundred and fifty-two guitar pickers in Nashville.

You can.  There are a kajillion math nerds out there.  You can.  You can Google the best starting word(s), the best 'first two tries', one guy played the game a million times in his computer.. you can find all those articles, but, fair warning, if you kick my butt I will unriend you.  Hehe.

Yeah but........

Yeah but......

The hell does kiss have to do with anyihing?

I'm so glad you asked. Josh Wardle, aka Wordle inventor, aka "Dummy" (5 letters) for still working, moved to 'Merica.. went to college, then grad school.  Presently, a software engineer for Brooklyn based MSCHF.  MSCHF created Lil Nas X's (he's a country rapper) "Satan Shoes."  Holy guacamole it created a stir.  They used the Nike logo, Nike sued. They included a pentagram and an inverted cross, MSCHF claims they are made with '60cc of ink and 1 drop of human blood." (yuck, or yucky, five letters.)  They only sold 666 pair of these shoes ($1018 apiece) and......

It's (the shoes) compared to a comic book published by Marvel Comics in 1977 based on the rock band Kiss, for which one of the members mixed vials of their own blood into the red ink used for printing the books.  YUCK(Y).

On your mark, get set, Wordle........ (but don't beat me)

By Henry Gibson.......... Forward by Five Guys Hamburgers, the Dave Clark Five, Hawaii 5 -0, The Firth Dimension, George Brett (#5), the Fab Five, the Jackson 5, the Dionne quintriplets, the 5 senses....

High Five, Gimme Five.......

Love, Victurd

Paperback writer........ ?

Landry thought he pretty much had life figured out. He got his pencil and paper out and wrote:  Happy, Sad, Life, Death.

That's perty much it ain't it? He thought about adding taxes to the list - but tax would already be contained in sad wouldn't it?  Sure there's happy in taxation (better roads, finer schools, assistance for those truly truly in need) but, the basic gist of taxes seem to be a topic only bemoaned by the old dudes that gather every morning for coffee at the Piggly Wiggly, or, the constituents up there in DC. So, he left off taxes.

Landry was in, basically, the time of his life.  He'd just turned 65, "Go to Hell Blue Cross Blue Shield Bankrupt Me, I'm on Medicare now."  He'd retired "Thanks, but take this job and shove it, I ain't workin' here no more."  He was a sports nut, "Yippeeee, I get into ALL the High School games, plays, yada at NO CHARGE because I'm a geezer!!"

So, with time to twiddle thumbs, nap whenever in the hell he wanted, go face the world, whenever in the hell he wanted - he played around on the Internet.  One day he saw.......

"Free college tuition for Seniors" at the local community college. He had zero desire to employ again one day... no want for math (yuck), science (fix my body please but I ain't here to learn howya do it), then he saw "Creative Writing."

Hell to the yeah, THAT's what I want.  I want to be a paperback writer.  Rings a bell eh Paul?

First day of class.  There were saggers.  Folks who, if they continued to get tattoos at the pace they were on, and their skin was like a sheet of paper - well, they'd need a new sheet of paper by the time they were 40.  A preppie here or there, some very quiet folks, and some chit-chatters from the get go filled the chairs. Landry, divorced, kinda hoped he'd be plopped in a desk adjacent to a 62 year old blonde, rich, hard of hearing, doesn't speak English.  No such luck.  He sat, peeked over the neon pink and green tress of the gal infronta him to see the chalkboard..

Ms. Dudley walked in.  He's seen her name on the paperwork he'd received a couple of weeks ago. 40-something, he hoped that he could learn something from her, that she wouldn't single him out (but he really didn't give a rats if she did, embarrassment was a word from his past) and, that Dudley could DoRight in learning him a thing or two about writing.

She was enthusiastic, but not like a cheerleader, very pretty, but, not like a cheerleader... read the class rules, goals, and told us what'd take to pass her course.  A bit more gobble-de-goop. Got some chalk and wrote on the board "First assignment, please tell me who you are, a tad about you, and the purpose you're taking this course for."  OK.

Landry drove home, plopped in bed for a nap (He had a baby headache. It was a 26 minute commute, some asshole tailgated him for 14 minutes or so, he'd slowed down to 23mph, then, thought better of it, like "He might have a gun, back to speed limit.")

"My name is Landry, which, I know it's usually a last name, but my folks gave it to me as the first.  I done did my time in the working world doing this and that, I'm 65, one son, three of the best looking grandkids you ever seen.. I'm happy, life's been - not perfect, but perty damn good, and I wanna write. Not real sure why, just do.  So there ya have it. Who I am, a tad about me (and my gorgeous grands), and why I'm here.

