Stop it............

There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza dear Liza........

Stop right there!  I gotta know right now....

Stop, in the name of love...

I can't stop loving you......    Don't stop thinking about tomorrow..   STOP!

Stop, drop and roll......  4 way stop...  I'm not gonna tell you to stop again!... Stop by..      Stop short.. . Stop payment..  The buck stops here (setup your deer stand)..    Stop the clock... Stop at nothing.......

There's the old wives' tale of the cop who pulled the guy over...  "Do you know why I pulled you over?"  No sir..  "Because you didn't stop at that stop sign."  Eh, there was no traffic coming... stop, slow down, what's the difference...  So......... the officer pulls the guy outta the car, starts beating the heck outta him with his nightstick... finally says, "Now, you want me to stop or slow down?"

I'm fascinated with the word stop.  Stop and smell the roses.  Uh oh, I'd better stop spending.  That lady (or man, Victor, you misogynist) will NOT stop talking...  

It's time we stop, hey, what's that sound? Everybody look what's going down.....

TAYLOR!  DON'T STOP NOW!  We sucked against the Broncos.. Kommen Sie nach Deutschland, wir brauchen Sie (Come to Germany, we need you!)

Stops are strangely associated with endings or beginnings

Story uno: She left him.  His life basically stopped.  He started drinking.  He never ever went anywhere....

Story dos:  He tired of his drinking so he finally stopped.  He, once again, found life invigorating.  He started socializing, in a good way.  He'd have never found, met her, if he hadn't stopped drinking.

Change.  Change in life can/does stop much.  Life rolls along mostly nicely.. Stuff happens.  Chapter 7. Relocation.  Illness.  Affliction. Divorce.  New Inlaws. Ex Inlaws.  Sometimes even death.  Life don't come with no 'structions. We all react differently to 'never ever again.'  The 4 way stop in life with no GPS.

You've seen, I've seen, reaction therein.  a) Gives up. b) Sucks it up, grows, learns, makes the best of it.

That's Uncle Joe he's a movin' kinda slow at the Junction.  Junctions are stops.  It's ok for us to ask for help. It's ok to at least offer help for others we see at the junction. Aging = gained appreciation. Empty chairs one day happen, so don't stop, keep fillin' em.

 

To me, there is beauty, wonder in aging.  Yes, for sure it slows us down - but too, it gives us cause to stop, reflect, remember, even consider new ways, things to do.  We understand what 'speed bumps' and 'potholes' of life can do to our (under)bodies, so we avoid them, go around them. Our choice.  We see a child at play, we stop for a moment, enjoy, reflect.  Life seems to make a turn from "hurry, we gotta", to "wait, let's just enjoy the ride." Stop, don't turn on the freeway ramp, let's go the long way, it's ok, we're in no great hurry, and the trees are remarkable this time of year.

  

Life is not really a book, it's a library, a variety of reactions.  I've seen buddies think "it's over, life, is over" - then, find someone, happier than ever.  In recent years, I've seen, heard of many who "Yeah, we dated (or were friends) long ago.. "  At the golf course where I work, I witness many widows. They haven't stopped life.  They're fine tuning it, albeit alone, at least in that respect.

You there.  Yeah you.  Those of you who gathered as two back when "the first time ever I saw your face".. "I think I love you"..  'You are the sunshine of my life"... "Everything is beautiful"... Bless you.  Keep on keepin' on.

And you over there.  Yeah you.  I've watched you. You had a HEAP BIG STOP in your life. I'm proud of you.  You didn't pull over, 'park the car'.  Ya kept going. I've seenya. Seenya volunteering at the charitable Thrift Store. On the pickleball courts. At church. At breakfast with fellow old farts at the Piggly Wiggly.  Laughing, enjoying.

If you wake up and don't want to smile

If it takes just a little while

Open your eyes and look at the day

You'll see things in a different way

Don't stop thinking about tomorrow

Don't stop, it'll soon be there

It'll be, better than before

Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.

Why not think about times to come?

And not about the things that you've done

If your life was bad to you

Just think what tomorrow will do.

The Beatles wrote, sang, yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away, now it looks as though they're here to stay.  NOPE. STOP. WAIT JUSTA GOL DURN MOMENT. Halt. Supress. Snuff. Impede. Cease. Scuttle. 

But Liza, that there hole. ..........  Then fix it dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry.. 

Bumps in the road no matta' what we drive.  Go around 'em. Go slow over 'em.  Yeah, they may give us a baby jolt, but we got this, you and me.

As whatshisname told Gomer Pyle..  MOVE IT MOVE IT MOVE IT.  If you don't move (stop), you die.

Don't stop thinking about tomorrow. (And tonight!  Fill the bags of them goblins and witches that stop by!)

Love, Victurd

Polk Salad Annie................ I'm All Shook Up....

Mmmm mmm mmmm, mmmm, yeah yeah....

I love life, I do, please don't get me wrong here as I DO love life.  Sometimes, I see, what I deem, someone saying something wrong, ill advised, usually aimed at or about, someone, something who/that is unable to reply, protect themself(ves) so I blurt.

Then comes regret.  Then comes hours and hours of hiding from the mirror.  Then comes (how many rounds are there in a Heavyweight boxing match?  12), then comes 12 rounds of Victor boxing versus Victor.  Mentally exhausting. "Why don't you just stand up, get away from the computer so we don't have to go thru all this again?"

I truly feel like "going somewhere you can't be seen."  So, I Googled that.  Turns out, it lead to an umpiring story. That's at the end, so, if you're in a hurry, or, you no likey checkenginelight (and I'm ok with that) scroll to bottom, it's down there.

IN THE MEANTIME.  After I got up off the canvas from that 12 round battle with myself, I read about more, other umpire exchanges.  Levity. I needed me some levity. From 3am until 430am this morning, I found that levity.  (I surmise, Victor... this is where you're gonna share said levity?)

Uh huh.  I haveta, 'cause I was all shook up, mmmm mmm mmmm, mmmm, yeah yeah....

"Once I was a catcher in softball game, the umpire was constantly calling pitches that were a strike, balls. Finally I said, after a blatant miscall, "You must be blind."  The ump immediately circled around to the front of the batter's box so I could see him, retorted "WHAT DID YOU SAY?"... so, I said "You must be deaf too."  (Yes, I got thumbed.)

Editor's note. Before I get in another 12 round fight with Victor, lemme 'xplain Lucy.  I have one friend completely blind, another almost blind.  They are both, amazing. A beloved cousin coached basketball at the Missouri School for the Deaf. He, the kids, were/are amazing. I don't find humor in blindness or being deaf. I have a goofy affliction that makes me walk funny.  Of course, affliction isn't funny, but, ya know?  Levity sometimes helps us along the way, so I rejoice when my golfing buddies call me Joe Cocker, just as I hope, and don't believe, my buddies would get mad at me for the umpiring thing.

S'more ump stuff.. "You should go on To Tell The Truth.. no one would ever guess you're an umpire."

"AJ Pierzynski got tossed one time when the ump started to hand him a new ball and he said "Give me one you can see."

"A coach had prepared his catcher to answer him like he wanted, then, he stepped out of the dugout and asked if that last pitch was over the plate, catcher replied "Yes sir".... Coach shot back "THEN ONE OF Y'ALL IS LYING!"