"I'm Preston, my folks own a successful business, I'm in line to take it over one day, dream of living in Hemlock Place (Preston didn't disclose, but it's an uppity uppity sub-division) and I want the writing part so I can communicate satisfactorily with the underlings of our company."

"Charlie here.  I played high school football, and I'm here to play college football. I'll be honest, I need 16 hours, and I taped the list of all the courses on the wall, threw darts, and bingo, one landed on 'Creative Writing/Dudley."

Neon hair gal had written "I'm Charlinda, which, Charise was one of my grannies, and Linda was the other, thus the name. I work at the Minit Mart, my child's biological father doesn't pay child support, so, my mom and dad are helping me with this so I can hopefully make better money, in turn making it easier for my three year old and I."

Day #2.  Ms. Dudley had done this a time or seven.  She'd seen basically every story that was turned in before, except for Landry.   She'd never had an old fart 'take the college up' on their offer of free tuition.  She figured most older ones to be on the porch swing, readers on their noggin', crossword puzzle in hand, Golden Acres types, and she was actually kinda perked by Landry's 'want'.

Bottom line, ie, assignment #2, "Tell me about life."   Landry took the less traveled backroads home so no one would ride his damn tail, did the mandatory plop in bed, forty winks thing - then headed to the old laptop with the trusty Windows 7 in it.

"Life.  Well, ya start out, there's folks gathered all around.  It's hella dark, but really comfy, you can push and kick, but only a little bit.  Then, it's like going down an aluminum slide on a cold day, ie, ya don't stick, you slide dammmmmmmmmmmmmn fast.. ya see "BRIGHT LIGHTS", and the first thing that happens is they spank your butt.  If ya knew how to talk, you'd say "Hey, I didn't do nuttin!' But, ya don't, so, ya chalk it up as 'I guess this is how life is.'

"Then, I don't remember much early.. then ya go to school, and don't shoot me Ms Dudley, I don't remember much about that because I spent 13 years staring at and dreaming about Sarah.  She was like a porcelain doll. Unblemished beauty.....

"Graduated, worked at I-Hop, Mickey D's and the bowling alley.. then, a buddy got me on at the print shop..40 years later, here I am.

"Truth be known, I'm still learning about life. I one day finally 'caught/tackled' Sarah. Did the til death do we part thing, then things went kapoopey after so many years.. we shoulda worked it out, didn't, thus I'm divorced, and while I admit to be 'still-a-lookin', I'm OK if coupledom never happens again...

"Life?  Life is blessed.  Gimme a friend with a gorgeous smile any old day.  Show me a little kid and I will have a gorgeous smile following their antics.  Pick me up a 'canardly tell' what kinda dog breed it is from the pound, and his tailwag will be all the blood pressure medicine I'll ever need... I like me some cats too, Sarah taught me to. Owned a few. Don't shoot me, kinda remind me of (some) women,  Never know what they're thinking.  They ain't impressed by/with you, and they basically do whatever it is they want....  

"I love, golf, sports, pulled pork, nice derrieres in leggings (hey, you asked!).. cash in my wallet, beer in my fridge, texts from friends in my cell phone, ain't none of it necessarily in that order. Boils down to, I'm a simpleton. The end, Landry.

Class #3.  It looked like one or two had already dropped out.  There was a pair that looked like, they kinda liked each other and hanky panky was to be in the air.  One guy slept.  Two gals compared their manicures, and Landry actually chit-chatted with neon gal, and dadgum, she was pretty nice.

Next assignment. "Tell me about Death."

2 be continued. Maybe.  A wanna be Paperback writer...

Love, Victurd

Footsteps...... right here in River City.....

This past weekend was nothing other than that, fun in our 'little town'.  With a Saturday "All School" reunion planned on the Square - footsteps happened in many different ways.

Airport parking lots, escalators, people movers, jetways - money, time, all to once again plant footsteps 'back home,' or, for many, as the years elsewhere add up, what once was home.

Footsteps to the bank to get dough, drive to QT, pay outrageous gas prices to drive across the land to see ones from yesterday.

Many (different ages, classes of school) gathered Friday night in advance of the All School thingy.  The eyeballs, at this age, squint when trying to read small print, which, is fancy for "Good Lord I hope I can read the name on their name tag so I ain't embarrassed because it's been so many years and I don't recognize them."  And it happened for many of us, ok, all of us.