"Last year, minor league game, I noticed as the game went on the strike zone got increasingly larger.. so I asked the ump, "What's your hurry?  You gotta date?"... he shot back "At least one of us does." Ump 1, me 0."

"I got tossed because I told the ump to turn the plate over and read the directions."

"My dad was a high school football referee.  One of the coaches hollered "YOU STINK!"  Dad marked off 15 yards, turned to the coach and said "How do I smell from here Coach?"

"I was umpiring fast pitch women's softball years ago and one coach continually argued balls and strikes from the top two steps of his dugout. When his team came to the plate in the third, he went out to coach and I stood on the top two steps of his dugout, shouted "Play Ball!"... When the pitcher threw the first pitch, I called it a strike.  He screamed "You can't call that pitch from there!"  "That's funny coach, you've been calling them from here since we started." I think he got the point so I went back behind home plate.

Polk Salad Annie.

Ron Polk is one of THE most successful college baseball coaches EVER. His teams won 1,373 games. 185 of his players got drafted (8 in the first round) and 23 made it to the majors. He even wrote a book, "The Baseball Playbook" in 1982 that is considered 'the Bible' in coaching baseball. He reminds me of Bill Snyder with his handwritten notes.  He orders 2,000 Christmas cards, 1,000 Birthday cards and 1,000 Anniversary cards a year, sends them out, handwritten annually, "It takes a lot of time, but I think it's the right thing to do." Bottomline, I, and many, think he is the bomb.

"Once, at a game at Arkansas, I was thrown out for arguing balls and strikes. After exchanging a few 'pleasantries' the ump instructed me to "Go where I can't see you."  So, I went and stood on home plate."

That's kinda sorta me, how I feel when I blurt.  Go somewhere where I can't see myself. Then, later, I might even think, "Well, maybe I made the right call afterall." (Every time I lose a 'rasslin' match, I got a funny feeling that I won.")

Tossin and turning.  I'm all shook up, mmmm mmm mmmm, mmmm, yeah yeah....

Love, Umpturd

The Sandbox..... and.... Music back then.....

Hey you... yeah you, you old turd.

Yesterday, it was discussed much of life is learned in the sandbox. (I will offer a small disclaimer.. I hate sand, I do.  It gets alloverya, by crackie.  Yet, there ain't a day that goes by when I hear someone, I say someone, say "dreaming of being at the beach to cure it all." (Disposition, the shakes, getting the heck outta Dodge, take this job and shove it, sand/sun/fun.)" Eh, mebbe. It gets in the car, in the hotel room, damn near everywhere, by crackie.

So, yes, we learn in the sandbox. Fun, jointly. Conflict, left to be settled by ourselves. Hurt, "hey, don't throw that crap wouldya?"  Sharing, insteada taking my ball and going home.  Difference, as in, the wooden box where the triangles, rectangles, squares, circles, yada, are taken and placed thru the corresponding shaped holes in the box, as in boy, girl, knowitall, shy one, bully, nice, arm's length, introvert, extrovert, innie, outtie, BFFBC (Best friend forever, by crackie.) Harmony in a world of difference.

But, by crackie, or is that butt, by crackie?  The sandbox is square.  Restrictive.  Scroll to some years later, like, micromanagement.  Henpecked. OK OK OK, himpecked too.  We needs us some freedom, right Richie Havens?  Creativity.  Beat.  Room to move. Stuff to 'oh baby' our soul. Katy bar the door and open that dadum gate so we can run (and learn) like the wind.

Music. THAT'S IT!  Sandbox, AND, music.  From when we were little turds. You mean like 60's music?  YES!  Perfect.  Sandbox and music.  Rhythmic life 'outside the (sand) box.'  'Pacificly (or Atlantically) 60's music.

The Twist.  That got us'a jumpin. It also got us in trouble in the dodgeball circle at recess. "NO DANCING," which, I later in life, as a student at WJC (Southern Baptist affiliated) learned "we don't do that, we're Baptist" or something like that.  Anyways, Chubby rocked, we rolled, and twisted.

Downtown. YES Petula! Hell (I mean heck, sorry) to the yes! That first bit of freedom, get on the Schwinn, maybe even put your ballglove on the handlebar, and mebbe even clothespin Moose Skowron's '62 Topps card so the spokes hit it (sounding likes we gotta motor), and go.. we did.   Outta the sandbox, Freedom. 

I've been everywhere, man.  Yes, we were still very wet behind the ears, still a bit'a sand we couldn't get out, by crackie, but... we were somebody once 'Downtown', Petula, freedom, Schwinn happened. Been to Safeway, Breipohl, Mattinglys, McBowl...  City Park, Billy Jewell, Dairy B, up/down the Franklin flagpole...    Beggs, Brants, Mugs Up, Trails Inn... Clayview, City Hall, Bennett Park, Buds Pool Hall, Hey, lemme in!  Everywhere, we thought we'd been everywhere. (Bud's was a growing up all too fast lessen for another day. Puff puff, cough cough, cuss cuss.)

All you need is love... which, perhaps coincides with And then it happened.  We chased and chased 'her' (or him) on playgound.  Whatinthehell we'd do if we ever caught 'em, no idea, but we chased. Unchain my heart..... Can't you hear my heartbeat... Piece'a my heart.  And life was never the same. JK, kinda sorta, not really.

Help! I need somebody. Help, you know I need someone.  Stand by me.  Sealed with a kiss. The hell? Goodness gracious great balls of fire!  The heck was that? LA LA LA LA BAMBA! Whew! Does your chewing gum lose it's flavor on the bedpost at night?

Gulp.  Outta the sandbox, sorting those shapes into the box we easy compared to this stuff.  Twas easier back when we went to play Indian ball at the City Park.  I ain't never had my heart beat like that. Ball of Confusion... Good vibrations, all the same. Oh Pretty Woman.. When a man loves a woman.  I want to hold your hand.  I can't stop loving you.

Then, ruh roh happened by crackie.  My little Runaway, she run run run run thataway.  Where did our love go?  I can't stop loving you.  These (those) boots are (were) made for walking.  Round round get around I get around (VICTOR! YOU ASS, MEN ARE OINK OINKS TOO!) But, I heard it through the grapevine.

Breakin up is hard to do.  The sound of silence. Monday Monday. I'm gonna sit right down and write myself a letter, and make believe it came from you.  Crazy, by crackie.

It's fun (to me) to look back.  Wasn't it Little Jimmy Dickens who wrote It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

Then we grew up.  Victor?  Yes?  I call BS.  OK, lemme rephrase.  We made it to here.  Thinking about all we've done, where we've been, how we got there, makes me tired. And smile. And laugh. And cry. And give thanks. And feel blessed.

Recollection of things from the past.  Running.  Jumping. Sledding.  First kisses. Sock hops (leastwise, on purpose ones).. Sadie Hawkins. Euell Gibbons (never ate a pine tree). Climbing trees.  Forward rolls.  The shuttle run.  600 yard dash. Baseball Ray.