Bless those that look virtually the same. We don't hate you - we're happy for you! Footsteps happened at various speeds, oft times due simply us all aging, and, many many 'miles on the car'... Some trudged alone.  Some moved lickity split like they'd taken that Chicken Fat 45 record to heart and exercised all their life.  Some, partnered, luckily had someone to lean on as they footstepped down the hill, between the aisles.

It can be, and is somewhat shocking to go so many years without seeing someone - then, without either gasping, recognize there's a story to tell of a life that's been lived.

In my work at a public place, I've been fortunate to come across quite a few from "back in the day, friends of old." After some quick 'hey, so good to see you, how ya been" chat, it's then asked "Are you coming to the reunion?"  Some said "Nah...." and that's all good - not all footsteps think alike, and it must be acknowledged we either loved our footsteps together back in the day, or, we didn't, or, we're indifferent on the matter.  Innie, outtie, Repub, Dem, socialite, retiring, solitary, which-way-to-the-party, yada.  And that's all good. Then, it's certain there's a category that couldn't attend due to health, prior commitments, ie, or simple life things got in the way - but, they very much wanted to join the footsteps.

As Saturday came upon us - I got to the Square early, parked my car on the hill, first spot to eyeball the activity on the Square.  Rain happened.  Footsteps went pitter patter puddle, or, home.

As I switched from Facebook, to eyeballing the actual Square, to the Accuweather radar app, one from a prior class posted "What’s a little bit of rain, when you are among old friends! Dress for the weather-bring a chair and join us on the Square. 4-10."

I guess many did... Footsteps from under the umbrella, seeking the safe haven of an awning, the inside of a restaurant on the Square - all, sandwiched around encounters with friends of old. It's a shame the rain came - but life's all about Plan B.

Radar kept indicating "not tonight folks", so, rather than drive across town to go to 'round 2' our my own specific class of schoolmates - I was tired, four blocks from home, so, I drove to 3 blocks from home to The Corner Bar. The intent, kinda sorta, of the "All School Reunion" is to not only see folks from your own class, but, the punky frosh, sophs, jrs, when we were Seniors, and, vice versa. A dreamy format. The Corner Bar. Footsteps had happened to the inside, all different ages, all lovers of Liberty, many soaked, maybe one or two sauced, wall to wall people. Narrow aisles meant, if you had to pee, it'll take a lot less time to go out the front door, go in the back door, presto, you're at the restroom (versus being a fullback trying to go thru the B-gap to make it in time to pee.)

A good thing there was such a crowd. Even a few from the same HS Class opted for the Corner. It was literally yesterday - today. The Corner bar, can, get a bad rap. Unwarranted basically. It's a homey, fun little place where folks "take their troubles down to Madam Ruth, you know that gypsy with the gold-capped tooth" or whomever the bartender is for the specific night. Hence, troubles, like umbrellas, are checked at the door, maybe a sip of Love Potion #9, camaraderie, relaxation happens, it's all yummy.

In two nights time, so many people, not enough hours to say what ya wanted to say to who, but even if only a brief check-in - it was loved, appreciated.

At our age, as the teeter totters and we walk out the door to go home, we're left with the thought "Could this be our last gathered footsteps?" Certainly hope not, but, if so - what fun!

Thanks to those who put in the extra footsteps to come, travel from afar. We hope you enjoyed and we hope to see you again. To those of us that still call 64068 home, darn us! We need to make footsteps together more frequently!

"There's a magical tie to the land of our home, which the heart cannot break, though the footsteps may roam." Eliza Cook

You tell 'em Eliza... I'll pat ma' foot and cross my arms! Thank you thank you thank you for all of your footsteps to make this past weekend memorable and fun. What better to look through the eyeballs at 70 and see 17.

Love, Victurd

Ground control to Major Tom..........

It's been noted I'm not very observant, witness conversation from around 12th or 13th year of marriage.  Sitting in the living room... "Honey?"... "Yes?" walking in from kitchen....  "When did we get that painting?"...  She stares up at painting.. "About two years ago."

Life 360.  I didn't know about it.  It's an app. Goes on a phone.  Can be tracked from another phone.  Multiple purpose.  Some use it simply to find the phone.  It gives 24 hour, 7 day a week information on the location of the phone (from the master phone.)  It's good for having for an aging parent as you can track where they are, and retire at night in peace/comfort.

Then, there's the helicopter parent usage.  Make sure your kid has the app, and, HE'S YOURS!  You can tell, whether or not it's 6pm or 6am, WHERE said kid is (it gives you a GPS location)..  HOW FAST he's are driving, and, WHETHER OR NOT HE HAS ON CLEAN UNDIES.  Ok, I made that part up - but(t) I wouldn't be surprised if one day there is an app for that.

Imagine.......

Imagine back to 1970.....

Imagine they/we had it then.

"Honey, here's your new phone."  "Gee thanks mom and dad!"  "You're welcome.. where you going tonight?"  "Well, we're going to Smitty's to play pool, then we might go bowl a game at (enter local bowling alley here.)"

Son gets home at midnight.  "CAN YOU TELL ME EXACTLY WHY YOU DROVE AROUND FROM LIBERTY TO EXCELSIOR TO RICHMOND TO BELTON TO KCMO TO PARKVILLE TONIGHT."   "Geez mom, dad, how'd you guys know that?"  "Well, there's an app on your phone. It's called Life 360 and it tells us where you are at so we'll know you're safe.  So, I presume Smitty lives in Excelsior, then you went bowling in Richmond, then Belton, then KCMO, then Parkville eh?"

"Honey!  HONEY!  He said he was going to Smitty's again, Smitty lives across town, the only streets he could use to get there are all 25mph.  HE'S DIVING 68 MPH AS WE SPEAK!".. "Did you look as his GPS?"  "No... lemme check, criminy, he's on I-70 headed for his Grandma's.. I feel like Gladys Kravits."

"A friend" told me this is a true story.  "We're so happy you passed your driver's test what with tonight being Homecoming and all!  You can take the car, but for safety, you must not leave Liberty."  "Ok, cool, thanks mom and dad"...  The next morning. "Ahm, son?  Can you tell me why you were at the Plaza in KC, and exactly why you did a U-turn in the middle of Nichol's Road?"  "I cannot tell a lie Pops." "Ahm, you already did, but go ahead,"  "Well, yes, all my friends went to The Plaza, so I did too.  You see, I straddled one of those big ole concrete median things and I HAD to do a U-ey." (They never knew........ my friend said.)

"Hank, it's 10pm and he's at some place called "Sammy's" in Kansas City, KS." "Relax honey, it's probably a popular restaurant where kids hang out." (2/Kansas + 2/drinking age eighteen = 4sure they're drinking.)  "I'm not sure if this Life360 thing is gonna help us, or, make us go to drinking too."

Two hours later.

"Honey, could you look up and see what kinda business is at 123456 S. Central in Kansas City, KS?"  Google Earth says it's "Cotton Eye Joes."..  "What's that?"..  "It's listed as Adult entertainment."  "Shiver me timbers, is he in some deep do-do. It seems like he just got outta diapers months ago, now he's out and about looking at some lush's boobies!"

Two weeks later.

"Well would you look at that.   He's been at church for 4 hours.  Now I feel guilty checking in on him."...... Ring, ring...  "Hello?"  "Hi, this is Smitty's mom, I think something is up."  "Yeah?, how so?"  "Well, my son's Life 360 has him at Church.. Sam and I drove by church, the only car we saw was Ronnie's."  "That's strange, our boy has been at church for 4 hours too."  "Well, there were 12 of 'em here earlier, I don't think all twelve would fit in Ronnie's VW."

"Ahhhhh... fresh air in the country.  Bonfire.  Keg o' PBR.  Chicks galore.  Stones playing in the background. Screw Life360. What a GREAT idea Smitty having us all put our cell phones in the backseat of Ronnie's VW!  High five dude!"  "Hey, what's that? The high five hasn't been invented yet."  "You know what I mean, great idea!"  "Oh.. yeah, thanks!"

They were all formally 'found out' by 12 parents.  7 were grounded.  5 revolted, said they were going to turn off their Life360 app.  In turn, 5 parents said, "You go right ahead, but you can bet your ass we won't be paying your cell phone bill into the future, ie, it ain't me babe."

A year later.  "Ring, ring."  "Oh, hi dad, what's up?"  "Well, it's 8:45am Tuesday, you're away at college, I'm sure, studying like mad, but.. we just wanna know, you have a Biology lab at 8:30am Tuesday, and you're still at the dorm. Do you realize how dadgum much it costs per credit hour for you to be there?"  "OK OK, I'm going, I'm going."

Short blog -> you're welcome that it is, pretty lame, I know.  I think, suffice to say, collectively, we're glad we grew up when we did, in spite of perhaps our electronic deficiencies, but..  thankfully to parents, and parents that only knew the helicopter from the Channel 9 News.. and the Grand Canyon.

By Henry Gibson N40° 44.9064', W073° 59.0735'

Love, Victurd 

Yeah, but, who cares.......

Stats...... 