It's Over.  NO IT AIN'T ROY!  We gots tons of living to do!  Slower.  Wiser?  Sure, chagrin, but, tis now easy to sit with a grin.  The water of fun that's gone under the bridge in life comforts.  Hells bells, now we can jump in car, touch a screen and see what's behind us, while still, going forward.

By crackie.

Love, Victurd

WHO.....are you...... who, who, who, who?

I really wanna know (who are you? Who, who, who, who?) ......

What's your name?  Who's your daddy? Coffee or tea? Night owl, early bird, and do you have control of same?  Do you like good music, oh yeah yeah?

Phone rings. Can't wait, or, ugh?

Count the hours down until the first pitch, kickoff, tipoff - or, "I don't care" like onea my buddies.  (I do care, but have to admit, I kinda like his attitude, some, many of us get perty wrapped up in that,  He don't care.)

Lush, weed-b-gone yard or don't givea rats, just as long as Code Enforement doesn't write you up? Oh hell no, gimme a 12th floor condo in the City, I don't mind sidewalks, elevators at all.

Detailed recipe, grocery list matching in hand to Piggly, preheat oven, mix, whip, peel, layer, spread, grate, chop, slice, dice.............. or........... lemme see, Stouffer's says "Microwave this frozen lasagna 6 or 7 minutes, let stand one minute, chow down."?

Married? Divorced?  Living in Sin?  Ahm, I'm tellin'! Do you remember at what point in your relationship an out loud fart wasn't uncomfortable? 

Routine, or, "What day is it?" ......... Park, far, far away so door dings 'no happen' and car is showroom clean, nice, 5 years later? Or, do you drive around the lot for 4 minutes to look for the closest spot to the door, regardless (or is it irregardless and do you care) of what kinda beater would be parked next to you.

Travel or homebody?  Rise and shine, or, leave me the hell alone please?  Is Art a man's name, or a poem to you?  Is paint a chore or creation forya?

Innie, outtie? (And at what point in your relationship did you learn that about your mate?  Victor, you're pretty damn weird.  Uh huh.)

Ever wear the same undies two concurrent days?  It's true ain't it?  There has been a time (or many) where you go to the mirror to 'arrange, pimp', you take one look, stop your hands and say "Nah, you look beautiful just as you are."

Scray movie or Hallmark love story?  Hallmark $4.99 card or "hell no, drive me to the Dollar Tree for one"?

Look at your Gas Buddy app for the cheapest around then drive 12 miles to save 2 cents a gallon, or, go to your regular ole regular place, pump, pay Erv... say 'howareya Erv?" go back home?

Does the tab from the waitress at the Longhorn Steakhouse send shivers down your back? Front? Don't care?  Do you get out the calculator to precisely leave 15%? Or, generously give 30% Or, base the whole damn tip on actual service rendered?  Do bend over backwards waiters and waitresses who gregariously use the term "ABSOLUTELY!" 42 times drive you batshit crazy like it does me?

If you go to a 7 year old's BD party and two cousins, age 5, are waging battle with balloons on a string, do you get down on the floor to their level, grab your own balloon, engage in the swatting too?  OR, if you're minimally 3 rows from a crying toddler on an airplane, do you hit the button and ask the attendant for a new seat far away?

Is rap crap or, do you kinda like the beat minus the F-bombs?

Pullover or gotta have a zipper?  Sleep on your side or back or on front, one leg hiked up? <-- Don't do that, led me to Chiropractor.  Are you free with your advice or do you keep your trap shut like i should?

Is saying 'sorry' difficult?  Does love mean never having to say you're sorry?  When you drive by the guy (or gal) on the corner with the cardboard sign, do you think "they just wanna buy another pint o' vodka" or, do you think mebbe they're really down on their luck, need a buck, so you hand 'em one?

Do you buy the offbrand, grocery chain 'Best Choice", "Great Value" chips, peanut butter, yada, or are you a "Oh hell no, gimme the Helmanns."?

Do you have a SheShed? ManCave? Whaddaya think of man buns? Are you a fan of female buns like me? (VICTOR!).. sorry, kinda, not really.

Have you ever Googled whyinehehell aren't there the same number of hot dogs in a package as there are hot dog buns in the bag?  All beef for me, or, are you ok with pig lips, assholes, yada in them?  Well, they look like dogs, taste (mostly) like dogs, inflation has happened, "grab those damn Bar S dogs, they're $1.99."?

Prefer (when in relationship) Cooking or Cleanup duty?  Maid or clean yourself?  Or, hoarder, don't give a rats?

Would you answer the door in what you got on right now?  Do you have a Ring doorbell? Light on or off for the snotnoses on October 31?  Buy two bags of candy 'cause you know you'll only give out one, and the rest is for you?

Aside from the getup you got on right now, when's the last time YOU dressed up for Halloween?

Does litter make you upchuck?  Do you use the term upchuck, vomit or puke?  Ever eat a pine tree?  Puke in a barf bag?

White knuckled flyer or, snooze and "the ding to put on seatbelt for landing" will awaken me. Or, hell no, Destin, FL?  I'm driving.

Life truly IS like a box of chocolates. (flip 'em over, use your thumb to press and see if it's the kind you like, if it is, down 'em, if not, flip 'em back over, carry on).

I got behind a lady at the grocery store (Victor, are you gonna be a misogamist?) ... ok, damnit, I got behind a lady at the grocery store (just as easily coulda been a man) who first, sampled a green grape, then another, then a red grape, then another... and I wondered "You do that?" or, are you like me, "The hell?"

If it snows like crazy, weather man (or weather woman) says "Stay home", does that pump you up to take that as a challenge, or, do you wimper to your easy chair and grab an extra blankie? 

 Do you drive a new car, full coverage, or, have a beater, liability only, pray Bambi stays home? Will you eat venison, or "Hell no, hand me that $4.99 80/20 ground beef."?

Ever thrown a golf club?  Kicked something?  Can you print (for public observation) what you said the last time you hooked your little toe on the corner of the coffee table leg? Are you honest come April 15?

You're a hippy aren't you. You question everything don't you? You tire of questions don't you?  OK, OK, me too.  I get the message....

Just a song before I go
A lesson to be learned
Travelling twice the speed of sound
It's easy to get burned.

What's the fastest you've ever driven? (VICTOR!)  OK, sorry. We actually learned all there is to learn in the sandbox. You know, that wooden toy where ya take the differen't shaped parts (triangle, square, rectangle, circle) and try to fit 'em thru the differen't size holes in the box.  We're different.  All of us.  Some of us. Most of us. And Misty should really wear shorts under that dress. (VICTOR!) Well hell, it IS the start of it all!

"Different people get different things out of the images. It doesn't matter what it's all about, all that matters is how it makes you feel."  Adam Jones.

Oh, before you go, please click on all the images with traffic lights. I just wanna make sure you ain't a robot. Or, as my father sometimes referred to me as, "a follower."

Follow the yellow brick road.  Or not.

Love, Victurd

Retain......

Absorb and continue to hold........