72% of Americans live in or close by the City they grew up in.

66% of women golfers bend over at the waist to put their tee in the ground (as opposed to 34% who squat.) Victor, was that actually found in Google?  No, just observation from the deck where we golf.

Americans throw away 5 billion bananas a year.

My dog has fleas.  Well, 14.4% do.  Cats, 28.1%.   Goes agin' the grain of "Dogs drool, cats rule.."

Most people pee 6 to 8 times a day.

(In order of excuse frequency) "I was late to work because....... traffic... a family member was sick..  my car broke down.. my babysitter let me down... I was stopped by the police.. my pet ran away.. my water pipes broke..  and, my personal favorite used by a new hire where I worked who was late every single day his first week "The sun was in my eyes and I missed the sign to turn."

The average car goes 25.7 miles per gallon.

Women drivers are the worst ain't they?  Men, a report claims, drive faster than women and have less regard for traffic laws. They speed, drive drunk, run stops signs, and therefore crash more often than women do. (I wish I had not researched that.)

46% of people have lied about liking a gift.

40-70% of people have leg length discrepancy, according to a study by Eileen Moore, 

68% of people have, or have considered re-gifting.

Patrick Mahomes contract is for $141.428 million in guarantees over 12 years. The average person blinks 16,800 times per day. 16,800 times 365 = 6,132,000.  6,132,000 times 12 = 73,584,000. $141,428,000 divided by 73,584,000 = 1.92. #15 will make $1.92 every time he blinks his eyes for 12 years. He deserves it, supply demand, he's the best, but damnit Jake, WE should get State Farm's best rates.

There are 73 million feral or unowned cats in the US. Approximately 10% of Americans feed community cats.

I woulda guessed higher.  The odds of upchucking on a cruise ship are only 1 in 14,000.

19 people go overboard on a cruise ship or ferry annually.

While there is debate, it's believed Edd Roush used the heaviest bat in Major League History at 48 ounces.  (Standard is 33 ozs).. Rumored The Babe himself usedta use a 54 ounce hickory bat.

"Flying foxes" are the largest bat in the world with a wingspan of 5 feet.

If I were Patrick Mahomes, I would bat my eyes.............. often.

Claiming they were stigmatized in their community for not having children, Erramatti Mangayamma and her hubby went to an IVF doctor to assist them in having a baby.  Worked.  Twins. Oh, by the way, Erramatti is 74 years old, the oldest person to ever give birth. You should be ashamed, as you thought YOU were tired all the time!

Band camp, awhile back, a Minor League Baseball team held a promotion to boost attendance. Worked.  Fans could drink all the beer they wanted for only $2, until they went pee (their hand was stamped as they entered the bathroom.)  This worked well, until it was discovered fans were peeing in the bleachers, in cups, around the corner, behind poles, yada.

A couple of years ago, "Stare Master" Stagg and "Eyesore" Fleming stared at each other to see who could go the longest without blinking. Stare Master won, going an incredible 40 minutes and 59 seconds without blinking.

Hey, don't blink as you go thru life - it goes fast.

I'm outta here.  Gonna go blink, pee, measure my legs, toss some bananas, walk softly, carry a big bat, and, feed a feral.

By Henry Guinness Gibson

Love, Victurd

A funny thing happened after leaving the maternity ward......

But.........then again, some never made it to the delivery room.  Uh huh, bouncing babies have been born in cars...  in a tree (to escape a flood in Mozambique)... a Nascar race (Boy?  Named Dale?  Gal? Danika? article didn't say.)... Library (SSSSHHHHH!!!! Hold it down kid!)... McDonalds (would you like fries after-birth, you deserve a break today)..   Elevator (See? Toldya life was fulla ups and downs).. Jail...  Post Office (ahm, at that weight, you'll owe the equivalent of a first class parcel of $9.53.)

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage.  Well, kinda.  Lady in France, to be married one week before her due date, uh oh, didn't feel well.. excused herself..  uh huh, you guessed it.  Cut the cord, tied that knot, then... they finally got to tie the knot.  I kid you knot. Shoulda been an episode on Knots Landing.

The Mall..  Front lawn.. Disneyland (That's Goofy)..   Plane... 

Highway fitty-three and highway forty-two, I ain't kiddin'.  Twins.  They were driving to hospital, had to pull over, deliver twin #1....  back rolling.. differn't highway.. yep, pulled over, twin #2... (Life is a highway... well I wanna ride it my way... all night long).. 

A taxi..  Online.  WHAT?  Yep, planned. Video camera in her living room, it's believed over 2,000 watched the birth, and the spanking of the booty.