In some, not all, but some aging situations, retention, lack thereof, happens.  I've only had a brief run with that with my father, but I've witnessed way too many of my friends, relatives having to 'walk along the train track' with a specific loved one as retention fades.  An extension, a compliment, a game planner in making whatever time is left in life - the best it can be for their loved one, friend.  It's sad, but, certainly amazing to watch.  I truly love those of you who do 'walk along that train track' beside, guiding, loving.  I am quite certain ALL, would say, "Victor, it's not have to, it's get to."  All the more reason to love, admire, thank you. (And speaking of which, I oh so love my niece and her hubby for affording my father residence, uplifting, guidance, fun, in his last days. I, he, was lucky.)

Hopefully, injecting a can of "Fix-A-Flat" (into this blog), I'd much rather we go down the path of speaking about the ability to retain, versus vacancy of memories.

I know, I know, much is said negatively about living in the past.  I nod my head, but too, believe we are a wonderful quilt, stitched by many. Village people, perhaps - as in, it takes a village.  We lean, falter, others keep us upright. Sometimes it's our turn to do that, help.  We work, play, we emote - most of the time wonderfully.  I see no harm in the recall of that.

Close your eyes for a sec.  Think, deeply, about some of the people you oh so admire, and are oh so thankful to have had life afford you the opportunity to, at least once, walk down the yellow brick road with them. Reflection.  Beauty. Happiness.  Good moods, fun.. Blessed.

Yesterday I learned of the passing of a gal I got the opportunity to coach back in the day. Everyone, everyone loved her.  Yes, she was a good player, and we hear this all the time, "an even better person" and that she was.  Sting. Hurt. Why?  Not fair?  Way too young. Sometimes, the good die young.  Sucks.

But, retention, recall guides us.  Of course life, meeting, engaging with others along the way, we're unable to see the view from their Chuck Taylor's. Who knows what lurks within?  

In life, we share much.  Interstates, backwoods, schools, homes, churches, neighborhoods, companies, swimming, golfing, conversations around firepits, joy, grief, pain, worry, self doubt, will, no will, all.  We share it all.

Sleeve.  Blogging here, yes, I, (apologizing in advance for language) 'show my ass' oft times.  Wear it on my sleeve. It's those, them, that don't.  Yes, pain, suffering, bad days, crap that we all have to go thru, are in there somewhere under the sleeve of that shirt - BUT, outwardly, you'd never know.

Bright lights, in a good way.  People who take these same paths in life, have transmissions go out, hear harmful speech, surely, at one time or another, winged their way. Illness. Exhaustion. This, that, MUCH, bad within their lives -

But, you'd never know it.  Bright lights.  Thanks to the sun (and the sunny disposition), some always shine.  It looks easy doesn't it?  I dunno about you, but sometimes I wanna curl up in bed, put a note on the door "Leave me the heck alone for awhile wouldya?".. .

Then, we have people like Laurie.  Alla that bad crap surely had to have happened to her too.  I mean, we both drive 435. We both go thru the Seasons.  Surely we both have struggled with 'more bills than money'. Yet, always a smile.

She got knocked down

But she got up again

You're never gonna keep her down

She got knocked down

But she got up again

You're never gonna keep her down.

And, there are those, thankfully, we never ever see get knocked down.  They're always up.  Smiling, contributing cheer, fun, humor, glee.  How do they do it?

Yes, she's gone.

Recall, retention, the ability to retain, lives on.  I'm so tickled to have met her, many, along this path of life.  Perhaps there are those 'don't live life in the rear view mirror' sayers... I'm ok with that, and sure, we must go forward in life.

But, the ability to retain, remember, smile, attempt to hopefully emulate those guiding lights, make this event called life a little more bearable.

Thank you Laurie, I will never forget you.

(I hadn't seen Laurie years. We've winged a few online messages the last several years, that's about it. She touched the lives of so many.  I guess what I'm saying, asking, sure, I love that you care, are sorry, someone I [and so, so many] thought so very highly of is now gone - but, it's not just my loss, it's everyone's loss, inotherwords, I love you for being here, reading this, but comments like "Sorry for your loss" to me, I'd feel selfish. The thought appreciated for sure, but unsaid works. We all, at some time or another, lose guiding lights.  It's never, ever fun.  I much prefer recall.  I can, do, feel your feel for me in the particular instance, and I DO thank you. Life has afforded us all 'Laurie's', like those ones you thought of when you closed your eyes.  Let's just lean on each other.  Retain, recall. Give thanks.

Sometimes, contrary to what some say, ya need rear view mirrors to help guide us. Yes, recall stings, but in a way, it also hurts so good.

Love, Victurd

By Henry Gibson and Don Williams........

I don't believe in self drive cars

Kale as food and foreign wars
I don't believe the price of beef
The certainty of an old age chief
That right is right and left is wrong
That Pubs and Dems can't get along
That QR Codes have passed the test
And trophies for all, it ain't best

But I believe in love
I believe in babies
I believe in mom and dad
And I believe in you                                                                                

Well I don't believe that most folks wait
For self check lines they ain't too great
And if I'm caught in puppy love
Gimme a push, a gentle shove

St. Nick's watching people everywhere
He knows who's nice and who don't care
And I'm a grumpy old man
Oft times alone is where I am

But I believe in love
I believe in Classic Rock
I believe in Santa
And I believe in you

I know with all my certainty
That very soon, I'll have to pee
It's a good thing too
On time to the loo

I don't believe humility
Is as common as it used to be
And working retired gives me the frights
That black is black and white is white
That Hof and Amelia are still around
Somewhere out there chowin' down
That toilet papers in short supply
The rising cost of double ply

But I believe in love
I believe in old farts
I believe dogs and cats
They both have hearts

I believe in love
I believe in babies
I believe in mom and dad
And I believe in you

Listen here Sonny..........

Do as I say, not as I do...... ok?

You there... Mr. Twenty Year Old, listen up, ya hear?  Thank goodness nowadays you got all those stupid (fun?) filters when you take pics... thus, you can see yourself age. We old farts had no vision of ourselves aging other that what makeup mom, dad helped us with when we trick or treated as old bums, old ladies... Most of us, us geezers, no thinky about aging... we realize it's hard being 20 something, 30 something to come to the realization of being lucky enough to be fitty, 60, 70, etc.  Them filters hopefully helpya.

Ya wanna live long? Grab a chair, have a seat 'cause I'm about to reveal years and years and years (15 minutes) of my studies on aging.

Get a dog. Dog owners live longer.  Get married (VICTOR!  DID YOU SAY THAT?). .gulp, yes, proven, married folks live a tad longer than nonmarrieds.  Play golf. Hey, not my suggestion, a Swedish study indicated hackers (golf, not computer) have a 40% lower mortality rate, thus, potentially adding 5 years to your life.)

Move to Japan.  They gots the longest life expectancy.  If that funny looking writing and eating with chopsticks frightens you, then move to Hawaii... Folks there, hula, get lei's, are kind (Mahalo sir), and, live longer than anywhere else in the States.

If you happen to be female, goody for you, as, women in over 195 different countries, outlive men.  Quilt. Tis said to lower heart rate, improve eye hand, sense of accomplishment, purpose, stress relief, reduces loss of brain function...  "Oh what a tangled web we weave, when we practice to decieve."  Sir Walter Scott, 1808.

Psychologists, medical folks, nosy writers everywhere, have asked people over a hunnerd, "how you able to do that?"  Big rangea answers... "Kindness."  "Marriage" (dangit, whoop there it is, again). Not having kids (HEY, I don't make 'em up, I just report), "Connecting with nature",. "Avoiding men" (Eh, so what, we'll be golfing).. Smoking 30 cigs a day (again, I report, one centenarian said it.) Don't smoke. Whiskey. Abstain from alcohol.

Oh, and have a sense of humor, hear?  One 15 year study indicated women, in particular, with a sense of humor, have a 48% less risk of death from all causes.  Men are a lower percent, but still, higher if you're ok with, demonstrate, funny-ha-ha. Grow up in a humorless environment?  Not to worry, young folks can learn to embrace the absurdity of life at any age.

Hope ya did the Scout thing. One, it gotya outta mom, dad's hair (hope ya did the long camp in Summer too).  Two, it's proven Scouts tend to be in better health at age 50 thanks in part to due to learning square knots, two half-hitches, taut-line hitch...wait, no, that ain't it... it's due to "Being prepared."

Now Sonny, we're gonna talk buckaroos.  As in, put some away every month, no touchy until you are a raisin. (Scroll to sense of humor).  "But... I don't get an allowance any more." Well, then it is suggested you get offa your watoosie, get a job, an apartment, before your folks one day learn you about 'the magic of compound fracture.'

If you put fttty dollars a week away, no touchy until you are retirement age, with historical average annual interest, you should have of $750,000+. Again, first, ya gotta get a McJob, get outta their basement, get a dog, eventually get married, maybe move to Hawaii, be kind, have a sense of humor, golf, be prepared, that stuff.

Who wants to be a millionaire?  (Victor, you did that one yesterday too.)  Sorry, kinda.  Sonny, should you put a hunnerd smackers a week away, no touchy, no divorcee, be kind, pet hound, McJob, by retirement age you will have ONE MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED SEVENTEEN THOUSAND, THIRTY EIGHT DOLLARS.  ATTENTION!  ABOUT FACE, go, run, Indeed, LinkedIn, Resume', get job, start.  Ya hear?

I would be remiss, you see, if we have a blog where we don't at least mention once, poop or pee. Sorry, kinda. I tried to hold it in, leaked.

Cost of living.  Let's take TP for example.  Fitty cents (or more) a roll. Average human uses 3 rolls a week. Approximately 375 panels.  That's, on average, fitty panels per constitution. That's $187.fitty a year. Or, $1443.37 total by the time you retire, and by then, you prolly won't need as much cause sometimes (I've heard anyways) old folks no makey it before they go.

My suggestion. Only use 25 panels per 'sitting'.  (VICTOR, you left out the 'h')  Uh huh, on purpose. Use less (25 panels vs 50), invest the rest, you will have AN ADDITIONAL $28,301 by the time you retire. This suggestion was taken verbatim from the Larry The Cable Guy/Dave Ramsey financial newsletter.

This was a bad idea, sorry, kinda.  Pun mebbe intended, I'm wiped out, going for nap.

Maholo,

Love, Victurd

So............. I Googled........

What to write about....

I found an article "100 Best Things To Write About When You Don't Know What To Write."  So, sucker, you are very stuck.  Forgive me father for I have blogged, blabbed and will undoubtedly again and again and again.

I get bored, like you.  Huh?  You don't get bored?  Whatta you do to combat boredom?  Chances are prolly good you'll walk into the room where your honey is, then, converse.  Well, I ain't got no honey.. a little grape jelly in the fridge, but that's about it.

Or, you may text, or, phone-a-friend...... 

Well... my eyeballs generally pop open between 3am and 4:30am. I once texted a buddy at 8am, and later, said buddy said "I can't believe you texted me before 9am."  So.... so much for that idea.

Speakina phone-a-fiend.. the guy.. the guy that wanted to be a millionaire on the show with the rediculous (I spelled ridiculous thataway on porpoise 'cause I've done seen it spelled like that 3 times in the last 3 days and it drives me batty. I know I misspell crap, but geez Louise, get a dictionary, or sumpin, or, note them red lines underneath.  Victor, you're pretty grumpy. Guilty, old, and stay offa my lawn.), the rediculous name.

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?  Well who don't?  Dumb title (to me) but we tuned in like crazy.  "Regis, I'd like to phone a friend" said that one dude who, saw the question, it was his last step from a Mil.  OK, Reg' said.. Dude dials up his dad... "Dad, I don't have a question, but I just wanted to let you know I'm about to become a millionaire", answered the question, and the rest, said Paul Harvey, is glee (and the IRS). Good day.

"Tell your own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories."  Ann Lamott, Author.

Ok, so, it was October 13, 1952, I looked up and seen it was a female physician delivering me.  I'd never seen a female physician before.

Funny ha ha Victor, but, don't you remember, when you write crap about yourself, people run like cockroaches whenya turn the light on. Leave the light offa crap like that.

Interest and hobbies. I'm interested in people, smiles, fun, nature, feel goods, niceness, pets, (and animals too), yoga pants (hey, I'm old, not dead)..  I ain't gots no hobbies really. You? I play golf, but only because I'm interested in people, smiles, fun, nature, feel goods, niceness. And, because I work at a golf course, I ain't a millionaire and it's free 'cause I work there.  You still awake?

Experiences from every day. Even though Groundhog Day made Bill Murray rich, no one wants to hear about my everyday, or, don't shoot me, your everyday.  That's why we're here, to get away from everyday.. we need unusual, fun, 'unbore me' junk.

Oh, Nieces and Wordle.  I have two nieces. One sleeps normal hours, the other's hubby works for Frito Lay, ie, crazy early hours, which, coincide with me, so, on purpose insomniac niece and I Wordle battle every morning. We're usually done with battle some 4-5 hours before the other niece gets up so we don't bug her.  But, has been a fun arrangement learning of one's everyday, weekends, church, Pizza Night, weekend during the week (that too is a Frito aspect). Anyways, her starting  text this morning was 'How did you sleep?  I always thought that was a silly question.  How should I know?  I was asleep.!" I searched for the 'like' button, but she ain't on Facebook.

Feelings and emotions..  Ahm, ok.  A flash mob. Mahomes running left, throwing right, touchdown. A dog's tail, a kitty's purr. Little kid's excitement. Days off. Days on (color me a simpleton, I likes my job, which, is contrary to my buddy I worked with at United Airlines (Fernando, good dude).. he was Argentinaian, a baby accent... his famous line was "It not my yob man, it not my yob." Or Deek, our (just shoot me) grumpy ground mechanic.  He's the one, come time to get off, would take a magic marker, go to the calendar and SWIPE VERY ANGRILY a huge X thru the day, like, "Ha, I'm glad that bastard is over." If I was a turtle, I'd try to sneak outta that shell.

Thoughts and ponderings, yeah yeah, that. Done/do that.

Dreams without pressure. Eh, scroll to sleep "How should I know?"

Goals through the year.  Ahm, I ain't played basketball in over ten years.

Quirky and strange family. I admit to being 'Mr TMI' but I ain't going there.