Whew.  That all makes me tired. Life'll learnya huh?

1952.  Hi, and welcome. You'll like it here. In, ohhh, 60 or so years, you will be staring virtually all day at your telephone.  NUH UH!  Uh huh. Odds are, one day, you're gonna drop that phone in the toilet.

Another day, someone behind you in class will sneeze and get yuck allover you. Then, it'll happen again at the movie theater, just as you're leanin in to put a smooch on momma.  

Half of you will get divorced. If you, like me, do it again, 60% are bound to fail.  Damnit darnit!

On average, three times, in public, you will hear "your top is inside out."..  Eight times, "Barn door is open."

You will......... either...... lose something precious down the garbage disposal... into a lake, stream, river, ocean..  down a sewage drain..  in the backseat of an Uber...  in that nifty pair of old jeans you just dropped off at Goodwill. (Damnit darnit, you might haveta go back for some Goodwill hunting.)

One third of us will be fat.  A boss will yell at you.  Someone close to you will betray you.  You will reach your destination and realize you left your (wallet, credit card, driver's license, teeth [been there, gummed that].. hat.. bra... one sock.. yada)......

You will get a trophy just for being there.  Two in every ten will hate fish.  55 million of you will fish this year. 100% of you think the other political party is fishy.  

99% of grandparents will fork out dough for ice cream, chocolate, that stuff.  Since old farts are living longer, by 2030, 8% of kids will have a great-grandparent alive.

But........ did you know.... only 2% of you will have green eyes.  Most of you will favor one nostril when breathing through your nose. The eye is the fastest muscle in 100% of you.  You contain trillions of bacteria, prolly more if you like fish, yuck.  Your body contains 100,000 miles of blood vessels, wonder howinthehell they conducted that study?  Contrary to studies by GQ Magazine, the skin is your largest organ.  We, scientists, doctors, scholars, all, ain't got no idea why we yawn. (I think we could offer up sufficient proof from college lectures, church sermons, work meetings.)

You will not need to diet your entire life. (That's what the eye doc says anyway as our eyes will virtually remain the same size all our life.) Don't be alarmed if one booby or one testi is a tad larger, smaller, happens.. to most.

99% of bloggers go on and on and make people yawn.  It is unknown why they do that.

May you have a great Fall, but not like Humpty.  A fun Halloween, but not like Freddy.  A nifty Thanksgiving, but don't try to be the centerpiece like Tom.  If you are naughty, it's ok. At your age Santa doesn't bring you squat anyways.

By Henry Gibson <-- born at his father's guitar factory.

Love, Victurd <-- delivered by a female physician who of course spanked him, and he kinda liked it.

Baby you can drive my car........

On second thought.. .no... I'm a horrible rider/passenger... can I drive your car?

The times, they'ra changin'.   I remember mirrors.  Then I remember when cars/trucks came out with the dash screen you look at and it shows you what's behind, and, assists you in backing up, making sure you don't run over the cat.. or the granny pushing her cart at the Piggly Wiggly.

I understand, now, there are 360 degree views on cars.  I ain't so sure I would like that.  When I think of 360 degrees, I remember times in my life when it's felt like one of my shoes is nailed down, I rotate, and rotate, and turn again, and can't figure out whereinthehell to go, which way to turn.

No cause for concern, now we make cars that drive their own damn self.  Nope, can't do that either.  Even if I downed 2 beers, 4 ibuprofens, a Wellbutrin and Xanax, no thank you.  I will never jump out of an airplane, simply because parachutes are made, packed, by man (or, woman.)  Nobody's perfect right?

I like mirrors.  Many say I spend too much time looking in the rear view mirror, but oh honey, do you realize what all is in that rear view mirror?  Everything, virtually. I don't scrapbook, I couldn't tell you whereinthehell 'Cloud' is on the computer to store stuff 'forever' (Did I mention man-made?), let alone if the Cloud is cumulus or nimbus. I guess I'm animbusole.

Now it says "Objects may be closer than they appear" but I might remind you, there's hella in that rear view mirror, ie, far back, not closer, like 1950-something, 60-something, 70-something, yada. 

Rear view mirrors tellya about 'done been.'  Done been to this school, that school, lived there, and over there, went with her, almost married that one, did marry that one, oops.... 

You can adjust those mirrors, but it ain't changin' the images.  Well, my pappy said, "Son, you're gonna drive me to drinkin' if you don't stop driving that Hot.. .Rod.. Lincoln."  Not totally true, 'cause I've never driven like a bat out of hell. Which reminds me, howinthehell do they know there are bats in hell?  Where was I?