Current events and news stories.  Patooey

Travel and adventure stories. I get that/those, via ossy-mosis from friend's trips on Facebook.  Pompei, Venice, Paris, Destin FL, DC, Cancun, yada.  Last week I did drive to Nelle Belles in Claycomo to eat breakfast. One can smoke there.  Adventurous eh?

The stories of people you've met.. Let's take the golf course say.  There's a guy, old like me, and he kinda repeats things. "Say, did I ever tell you about my 5 hole in ones?"  Yessir, 23 times you have.. "Well, the first one was............."  ok..   And... then, I thankfully have seen, witnessed, MANY put cancer in the rear view mirror. YAY!  There is good. It DOES happen. A lot.

Reviews of books,movies or TV shows....... Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

How-to guides or tutorials on specific skills or hobbies. For years, I've worn out Youtube time after time trying to understand those Brits that give golf tips.  Then, I go shoot a hunnerd. (If you don't play golf, that ain't good.)  Rinse, repeat, shoot a hunnerd, rinse, repeat, shoot a hunnerd.  So, screw how-to, now on Youtube I go to Ray Charles, the Rolling Stones, Tracy Chapman ("Gimme One Reason To Stay Here" looking at chip chip cheerio golf tips when I always, ALWAYS suck at golf?)

Reflections on life, love or happiness...  Ahm, this is a blog, notta novel. Next life mebbe.

Things to write poems about... like, the rhythm of moving water maybe... 

I sat on the ridge.

There was water under the bridge.

I know this is so, cause you could see it flow.

A bird swooped down, a meal was his (or her) wish.

He (she) ascended, and in his (her) mouth was a fish.

He wondered aloud, the four people who come here to read, asleep yet?

Cause this (the poem) is kinda a stupid idea, as in, all wet.

Things to write songs about, like, the sound of plants growing (if you could hear them.)

The fern growled stern, chick-a-boom, chick-a-boom, dontya jes' love it.

The succulents had flatulence, chick-a-boom, chick-a-boom, dontya jes' love it.

The ZZ Plant snored, I'm getting bored, chick-a-boom, chick-a-boom, dontya jes' love it.

The orchid flipped its lid, grown to 13 feet four, twas'a hollerin "FEED ME SEYMOUR." chick-a-boom, chick-a-boom, dontya jes' love it. This is the stupidest idea I've ever had.

Tune in tomorrow, or don't, as I'll have an idea even stupider probably.

I know stupider to actually be a word.. 'cause one time, band camp.. my stepson's teacher laughed when relating a story to us during the 2nd grade teacher's conference:

"We were studying the planets, solar system.. I'd asked if anyone had anything to share about a planet or such.. Your son raised his hand so I called on him, he stood up and announced "Girls are from Jupiter, that's why they're stupider."

I've been in the write place, but it musta been the wrong time.

Salude'

Love, Victurd

reggenezrawhcs

Que-sera, sera... whatever will be, will be.. the future's not ours to see

Que-sera, sera... what will be, will be.

Mebbe you are like me in that you get up way too dadgum early.  I suppose it comes from going to bed way too dadgum early, dunno. Morning routine has me reading a buncha different stuff... and, next to Maynard G. Krebs hearing the word "work", responding nervously, I-can't-take it, scared as can be, immediately blurting "WORK!" in response.  I am the biggest wimp to words there is.  I historically emote.  Life, words, are (or is it 'is') the yummiest bowl of Alpha-Bits ever. (BTW, if you caught, remembered Maynard, you're friggin OLD!)

I'm in pieces, bits and pieces.  (Victor... you already did that 'bits' blog thing).  Oh yeah, sorry.  I mean, (words I HATE to see at the start of a sentence)... I mean, if  you really value your words, if you DON'T start a sentence with 'I mean' are we sposeta wonder if what you're saying ain't true?  I mean, REALLY!

Looking back, I read recaps from 4 or 5 writers from KC about the game, one from LA (Speakinowhich, did you know you are SOL if your phone dies in San Diego?  There are no Chargers there.) more reading, Facebook stories, memories from long ago, a story about a beggar who went into a restaurant to beg, partially complain too because he had some felonies previously and no one would hire him... so, owner hired him to wash dishes, take trash out, yada...

Then, yesterday I was blessed to watch the game with much younger turds (said lovingly) who treat this old fart really good. Then, I remembered 'back in the day', favorite uncles, grandparents, and such, in a room fulla loving people, boob tube a going, then, looking across the room and said favorite uncle, grandparent, and such - once watching TV, were 'lights out' as in old, asleep at the easy chair, wheel. 

Quoting Benny King, the Drifters, "And then it happened."  There were probably 15 or so relatively young, life newbies who were laughing at me, as... I found myself 'lights out', fast asleep at the easy chair, wheel, mid exciting game. Damnit darnit.  Backwards, a look backwards on, at, life.

I thought about all those writers I'd done read about... how they got their start, what were they like back in the day.. .then I thought about The Big Chief Tablet........don't it always start with the Big Chief Tablet?  Victor Schultze was tough enough. I think I finally got it down by third grade!

WHY?  Why did I haveta "Big Chief" SCHULTZE?  Why couldn't I be an LPGA golfer with last names like Vu, Yin, Ko, Kim, Lee, Lin, Shin, Chun... But noooooooooooooooooooo, Schultze.  Then I thought about Arnold, poor Arnold.

He wasn't born with no Big Chief Tablet.  He was Austrian, native language German.  Thus, Großes Häuptling-Tablet, NOT Big Chief.  Even worse, he was dyslexic as a child.  I thought Schultze was hard, and there's little Arnold writing his name reggenezrawhcs.  So, mebbe his teacher said "Hier, Arnold, schau in diesen Spiegel und schreib deinen Namen." ("Here Arnold, look in this mirror and write your name.")  And then, once he finally righted it, he came to America.  Then I guess he went to practice spelling it in English, told people... "hold on a sec... I'll be back."

Backwards.  Me thinks of Michael Jackson and his dance, Moonwalk, all the rage. Then Mork, his wearing clothes, aging backwards. All them new trucks, they backa boat into the water and ya ain't even gotta touch the wheel.

We look back.  We do that.

Kid the other day, had a suite at Arrowhead right nexta the Taylor Swift/Mahomes suite, so, she took a selfie, which, is the granddaddy of all in turning the camera backward, and right there, behind her, was Swift with her Chief's red lips puckered up for a big ole kiss into the glass to the kid.  Kid had her back to Taylor, but oh what a pic to one day relive (look backwards)..

Life is really, kinda a backwards look. People tell me all the time "You need to stop living in the past." Of course I run to them, beg, plead, say "OK, I'll stop, I PROMISE."..  No, that ain't it.  It's really, I don't give a rats ass what people think, I'm 70." (Victor, you're 71 now. Oh yeah, sorry, forgot.)

 

Crossword puzzles, to me anyways, are a look backwards.  Recall I guess they call it.  Yesterday was "Thomas Edison's middle name."  BOOM, in a heartbeat, four letters, OF COURSE, "Alva."  With honest apologies to Paul Simon.. er..  I mean, Paul, I'm sorry, borrowing your words, "When I look back on all the crap I learned in high school".. I knew, remembered, "ALVA."  Simpleton. I am that.  I even remember how to spell onomatopoeia.  I don't remember what it means, but I remember the spelling.  Why couldn't I learn, remember stuff that woulda helped me to heap big 401K one day?

Backwards.  When one hears that a person is 'backwards', it don't leave no good impression. From looking back (as I reckon 'tis the theme today) some of the happiest people I've ever seen, known on the planet were maybe considered 'backwards.'

I don't look at backwards as a bad thing.  Life is a scrapbook.  What better than to sit in that easy chair and recall the pages.  Harken to when that 42" waist usedta be 32".  First bike, first kiss, first love, first car, all the past hounds, kitties, first time ever to maneuver the #2 lead on the big ole spaces of the Big Chief, Victor Kendal Schultze. (Lydia Ko, Minjee Lee, Xiyu Lin, Lilia Vu... me and Arnold hate you... just kidding.)

Backwards shouldn't have sucha bad name.  I likes palindrome better.  You know, same ole same ole forwards and backwards..  .nun.. civic.. racecar.. madam (REMEMBER Marion, madam librarian).. level.. bib.. mom.. dad.. sis... 

Backwards.  Haven't you ever had children moments, tantrums, terrible two's, 'borrowing' money later in life, where ya wanted to put em back in? Hehe, yrros (that sorry, backwards).  Bite me, I'm lefthanded. I fill crap out backwards, cause if I fill it out forwards, expecially in ink, my left hand smudges it like crazy.  Start at the bottom, that works. Backwards. 

Then there was the blonde UCLA cheerleader. (VICTOR!  You discriminate against a person due to the color of her hair?)  I mean, there was this blonde UCLA cheerleader, pre-game, did her make up, of course looking into the mirror, and she labeled her cheek ALCU. Looked good in the mirror.

"During the song, Poppins says, "You know, you can say it backwards, which is 'dociousaliexpilistic-fragilcalirupus', but that's going a bit too far, don't you think?" (To which Dick Van Dyke replies, "Indubitably.")

This was a dumb idea, sorry.  Kinda.  I'll get outta here.  Exit, backwards, stage left.

So, a dyslexic guy walks into a bra......

drutciV evoL

Huh uh........

"I don't want to adult today. I don't even want to human today. Today I want to dog. I'll be lying on the floor in the sun. Please pet me and bring me snacks."     Unknown

What would you do, if I sang outta.. no, that ain't it.

What would you do if you could be a dog for a day?

"Hey Charlie?  I'm going to chase that friggin' mailman, wanna go with me?"

Ah, no thanks.  Me and the old lady are gonna go sniff testing elms, oaks, evergreens, maybe a few stranger's butts today, but thanks.

I think I'd jump up on the sofa simply because I can't remember the last damn time I was able to jump up on the sofa.  I might find a creek, or a river, a lake, pond, sumpin, where I can dog paddle to my heart's content, then...Then I'd get out..  pick the one with the newest duds on, run over by 'em and shake shake shake, shake shake shake, shake my booty - and fur, seein' how many drops I could get on them.

Baseball Ray..... no, that ain't it.

Tennis ball daddy... I wanna play fetch. I wanna chase throw after throw, after throw...til your arm gets sore, your back is slumped over, you're hungry, tired, wantin' the easy chair, then I'll say CAN WE DO IT AGAIN DADDY? PLEASE!!!!?

Rocky? Could you believe them humans during that corona thing? They treated the TP delivery guy's truck like it was Black Friday.. they'd race down the aisles, grab a cart and a half at a time, tweren't long the whole damn shelf was empty.  Well, I say (s'more)...

Well, I say, put your money, debit card, credit card, SNAP card, Apple Pay thingy away and watch this!  So, I run take a dump in ole' lady Gibson's yard, only 'cause she's real anal (no pun intended) about having the greenest, lushest lawn you ever seen.  Then, then...I'd sit up on my front legs, and scoot scoot scoot, scoot scoot scoot, on my booty, it's a real cutey.. Clean, no need for Biz Bag, Tide Pods, yain't gotta squeeze the Charmin, there'd be no "One ply, NO, TWO PLY" arguments..  my booty is clllleaaannnn!

Then, we could take a spin.  No homework, timeclock, shower, shave, Right Guard... no, Hi, my name's Ralph, fix me up with onea them Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappoccino's wouldya? No road rage, no cussing yellow lights.. no weavin' in and out, I just wanna stick my face out the winder', feel the breeze, checkout chicks, live the dream. I don't want to adult today.  I want to dog.

DOG PARK!  Are we there yet daddy are we there?  YIPPEEEEE!  Hi Shirley, whatup Frank, nice ta seeya Tigger, hey Flip! Ain't seenya in awhile, howya been? Heaven, an endless supply of Frisbees, tennis balls, slides, hoops to jump thru, plastic bags for you to, you know, acres and acres of green, green grass. Run, run, run, but ya sure can't hide. I really like it here 'cause it ain't likes no cubicle, there'll be no fake smiling.... If I get close to one I ain't real fond of, I just show 'em my snarl face (that's the upper left sidea my teeth, they'll get the idea).. then, if they don't, it's on baby, I might even bites me a human if they try to break it up!

That bell?  IT'S THE ICE CREAM MAN!  YES! YES! YES, sure, I chase those trucks, vans, it's what we doggies do do, BUT, fork it over daddy, I wants, needs, gots ta have me an ice cream cone, PRONTO!

Then, then... then we could go home. I know ya just vacuumed daddy, but, I gots to lay here and get those cockleburs, stickers, dirt clods, yada, outta my 'coat'.  So, I'm just gonna use my incisors, munch them things out, place 'em on carpet, or sofa, or bed, of wherever I want... can you flip the channel to that Cesar guy?  You know, the Dog Whisperer, or mebbe K-9 to 5, Pit Bulls and Parolees, hell, even Lassie on ME-TV'd do.  Pamper me. I don't wanna human, I wanna dog. Should I happen to take a quick snooze, don't you dare change the channel. Yeah yeah yeah, our feline friends take those catnaps, well, SO DO WE! Anytime night or day. It's what we doggies do.

THEN...THEN...I wanna run to the door cause I hearda burglar, or a tumbleweed, or sumpin outside.. I wanna SCREAM YELL BARK, BARK S'MORE, to hell wits 'the inside voice'.. don't you humans ever feel like screamin at the toppa your lungs like us pooches do? Try it Mikey, you'll like it. I plan on doing this eight or forty times today.  You're welcome.

Bed time already?  YEAH BABY... I'm gettin' in the middle.  If I sleep on the outside, when you guys toss and turn, sometimes ya knock me off. That ain't a far drop for you, but, it's about three times the height'a me.  Hey, remember back in the day when you and mom were young... you'd selfishly push me offa the bed then you and momma would do those situps or jumping jacks, whatever it was called you were doing, you'd scream, she'd holler... sometimes curse words happened, it was FRENETIC.. then it was over, and I was ok to jump back up. I'm sure glad you're older now and don't do that near as often.  I don't know a lotta English, but, when I hear momma say "Not tonight Frank" I wag ma' tail cause I know hey diddle diddle, I'm safe in the middle. Same as hearin ''Stay."