Oh yeah, adjusting the mirrors.  I mention the Lincoln (I've always driven big-ass cars 'cause I feel safer).. now I got an old clunky Caddy.  Back to man-made.  There are buttons on my Caddy to adjust the mirrors, both the right side and the other side. Well, they quit working.  (Enter Checkenginelight here).  Oh, and so did the driver's side window. Smiley man at Caddy dealer say "Sir, we can sure get that taken care for ya.. let's see.. there's three 'modules' we'll needta change.. one's unner the backseat, and two are in the trunk, it'd only be around $900."

Did he just get here?  I've owned cars that cost way less than that. Hell, I bought tickets to every Playoff AND World Series game in 1985 for a third of that cost. So now, I can't adjust the mirrors with my buttons, the folks at the drive thru fast food places hate me 'cause I can't 'roll' down my window, especially Allie-alligator arms up there at McDonalds in Kearney.

So, I adjust the mirrors myself. You can bemoan all that's happened in that rear view mirror of life.  You can't change all that's happened in that rear view mirror of life - but, sometime if you got enough time to pullover under a shade tree, roll your winder down (or in my case, open the door, leave it ajar to get some air) and chillax and think ALL ABOUT ALL the GOOD in that rear view mirror. And that's a lot.  For me. For you.

So now, out the front windshield, ie, whereinthehell we goin'?  Someone mentioned, as we age,  drive slower, the center white lines don't pass by in a blur, you can actually see them one by one now.  My 70-year old thought on that is, "What white lines?"

Back to 'where we goin'?'  Heck I dunno, but it tain't far, who can afford to drive far nowadays? One has to think, if there's soooo much good in that rear view mirror, surely, 'where we're goin' ahead would be, could be, just as yummy.

Turns.  Life is all about turns.  Right ones, left ones, correct ones, wrong ones. To everything, turn, turn, there is a season, turn turn.  Even with GPS (did someone say 'man made'?) we make wrong turns, and we come upon a 'No outlet' sign. When that happens, I just take a deep breath, thank the Lord I don't drive a Limo to make a living, and turn around.

My doctor, he looks at me and says "Cigs.. THAT is what's gonna getya."  Wrong.  Turns, that's how I'm gonna go.  You see, I have, I think they call it 'intraocular' lenses.  One for closeup, and one for faraway.  I've noticed, since I got my one eye close up and one eye faraway vision, it's very difficult to judge catching a softball. (Same thing with judging women.)

Where was I?  Oh yeah, dying.  I will die turning.  I've already been honked at 72 times turning because I pulled out infronta someone thanks to my wunnerful man-made intraocular lenses. 

The gist to this whole damn thing is, driving is like life.  We done talked rear view mirrors. Mentioned white lines, ie, things we can't see that really should guide us on our path. Technology, and whether you get it orya don't. (I'm using Windows 7 for this, that tellya anything?)  I don't even think we've addressed passengers yet, but geez, that's a whole nuther blog.

(Side note.  I love old people. Prolly cause I am one. Long ago, I was proudly selected to be a pallbearer. The old feller that owned the funeral home, drove the hearse, well, he looked like he was maybe only a few months from needing the same service for himself.  BUT, he was old school.  I love me some old school.  As we took what seemed like a 72 mile, 23mph drive from the funeral home to the cemetery, if we met an oncoming car that didn't pull over and show a little respect, the old feller at the wheel would suddenly SWERVE at 'em, to basically say "have a little respect you sonsabitch."  It was real hard for us pallbearer's to not laugh aloud. I loved the man. Side note finished.)

In summary.. thank goodness Victor this crap is boring.. in summary, life is a ride. We can look back.  Look forward. Choose where we head.  Much (flat tires, other drivers, weather, hot, cold, alternators going bad [nuther side note, mine just did, cha-ching, $729, but, alternator is a necessity, them window/mirror/power control buttons ain't], AC out, fuel pump inop, hella reasons Checkenginelight comes on.... Which way will we, should we, turn. We can put it in reverse, but, we'll never change what's transpired in the rear view mirror. We go slower as we age. Pisses whippersnappers off, but, as we age, we could care less. (Why do they say that? Shouldn't it be "we could care more?")

I Google lyrics way too often.  I just peeked at Rascal Flat's 'Life is a Highway'.. I SWEAR,the lyrics were "Life is a highway, I wanna ride it all night long, I DID IT MY WAY" (But noooooooooooo, it's "if you're going my way" instead.)  I like my lyrics better, you rascals.