I simply cannot wait until 4am when I get'ta stick my wet nose right upside your sleepy mug. Hey, don't get mad at me, I seen you pee five times once when we went to Wally World.  A doggies gotta pee and poop, and, like you and mom, we can't schedule it, when we gotta pee, we gotta pee. Now git up and take onea them bags withya in case we gotta do that. BRB, going to checkout a few trees, SQUIRREL! I seen him first!

"My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet." Edith Wharton

"A dog is the only thing on Earth that loves you more than you love yourself."  Josh Billings

"The average dog is nicer than the average person." Andy Rooney

We getta live 7, COUNT 'EM 7, years, all built inta each year. When you come home, there's no guessing, or, "Uh oh, mebbe he (she) had a bad day." Nope.  EVERY SINGLE TIME, take a peek, our tails are wagging.  We got one mood. Fun. And loyal. And hungry.  And sleepy. And, HEY DID YOU HEAR THAT NOISE OUTSIDE!  C'mon Charlie, we GOTTA GO BARK... toppa our lungs, raceaya to the door!

I don't want to adult today. I don't even want to human today. Today I want to dog. I'll be lying on the floor in the sun. Please pet me and bring me snacks.

Hey diddle diddle, life in the middle. What better?

I could use a good pet.  Or, some situps, jumping jacks, screamin', hollerin', whatever you guys call that.

Arf.

Love, Victurd

Yelenendorf, Azerbaijan............... horny..........

So, I woke up at 11:15pm. Nope, that ain't it.  And again, 1:20am.  Huh huh.  A couple more times.  Then finally, 4:13am. Not quite 6 full hours, but, I know me, I know I probably don't have anything planned since it's Saturday and I only work Thursdays and Sundays, ie, nap later, yum.

Went to breakfast, ordered homestyle potatoes (because this fatty is down, somehow, 3 lbs, shocking, kinda sorta, as I've been cheating a bit on 'cutting down carbs, cutting back on sugar'.) Then, pancakes. Lotsa butter.  Even more syrup.

Arriving home, perhaps it was all that sugar, I questioned 'Does anybody really know what time it is?" Not quite 8am, so, of course the stores I wanna go to ain't open.  No Baileys in coffee today, but, I was curious where it was 5 o'clock... thus, went to the standby whereisitfiveoclock.beer (It's a real thing, check it out... there's .com, .org, .edu, .net and now .beer)... thus, Yelenendorf, Azerbaijan.

Victor?  Horny? That's kinda personal ain't it?  You started it, I mean, the hell's it got to do with all this?

Sugar high had me asking Does anybody really know what time it is, which, in turn made me think of how happy those horns in that song are, thus, horny.

So... I perceive many perverts (ok, maybe 3 or 4 over and above the resta you/us) tuning in this morning, only to disappoint.

This blog reminds me of Facebook and those (mebbe me, hell I dunno) who track, record, post, their every single move.  Sorry, kinda.

I was gonna do a blog on art, then, didn't feel all the ambition to do so.  Then, artful dodger, nah.

So I picked horny. I find synonyms to horny:   hot... itchy ?,,, randy?  Not our Randy!  lewd.  and musical groups with a lotta brass. BS&T, Chicago, Earth Wind & Fire, The Commodores.

Horny relaxes.  Pleasing to the eyes, er, I mean ears.

Horny makes one............ dance..   smile....  wanton (for the next track, you pervert.)  passionate (about the sound). . how they come together. (YOU are more perverted than I even imagined!).. do it (no, not that) do it n do do, feelin' groovy.

Short one today.  (QUIT PEEKIN'!)

Love, Victurd

It's a little bit funny....

Bit.

Everyone knows the bit is the most basic unit of information in computing and digital communication.

Victor? Yes?  I didn't know that.  Me neither actually.

Watching the news this morn... the news anchor guy said something about 'chomping at the bit.'  I think of horsey.  Horsey no like the bit.  "Used to explain a restless horse grinding it's teeth against a bit (part of the bridle) when being held under control." We gotta get outta this place, if it's the last thing we EVER do.  Kool-aid Kool-aid, tastes great, wish I had some, CAN'T WAIT.

Well, ya gotta.  Heard every dadgum December 24 across our land "But mommmmmmm, can't we just open ONE little present?"

A bye week in the NFL. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  But, but, but, they need the rest, it's a long season...this'll help 'em get well, healed.. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.... I WANT WHAT I WANT AND I WANT IT NOW!

I'm in pieces, bits and pieces.

Bit-O-Honey. Maybe your fav, I didn't like it one bit.  Oops, sorry.  So dadgum chewy, I bit my tongue. Dangit, sorry, again.

Two bits, four bits, six bits a dollar.. all for Biden or Trump, grab your passport, hasta la vista, scram, go live in squalor. Eh, not really, but really? A bit much.

Bit me in the butt. (Rude slang.  To inflict punishment or misfortune on one for one's poor judgment or misdeed(s). Typically the punishment or misfortune is not exacted by a person, but as a general consequence for the misbehavior itself. Your poor treatment of your employees might come back to bite you in the ass some day. I got too greedy with my gambling, and now it has bitten me in the ass.)

That one lady at work and her perfume, WHEW, a bit much.  I was a bit put off.

Hair of the dog that bit you. That usually means alcohol that is consumed as a remedy for a hangover (with the aim of lessening the effects of a hangover.) Ha! Hush, and grabme that bottlea Baileys wouldya? Bite me, or, bit me, I dunno.

DID YOU KNOW........ there is actually an app, or a site, or something, where you can type in "Where is it 5 o'clock now?", a pic of the Globe will pop up, and it will pinpoint somewhere in the World where it's five o'clock and that will justify putting a bit of Baileys in your coffee at 4:48am in the morn.  Erdenet, Mongolia it twas for me this morn. Salud, but justa bit.

Snakebit....   

Gloom, despair, and agony on me, 
Deep, dark depression, excessive misery.. 

If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all.. 

Gloom, despair, and agony on me......   

I knew a gal who lived high up on a hill..

Every Friday night she’d give my heart a thrill
One night I came a-callin’, I ran down the hill a-bawlin’
Cause she’d run off with some old fart named Bill

Bit the bullet. Bit off more than I can-chew. (Gesundheit). Thanks. Yep. Hey, you gotta bitta snot on your shirt.

Comedian's shtick (equivalent to bit).  Bit by bit. We traded Nicky Lopez and he became a bit player for the Braves.

A bit part. You know, like shortpeckeritis. VICTOR! Sorry, kinda.

OK, all this crap started last night when I wanted, needed to talk to someone, anybody, anyone, ie, chomping at the bit.  Then I heard the news guy say it this morning.

Life, need, want, talk to someone.  I gots one I call, talk to when I really needta. You?  I didn't call.  Sometimes, the best person to talk to is one's self. Occasionally a bit of reason sneaks in. (Not always though.. don't you ever hesitate to call someone if you need to talk. Ever!)

It's my hope for you... when you need to talk a bit... someone is there for you too.

Life, it's a little bit funny.

It's a little bit funny
This feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide
I don't have much money, but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live

If I was a sculptor, ha
But then again, no
Or a man who makes potions in a traveling show
I know it's not much, but it's the best I can do
My gift is my blog, and this one's for you

Back in a bit.......

Love, Victurd