See the USA in your Chevrolet.....(or Lincoln, or Caddy, or $90,000 SUV with the 360 surround screen that pours a cup of coffee for you, has Alexa, compass, temp gauge, does about everything with/for you except have sex).. 

I wonder if Dinah had intraocular lenses?   Someone in the kitchen (strummin' on the old banjo) would probably know.

Go Greyhound.

Love, Victurd

Sam the Sham had it all wrong.......

Uno, dos, one two tres quatro..... 

Matty told Hatty... . about friends she ain't saw.....,  for too many years,  so please come and gather, have a beer on the Square, ain't agin' the Law

Wooly bully..  Wooly bully.. yeah drive (or fly, or bus, or train), Wooly bully, Wolly bully, Wolly bully..

Hatty told Matty..  Let's don't take no chance... Let's not be L-7... (STOP!!!!! WAIT JUST A GOL DURN MINUTE!)

On Saturday, September 10..... 4pm to 10pm...  Classes from whenever in the heck the old Liberty High School was built, through the Class of 1985 will gather - ON the L-7, for camaraderie, old times, old flames, just about everything there will be old.

For... let's see...  10pm  - 4pm = 6 hours,  yeah that's right ain't it Mrs. Schmacher?  For 6 hours, we get to be kids again..

See that lady?  I chased her around the playground at Franklin day after day in 2nd grade at recess.. . never caught her.. .wished i woulda...

And that guy, man he could play shortstop like no one you ever saw......

Remember when that gal there was a lifeguard at JFK?  We'd all try to flirt with her and get her wet doing cannonballs but back then our butts weren't big enough to splash that high.. hah, bet we could now!

Him, that one there.. he was the class clown.. I'm gonna go talk to him.. I bet he did 'stand up' for a living.. ya think?

I've seen SO MANY friends that grew up in the same neighborhood.. oh the fun we had.. kick the can.. collecting lightning bugs.. climbing the mulberry tree and eating as many as we could until we got sick...  sledding..  geez, I'd forgotten that, we all went to Jewell to sled down the big Jewell Hall hill.  Hell, i probably couldn't make it to the top now.. ah, but I have the mems.. I'm there for a moment today...

That dude..  He had the baddest '57 Chevy you ever saw.. He was so cool.. i was envious, but so were all the guys in our class...

That one, wasn't she Homecoming Queen?... and the one behind her..  remember how pretty her voice was in the choir?   Yep, and the dude she's standing next to - he set so many records for us in Swimming, school AND Clayview...

Remember the night that guy from the class of '69 drove around the Kuu Kuu 69 TIMES NON STOP, and our buddy (from the Class of 70) who was riding shotgun, so after they stopped, he got out and walked around the 70th and final lap?  Yeah... that was fun...

I can remember where virtually everyone lived...  and I remember quite a few phone numbers from back in the day...

He helped carry out groceries at Schoellers... She worked the window at Dog N Suds...That guy lined the ballfields at the City Park....

Hey look, there's all the guys and gals gathered that were Seniors our Freshman year.. Remember how intimidated, scared we were?

See that chick there?  One time at Holly Lake, she flew so far out on the rope swing, I don't think anyone ever broke her record.  Yeah and darn the luck, kids nowadays take their clothes off and do that... had we done that, word woulda went so fast from Old Manor to New Manor to Maple Street, to Ridgeway.. eh, you know.,,,,,

Hey, I gave that one my class ring long ago..  Wonder if she still has it?  I bet I could take the yarn off it and it still might fit!  (About the only thing that would still fit from back in the day.)...

That guy.. he was a basketball guru.. Nice guy too..  The one right beside him.. he played the lead in quite a few plays growing up.. I've always admired him for the ability to do that...   Yep, and about six people over, there's the gal that played lead roles, she too was awesome.

Hey, me and him went to Osceola together... Yeah?  Well I see quite a few that went with us on that trip in Young Life, Minnesota wasn't it?..  Yeah I think so...

All these memories and we ain't even made it halfway around the L-7 (Square) yet.. Yeah, Wooly bully, I'm gonna have to sit and rest apiece before we go any further.  Yeah, things, times, our bodies, energy, much, has changed since that time we got sent to Boyce Smith's office..  Yeah.. you remember that time we rode our bikes from Wiltshire up to William Jewell?  Uh huh, and howabout that time we walked from Canterbury up to Nashua Road?  Lord help me make it the resta way around the L-7!

Oh to be young.  Hey, we can.  Saturday, September 10.

Let's all be L-7...  Seeya there... Wooly bully.......